Mother Feels Awkward Being Friends With-Stay-At-Home Dad

[Caladan 19]

Me and my SO both have friends of the opposite sex... but we made the decision when we got together not to spend time alone with them. It isn't because we're incapable of controlling ourselves, or because we don't trust each other... it's out of respect for one another, and also removes any kind of suspicion or difficult/awkward circumstance. We still enjoy those friendships, but we keep them to public places or with other people around. It's actually very freeing.

I dont' understand how it shows respect to the spouse? I really don't...and I don't mean this sarcastically. I don't understand why there should be suspicion if nothing is going on.

The very fact that this topic is being discussed proves my point... there's awkwardness in the situation the OP is in because of a male/female friendship that is taking place on a 1:1 basis. That suggests that there's the POTENTIAL for something not to be right there. I'm not saying they're guaranteed to have an affair, but by putting themselves in such a situation, they're creating the possibility for such an outcome. Why take the risk? I would rather err on the side of caution, and avoid such a situation in the first place. When I say it's out of respect for my SO (and him for me) it's because we value our relationship with each other above all our other friendships and relationships. We don't want to do anything that jeopardizes what we have with each other. We still value our opposite-sex friendships - I think they're really important. But by drawing this boundary and not spending time alone with such friends we're saying that our own relationship is the one we want to protect above all others.

No, there's awkwardness because of the assumption that if a man and a woman are alone together, they're going to slip and accidentally have sex much like one might accidentally slip on the stairs. There's plenty of people who manage to hang around people of the opposite sex without accidentally poinking them, and while you're free to run your relationship however you like, please avoid insinuating the rest of us are playing with fire and not valuing our spouses!

[SteveLaura 0]

it must be real lonely being you

he has his shredder...

i hope he don't wear a tie to work, we had a guy in germany that got sucked into a shredder and had to be rescued by someone with a pair of scissors

A shredder amateur. I have a feeling that Troll is more professional.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

it must be real lonely being you

he has his shredder...

i hope he don't wear a tie to work, we had a guy in germany that got sucked into a shredder and had to be rescued by someone with a pair of scissors

A shredder amateur. I have a feeling that Troll is more professional.

*adjusts tie*

Indeed.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Howdy neighbor.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

I'm 100% with you. Why does it feel awkward? If it were innocent, you'd have nothing to write "Abby" about!

If they feel awkword, then there must be something going through their minds. Otherwise, they wouldn't have any "feelings" about the relationship.

[Caladan 19]

I'm 100% with you. Why does it feel awkward? If it were innocent, you'd have nothing to write "Abby" about!

If they feel awkword, then there must be something going through their minds. Otherwise, they wouldn't have any "feelings" about the relationship.

I think it could be any number of reasons beyond just secret lust.

[Sister Fracas 5]

The very fact that this topic is being discussed proves my point... there's awkwardness in the situation the OP is in because of a male/female friendship that is taking place on a 1:1 basis. That suggests that there's the POTENTIAL for something not to be right there. I'm not saying they're guaranteed to have an affair, but by putting themselves in such a situation, they're creating the possibility for such an outcome. Why take the risk? I would rather err on the side of caution, and avoid such a situation in the first place. When I say it's out of respect for my SO (and him for me) it's because we value our relationship with each other above all our other friendships and relationships. We don't want to do anything that jeopardizes what we have with each other. We still value our opposite-sex friendships - I think they're really important. But by drawing this boundary and not spending time alone with such friends we're saying that our own relationship is the one we want to protect above all others.

It still doesn't make sense to me. It's not like candy....I won't eat it if it's not there. The bond should be so strong with a spouse that a member of the opposite sex shouldn't be able to threaten it...shouldn't even be able to come close. But everyone has to do what is right for them.

[Mephys 2]

I have a few males friends. But they are gay.

I don't have like any gay friends anymore. All my male friends are straight. #######? I'm in media. I live in NY. C'mon.

Every woman should have a good gay friend.

Had a best friend, he was gay. We were calling each other everyday for about 6 years....And when I told him I would move to the US he stopped talking to me. And the week before I moved I told him I would like to see him before I left and he said it was too hard for him to see me go and he couldn't get over so that's why he cut the ties before...

That or he was too busy with his new boyfriend. Anyhow he hasn't return any of my calls since i moved.

Edited December 7, 2007 by Mephys

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

I have many lady friends and my fiancée has many male friends. Neither of us feels awkward in their presence or with each other. There are obviously "feelings" brewing.

I think it could be any number of reasons beyond just secret lust.

Edited December 7, 2007 by Kazan' Tiger

[Fandango 1,439]

I couldn't be friends with a SAHD cos I'd be all 'take your b@lls out of the wife's purse and get back to work and be the flipping breadwinner for cryin out loud!'

Are you serious?

Yep.

I'd like to think that it's poss, but as I said before, in my experience, it's been disheartening.

I couldn't be friends with a SAHD cos I'd be all 'take your b@lls out of the wife's purse and get back to work and be the flipping breadwinner for cryin out loud!'

Even if he's staying home to support her dream career?

I've met a few SAHDs & every one of them has been a loser riding on the coattails of his wife. TO ME, I couldn't respect a man that couldn't earn enough to support his family. There's no way that I would get pregnant, give birth, then go back to work and miss out on the honor of bonding with my child. I somewhat believe in traditional societal roles, obviously.

I cannot fathom putting a 'dream career' before your own child, but maybe that's just me.

[Caladan 19]

I have many lady friends and my fiancée has many male friends. Neither of us feels awkward in their presence or with each other. There are obviously "feelings" brewing.

I think it could be any number of reasons beyond just secret lust.

The woman could have been raised to think that any time alone with a man was an occasion of sin. She could be worried that the neighbors are gossiping. She perhaps has never had a male friend. Lots of explanations besides obvious feelings.

[Sister Fracas 5]

I'm 100% with you. Why does it feel awkward? If it were innocent, you'd have nothing to write "Abby" about!

If they feel awkword, then there must be something going through their minds. Otherwise, they wouldn't have any "feelings" about the relationship.

YAY Kazan... we agree on THIS one! LOL

[Caladan 19]

I couldn't be friends with a SAHD cos I'd be all 'take your b@lls out of the wife's purse and get back to work and be the flipping breadwinner for cryin out loud!'

Are you serious?

Yep.

I'd like to think that it's poss, but as I said before, in my experience, it's been disheartening.

I couldn't be friends with a SAHD cos I'd be all 'take your b@lls out of the wife's purse and get back to work and be the flipping breadwinner for cryin out loud!'

Even if he's staying home to support her dream career?

I've met a few SAHDs & every one of them has been a loser riding on the coattails of his wife. TO ME, I couldn't respect a man that couldn't earn enough to support his family. There's no way that I would get pregnant, give birth, then go back to work and miss out on the honor of bonding with my child. I somewhat believe in traditional societal roles, obviously.

I cannot fathom putting a 'dream career' before your own child, but maybe that's just me.

Fair enough, though most people who are working aren't trying to put anything above their own child, just trying to keep the bills paid.

[Sister Fracas 5]

he said it was too hard for him to see me go and he couldn't get over so that's why he cut the ties before...

awww, maybe he'll come around after awhile...

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

The thing that always confuses me about the "men and women can never be friends" debate is that it assumes that you find everyone of the opposite sex so appealling that you are compelled to bonk them

Some of my male friends are good looking, some are not but I certainly don't want to bonk any of them.