Am I Overreacting??

[Jaylen Brit 0]

I disagree its tied in any way to religion..many people have no time for religion yet still feel this way. Some who are very religious have no issue with it. I personally know one (or knew) one couple who were very Christian but really had no hangups in that area - they were also very faithful and communicated well.

Myself, I have more of a strong anti-feeling when I feel like something the cat sicked up than when I don't - and I think many women will feel that way.

When you've got your period, have spots, feel like cat-sick, the last thing you need is pictures of sexy other women paraded around.

Days I feel drop-dead gorgeous I'm less bothered with it.

Magazines - looking at one now n then isn't a HUGE deal.

Just as an aside - the pictures and movies - they are all fake - in that I mean the actors spend HOURS getting the right lighting, hair, makeup (which I can tell you from experience is half an inch thick), then airbrushing (if its photos - not sure about movies) - so what you see in front of you isn't real in ANY sense.

Sans all that, the people ARE attractive (known many models and none of them were bag-hideuos, lol) but they AREN'T the images that are seen in mags n movies.

[*Robert* 2]

How bout please your husband instead? Instead of him having to look at those sexy bikinis on other women or porn, why not give him a show? I'm not being rude, but MAYBE he's not getting it at home?

No... you are not being rude... you are being NAIVE!!!! Get a grip!!! Any woman that thinks "She's all that" and her man shouldn't look at another woman... HAS SERIOUS ISSUES!!! If you were that good-looking, then you would be the one with Brad Pitt... not Angelina!!! Where do you people get these outrageous ideas? Have you any concept of reality? I think my wife is extremely attractive, and I love her to death, but it will NEVER stop me from looking at other women... BECAUSE IT IS NATURAL!!! By looking at other women, naked, on the web cam, in pics, in real life, whatever… will it lead to me cheating on her and having an adulterous affair?! NO F##cking way!!! If you can't get that... then you need to get some major counseling. Don’t marry a man expecting to change him, just like no man should ever marry a woman expecting to change her. You take what you have, and LIVE WITH IT. If you can’t… get out! You don’t pick the one you can live with… you pick the one you can’t live without. If this has been missed by some people here, then you really need to reevaluate your relationship.

[GaryC 7]

Hmmmm...... I have been following this thread all night and I would like to add my 2 cents. I pointed this thread out to my fiance last night and asked her opinion on it. We look at porn together, which is a lot of fun I might add, but I wanted her opinion of what she would think if she caught me looking at it on my own. She said as long as I am faithful to her that she has no problem with it. She said that IHO it is normal and natural to appreciate beauty as long as you know where your commitments lie. (Damn I have a wonderful woman!!) I can tell you from my perspective that I do look at porn but it has nothing to do with "not getting any at home". There is nothing fufilling or satisfying about porn. It is merely a distraction. I look at it as an entertainment, nothing more.

[*Robert* 2]

How bout please your husband instead? Instead of him having to look at those sexy bikinis on other women or porn, why not give him a show? I'm not being rude, but MAYBE he's not getting it at home? Just my opinion. As for my fiance, it doesn't bother me if he's watching those stuff as long as he's just watching (well of course, we're long distance right now so that's better than cheating with other women you know) as long as it's NOT those singles chats online/ stuff like that that he has to pay or sluts giving him a show on the webcam! my god i could chop off his D%(K!!

Once again... every time I read this, it just makes me more and more upset. How dare you try to blame the women for not keeping their husbands pleased? What, are we back to the Stone Age now? Are women supposed to run around the house in French Maid outfits, ready to drop and give hubby a quickie anytime he wants it?!!! Any man who expects that from his wife needs counseling too! "Getting it at home" has NOTHING to do with it. Men like variation. It has nothing to do with the woman they are married too. It has been said that "Being married is like having a subscription to Playboy with the same centerfold every month". It gets boring. Doesn't mean they are out looking for a new centerfold... just looking for new scenery. Until you understand this about men, then don't EVEN make those kind of "Female chauvinistic comments". I won't even go into religion with you.

[KarenCee 3]

OMG I can't believe this thread is STILL going!

[Jaylen Brit 0]

lol sorry i have to say something - being married/looking at the woman u love naked and willing gets boring???!

Im sure your other half will be thrilled to hear it /sarcasm.

Maybe you didnt mean it the way it came over....

[*Robert* 2]

lol sorry i have to say something - being married/looking at the woman u love naked and willing gets boring???!

Im sure your other half will be thrilled to hear it /sarcasm.

Maybe you didnt mean it the way it came over....

No, I didn't mean it that way at all! I was using a generalization... woudn't dare say that to my better half!!! I love looking at her naked!!! But it's nice to have a change of scenery now and then! Just like people say "you get bored eating the same food over and over again". Variation. Spice is the key to life! You can do it with any relationship, as long as both partners are willing and able!

[GaryC 7]

lol sorry i have to say something - being married/looking at the woman u love naked and willing gets boring???!

Im sure your other half will be thrilled to hear it /sarcasm.

Maybe you didnt mean it the way it came over....

Ok, gotta add something here. I just talked to Luz and she said it was OK to say this. Since our relationship is "long distance" we have found a way to keep it exciting. Luz sends me DAILY "naughty" pics and after 2 years I have literally thousands of them. I do NOT get tired of looking at her!!!! Since she does that I have found I do not have any desire at all to look at porn. When I have that "urge" I put her pics on a slide show and look at that. Maybe Cangirl might try that? I know that I would much rather look at Luz than any other woman I have ever seen!

[Sister Fracas 5]

(((((CanGal)))))

Have a good talk with him tonight and yes, marriage is sometimes a challenge...it's not all about roses. Merc has some good points from the man's point.....sometimes they are just a bit thick and need things completely spelled out.

