the end is near...

[confuseddd 0]

my husband and i have been experiencing a lot of problems ever since his arrival earlier this year. i feel like the end is near and i'm trying to figure out our options regarding his departure. he doesn't want to stay in the us if we happen to divorce. he threatened to take his things and walk out the door, becoming homeless and begging for money until he gets enough to pay for his ticket back to his country (his family refuses to send him money for a ticket and he refuses to except i pay for it)

i'm afraid he might eventually do this. what will then happen to me? i'm responsible for this person (although we have not been approved for AOS yet) what if he does become homeless and roams around doing god knows what?! should i call the police or INS if/when he is in the process of leaving our home? (he really does have NO WHERE to go)

or just let him walk away...... and can i divorce him without him involved?

Edited December 6, 2007 by confuseddd

[Ngoc-Anh 1]

I do not understand completely....if both of you agree to the divorce why can you not buy him a ticket so he can go home?

Obviously he does not want to stay here in the US anyway.

Even if you are not ready for a divorce but it seems like he made up his mind already and you cannot force him to stay with you.

Don't you agree?

[confuseddd 0]

Maybe I worded it incorrectly. We've been having fights here and there. Sometimes big blowouts where he threatens to leave. Recently he threatened to leave but without letting me help him pay for a ticket home. He said he would rather be homeless and do what was necessary to get the money to pay for his own ticket home. Of course I would pay for him to go home if he asked! Even if we were to get divorced, I would never want to see him roam the streets begging for money (or worse)! I was wondering what I should do if he actually followed through with that at some point? Should I call the police and/or INS and tell them as he's walking away and intends to overstay his visa? Or let him go and be homeless!? If he refuses a ticket, he refuses. I can't force him to go to the airport and use the ticket I paid for. I'm trying to work things out with him but if we have another huge fight...who knows what he'll do?

Edited December 6, 2007 by confuseddd

[Ngoc-Anh 1]

sorry to hear about your situation. I guess it's his pride that makes things so complicated.

I am not sure if I give you the right advice but in case he really walk off then you should inform the Police/INS because since you are his wife

you will be responsible for him. Who knows what he will do out of desperation.

Good luck!

[Nutty 2]

my husband and i have been experiencing a lot of problems ever since his arrival earlier this year. i feel like the end is near and i'm trying to figure out our options regarding his departure. he doesn't want to stay in the us if we happen to divorce. he threatened to take his things and walk out the door, becoming homeless and begging for money until he gets enough to pay for his ticket back to his country (his family refuses to send him money for a ticket and he refuses to except i pay for it)

i'm afraid he might eventually do this. what will then happen to me? i'm responsible for this person (although we have not been approved for AOS yet) what if he does become homeless and roams around doing god knows what?! should i call the police or INS if/when he is in the process of leaving our home? (he really does have NO WHERE to go)

or just let him walk away...... and can i divorce him without him involved?

Well, you have two options:

Pay for his ticket back to his home country. Then file for a divorce.

Or pay for him here.

You are responsible for him.

PS...I might add that even though he sounds like he irrational in his idea of prefering to live on the streets. The fact that he wants to go back home demostrates you were not used for a green card purposes.

[Nutty 2]

Maybe I worded it incorrectly. We've been having fights here and there. Sometimes big blowouts where he threatens to leave. Recently he threatened to leave but without letting me help him pay for a ticket home. He said he would rather be homeless and do what was necessary to get the money to pay for his own ticket home. Of course I would pay for him to go home if he asked! Even if we were to get divorced, I would never want to see him roam the streets begging for money (or worse)! I was wondering what I should do if he actually followed through with that at some point? Should I call the police and/or INS and tell them as he's walking away and intends to overstay his visa? Or let him go and be homeless!? If he refuses a ticket, he refuses. I can't force him to go to the airport and use the ticket I paid for. I'm trying to work things out with him but if we have another huge fight...who knows what he'll do?

Can't you say to your husband...You can pay me back for the ticket once you get settled back home?

This way he can go back home and not lose any more face.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Maybe I worded it incorrectly. We've been having fights here and there. Sometimes big blowouts where he threatens to leave. Recently he threatened to leave but without letting me help him pay for a ticket home. He said he would rather be homeless and do what was necessary to get the money to pay for his own ticket home. Of course I would pay for him to go home if he asked! Even if we were to get divorced, I would never want to see him roam the streets begging for money (or worse)! I was wondering what I should do if he actually followed through with that at some point? Should I call the police and/or INS and tell them as he's walking away and intends to overstay his visa? Or let him go and be homeless!? If he refuses a ticket, he refuses. I can't force him to go to the airport and use the ticket I paid for. I'm trying to work things out with him but if we have another huge fight...who knows what he'll do?

This sounds a little over the top. That's not pride, it's irrational. Why would he even think that way? Unless he is taking full responsibility for things having gone sour between you. Before heading to the travel agent to buy a ticket, perhaps a session with a counselor would be better advised. Low self esteem could be at the root of this irrational behaviour.

[JenT 0]

He's using guilt to manipulate you. Homeless. Please. Let him try it.... it wouldn't last long.

