Am I Overreacting??

[mercuryroad 0]

He should be stoned.

i think smoking pot would just complicate this whole situation!

*runs behind dean's desk*

Actually if we were smoking pot we wouldn't be having this situation.

[KarenCee 3]

Good grief - is this thread still going!!

Have you all been to vote in my poll on this issue yet?

Oy Vey! I can't believe it's still going!

Then stop coming in commenting on how this thread is still going on and keeping it at the top off the page!!!!!

Aye Aye Cap'n!

[mercuryroad 0]

I haven't personally seen a lack of compassion for this man as much as a lack of compassion for cangal herself who is feeling upset.

What???

We're trying to help the girl out!

I didn't say everyone was acting that way.

Even the people telling her to get over the porn issue are doing it because they are trying to help her. I don't think it is a lack of compassion as much as is it is a difference in how you feel about the issue.

Everyone is in agreement that he shouldn't be saying one thing and doing something else. That is a different issue entirely.

[chri'stina 190]

Even though some people can't believe this thread is still going, I think it's actually pretty good that the thread is still basically on topic this many pagesr along and there isn't really a flame war going on(at least not in my opinion). It's a discussion and I don't see why it should just end if people are discussing something and aren't flaming eachother. If it was on a completely different topic that what was originally asked, then I'd say ok it's enough! But it's still on topic.

[jordanianprincess 0]

So if looking at women in bikini's is wrong, should we all cancel our Victoria's Secret catalogs? I don't see how you can classify women in bikini's and porn in the same category.

I think there are many people overreacting here. I mean we have only heard one side of the story. Secondly, we have convicted this guy of being a porn addict without even knowing him. This is a power struggle in all its glory. She has every right to be upset and he has every right not to stop. We are all individuals.

I mean how many of you actually think he is gonna stop if she asks him to? It's highly doubtful. There are lots of things that are important in marriage and yes compromise is one of them, but that does not mean your S/O can dictate what they want to you.

She asked him to stop, he agreed, and he lied. This goes way deeper than asking him to stop and if there are people here who can't see that, then maybe it is because you have not been down this road before. There are many of us here who speak from experiance and yes I am one of them. Regardless of whether I think this is wrong or not, that should not matter to Cangal.

Her post was about how to approach this matter with him. Well again I say, from expercience, it's a sensitive subject. Alot of females here have gotten upset about some of the responses the males have posted on this subject. Do you really think that Cangals man is any different from the guys in this forum? If her ultimate goal is to save her relationship, which for her means, he needs to stop. Then she needs a way to approach him and ultimatims are not the way to go. Rch has posted so many times that she was snooping, and the fact of the matter is she was! No matter how you slice it, this will back fire on her and nothing will get accomplished. Did she have the right to snoop, thats not my business and to be honest I don't really care if she was. My ex looked at porn all the time, and I never got any pop-ups. I just happened to be looking for a file that i lost in um the temp files and um bammmmmm! there it is porn! I found it because I was looking for it!!!

Cangal, if you want to approach your man about this subject you need to wait until the right moment. First of all you need to be honest about how you found the pics, so that does not become the issue. No one is saying you don't have a right to look in your own PC, but if you suspected it, and you were looking for it, then say just that. When you talk to him, turn all the I's into We's. I guarantee you will have a much better conversation that way, and timing is everything!!!

[Welshcookie 17]

Good grief - is this thread still going!!

Have you all been to vote in my poll on this issue yet?

Oy Vey! I can't believe it's still going!

Then stop coming in commenting on how this thread is still going on and keeping it at the top off the page!!!!!

Aye Aye Cap'n!

you did it again!!!! (i'm just kidding ya )

[chri'stina 190]

Everyone is in agreement that he shouldn't be saying one thing and doing something else. That is a different issue entirely.

true!

[Melo 1]

Greetings!

What kind of a relationship will you have if there is no respect? even the smallest matter...remember RESPECT comes first before love....

I don't see how one can equate what has happened here with disrespect... I honestly am baffled... I think that if Paul expected me to give up something I enjoy for no good reason other than it upset him... and were this to continue I would probably walk out of the relationship. A relationship is fraught with its own tensions - adjusting to one another is hard enough... now to make demands that he/she give up something that is harmless (none of you know that he is an addict... you are just presuming he is... also you have not heard what he has to say).

