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CanGal

Am I Overreacting??

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Canada
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yes he actively searches

that's what I thought. just wanted to make sure.

I do think he should stop since it bothers you so much. But I'm afraid he may not until he really wants to. Will power and self control have to be there.

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do i snoop? no .... when i start trying to get some work done on here and i start getting internet porn popups that don't stop coming and i have to go clean out my cookies file and so on and figure out why they are coming up and questions on do i want my slideshows and then find stuff in files when i'm trying to make that stuff stop. Then there is the proof. i don't just come on here after he's been on here and search for what he's been logging on to. you have to actively search enough to get those kind of popups enough to the degree that you can't get nothing done without rebooting your computer. at first i thought it was a virus but then i asked him about it and said the slide show was his doing but he left it at that.

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He's not you so he doesn't understand how you feel.

Also men and women are, very simply, wired differently and really don't think alike.

First of all, I wouldn't try to talk to him at 11 oclock tonite. Not good. He's worked all day. I'd do high heels and negligee before I tried that one.

Remember what you are upset about is how you FEEL. He can't possibly relate. So - is there some incident in his life that he has shared with you where HE TOLD YOU (in that situation) he felt hurt or disrespected - by any person, male or female?

If so, then when you do talk to him - state your feelings briefly - don't ramble (men have an on-off button) and then ask him if he remembers how he felt back when blah, blah, blah happened to him.

At least then he can understand what you are feeling.

Then you can take it from there.

:thumbs:

Agree 100 don't do it when he's tired an dstressed - he won't listen and right now you're too emotional about it - you need to find a time when you are both CALM and not tired..might even be an idea to have the talk in a neutral setting - ie not at home.

men DO think differently to women - what bothers us doesn't always make sense to them. But if its affecting how you FEEL about yourself AND about him then its time for the talk.

Maybe to him it WILL sound silly but thats not the point - the point is it isn't silly to YOU. YOU are the one he's married to, the one whose feelings he needs to consider (as well as his own) - the one he shares his life with - and if you go then Internet porn will be ALL he's got.

Im sure he doesnt want THAT happening.

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Jordan
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yes he actively searches

and you actively snoop. no one is innocent ;)

I must say that this is a valid point CanGal. He can and will easily turn this on you. If you tell him that you discovered this, he will turn it into "why were you looking" nothing will get accomplished. I have been through this vicious cycle...

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do i snoop? no .... when i start trying to get some work done on here and i start getting internet porn popups that don't stop coming and i have to go clean out my cookies file and so on and figure out why they are coming up and questions on do i want my slideshows and then find stuff in files when i'm trying to make that stuff stop. Then there is the proof. i don't just come on here after he's been on here and search for what he's been logging on to. you have to actively search enough to get those kind of popups enough to the degree that you can't get nothing done without rebooting your computer. at first i thought it was a virus but then i asked him about it and said the slide show was his doing but he left it at that.

you can clear temp internet files and cookies without looking at them. get a pop-up blocker too

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Filed: Country: Guatemala
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CanGal, whatever the issue is or whatever has been done in the past, I'm telling you and several of us are telling you this cannot be a simple please stop conversation. That hasn't worked in the past, and it won't work now, because-how do I explain this-he doesn't see himself as doing anything wrong and he can't understand why you're picking on him. It has to be an all or nothing thing-either you're committed to fixing it, or you're wishy washy and wasting your time.

Don't let the sunshine spoil your rain...just stand up and COMPLAIN!

-Oscar the Grouch

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yes he actively searches

and you actively snoop. no one is innocent ;)

I must say that this is a valid point CanGal. He can and will easily turn this on you. If you tell him that you discovered this, he will turn it into "why were you looking" nothing will get accomplished. I have been through this vicious cycle...

The result CanGal is wanting depends so much on how she approaches him - IMO.

If it's an attack then yeah, that's what she will get.

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Jordan
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CanGal, whatever the issue is or whatever has been done in the past, I'm telling you and several of us are telling you this cannot be a simple please stop conversation. That hasn't worked in the past, and it won't work now, because-how do I explain this-he doesn't see himself as doing anything wrong and he can't understand why you're picking on him. It has to be an all or nothing thing-either you're committed to fixing it, or you're wishy washy and wasting your time.

Agreed. :thumbs: Only looking out for your best interests. (F)

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Jordan
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i give up on the snooping thing, i don't snoop. sometimes you happen to fall upon stuff that you weren't meant to fall upon. it happens.

True, but men are soooooooooo good on turning that stuff around on you! I'm not saying you snoop, I just don't want him to turn it around on ya.

~jordanian_princess~

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-he doesn't see himself as doing anything wrong and he can't understand why you're picking on him

Melissa - not that I disagree with you, but - I personally don't think it will do her any good to approach him with the accusation that this is 'wrong' -

Does that make any sense?

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i give up on the snooping thing, i don't snoop. sometimes you happen to fall upon stuff that you weren't meant to fall upon. it happens.

and he falls on pictures of girls in bikinis.... no one is innocent.

"The fact that we are here today to debate raising America’s debt limit is a sign of leadership failure. It is a sign that the U.S. Government can’t pay its own bills. It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government’s reckless fiscal policies."

Senator Barack Obama
Senate Floor Speech on Public Debt
March 16, 2006



barack-cowboy-hat.jpg
90f.JPG

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i am not gonna take an attack approach. i'm already nervous about just addressing the issue. its a hard issue because i'm tired of talking about it. it's like i'm talking to a child who has to be told and told again theres a point where he is gonna have to choose to hear me out and listen

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Canada
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-he doesn't see himself as doing anything wrong and he can't understand why you're picking on him

Melissa - not that I disagree with you, but - I personally don't think it will do her any good to approach him with the accusation that this is 'wrong' -

Does that make any sense?

if we should ever need a marriage counselor, you're hired

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Filed: Country: Guatemala
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-he doesn't see himself as doing anything wrong and he can't understand why you're picking on him

Melissa - not that I disagree with you, but - I personally don't think it will do her any good to approach him with the accusation that this is 'wrong' -

Does that make any sense?

No I completely agree with you. What I think she should tell him is that it is bothering her. She needs to let him know how seriously it affects her.

Don't let the sunshine spoil your rain...just stand up and COMPLAIN!

-Oscar the Grouch

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