Wait until you have a rational moment with him and try to get to the real reason for him not accepting money from you. He's been doing it this long, with you being the sole income-earner.... what's the big deal? He can repay you, as was suggested.

You are only 'on the hook' for him if he receives public assistance and the govt decides to try to recover it from you. Doesn't sound like he's planning to stick around that long.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Maybe I worded it incorrectly. We've been having fights here and there. Sometimes big blowouts where he threatens to leave. Recently he threatened to leave but without letting me help him pay for a ticket home. He said he would rather be homeless and do what was necessary to get the money to pay for his own ticket home. Of course I would pay for him to go home if he asked! Even if we were to get divorced, I would never want to see him roam the streets begging for money (or worse)! I was wondering what I should do if he actually followed through with that at some point? Should I call the police and/or INS and tell them as he's walking away and intends to overstay his visa? Or let him go and be homeless!? If he refuses a ticket, he refuses. I can't force him to go to the airport and use the ticket I paid for. I'm trying to work things out with him but if we have another huge fight...who knows what he'll do?

This sounds a little over the top. That's not pride, it's irrational. Why would he even think that way? Unless he is taking full responsibility for things having gone sour between you. Before heading to the travel agent to buy a ticket, perhaps a session with a counselor would be better advised. Low self esteem could be at the root of this irrational behaviour.

I agree.

[confuseddd 0]

In our last fight I suggested we see a marriage counselor and he scoffed at the idea. There is no way he'd go with me. Our main problem is communication. He keeps things bottled inside until he explodes in anger instead of discussing them and nipping it in the bud. I know he didn't mean it when he said he'd rather be homeless than be here. He was angry and came back instantly and all night apologized to me for doing that to me. We're currently trying to work it out but I have little hope until we can learn to communicate better. I wish I could make him see a counselor with me and alone. I think he does have self esteem issues and is truly in deep culture shock.

Thanks for the advice.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

In our last fight I suggested we see a marriage counselor and he scoffed at the idea. There is no way he'd go with me. Our main problem is communication. He keeps things bottled inside until he explodes in anger instead of discussing them and nipping it in the bud. I know he didn't mean it when he said he'd rather be homeless than be here. He was angry and came back instantly and all night apologized to me for doing that to me. We're currently trying to work it out but I have little hope until we can learn to communicate better. I wish I could make him see a counselor with me and alone. I think he does have self esteem issues and is truly in deep culture shock.

Thanks for the advice.

What's that saying...."you can drag a horse to water, but you can't make it drink". The problem with some people, is that the whole concept of a "marriage counselor" sounds so ominous. I don't think that way, but many do. When dealing with someone that might be touchy (and oftentimes it could be emanating from the very reason that counselling should be top priority perhaps you would be more successful if you recommend it not as necessary to 'fix something' but as 'general maintenance'. It's just like scheduling periodic tune ups, and having your tyres rotated on a routine basis, to pre-empt having a flat or a car breakdown. Maybe that approach might win him over.

[zqt3344 21]

Tell him "Don't let the door hit you in the A _ _ on the way out!" You have done all you can do and tried, I would definitely file the divorce and then go report it to USCIS and ICE. They can help you sort it out. Good luck.

my husband and i have been experiencing a lot of problems ever since his arrival earlier this year. i feel like the end is near and i'm trying to figure out our options regarding his departure. he doesn't want to stay in the us if we happen to divorce. he threatened to take his things and walk out the door, becoming homeless and begging for money until he gets enough to pay for his ticket back to his country (his family refuses to send him money for a ticket and he refuses to except i pay for it)

i'm afraid he might eventually do this. what will then happen to me? i'm responsible for this person (although we have not been approved for AOS yet) what if he does become homeless and roams around doing god knows what?! should i call the police or INS if/when he is in the process of leaving our home? (he really does have NO WHERE to go)

or just let him walk away...... and can i divorce him without him involved?

[pushbrk 12,969]

my husband and i have been experiencing a lot of problems ever since his arrival earlier this year. i feel like the end is near and i'm trying to figure out our options regarding his departure. he doesn't want to stay in the us if we happen to divorce. he threatened to take his things and walk out the door, becoming homeless and begging for money until he gets enough to pay for his ticket back to his country (his family refuses to send him money for a ticket and he refuses to except i pay for it)

i'm afraid he might eventually do this. what will then happen to me? i'm responsible for this person (although we have not been approved for AOS yet) what if he does become homeless and roams around doing god knows what?! should i call the police or INS if/when he is in the process of leaving our home? (he really does have NO WHERE to go)

or just let him walk away...... and can i divorce him without him involved?

Well, you have two options:

Pay for his ticket back to his home country. Then file for a divorce.

Or pay for him here.

You are responsible for him.

PS...I might add that even though he sounds like he irrational in his idea of prefering to live on the streets. The fact that he wants to go back home demostrates you were not used for a green card purposes.

Since your AOS is not approved, you still have the option to simply withdraw your I-864. This will deny him the green card. If he won't let you buy him a ticket home, then your responsibility is over, from a legal standpoint.

[Jengles 0]

I think there is a bit more going on here, what's the big factor in the fights. Is he working? Is he lonely? Sounds like he loves you but something else is going on.