Am I Overreacting??

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

and they weren't like victoria secret model bikini pics , it was 98% bikini's half off pics, like might as well not even have them on pics. Its the issue that he's going behind my back which tells me i can't trust him for his word. he tells me one thing but does another

If you continue to let it bother you and don't be 100% clear with him then there is a problem.

Does he have a problem with your snooping? I smell trust issues.

[jordanianprincess 0]

I thought that was called Soft Porn?

[CanGal 1]

the issue is he's sneaking behind my back. the issue is he obviously doesn't respect my feelings. the issue is that i can't trust him. the issue is that we've had coversations before and it seems he just tells me what i may want to hear or what he thinks i want to hear. the issue is that it was sort of bad before we got married but i didn't find out till just before so i was kind of caught off guard not thinking anything of it. not bad enough anyways to think anything of it. maybe i should have been more forward about it, i never required much out of him when we talked about it because i guess i didn't talk with much authority or whatever. maybe he truly doesn't know its a REALLY big deal to me.

[Traviesa 0]

Cangal, ladies in bikinis can be seen at the beack-half naked ones at some foreign beaches. I mean they're not even doing anything. I know that this bothers you-the betrayal thing is not your only problem or you wouldn't keep bringing up the bikini girls.

[CanGal 1]

i keep bringing it up because everyone keeps bringing it up saying they are just girls in bikinis. *Sigh* Its just what got me on this. And i don't snoop on my husband, i've never checked up on him, or try to see what he's looking up on here. It's stuff i've fallen upon here and there on here and elsewhere. Nothing i went purposely looking for.

[rebeccajo 14]

He's not you so he doesn't understand how you feel.

Also men and women are, very simply, wired differently and really don't think alike.

First of all, I wouldn't try to talk to him at 11 oclock tonite. Not good. He's worked all day. I'd do high heels and negligee before I tried that one.

Remember what you are upset about is how you FEEL. He can't possibly relate. So - is there some incident in his life that he has shared with you where HE TOLD YOU (in that situation) he felt hurt or disrespected - by any person, male or female?

If so, then when you do talk to him - state your feelings briefly - don't ramble (men have an on-off button) and then ask him if he remembers how he felt back when blah, blah, blah happened to him.

At least then he can understand what you are feeling.

Then you can take it from there.

[Fuzzness 2]

I just want to get something straight here.... is he actively searching for these pictures?

[Jersey Girl 2]

CanGirl, it's time to set some boundaries. Obviously, he doesn't care about the way you feel or he wouldn't continue. You can talk til you're blue in the face, but he's already made it plain by his behaviour that he has no intention of giving up Internet porn. Do you really think he's only looking at models in swimwear? Get a grip and decide how you want the next meeting to go. You may have to give him an ultimatum: it's you or the bikini babes. Have your bag packed and be ready to leave. Seriously. Or else you'll get sucked into a never ending cycle of I'm-sorry-I'll-never-do-it-again, and before you know it, he'll be making dates to meet someone.

[CanGal 1]

if they were at the beach and he was looking fine, it wouldn't bother me as much as him "Looking" to "Look" behind my back. And the reason i guess i'm making an issue is that i've let alot slide that i've come across because i've just tried to get along with it. I can't do it anymore. is coming across NOW what i came across worth breaking up? NO... but does it need to be dealt with... definately. I'm just not sure how i'm gonna do it because I am the worst at those kind of conversations. Especially when it has to do with my own feelings. I focus so much on what everyone else needs that when it comes to me i'd rather just leave it alone but this i can't anymore

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

i keep bringing it up because everyone keeps bringing it up saying they are just girls in bikinis. *Sigh* Its just what got me on this. And i don't snoop on my husband, i've never checked up on him, or try to see what he's looking up on here. It's stuff i've fallen upon here and there on here and elsewhere. Nothing i went purposely looking for.

Unless he is leaving the pictures open on the computer there is some snooping going on. Pictures just don't appear out of thin air.

Don't get me wrong. He's wrong for agreeing with you then sneaking behind your back.

[Fuzzness 2]

CanGirl, it's time to set some boundaries. Obviously, he doesn't care about the way you feel or he wouldn't continue. You can talk til you're blue in the face, but he's already made it plain by his behaviour that he has no intention of giving up Internet porn. Do you really think he's only looking at models in swimwear? Get a grip and decide how you want the next meeting to go. You may have to give him an ultimatum: it's you or the bikini babes. Have your bag packed and be ready to leave. Seriously. Or else you'll get sucked into a never ending cycle of I'm-sorry-I'll-never-do-it-again, and before you know it, he'll be making dates to meet someone.

that sounds a bit harsh to me. i don't think they're at that point yet.

[*Robert* 2]

If it is a "trust" issue, then it is a very serious issue. Forget about the damn bikini's, because that isn't the problem. If there is no trust, lack of trust, or a question of trust... then it is definitely time to reevaluate your relationship. That, is, without question... a deal breaker.

[rebeccajo 14]

CanGirl, it's time to set some boundaries. Obviously, he doesn't care about the way you feel or he wouldn't continue. You can talk til you're blue in the face, but he's already made it plain by his behaviour that he has no intention of giving up Internet porn. Do you really think he's only looking at models in swimwear? Get a grip and decide how you want the next meeting to go. You may have to give him an ultimatum: it's you or the bikini babes. Have your bag packed and be ready to leave. Seriously. Or else you'll get sucked into a never ending cycle of I'm-sorry-I'll-never-do-it-again, and before you know it, he'll be making dates to meet someone.

that sounds a bit harsh to me. i don't think they're at that point yet.

I completely agree. And don't ever make an ultimatum you can't live with.

CanGal, playing devil's advocate here, I would also like to say that you might not want to generalize that MOST women feel this way - I'm quoting you here.

Just think about it.

Edited April 18, 2006 by rebeccajo

[CanGal 1]

yes he actively searches

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

yes he actively searches

and you actively snoop. no one is innocent