Am I Overreacting??

[CanGal 1]

amen jackie. there is a difference between looking to look and just looking. when you start searching purposely for that stuff well i have an issue with it. maybe because my beliefs convict me on these issues. he states that he believes all the same stuff. if he has a problem fine i'll work with him on it, i'd be much more understanding. and i think i have been very understanding because i've let alot of it go.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

I am now thinking about something you said. You said he did a slideshow, if he did a slideshow is ´cus he prepared this. And if he prepared this he might be using that slideshow for masturbation, and if that´s the case, he might be embarrassed to tell you, and prolly want you to drop it. Is it wrong for him to masturbate if he´s married? NO. Is it normal? YES. It´s a way for him to relax, even when you don´t want sex, it´s a way for him to vent and to start the day, it´s normal and healthy and if he´s embarrassed to tell you, or if he wants his privacy, you should respect that.

The fact you two are married now doesn´t make you two glued to each other that you can´t have your privacy.

Imagine if he tried to stop you from watching a good movie simply ´cus Brad Pitt´s butt shows in it?

You don't need to prepare a slideshow. Look at any group of pictures and the option will appear at the left to 'view as a slideshow'. With XP of course....

[rebeccajo 14]

I am now thinking about something you said. You said he did a slideshow, if he did a slideshow is ´cus he prepared this. And if he prepared this he might be using that slideshow for masturbation, and if that´s the case, he might be embarrassed to tell you, and prolly want you to drop it. Is it wrong for him to masturbate if he´s married? NO. Is it normal? YES. It´s a way for him to relax, even when you don´t want sex, it´s a way for him to vent and to start the day, it´s normal and healthy and if he´s embarrassed to tell you, or if he wants his privacy, you should respect that.

The fact you two are married now doesn´t make you two glued to each other that you can´t have your privacy.

Imagine if he tried to stop you from watching a good movie simply ´cus Brad Pitt´s butt shows in it?

Oh Laura. You hit the nail on the head.

I am now thinking about something you said. You said he did a slideshow, if he did a slideshow is ´cus he prepared this. And if he prepared this he might be using that slideshow for masturbation, and if that´s the case, he might be embarrassed to tell you, and prolly want you to drop it. Is it wrong for him to masturbate if he´s married? NO. Is it normal? YES. It´s a way for him to relax, even when you don´t want sex, it´s a way for him to vent and to start the day, it´s normal and healthy and if he´s embarrassed to tell you, or if he wants his privacy, you should respect that.

The fact you two are married now doesn´t make you two glued to each other that you can´t have your privacy.

Imagine if he tried to stop you from watching a good movie simply ´cus Brad Pitt´s butt shows in it?

You don't need to prepare a slideshow. Look at any group of pictures and the option will appear at the left to 'view as a slideshow'. With XP of course....

HAHAHAHAHAHA....you tellin' on yourself?......

[CanGal 1]

there is a difference in seeing brad pitts butt appear in a movie and searching for brad pitts butt creating a slide show and masterbating to it.

Yes i am reading all your input and advice. I've said many times i appreciate it all. *Smiles*

[jordanianprincess 0]

I am now thinking about something you said. You said he did a slideshow, if he did a slideshow is ´cus he prepared this. And if he prepared this he might be using that slideshow for masturbation, and if that´s the case, he might be embarrassed to tell you, and prolly want you to drop it. Is it wrong for him to masturbate if he´s married? NO. Is it normal? YES. It´s a way for him to relax, even when you don´t want sex, it´s a way for him to vent and to start the day, it´s normal and healthy and if he´s embarrassed to tell you, or if he wants his privacy, you should respect that.

The fact you two are married now doesn´t make you two glued to each other that you can´t have your privacy.

Imagine if he tried to stop you from watching a good movie simply ´cus Brad Pitt´s butt shows in it?

With all due respect, that is your opinion. Porn does not bug me either, but if it bothers her thats her right. It could be worse, he could be out doing it with real women. But again, whatever she is comfortable with in her marriage.

I don't think this is about porn, it's about the principle. She asked him to stop, he agreed and did not. Can she trust he will stop? Thats up to her to decide.

I think we have all given her some really good advice, but its very simple. He either gets with the program or he doesn't.

[*Robert* 2]

i don't expect him to be a mind reader. i've told him many times. he's never had to read my mind. i'm giving him a break. i didn't say much to him about it. he left for work upset but it wasn't my fault i said we could talk but he doesn't talk. i didn't blame him. he came home last night and i just said hey honey, i came across some stuff today that i probably wasn't suppose too. It kind of bothered me. and he didn't talk for the rest of the night and he chose to sleep on the couch. i wasn't angry, not even loud or whatever, and all day today he didn't say a word to me except before he had to leave for work he made a big deal out of it 5 minutes before he had to leave. what was i to do

it's not snooping, it was me trying to fix a problem. and you don't have to open the cookie files to know what they are, they state in the readings. if i was checking up on him, then i would be snooping, but i didn't even have a thought that he was doing it so why would i snoop

As someone said before, and I'll reiterate it... by approaching him like that, you made him feel ashamed and/or guilty about being caught. At the same time, he must have felt you WERE snooping. Men don't like to be treated like little kids, even if we act like one. The whole ego thing! Point is, you put him on the defensive, and it will take some time for him to come around, especially if you've driven this point home before. That makes it that much worse that he got caught. You might want to let it blow over for awhile, and let him be the one to broach the subject, or he'll just become that more defensive, and you'l have a full blown fight breaking out.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

I am now thinking about something you said. You said he did a slideshow, if he did a slideshow is ´cus he prepared this. And if he prepared this he might be using that slideshow for masturbation, and if that´s the case, he might be embarrassed to tell you, and prolly want you to drop it. Is it wrong for him to masturbate if he´s married? NO. Is it normal? YES. It´s a way for him to relax, even when you don´t want sex, it´s a way for him to vent and to start the day, it´s normal and healthy and if he´s embarrassed to tell you, or if he wants his privacy, you should respect that.

