Am I Overreacting??

[pax 0]

Monique does make a good point in that whatever you decide to do, making him feel guilty about it won't help. When you're ready to talk about it, try to do it with patience and gentleness.

But I still don't think it's okay to chalk it up to it being "natural" or "hard-wired" and with it suggest that the OP simply needs to get over it, either (not that Monique was saying that). There's got to be a solution that's fair to both parties.

[CanGal 1]

It is a make or break for me. I jsut hate those kind of conversations. And its not even really the bikini, least they were clothed right, its that fact that he hides it from me when he knows it bothers me and then when I confront him about it he avoids talking about it and makes me scrounge out some kind of apology from him. I know he's probably just sorry he got caught, I don't know. And yes it is male instinct and if they see a good looking women they have to look, k they don't "HAVE" too but fine if your walking and see a good lookin gal fine, but when you are purposely at home and your "LOOKING" to "Look" then I haven an issue.

[nina1 0]

If he seems to spend more time looking at these pictures than being with you, and if him looking at these pix is taking away from your intimacy together, then THAT is a problem!

You mentioned something interesting earlier about how it's your belief that it's almost like cheating if he looks at half naked women with lust, and you just can't change that, but have you thought about that maybe it's his belief that there is nothing wrong with it? Why should he change? I know it's something that hurts you but why?? Don't let it hurt you... Be a little easier on him. He's with YOU, not with THEM!

What i would do if i were you is (and i know it's hard, but sometimes you have to be the one to "lower urself").. I would dress in something very sexy, put on some makeup, and greet him when he comes home.. You don't need to go kiss him and hug him or whatever, let him respond to your first gesture, but do say a nice "hello".. You need to makeup, it's not worth the anger! And after you kissed and made up, don't bring up the subject again..(at least not right after!)

Try maybe looking at some pix like that with him every now and then in the future.. I'm very open wiht my husband. Alot of the times, i'm the one that goes on these websites, and then i tell him "omg, look at these! Do you think they're real? Do you think she's pretty? Well, she might have bigger boobs but i'm sure she can't do (fill in the blanks) like i do!"

Be more easy on him!

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

It is a make or break for me.

Does that mean what I think it means?

[David&Erin_Owens 0]

I dunno MissLiss, it sounds like you're saying "Make do with what you have and don't rock the boat". This thinking will lead to major issues down the road and they need to come to a healthy solution for both parties and not an unsatisfactory status-quo compromise.

I agree with Mand. I have this same issue with my husband, and it STILL bothers me. And for the record, I didn't "check up" on what he was doing, he left it open on the browser accidentally (or maybe not so accidentally). And when I told him it bothered me he was like, "It doesn't mean anything." Well, if it didn't mean anything, it wouldn't make me feel so creepy. It's happened a few times since, and he always just shrugs it off and says not to worry about it and he loves me. But God FORBID I mention an actor who I think is attractive and he has a fit. It's a real double standard, and I think the media has a lot to do with it, because they put it out there that a man "can't help himself" and just needs to look at other women to somehow alleve his huge sex-drive, and I'm sorry but that's ridiculous. I don't know WHY men look at stuff like that, but if you ask me, it's probably cause they know they can get away with it. And I know that if it was something that REALLY bothered my husband, I Love him enough to not do it anymore, and I don't think it's wrong to expect the same.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

But God FORBID I mention an actor who I think is attractive and he has a fit.

Why? What's the big deal? My wife will watch ANY movie with Denzel and she won't shut up about how hot he is. I don't care about it as long she doesn't talk while someone in the movie is saying something important and I miss a vital part of the plot... cuz then it's on!!

[rebeccajo 14]

I've always said there's no harm in looking as long as there is no touching or tasting going on.

That goes for the woman as well as the man, in my book.

Edited April 18, 2006 by rebeccajo

[Traviesa 0]

CanGal, I understand you state it is a make or break for you. Well, if that's the case, have that conversation with him-specifically for the reason of letting him know where you stand on the issue and that's it. Don't use the opportunity to criticize or complain. Just state how you feel and tell him it's up to him. One more thing to think of though-after all we go through to be together are you willing to let some bikini chicks on a computer screen bring your relationship to and end??

[Fuzzness 2]

I know my opinion wasn't asked but heres something that we do...

Karen has an understanding that if I spot a beautiful woman, I'm going to look. if she sees a handsome man, she's going to look (it works both ways, I don't care what anyone says).

I expect her to look. in fact, i want her to look. it makes her just a normal person with a normal sex drive. after all, in the end, shes coming home with me, not mr mega abs!

however we dont go out of our way to find good looking men and women.

Edited April 18, 2006 by Fuzzness

[Mand 1]

CanGal but yeah if it really bothers you THAT much, your husband shouldnt do it. We do lots of things for our women and porn is a pretty minor thing to give up.

I think this was very well said

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

I've always said there's no harm in looking as long as there is no touching or tasting going on.

How about foreign objects?

[rebeccajo 14]

I've always said there's no harm in looking as long as there is no touching or tasting going on.

How about foreign objects?

Isn't that my husband?

[Fischkoepfin 1]

this issue of internet porn is extremely delicate. i know that there are women here the would disagree with me but .... every man has looked and may currently be looking.

men are visually stimulated and this provides them a little 'kick'. the majority of the time it remains completely innocent but some men do experience 'sensory saturation'. this is when the same material does not provide the same 'kick' any more and they need to turn up the notch ... maybe from photos to movies to hard core etc ...

intellectually, we all know that this is normal for a man to fantasize about other women ... this is natural, even in a healthy relationship. what a woman has a hard time differentiating is the fact that this is not about her. of course your husband loves you and adores you and only wants to be with you ... but he likes to look also.

the fact that you 'caught' your husband ... makes him embarrassed and probably brings him back to the age of 12 or 13 when he first started masturbating or having wetdreams.

many americans come from the culture were it's acceptable to be embarrassed about sexual acts and to keep nudity to an extreme minimum and discussion is almost nil.

you will need to sit down and discuss this with you husband ONLY when you have come to grips with exactly how you feel and when you realize that this has nothing to do with you, your looks, or your relationship with your husband. you should ask him about his fantasies and the frequency in which he looks at porn.

this can be an addiction for some men and possibly some woman. i hope that you are both able to talk about this with each other open and honestly without anyone being ashamed!!

pm if you ever need to chat about it!

Great advice!

It's probably as difficult for your husband to talk about it as it is for you, because most men don't talk with women about porn; it's a cultural barrier, I think. Good luck!

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

I've always said there's no harm in looking as long as there is no touching or tasting going on.

How about foreign objects?

Isn't that my husband?

I meant non-organic ones.

[rebeccajo 14]

I've always said there's no harm in looking as long as there is no touching or tasting going on.

How about foreign objects?

Isn't that my husband?

I meant non-organic ones.

Shucks. I thought I'd get a chuckle.