By demanding he give up looking at porn magazines/porn websites for no other reason than it upsets her is just not right the way I look at it. To me it seems like there are both control issues and trust issues at play here.

[chri'stina 190]

I mean we have only heard one side of the story. Secondly, we have convicted this guy of being a porn addict without even knowing him. This is a power struggle in all its glory. She has every right to be upset and he has every right not to stop. We are all individuals.

Maybe you didn't technically mean everyone on this thread, but I myself never labeled him a porn addict and many others have not either. Some have, some haven't.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

By demanding he give up looking at porn magazines/porn websites for no other reason than it upsets her...

In all fairness to CanGal, her objection isn't quite that trivial. Her objection stems from religious beliefs she (apparently) holds quite deeply.

[jordanianprincess 0]

I mean we have only heard one side of the story. Secondly, we have convicted this guy of being a porn addict without even knowing him. This is a power struggle in all its glory. She has every right to be upset and he has every right not to stop. We are all individuals.

Maybe you didn't technically mean everyone on this thread, but I myself never labeled him a porn addict and many others have not either. Some have, some haven't.

It's a generalization based on the 27 pages of posts in this thread, nothing is directed personally at you or any one person, so please don't take it that way.

[chri'stina 190]

I mean we have only heard one side of the story. Secondly, we have convicted this guy of being a porn addict without even knowing him. This is a power struggle in all its glory. She has every right to be upset and he has every right not to stop. We are all individuals.

Maybe you didn't technically mean everyone on this thread, but I myself never labeled him a porn addict and many others have not either. Some have, some haven't.

It's a generalization based on the 27 pages of posts in this thread, nothing is directed personally at you or any one person, so please don't take it that way.

no problem, just clarifying on my end too!

[meddykomp 0]

Wow. Reading this one thread has taken up a good portion of my work day (between calls of course). Now I will add my .02 and maybe be done with it .. though probably not. I have a VJ addiction that can compete with just about any other internet type of addiction! There I said it .. that is step 1 right?

Anyways, I understand that a good portion of CanGal's distress is over the fact that he said he wouldn't do it but still did. Now, I believe he said that because it was what she wanted to hear and he wanted the conversation to end when he said it. What if he had said "I enjoy this and I do not want to stop." Would CanGal have accepted this? I know a lot of women who read romance novels and from those they get to vicariously be the heroine in the book and YES women can feel physically what they read about because women are word oriented. Men however are visually oriented and they get the equal feeling from pictures. The difference is about how things are perceived.

Along with my VJ addiction I have this addiction to books .. mostly books involving crimes to be solved, but I havent found one yet that didnt have a relationship in it and some sort of sexual scene and yes I am capable of letting my imagination go and feeling the things I am reading about.

I myself do not like the idea of my husband looking at other women. However, I read my books, I watch movies with very hot men in them, and I do notice good looking guys in places I go. It is a 2 way street. I can accept what he does as he accepts what I do.

Angel

[jordanianprincess 0]

Wow. Reading this one thread has taken up a good portion of my work day (between calls of course). Now I will add my .02 and maybe be done with it .. though probably not. I have a VJ addiction that can compete with just about any other internet type of addiction! There I said it .. that is step 1 right?

we have started a support group for vj addicts on vj.

[Melo 1]

So if looking at women in bikini's is wrong, should we all cancel our Victoria's Secret catalogs? I don't see how you can classify women in bikini's and porn in the same category.

I agree... and will go one step further... to all of you who find it upsetting if there men looked at porn... do you ever go to the beach? What do you expect the bloke to do if he were with you on the beach? Assuming that there at least 100 or odd women porn rag-models lounging around in their bikinis? Go into purdah? (Wow!!!! I was a porn model - I used to wear a bikini once upon a time!!!)

Do I think looking at a porn mag akin to adultery??? Not bloody likely!!! Were that the measure then heck I have been an adulteress several times over then coz I gaze at pics of that adonis - that gorgeous Roger Daltrey with his long tresses singing "See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me" with his torso completely exposed <sigh>.