Am I Overreacting??

[rebeccajo 14]

i am not gonna take an attack approach. i'm already nervous about just addressing the issue. its a hard issue because i'm tired of talking about it. it's like i'm talking to a child who has to be told and told again theres a point where he is gonna have to choose to hear me out and listen

....well, that ain't gonna work......

*sigh*

You're upset girl. You really need to calm down if you can.

[Traviesa 0]

i am not gonna take an attack approach. i'm already nervous about just addressing the issue. its a hard issue because i'm tired of talking about it. it's like i'm talking to a child who has to be told and told again theres a point where he is gonna have to choose to hear me out and listen

....well, that ain't gonna work......

*sigh*

You're upset girl. You really need to calm down if you can.

CanGal, please listen to what we're saying...this cannot be just another one of those conversations or you will get the same results you have been getting!

[CanGal 1]

i appreciate you all trying to help, i don't want it to turn ugly, i don't want it to have to be ugly at all. this kind of issue is just so hard to discuss, especially a man, and especially when that man is your husband because on some level i feel i shouldn't have to be having it to begin with.

[rebeccajo 14]

-he doesn't see himself as doing anything wrong and he can't understand why you're picking on him

Melissa - not that I disagree with you, but - I personally don't think it will do her any good to approach him with the accusation that this is 'wrong' -

Does that make any sense?

if we should ever need a marriage counselor, you're hired

Thank you Joel, but you two are rock solid steady as she goes....*grins*

[David&Erin_Owens 0]

do i snoop? no .... when i start trying to get some work done on here and i start getting internet porn popups that don't stop coming and i have to go clean out my cookies file and so on and figure out why they are coming up and questions on do i want my slideshows and then find stuff in files when i'm trying to make that stuff stop. Then there is the proof. i don't just come on here after he's been on here and search for what he's been logging on to. you have to actively search enough to get those kind of popups enough to the degree that you can't get nothing done without rebooting your computer. at first i thought it was a virus but then i asked him about it and said the slide show was his doing but he left it at that.

you can clear temp internet files and cookies without looking at them. get a pop-up blocker too

If the problem is interfering with their marriage and she's unable to work because of porn pop-ups, she has the right to see where they're coming from. I know I would want to find out what was going on.

[rebeccajo 14]

i appreciate you all trying to help, i don't want it to turn ugly, i don't want it to have to be ugly at all. this kind of issue is just so hard to discuss, especially a man, and especially when that man is your husband because on some level i feel i shouldn't have to be having it to begin with.

He's a man. Not a mind reader. How is he going to know what you need unless you tell him? Give the guy a break!

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

do i snoop? no .... when i start trying to get some work done on here and i start getting internet porn popups that don't stop coming and i have to go clean out my cookies file and so on and figure out why they are coming up and questions on do i want my slideshows and then find stuff in files when i'm trying to make that stuff stop. Then there is the proof. i don't just come on here after he's been on here and search for what he's been logging on to. you have to actively search enough to get those kind of popups enough to the degree that you can't get nothing done without rebooting your computer. at first i thought it was a virus but then i asked him about it and said the slide show was his doing but he left it at that.

you can clear temp internet files and cookies without looking at them. get a pop-up blocker too

If the problem is interfering with their marriage and she's unable to work because of porn pop-ups, she has the right to see where they're coming from. I know I would want to find out what was going on.

Yeah. and it's called 'snooping'. Right, wrong or no matter what motivates you to do it it's still snooping. I'm not saying she shouldn't be doing it but she IS doing it. If she won't be honest with herself why should the husband be expected to be honest.

[CanGal 1]

i don't expect him to be a mind reader. i've told him many times. he's never had to read my mind. i'm giving him a break. i didn't say much to him about it. he left for work upset but it wasn't my fault i said we could talk but he doesn't talk. i didn't blame him. he came home last night and i just said hey honey, i came across some stuff today that i probably wasn't suppose too. It kind of bothered me. and he didn't talk for the rest of the night and he chose to sleep on the couch. i wasn't angry, not even loud or whatever, and all day today he didn't say a word to me except before he had to leave for work he made a big deal out of it 5 minutes before he had to leave. what was i to do

it's not snooping, it was me trying to fix a problem. and you don't have to open the cookie files to know what they are, they state in the readings. if i was checking up on him, then i would be snooping, but i didn't even have a thought that he was doing it so why would i snoop

[rebeccajo 14]

I just think you approached him at the wrong time.

[jordanianprincess 0]

I just think you approached him at the wrong time.

yes that, and he will always be defensive about it.

[~Jackie~ 30]

I tried really hard to resist posting in this thread. (didn't happen)

We had this come up once shortly after Mohammed came to America. Same situation, I turned on the computer and up came the pop-ups. It was as simple as saying 'please don't do this, it upsets me'. He was bored and didn't know it would upset me as much as it did.

I consider internet porn -------CHEATING. I am sure this will invoke a few more pages of heated discussion, but I welcome everyones opinion. I am sure he don't want me looking at naked men on the net as much as I don't want him looking at women. I should be enough for him and if I am not, then we should not be together.

Ready for the flames and pass the popcorn.

Jackie

[CanGal 1]

i am just more nervous over the conversation, everyone i'm not upset upset, i'm just trying to talk through all this , with all of you of course. i don't want it to turn out bad . he's a great guy, he just hides stuff ffrom me. he did it before and now he's doing it again. why need to hide

[rebeccajo 14]

I hope you're reading the constructive comments here as well as the harsh ones.

You've been given some tips on how to approach this.

[jordanianprincess 0]

i am just more nervous over the conversation, everyone i'm not upset upset, i'm just trying to talk through all this , with all of you of course. i don't want it to turn out bad . he's a great guy, he just hides stuff ffrom me. he did it before and now he's doing it again. why need to hide

This should tell you alot.

[Ladylethal 12]

I am now thinking about something you said. You said he did a slideshow, if he did a slideshow is ´cus he prepared this. And if he prepared this he might be using that slideshow for masturbation, and if that´s the case, he might be embarrassed to tell you, and prolly want you to drop it. Is it wrong for him to masturbate if he´s married? NO. Is it normal? YES. It´s a way for him to relax, even when you don´t want sex, it´s a way for him to vent and to start the day, it´s normal and healthy and if he´s embarrassed to tell you, or if he wants his privacy, you should respect that.

The fact you two are married now doesn´t make you two glued to each other that you can´t have your privacy.

Imagine if he tried to stop you from watching a good movie simply ´cus Brad Pitt´s butt shows in it?