How long the adjusting period was?

[pushbrk 12,877]

I'm so proud to say it only took about a week for my wife and daughter to learn how to keep all the water off the floor in the bathroom. It was such a strange concept to them.

After changing from air conditioning to heat, to air, to heat, this last change has produced amost no arguments. The first to changes resulted in screaming matches. I'd explain the wife can put on more clothes but I can't walk around naked with her teenage daughter in the house. We've compromised but I'm too hot in the summer and she's to cold in the winter. She'll still get up in the morning and come into my office in her jammies hugging herself because she's cold. I'll remind her about her bathrobe and she scurries off saying, "Old woman forget forget." She's getting warm slippers for Christmas but it's still a good thing I get up earlier and bumpt the heat up from 67 to 71. She'd like it 75 but is too cheap to push for that big a gas bill.

Adjusting to each other was actually pretty easy. I must admit though that after being alone so many years, I'm enjoying my Saturdays and Sundays alone while they both work weekends. Tivo is a godsend, since they're always talking from one room to the next while I'm trying to watch TV. Just push the pause button until it's quiet again. Sssshhhhh! does not sit well with my wife.

[Jeraly 4]

For us it took nearly a year.

Sometimes on a few occasions, I wondered if I did the right thing by marrying him.

It was VERY tough in the beginning once "real life" came into view. I lived alone with my 10 year old son for many years, and he too lived alone. Add some communication issues, a his being homesick a lot, and a culture gap to that as well.

After about 9 months, things settled down. It has been nearly 18 months, and we are very happy. We understand each other, and the differences in the way we do things. I no longer wonder about if I did the right thing. I know I did. Our partnership has grown from all of our experiences, and overcoming our different ways has made our partnership a lot richer.

It takes time, understanding and WHOLE LOT OF patience & love-but have no doubt that it will all work out if these elements are there.

I think this epitomises how I am going to be - I know even now I wonder about if I am doing the right thing - there are so many changes involved and so much and the reason I know I am doing the right thing is that we have come through so much together already. I know that whatever we face in our future we can work through together and I hope he will have the patience needed to put up with me while I freak out about being so far from home - at least at first

I think the whole visa process, while long-winded and frustrating, has been absolutely amazing as it has taught us so much about ourselves and each other and has been "character building" to say the least!

[little white guy 0]

I'm so proud to say it only took about a week for my wife and daughter to learn how to keep all the water off the floor in the bathroom. It was such a strange concept to them.

After changing from air conditioning to heat, to air, to heat, this last change has produced amost no arguments. The first to changes resulted in screaming matches. I'd explain the wife can put on more clothes but I can't walk around naked with her teenage daughter in the house. We've compromised but I'm too hot in the summer and she's to cold in the winter. She'll still get up in the morning and come into my office in her jammies hugging herself because she's cold. I'll remind her about her bathrobe and she scurries off saying, "Old woman forget forget." She's getting warm slippers for Christmas but it's still a good thing I get up earlier and bumpt the heat up from 67 to 71. She'd like it 75 but is too cheap to push for that big a gas bill.

Adjusting to each other was actually pretty easy. I must admit though that after being alone so many years, I'm enjoying my Saturdays and Sundays alone while they both work weekends. Tivo is a godsend, since they're always talking from one room to the next while I'm trying to watch TV. Just push the pause button until it's quiet again. Sssshhhhh! does not sit well with my wife.

Pushbrk ur a big old ham.I knew ur a softy at heart

[Alex+R 0]

Tivo is a godsend, since they're always talking from one room to the next while I'm trying to watch TV. Just push the pause button until it's quiet again. Sssshhhhh! does not sit well with my wife.

I love DVR technology too, but I'd be pizzed too if someone tried to tell me TV was more important than my real-life interactions.

[mawilson 2,133]

She'd like it 75 but is too cheap to push for that big a gas bill.

It's in the blood.

I love DVR technology too, but I'd be pizzed too if someone tried to tell me TV was more important than my real-life interactions.

TV is more important than your real-life interactions. There.

[pushbrk 12,877]

Tivo is a godsend, since they're always talking from one room to the next while I'm trying to watch TV. Just push the pause button until it's quiet again. Sssshhhhh! does not sit well with my wife.

