An I under-reacting?

[*JG* 2]

Cheating is not even remotely in the same category as these offenses you have named. These serious crimes are a little more than "poor decisions". My fiancée and I both have friends that have cheated on their spouses. We don't agree with their decisions, but we aren't going to stop being their friend because of it. Of course, most people draw the line somewhere.

How far would you go with this? If your best friend was a rapist? A murder? A child molester? All poor decisions. Do you draw the line at all?

Thank you Kazan Tiger... I should have known someone would jump all over this. No, I don't put drug dealing, rape, child molesting, or murder in the same category. I would think THAT would be evident... but I guess not... *sigh*

But I guess it's easy if you have perfect friends...

I'll let you know when I find those perfect friends.

[caybee 21]

I wouldn't be happy if my husband's married friend took him to meet his girlfriend (and if the shoe were on the other foot, I know my husband would feel the same way). But it's not my place to pick his friends. In this case, though, if such a friend told him that I was "cool," I have a feeling he would spend less time around him in the future. In other words, if I did nothing, I think the situation would resolve itself. If I protested the continued friendship, my husband might feel smothered. He's an adult.

I know the talk about criminal acts was tangential. But in that case, without even a 2-year card yet, I would certainly speak up if I thought my husband were spending time with someone who could drag him into even the most minor legal trouble. Don't care if that made me look like a mother hen or not.

The difference between the two situations is that I trust my husband, I know he has a conscience, and I know his friend's behavior with women would not rub off on him, but a person can be implicated in something illegal just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

[Sister Fracas 5]

Well, in regards to this statement............

But anyway... I don't think it's necessary to break ties with someone because they are making some poor decisions. I guess it also depends on how close you are to the person. Where would many of us be if a friend dumped us because of a bad life choice?

Bad life choices means more then just cheating. All I asked was where do you draw the line on what is just a bad life choice and what is unforgivable as far as friendship goes? Where do you choose to judge someone else. That's what I'm asking.

You are mixing two different scenarios though. In the instance of something criminal, I'd have to say that if a really close friend (and I can't even imagine this happening), was ACCUSED of committing a serious crime, I'd have to wait until all of the facts were in. If they had done whatever they were accused of, then, I couldn't continue a relationship.

If I had a friend who did something less serious, and got caught...say like shoplifting, or getting into a fight in a bar, I'd have to say I'd stand by them until they worked out whatever it was that was causing them to do it. If they didn't want to change that behavior (they wanted to keep stealing or fighting in bars), or didn't want to even try, then I'd have to say...bye, bye.

Drug taking....depends...

As far as Stacey's ex friend who let her husband think another man's children were his...I couldn't go along with that, because that's a "helping her lie" situation. That I won't do.

I find it hard to judge someone when I've made stupid mistakes in my life and I've had friends that didn't just up and leave me.

[no name 1]

VJ Sheesh.

Can't anyone make up their own mind up (as you did pre-internetz), instead of polling strangers on the internet?

Your husband is a grown man - and a huge factor in marriage is trust, no?

Edited December 4, 2007 by devilette

[Sister Fracas 5]

VJ Sheesh.

Can't anyone make up their own mind up (as you did pre-internetz), instead of polling strangers on the internet?

I don't see the problem...

polling strangers can get you a wide range of opinions, perhaps many you hadn't even thought about.

why does it bug you so much?

[no name 1]

VJ Sheesh.

Can't anyone make up their own mind up (as you did pre-internetz), instead of polling strangers on the internet?

I don't see the problem...

polling strangers can get you a wide range of opinions, perhaps many you hadn't even thought about.

why does it bug you so much?

I'm not bothered, I find it pretty sad actually.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I don't like the part of him taking your husband to his girlfriends house- that's not such a good thing.

I probably wouldn't be too excited about Hicham hanging out with people like that.

[Sister Fracas 5]

VJ Sheesh.

Can't anyone make up their own mind up (as you did pre-internetz), instead of polling strangers on the internet?

I don't see the problem...

polling strangers can get you a wide range of opinions, perhaps many you hadn't even thought about.

why does it bug you so much?

I'm not bothered, I find it pretty sad actually.

easy....don't participate...

[no name 1]

VJ Sheesh.

Can't anyone make up their own mind up (as you did pre-internetz), instead of polling strangers on the internet?

I don't see the problem...

polling strangers can get you a wide range of opinions, perhaps many you hadn't even thought about.

why does it bug you so much?

I'm not bothered, I find it pretty sad actually.

easy....don't participate...

Hmmm, it IS a PUBLIC message board..surely dissenters are allowed?

[sarah and hicham 3]

VJ Sheesh.

Can't anyone make up their own mind up (as you did pre-internetz), instead of polling strangers on the internet?

I don't see the problem...

polling strangers can get you a wide range of opinions, perhaps many you hadn't even thought about.

why does it bug you so much?

I'm not bothered, I find it pretty sad actually.

easy....don't participate...

Easier said than done for some people apparently.

[Sister Fracas 5]

Hmmm, it IS a PUBLIC message board..surely dissenters are allowed?

LOL

[no name 1]

oooh, it's a clique poll! How novel.

[Sister Fracas 5]

I don't like the part of him taking your husband to his girlfriends house- that's not such a good thing.

I probably wouldn't be too excited about Hicham hanging out with people like that.

anywaaaay...

not directed at you, but this sticks out to me and I've seen it a few times...

I understand not wanting a spouse hanging out with someone you feel is "less than desirable", but if the spouse does want to maintain the friendship, why do people always say they are worried about bad influence, or temptation? Shouldn't trust be 100% there regardless? If you can't trust a spouse to do the right thing...who can you trust?

Again, not directed at you Sarah

Edited December 4, 2007 by Sister Fracas

[Sister Fracas 5]

oooh, it's a clique poll! How novel.

oooh, where...give us the link....

[Marilyn. 340]

is it wrong that I don't want my hubby to hang around people who smoke?? it tempts him to smoke too...

but I guess I can't tell him to stay away from his brothers he does fine without smoking and then he spends some time with his brothers and he starts smoking again... it is driving me crazy... maybe I should have a talk with his brothers and tell them not to give my hubby any smokes