The fact you two are married now doesn´t make you two glued to each other that you can´t have your privacy.

Imagine if he tried to stop you from watching a good movie simply ´cus Brad Pitt´s butt shows in it?

Oh Laura. You hit the nail on the head.

I am now thinking about something you said. You said he did a slideshow, if he did a slideshow is ´cus he prepared this. And if he prepared this he might be using that slideshow for masturbation, and if that´s the case, he might be embarrassed to tell you, and prolly want you to drop it. Is it wrong for him to masturbate if he´s married? NO. Is it normal? YES. It´s a way for him to relax, even when you don´t want sex, it´s a way for him to vent and to start the day, it´s normal and healthy and if he´s embarrassed to tell you, or if he wants his privacy, you should respect that.

The fact you two are married now doesn´t make you two glued to each other that you can´t have your privacy.

Imagine if he tried to stop you from watching a good movie simply ´cus Brad Pitt´s butt shows in it?

You don't need to prepare a slideshow. Look at any group of pictures and the option will appear at the left to 'view as a slideshow'. With XP of course....

HAHAHAHAHAHA....you tellin' on yourself?......

Look at any group of pictures ... from your church trip etc. it will say 'view as a slideshow'.

P.S. My wife likes porn.

[Ladylethal 12]

I was one of the firsts to say she needed to talk to him, but then she said she tried this before, what she´s doing by insisting is making him hide this from her, what would increase the trust issue, if she can´t get him to talk to her honestly, or to listen to her, the problem won´t end.

What I am trying to say with the masturbation issue, is that maybe he´s got his own side to this.

If you felt the urge to masturbate alone, would you tell your husband "oh honey, when you´re at work I masturbate, ok?" it´s your own privacy and he should respect that, as should she. He prolly had those pics before he met you, during the time you dated, and he doesn´t think it´s doing any harm to the relationship, it´s like I said before, when you tell him stuff and he seems to be aloof, all he´s hearing is bla bla bla, so it´s not doing any good and he thinks you´re just annoying him.

EDIT: To make myself clear as the prepare a slideshow. I am saying he chose that option prior to her using the comp, so maybe he was viewing the pics for that purpose.

Edited April 18, 2006 by Luis&Laura

[Jersey Girl 2]

Perhaps the conversation has to be about behaviour. Especially since he's not sensitive to CanGirl's feelings. Perhaps they need to talk about the kinds of behaviours that are unacceptable in a healthy marriage. If masturbating with porn was his everyday behaviour in the past, he needs to quit. If he wants to be married.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

there is a difference in seeing brad pitts butt appear in a movie and searching for brad pitts butt creating a slide show and masterbating to it.

Yes i am reading all your input and advice. I've said many times i appreciate it all. *Smiles*

you don't have to create a slideshow. It's an option with any group of photos in XP. You had to click on the option to view them.

He's being defensive about bikini pictures and you're being defensive about snooping. like it or not.

[jordanianprincess 0]

Ok lets take a poll...there are alot of guys participating in this conversation.

If she was your wife, how would you want her to approach it? Would you give it up? I mean really give it up! Not say you would and do it behind her back.

[Mina76 0]

Exactly like Laura said

He is probably enmbarrassed and hides it from you, that's all. My husband used to do the same, but now he shows me since I don't let it bother me anymore.

[CanGal 1]

i only told him because he asked if i was ok, i didn't get into it, i only stated that i came across it. I left it in his hands to come to me with it but he didn't and told me not to be mad five minutes before he went to work today. he was the one sulking, not me. but i will take all of your advice, i do take all of your advice and will try and implement in trying to draw out a positive conversation out of it with him on the subject.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

Ok lets take a poll...there are alot of guys participating in this conversation.

If she was your wife, how would you want her to approach it? Would you give it up? I mean really give it up! Not say you would and do it behind her back.

If it was a deal breaker I wouldn't look at pictures any more. Period.

[gimygirl 0]

cangal ... you should really do some reading up on men, women & porn.

men have been sexually gratifying themselves since they can remember ... as have women. unfortunately though for the men ... they don't have quite the active imagination that women do.

men mostly need to be spoon fed their fantasies ... a woman on the other hand can lie back in bed, close her eyes and be whisked away to another world.

you've asked him to stop before and he said he would ... but he can't & hasn't. you have to try and imagine how incredibly hard this is for him (no pun intended). masturbation is something that men have been doing daily and porn just happens to make it a bit more enjoyable for them now.

there is already a ton of guilt associated around masturbation & porn ... it's embarrassing for men to talk about it. have you ever discussed with your husband some of the fanatasies you've used while you masturbated? i know that you're young and i really think that this has a LOT to do with this as well.

my husband and i are nothing but honest and it is so rewarding in all aspects of our marriage.