I love DVR technology too, but I'd be pizzed too if someone tried to tell me TV was more important than my real-life interactions.

I don't think my TV watching is more important than conversations between my wife and daughter but I do think courtesy is more important than either, in my family's home. As such, loud conversations don't need to occur in a fashion that interupts the activities of other family members. For instance, when I receive a business phone call, I take it in my home office to avoid interupting the activities in the kitchen or living room. If the same things happens with the family in the car, the tunes go off and everybody else is quite so Dad can take care of business.

When Dad's watching TV, Mom and Daughter can talk quietly or take it to another room. If my wife has something to say to me, I use the pause button.

[Nessa 23]

I'm still adjusting, but things are way easier nowadays than they were a year ago. I feel more like this is my home and I'm way more used to how things work here.

[Alex+R 0]

I love DVR technology too, but I'd be pizzed too if someone tried to tell me TV was more important than my real-life interactions.

TV is more important than your real-life interactions. There.

I'm pizzed!

[no name 1]

I love DVR technology too, but I'd be pizzed too if someone tried to tell me TV was more important than my real-life interactions.

TV is more important than your real-life interactions. There.

I'm pizzed!

Alex - shuddup & be quiet like a good wifey. I'm sure Rey has BUSINESS to take care of.

Edited December 17, 2007 by devilette

[maya62 7]

I've really enjoyed reading this thread, too.

My husband and son just passed the two year mark not that long ago. I have to say that all three of us have adjusted remarkably well. The toughest part, imho, was the driving thing (although my husband might say it has been the language). My husband never drove in Nepal... in fact, one can not reach his village by any kind of vehicle. They walked or took public buses everywhere. When they first got here, he practiced driving my (manual) truck around our (very small) yard. Finally, we just got an automatic. I was having all these visions of him drifting into intersections in the path of oncoming traffic as he struggled to get the truck into the proper gear. Poor thing... I taught him to drive. He drives OK now (a bit like grandma), but I still worry about him all the time and I am a terrible passenger. Still.

You can imagine all the cultural differences. Our home is a real hybrid place. We eat dal bhat tarkari (rice, lentils, curried vegetables) with our hands quite often, but we also have pizza, spagetti, sandwiches and other American stuff, too. The stereo plays Nepali folk songs and American top 40 & rap (our son... groan). Our garden gate and chicken pen clearly were not built by an American carpenter!

I used to ask them all the time: "do you miss Nepal?" "do you feel lonely?" "do you miss your family?" "do you miss your Nepali friends?" Occasionally our son will say he misses playing with friends in the village, but he has always expressed a preference for the US. My husband doesn't seem to miss his friends and family nearly as much as I would have expected. He lived away from them a lot in Nepal because of his work.

Our marriage is solid because there is a deep mutual respect in addition to love and affection. Most of the time we don't have to work hard to communicate well, but when there is misunderstanding, we drop everything until it is settled. I think having a foundation in Buddhism in common helps. This marriage is practically the opposite of my first marriage, and that's a very good thing!

The richness my husband and son have brought to my life is immeasurable. Adjusting to stepmonsterhood has been a real learning experience, but so worth it. And connection to one's community takes a quantum leap with a child in the school system. I never had time to have a nice garden and my husband has created such a beautiful garden for us, it is the envy of the neighborhood! And for someone who lived for 9 years on her own, with all that freedom, I have found sharing a small space with two other people surprisingly wonderful!

The occasional trip back to Nepal is a fantastic perc as well.

I feel so lucky to have them in my life.

Edited December 17, 2007 by maya62

[Imua 0]

I am worried that mero buda will miss his family so much since he comes from such a close, loving family but we will see. I wish there was some way I could help his family to get a laptop and internet connection since phone connections are so unclear and it is so expensive. He is lucky I already know how to cook DBT but my dal will probably never reach the perfection of aama's... I have begged her to teach me how to cook hubby's favorites when I am in Nepal next summer, the way to a man's heart and all... I have also promised him when he comes I will cook Italian and Mexican food for him - lucky for us we are both veggies and like pretty much the same foods. I am going to make a noble attempt to cook cheese momo and achaar when I am in California at my mom's for the holidays - I only wish I could make 'C'(chili) momo since that is our absolute favorite - we also both like spicy food.

