An I under-reacting?

[sarah and hicham 3]

I don't like the part of him taking your husband to his girlfriends house- that's not such a good thing.

I probably wouldn't be too excited about Hicham hanging out with people like that.

anywaaaay...

not directed at you, but this sticks out to me and I've seen it a few times...

I understand not wanting a spouse hanging out with someone you feel is "less than desirable", but if the spouse does want to maintain the friendship, why do people always say they are worried about bad influence, or temptation? Shouldn't trust be 100% there regardless? If you can't trust a spouse to do the right thing...who can you trust?

Again, not directed at you Sarah

I am not woried about the influence or temptation personally. If I stopped being friends with someone who cheated on their spouse it would be because I wouldnt' want to hear about it and I probably wouln't agree with their decisions and would see no reason to be best friends with someone who makes choices that I would never make.

[Saddle Bronc 124]

I voted for calling it under-reaction.

[Caladan 19]

Cheating isn't illegal, and I also don't think it's the sort of thing that one is likely to start doing because a friend is. But this seems to be bothering you, so maybe you should talk it out with your husband.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

If I was on friendly terms with both the friend and his wife, it would bother me to have him bring his mistress around when we are hanging out. I'd probably ask him aside what the deal is, let him know how I feel about it, maybe even let him know how my wife thinks about it and then leave it at that. I'd probably also decline invitations to hang out with him when he's with her, since she isn't my friend and developing a friendship with his mistress, IMO, would be an insult to my friendship with his wife if she is unaware of the affair. As Alex said, don't bring me in on the lie.

[JODO 2]

Thanks for the productive responses. There's a great deal of good insight here. IMHO, it never hurts to get an objective take on things.

[almaty 19]

Cheating is not even remotely in the same category as these offenses you have named. These serious crimes are a little more than "poor decisions". My fiancée and I both have friends that have cheated on their spouses. We don't agree with their decisions, but we aren't going to stop being their friend because of it. Of course, most people draw the line somewhere.

How far would you go with this? If your best friend was a rapist? A murder? A child molester? All poor decisions. Do you draw the line at all?

Thank you Kazan Tiger... I should have known someone would jump all over this. No, I don't put drug dealing, rape, child molesting, or murder in the same category. I would think THAT would be evident... but I guess not... *sigh*

But I guess it's easy if you have perfect friends...

and no one does sister fracas..i am not in control of my wife's life or her choices in friends..hell, i cannot even control my life allot of the time

[Chica Yeyé 41]

If I was on friendly terms with both the friend and his wife, it would bother me to have him bring his mistress around when we are hanging out. I'd probably ask him aside what the deal is, let him know how I feel about it, maybe even let him know how my wife thinks about it and then leave it at that. I'd probably also decline invitations to hang out with him when he's with her, since she isn't my friend and developing a friendship with his mistress, IMO, would be an insult to my friendship with his wife if she is unaware of the affair. As Alex said, don't bring me in on the lie.

You are a BAD friend Steven...... kidding.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

I've had friends who didn't necessarily make the wisest decisions but that didn't mean I refused to be friends with them. As long as what they were doing wasn't causing me, my family or others harm, I could still be friends with them. If they were harming themselves, as a friend I would say something to them, but ultimately it's up to them.

Cheating can hurt people, yes, but if this man is a good friend to your husband, I suggest letting him make the decision for himself.

[MissStacey 1]

Well, in regards to this statement............

But anyway... I don't think it's necessary to break ties with someone because they are making some poor decisions. I guess it also depends on how close you are to the person. Where would many of us be if a friend dumped us because of a bad life choice?

Bad life choices means more then just cheating. All I asked was where do you draw the line on what is just a bad life choice and what is unforgivable as far as friendship goes? Where do you choose to judge someone else. That's what I'm asking.

You are mixing two different scenarios though. In the instance of something criminal, I'd have to say that if a really close friend (and I can't even imagine this happening), was ACCUSED of committing a serious crime, I'd have to wait until all of the facts were in. If they had done whatever they were accused of, then, I couldn't continue a relationship.

If I had a friend who did something less serious, and got caught...say like shoplifting, or getting into a fight in a bar, I'd have to say I'd stand by them until they worked out whatever it was that was causing them to do it. If they didn't want to change that behavior (they wanted to keep stealing or fighting in bars), or didn't want to even try, then I'd have to say...bye, bye.

Drug taking....depends...

As far as Stacey's ex friend who let her husband think another man's children were his...I couldn't go along with that, because that's a "helping her lie" situation. That I won't do.

I find it hard to judge someone when I've made stupid mistakes in my life and I've had friends that didn't just up and leave me.

I had a really hard time dealing with what she was doing- I kept myself busy dealing with my own life and trying to distance myself from the Jerry Springer episode that her life was. I did adore those kids though. That was the toughest part of ending that friendship.

I actually just found out some shocking news- an old friend from school just sent me an email tonight. The ex husband of my ex best friend has just died. His funeral is tomorrow. I am stunned.

Edited December 5, 2007 by Stacey33

[mawilson 2,133]

If I was on friendly terms with both the friend and his wife, it would bother me to have him bring his mistress around when we are hanging out. I'd probably ask him aside what the deal is, let him know how I feel about it, maybe even let him know how my wife thinks about it and then leave it at that. I'd probably also decline invitations to hang out with him when he's with her, since she isn't my friend and developing a friendship with his mistress, IMO, would be an insult to my friendship with his wife if she is unaware of the affair. As Alex said, don't bring me in on the lie.

You are a BAD friend Steven...... kidding.

Don't be kidding - he is a bad friend. Bros before hoes, Steven. Bros before hoes.

[~Chad~ 0]

Pretty cool poll JODO, I'm right there with you.