But when you treat a man like a child & don't give him credit as an adult, that kinda cuts his balls off, no? Do you think the husband is going to feel like an equal partner if he's talked to as if he's an idiot & needs things 'spelled out'?

I wouldn't want anyone telling my husband 'oh sometimes women are a bit silly, and you have to lead the poor dear by the hand or else she'll get lost'

You took that way too seriously. I didn't mean treat a man like a child, but as women we sometimes expect them to know what we are on about when we haven't always been totally clear about it. For example, we get mad that they haven't done something, we stew about it, we get mad at them and they don't even have a clue what we are mad about because we haven't told them.

Goodness, I think many people are missing the main points of CanGal's original post.

#1. It doesn't matter HOW trivial you all THINK him looking at porn/bikini models/whatever is. It doesn't matter if you think using pornographic material to aid in masturbation is healthy. It doesn't even matter if you think "all men are doing it." As one poster said earlier, different strokes for different folks. You enjoy looking at porn with your spouse? GREAT! She is not you, she has different opinions and beliefs, and she will never be able to "just get over it."

#2. She has stated over and over again that she's not merely upset that he was looking at these scantily-clad models, she is upset because he said he would stop and then CONTINUED DOING IT. This, my friends, is called lying. And lying is not good.

#3. Respect. There seems to be a major lack of respect going on in this relationship. HIS ACTIONS ARE BREAKING HER HEART. What else matters? Whether it be gambling, taking drugs, smoking, drinking, looking at porn...if his actions are hurting her so much, he needs to either stop or the relationship will need to end. There truly is no compromise, imho.

And gimygirl (and I mean absolutley no offense by this), I truly respect your opinions, but that is what they are...opinions. Please do not continue putting thoughts into CanGal's head that all men are naturally designed to be closet perverts that simply cannot refrain from envisioning the naked breasts of every beautiful female. If this were true, there would be no such thing as homosexuality. All studies are based on theory. And while some theories go on to become fact, this is one theory that will always remain a theory. We humans are not mind readers; we will never truly know whether or not all men will always look at all beautiful women and then think of all the sexual aspects of her body. However, one thing I do know is that many of my male-friends (and many are single) would not agree with you. They simply have much more respect for themselves and for women than to behave this way, no matter what the world tries to program into their heads.

THIS WAS PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder how differently this thread might have been had CanGal said in her first post "My husband had a habit I wasn't comfortable with, I asked him if he would stop, he said he would, and now I find he's sneaking around behind my back and doing it again. I feel hurt, am I overreacting?"

HE SAID HE WOULDN'T DO IT and now he is.....why is that coninuously being missed???

I couldn't agree with you more!

It's this part of a post on page 5 or 6 by CanGal that makes me sad (bold quotes by me):

And to the majority of us, i know it bothers us, why do we have to bring our standards down? I guess it don't make sense to me when he's got a beautiful wife and he leaves me sleeping in other rooms or doing stuff or even just watching tv and rather be here looking when i'm willing to give him everything he wants, and that these women can't give anything back. Whats there in that. I don't think it is "normal" so many people just tell us its normal that we all believe it now.

This also seems to be forgotten as people just want to say ohh, you should put on the french maid's outfit and make slideshows for your husband... That's right, blame CanGal for not satisfying her man...

Edited April 19, 2006 by Frances

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

OMG I can't believe this thread is STILL going!

Me too

[Melo 1]

Well I am gonna add my two pennies worth:

Before Paul and I met he got really upset at something someone said - he felt jealous and made a huge issue out of nothing.... the reality was he had trust issues due to what had happened to him in the past. I refused to sweep it under the carpet. I talked to him about it.... gave him time to think about it.... I call men darlings all the time and I am a flirt... but I will not hide that from him. He did have a think about it and has over time learned to trust me and even jokes about the men I flirt with now.... as he feels perfectly secure.

I really think the issue here is the OP's lack of trust... I certainly would not change my life-style or the person I am to suit my partner coz of his lack of trust. There would then always be issues which would become trust issues. Paul and I are completely honest with each other. There is nothing I hide from him.... I drool over Roger Daltrey and he knows it and laughs about it.... you need to talk to each other about everything.... trust is a big issue.... if you don't trust him now and don't sort it out in a manner that is OK for the both of you there will be issues which will crop up pertaining to lack of trust ad infinitum.... personally I would not care if Paul looked at porn pics or magazines but I would care if he was seeing his ex-wife for example.

[Welshcookie 17]

OMG I can't believe this thread is STILL going!

Me too

well some of us are just catching up!

[CarolineM 0]

See many of you have said, "I have no problem with him looking at porn, but if he used a live web cam...or if he was chatting...or whatever I WOULD have a problem.

So whether you've agreed with what some of us (Jackie, Stina, Me) have said...we all have different "limits." What if you were saying "MY husband won't stop live web camming - and i've asked him to stop" and you were upset...and the only feedback you got was "THAT'S NORMAL - STOP SNOOPING"

Everyone has his or her own issues, and his or her own breaking point. What is acceptable to some is NOT to others. No need to try to enforce YOUR beliefs on someone else...

IMHO. Normalizing the behavior that is offensive, attacking the OP saying she doesn't do HER job at home...not really that helpful if you think about it.

[Welshcookie 17]

It all comes down to what is someones 'normal' is anothers 'abnormal'.....which is why I said that I wouldn't/couldn't say that the OP was wrong in the way she felt...they are her feelings and she is entitled to them

This also seems to be forgotten as people just want to say ohh, you should put on the french maid's outfit and make slideshows for your husband... That's right, blame CanGal for not satisfying her man...

hmmm.....I think most people actually disagreed with that particular post....

[Jenn! 918]

No, please, make it stop!!!