I am hoping my own experience coming from Hawaii to NYC will help me to understand his homesickness - it took me about 16 months to 2 years before I really felt happy here - it really was like coming to a whole new country. At least here there is more of a Nepali community. Also we both have a base in dharma(I more Buddhist and he more Hindu but this being Nepal we share) and this is so important. Before our wedding we went to the cave in Pharping where there is a self-emanated image of Ganesh and Tara and we prayed to both of them to protect us, bless us and remove all of our obstacles to a happy life and marriage.

I am wondering how he will adjust to the subway and the general attitude of people here in New York and hope it will not make his heart hard - it is such a difference getting on a crowded microbus in Kathmanu and getting on a crowded subway car in NYC - no matter how crowded or jammed the streets or buses you don't see the road rage and jockeying for position like you do here - it is more an attitude of 'yes, this sucks but we are all in it together and let's make the best of it'. The classic Nepali 'ke garne'(what to do) attitude. In contrast in NYC a lot of times if you bump into someone(unavoidable during rush hour) they take it personally and it turns into a confrontation - it really makes for an awful commute. I have actualy adjusted my work hours so I don't have to deal with the worst of it - I am hoping it will not be such a hard adjustment for Govi.

[girlafraid7 0]

Speaking as the USC here, my hubby has had good times and not so good. At least now, 6 months on, he is feeling more balanced. The first couple months was like a euphoric vacation in California, with ever blue skies. But then he really started missing everything--including all the rain from back home. He mostly missed having a place in this new world. Back in Basque country, he had his role at his job, with his friends, and with his family. Here, he just felt like the new addition to my family. His English has gotten much better but he still has bad days where he just can't-get-the-words-out! I think the toughest part for him was sending out about 1500 resumes and not getting ONE call back (and this is after working as a Manager for a big company for 10 years back in Basque country). But finally he got a real job and he started today. He (nor I) slept at all last night as life in the silicon valley is way more hi-tech than he's ever been used to....and he's terrified that he won't be able to keep up with the fast pace.

He definitely thinks about moving us back to his country as a long term goal, but acknowledges that we are here now, so that's it for now. So I'm hoping things just get better and better.

As for an embarrassing story--he has many. So I guess in Spanish, the Grand Canyon is called the Grand Canyon de Colorado --as in from the Colorado River. Well we went there over Thanksgiving, and on the way back across the Arizona-California border, they had a border checkpoint. They asked where we were coming from and he naturally said Colorado. I looked at him with this crazy look and told the guy--the Grand Canyon. I later teased him that I hadn't realized that we had been to Colorado. Good thing we weren't coming back from Mexico--we would have been interrogated!

Another embarrassing and not to mention ongoing situation that I would love help from any Native Spanish speakers is that he CANNOT say would/wood. He says good. I tried to teach him a million times, and the only way he can say would is by saying "we" silently before saying would. So it ends up being "I (we) would like to go to the store." I guess the name woody is out for any future kids.

Good luck to everyone!

[~krakatoa~ 27]

I've been here almost 8 months and I am still adjusting to everything. It isn't easy. A friend doctor told me my adjustment will take at least 2 years. Seems true to me now that I am working.

[Mononoke28 135]

Another embarrassing and not to mention ongoing situation that I would love help from any Native Spanish speakers is that he CANNOT say would/wood. He says good. I tried to teach him a million times, and the only way he can say would is by saying "we" silently before saying would. So it ends up being "I (we) would like to go to the store." I guess the name woody is out for any future kids.

Good luck to everyone!

I'm not sure about the would/wood words but my husband can't seem to pronounce words that end with the letter D. For some reason they all sound as "Ts" and it' just too frustrating. Road becomes "roat", would becomes "woot", read becomes "rit". Man... it's just too frustrating.

Diana

[Imua 0]

I've been here almost 8 months and I am still adjusting to everything. It isn't easy. A friend doctor told me my adjustment will take at least 2 years. Seems true to me now that I am working.

That sounds about right - it took me about that long to really feel comfortable in New York and I am from that exotic land overseas known as Hawaii. After 2 years I started to feel New York was somewhat 'home' - now(7 years) I totally feel that way. I love Hawaii, it is always the place where my roots are but I am comfortable here now and there are so many things I would miss if I left NYC -like really good Indian food.

Edited December 20, 2007 by Pattu Rani