Am I Overreacting??

[CarolineM 0]

No, please, make it stop!!!

you and I agreeing? or this thread?

[Jenn! 918]

No, please, make it stop!!!

you and I agreeing? or this thread?

this thread!

:lol:

[anca 0]

if you had problems of the same kind in the past with him then you should have a serios talk with him, if not I don't think it is a big deal,me and my husband are very open and we talk about this stuf, for example is I see a nice girl I ask him if he think she is beautiful and he gives me an onest opinion, and he does the same thing

I thing you should tell him why do you feel hurt, pretending that noyhing happend is going to hurt your relantionship, and again the best solution is to do the same thing buy a women magazine with hot men and place it somewhere he can see it and look for his reaction.

good luck

[ChristinaM 0]

If it's such a respect thing, and CanGal is supposed to be respecting her husbands right to watch porn (despite lying about it and going behind her back), then why isn't Mr. CanGal respectful enough of his wife to accept that it bothers her greatly?

Compromise is a two-way street, and a lot of people in this thread have come at it with the attitude of "suck it up". That's not compromise. I will always advocate picking your battles, but it's not my relationship and for CanGal, it's a deal-breaker.

Whether CanGal doesn't like porn because of her religious beliefs, because of her concerns about cheating, or plain and simple because it makes her feel insecure (which I understand completely, utterly and 100% ), it doesn't matter. She has asked him to stop and he said that he would, and he has lied to her. His lack of respect towards her feelings bothers me.

I don't think you're overreacting, CanGirl, FWIW.

Bleugh, too early to type well

Edited April 19, 2006 by clmarsh

[Jersey Girl 2]

Let's summarize, shall we?

1 CanGirl did not know about her husband's proclivities before she married him. She has to take some ownership in that.

2 They're both Christians who belief porn and masturbating are wrong but he refuses to give it up.

3 CanGirl has two choices: stay or leave. But she's in a muddle, will probably stay, and the cycle will continue.

Did I get it right?

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

Let's summarize, shall we?

1 CanGirl did not know about her husband's proclivities before she married him. She has to take some ownership in that.

2 They're both Christians who belief porn and masturbating are wrong but he refuses to give it up.

3 CanGirl has two choices: stay or leave. But she's in a muddle, will probably stay, and the cycle will continue.

Did I get it right?

you forgot

4 she's snooping behind his back (but she's in denial like her husband)

[Sister Fracas 5]

hmmm.....I think most people actually disagreed with that particular post....

Good...

If it's such a respect thing, and CanGal is supposed to be respecting her husbands right to watch porn (despite lying about it and going behind her back), then why isn't Mr. CanGal respectful enough of his wife to accept that it bothers her greatly?

Compromise is a two-way street, and a lot of people in this thread have come at it with the attitude of "suck it up". That's not compromise. I will always advocate picking your battles, but it's not my relationship and for CanGal, it's a deal-breaker.

Whether CanGal doesn't like porn because of her religious beliefs, because of her concerns about cheating, or plain and simple because it makes her feel insecure (which I understand completely, utterly and 100% ), it doesn't matter. She has asked him to stop and he said that he would, and he has lied to her. His lack of respect towards her feelings bothers me.

I don't think you're overreacting, CanGirl, FWIW.

Bleugh, too early to type well

Well, you typed it well...another very well said post.

I go back to how would men like to hear "oh just suck it up and hand over the money for your wife's shopping habit" That's rediculous...just as rediculous as this notion that all men are hard-wired one way and all women are hard-wired another.

[CarolineM 0]

i'd say that's a bit harsh.

How is clearing pop ups off of your computer snooping? Never mind - arguing with you is pointless.

[Sister Fracas 5]

Let's summarize, shall we?

1 CanGirl did not know about her husband's proclivities before she married him. She has to take some ownership in that.

2 They're both Christians who belief porn and masturbating are wrong but he refuses to give it up.

3 CanGirl has two choices: stay or leave. But she's in a muddle, will probably stay, and the cycle will continue.

Did I get it right?

you forgot

4 she's snooping behind his back (but she's in denial like her husband)

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight....she's snooping on a shared home computer where she gets pop-ups of porn nature while she is trying to use the computer.

