Am I Overreacting??

[CanGal 1]

Hey everyone, I hope your afternoon is going well. I am having this issue with my husband and I just want to know others oppinions and if I am only overreacting. I know everyone has different views but post them all. I came across some pretty skankly clothed bikini model slide show yesterday that he apparently was scrolling through early yesterday morning while I was sleeping yesterday. I don't know if that was the issue that bothered me but the issue is that I know of times it was more than that just before we got married. I was upset. I am upset, I told him it bothered me and he doesn't understand why. He slept on the couch last night (i didn't make him) and all day today he wouldn't talk to me, but it wasn't like I was making an effort either. He then tried just before he left for work which made me more angry because he was pretending as if nothing happened, as if he didn't care that it bothered me and because he didn't understand why it did he thought it wasn't a big deal. I know alot of you are going to say it's a man thing, just let it go but its more than that. I am his wife, and if he wouldn't feel comfortable or right about doing something if I was sitting there with him what makes it right when I am not. Maybe my views are different than most but I know that this kind of thing bothers a lot of us women and I don't know what to do, because it does bother me and I don't think it's right and it just makes me feel less of a women to him. Especially when I am going through this entire process and I feel kind of trapped right now, unable to work, drive etc, so I am stuck home all day because of the gov't and I just feel more trapped now. I guess I just feel really disrespected.

I don't know, someone help me out

CanGal

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

ladies only so i will refrain from comment

[desert_fox 32]

I just a man. But as long as he was only looking. I shared all of that with my wife. We would just laugh together. My friends send me that stuff every day.

If he only looking, just means that he is a healthy American. I would be worried about him if he didnt take a look at that kind of stuff.

[Ladylethal 12]

You should sit down with him and have a talk. Explain how it makes you feel and why you don't like it. Try to make him place himself in the same situation, if the opposite had happened, and ask him how he'd feel about that.

But don't let this become a problem in your relationship 'cus it's not worth it. Make your statement, be firm and stop the arguement.

If this happens again, let him know you're upset, and have a second talk. This time have him say if he thinks it's ok and if he plans on keep doing it, and if he says he will, you're the one who'll have to see what is more important, although if you accept it, he'll have to accept something you do that he is not pleased with.

[pax 0]

A lot of people will tell you that men are indeed a lot more likely to be into that kind of thing than women. But to me, there's not an easy answer on the subject. I'm personally not a big fan, and I wouldn't be involved with a man who was, so I can understand your discomfort and sadness.

Did your husband know your feelings about it before you got married? Did you have issues with it before you got married? Is this something he's just finding out about now? You said you told him it bothered you, but you're not clear as to whether you've told him this long ago and more than once, or if you just told him on this one occasion.

[Mand 1]

I would feel hurt too to be honest.

Talk to him about how you feel...tell him everything you have mentioned in your post. And how, coupled with the entire immigration process and all that entails, that you feel...what's the word....left out.

Not only do you feel left out of being able to participate in what most consider a regular life, as you cannot do anything until a work permit/green card is issued, but you also feel left out of being a wife/partner/woman to him.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

I would have to say that the sooner you can make peace with the fact that a lot of men like to look at that stuff, the better.

[pax 0]

I would have to say that the sooner you can make peace with the fact that a lot of men like to look at that stuff, the better.

I have to disagree. Plenty of men don't like to look at that stuff. And this is not just her problem.

[CanGal 1]

I know, thing is I've tried to accept it and I can't. I guess my upbringing was that it just wasn't right, and I think the thing that bothers me most is that he KNOWS it really bothers me yet he still continues to do it so if he know he is willingly making the choice to do something he knows that bothers me then what else would he do. We are spose to be on the same page and support one another

[pax 0]

I know, thing is I've tried to accept it and I can't. I guess my upbringing was that it just wasn't right, and I think the thing that bothers me most is that he KNOWS it really bothers me yet he still continues to do it so if he know he is willingly making the choice to do something he knows that bothers me then what else would he do. We are spose to be on the same page and support one another

That's what concerns me. That kind of thing should be something that a couple agrees will or won't be a part of their relationship. If you've asked him in the past to please refrain from those activities because you find it hurtful, and he won't, that's a problem.

I just don't buy the fact that a man in a long-term relationship with a healthy sex life still somehow "needs" to look at pictures of strangers.

[Traviesa 0]

I can tell you that there are a lot worse things he could have been doing. Some men aren't into that stuff, but a lot of them are. Be happy that he's looking and not going out and searching for something a little more real.

[CanGal 1]

I guess I can't make peace with it because alot of women i know besides me don't like it either and yet we feel so powerless against it because we feel like its the male nature but its like us saying we have PMS and can't control it, thats a crock. Ya it's there but it doesn't mean you can't do anything about it. Yes I have talked to him about it before, I found out before we got married. He would say he was sorry and didn't want to hurt me but then I found he tried to get sneakier about it and he avoids it if I bring it up and won't takl to me unless I go to him. It's just frustrating. It hurts. I wish I knew how to educate a man on what that stuff does to majority of women, even the women involved in it. *Shrug*

[pax 0]

To the post-ers here siding with the husband: What would you say if the wife were looking at porn and her husband didn't like it?

[Traviesa 0]

I know it hurts, there are always things in a relationship that are hurtful or not so fun. You have to make the decision for yourself...do you want to obsess over the hurt feelings knowing that he's probably not going to change and you'll probably just start feeling more and more upset or do your best to be at peace with the situation so you can be happy in the relationship? Don't think of it as him winning or trying to hurt you. Think of it as you're doing what you can do to keep the relationship healthy, happy, and strong. Eventually, he may get tired of it or you may get used to it. Either way, you can't win them all and you'll have to decide if this is a make or break issue.

[CanGal 1]

I just don't buy the fact that a man in a long-term relationship with a healthy sex life still somehow "needs" to look at pictures of strangers.

I agree with that..... I guess in my beliefs i think that even though they aren't physically doing anything with someone else, It is still an issue if they are thinking about it in their heads. I don't know I am a christian, so i believe in the whole if you even look at a women with lust you have also commited adultery with her. Just how I grew up and I can't change that. I don't know ...