And no, I believe if we read back, we find that she did broach the subject of his habit before they were married...but I'll go back and check her first post.

[ChristinaM 0]

I snooped once. Really, properly snooped. The midterm effect was that it gave me a nervous breakdown. The long-term effect is that I realised that there has to be a level of trust in that if you're getting email (or cookies) that your SO wouldn't like, you're probably doing something you shouldn't be anyway and the snooping is justified.

Based on what she's said, I don't consider CanGal to have been snooping.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

i'd say that's a bit harsh.

How is clearing pop ups off of your computer snooping? Never mind - arguing with you is pointless.

Know computers? Please... it's snooping. It was more than just pop-ups.

[David&Erin_Owens 0]

Let's summarize, shall we?

1 CanGirl did not know about her husband's proclivities before she married him. She has to take some ownership in that.

2 They're both Christians who belief porn and masturbating are wrong but he refuses to give it up.

3 CanGirl has two choices: stay or leave. But she's in a muddle, will probably stay, and the cycle will continue.

Did I get it right?

you forgot

4 she's snooping behind his back (but she's in denial like her husband)

Oh my gosh you're annoying. She has every right to look through her computer!! He shouldn't be looking at porn if his wife feels threatened by it. Would you say that a wife who finds empty liqour bottles in her alcoholic husbands car is snooping? Honestly, she has just as much right to see what's happening on her computer as I have a right to see what's happening on mine. Trust is important, but people shouldn't go through life with blinders on, thinking, "What I don't know won't hurt me."

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

I snooped once. Really, properly snooped. The midterm effect was that it gave me a nervous breakdown. The long-term effect is that I realised that there has to be a level of trust in that if you're getting email (or cookies) that your SO wouldn't like, you're probably doing something you shouldn't be anyway and the snooping is justified.

Based on what she's said, I don't consider CanGal to have been snooping.

Thanks for being honest. I think we have all snooped. Some are just in denial about it. That's all.

[chri'stina 190]

i'd say that's a bit harsh.

How is clearing pop ups off of your computer snooping? Never mind - arguing with you is pointless.

It's pointless arguing with men who are in the role of "I'm a man and I look at whatever I want, married or not...etc". I wish we'd get a different man's perspective, who may agree that they feel like looking sometimes but refrain from it in honor of their wives or in honor of other reasons whether religious, cultural, etc. That is Sujeet's perspective and a lot of my guy friends perspectives. They may feel like looking sometimes, but they don't. Not to say they never have, but they purposely try to curb those kind of things. And they don't have any weird problems wrong with them cuz of it. They have happy marriages. That kind of will power is much more appealing in my opinion than a man who can't control looking. I just wish that a guy with that perspective could have posted something.

Edited April 19, 2006 by stina&suj

[CarolineM 0]

Let's summarize, shall we?

1 CanGirl did not know about her husband's proclivities before she married him. She has to take some ownership in that.

2 They're both Christians who belief porn and masturbating are wrong but he refuses to give it up.

3 CanGirl has two choices: stay or leave. But she's in a muddle, will probably stay, and the cycle will continue.

Did I get it right?

you forgot

4 she's snooping behind his back (but she's in denial like her husband)

Oh my gosh you're annoying. She has every right to look through her computer!! He shouldn't be looking at porn if his wife feels threatened by it. Would you say that a wife who finds empty liqour bottles in her alcoholic husbands car is snooping? Honestly, she has just as much right to see what's happening on her computer as I have a right to see what's happening on mine. Trust is important, but people shouldn't go through life with blinders on, thinking, "What I don't know won't hurt me."

Amen. If it's a shared computer - and he's doing it ON THAT COMPUTER it's open common property. Not snooping. Now if he had a private computer that he kept a password on to protect it and she foundthe computer and hacked the code...yes.

i should get my husband to post, Stina, as he and Sujeet seem to share that opinion.

So far the only men posting are mercuryroad, who sidestepped the issue by saying his fiancee has no insecurity issues, and Rich who...well you can see how he's handling it.

Frustrating, yes, but that's what you get on a forum like this - LIMITED perspective.