How Do You Handle Unsolicited Advice From Family?

[Pinocchio Liberal 268]

Stirring the $hitpot tonight, eh Marc?

Not stirin anything six!

Just feedin the hungry!

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Stirring the $hitpot tonight, eh Marc?

Not stirin anything six!

Just feedin the hungry!

If stirring the ####### == feeding the hungry, does that mean the hungry eat #######?

[JenAlex 0]

My family is usually good about not offering advice unless I ask. Recently I've had to be a bit assertive with my mom. My parents are really wanting grandkids, which I can understand, but they are really pressuring me about it. There are a lot of other things going on including getting my hubby on the continent that kids are not an option right now. I just basically told her that I understand she wants grandkids and that I'm 32 but that doesn't equal near death. I just told her that this was no longer a topic of conversation unless I brought it up. My parents are pretty understanding and she was cool with my decision.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

My children were the hardest on me. Friends seemed to understand with little hesitation. I remember the first time I told my children I was writing a lady from Russia, my oldest daughter piped in, "Dad, you are not getting a mail-order-bride!" After explaining there is no such thing as a "mail-order-bride" and many, many, discussions that followed, all my children are very happy for us now. They realized my fiancée was not desperate and only looking for love too! I've always made a point of listening and countering attacks with facts. I have not heard a negative comment in years. They now think it's pretty cool they will have a step-mom from another country.

[Pinocchio Liberal 268]

Stirring the $hitpot tonight, eh Marc?

Not stirin anything six!

Just feedin the hungry!

If stirring the ####### == feeding the hungry, does that mean the hungry eat #######?

Pardon me, but whats that on your NOSE?

Or could it be something you placed there, that you forgot?

VJ! Dont tangle with your concious it knows you better than you know yourself!

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Stirring the $hitpot tonight, eh Marc?

Not stirin anything six!

Just feedin the hungry!

If stirring the ####### == feeding the hungry, does that mean the hungry eat #######?

Pardon me, but whats that on your NOSE?

Or could it be something you placed there, that you forgot?

VJ! Dont tangle with your concious it knows you better than you know yourself!

How the heck do I respond to something I don't even understand?

[Pinocchio Liberal 268]

Stirring the $hitpot tonight, eh Marc?

Not stirin anything six!

Just feedin the hungry!

If stirring the ####### == feeding the hungry, does that mean the hungry eat #######?

Pardon me, but whats that on your NOSE?

Or could it be something you placed there, that you forgot?

VJ! Dont tangle with your concious it knows you better than you know yourself!

How the heck do I respond to something I don't even understand?

Look within! All the answers are there, arent they? Choosing to see them is the question. The music is awsome but the words are where it's at!

[JelloShotGirl 0]

sometimes I have to get straight up ghetto with my folks(usually my mom) .My husband's strategy is basically just listen to them smile at them(but really ignorning them hehehe) basically "in one ear out the other." good luck.

[Sheriff Uling 3]

Unsolicited family advise is like pulling your teeth out with a string by tying it to the door. If you close the door, you will be in pain temporarily, but you will be rid of your problem. So hurry-up and close the door... More often than not, you will be glad that you did...

This may not make any sense but I just wanted to write it anyway.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Look within! All the answers are there, arent they? Choosing to see them is the question. The music is awsome but the words are where it's at!

Edited December 4, 2007 by Mister Fancypants

[Welshcookie 17]

A whole lot of this thread confuses the hell outta me

But, on topic, my family never offer advice unless I ask for it...If they did, however, I would probably take it with a pinch of salt and a smile

[Santa's L'il Helper 0]

No matter how you handle unsolicited advice from your family, you should always remember to be nice

[Welshcookie 17]

No matter how you handle unsolicited advice from your family, you should always remember to be nice

Welcome back Santa's lil helper....always good to see you!

[Nessa 23]

my family knows better than give me advice.

How To Handle Unwanted Advice With Minimal Stress

Unsolicited advice can be helpful, but often it's just annoying, and repeated offers of unwanted advice can be stressful. Unfortunately, some ways of handling it can cause even more stress! Here are some easy steps to dealing with unsolicited advice that can help you maintain your boundaries without offending the advice-giver.

Difficulty: Average

Time Required: Very Little

Here's How:

1. Try to discern where the advice is coming from. Is the person coming from a helpful place, or is the advice more about their needs, and not really appropriate to your situation? Here's some more information on the different types of unsolicited advice and what's behind each type, to help you figure out the motivation of the advice-giver.

2. Decide if you want advice from this person. After thinking about the possible motivations of your self-appointed advisor, looking inward at your own reactions to the advice and the advice-giver, and perhaps even considering 'political ramifications' (if it's an office situation) you can figure out if accepting the advice (and future advice) is a good idea, or if you'd be better off curbing this dynamic in your relationship.

3. If you want to take the advice and get future advice from this person, it’s easy to thank them for their advice, ask them to expand on it, and remember it in your life. (However, if your situation were that easy, you probably wouldn’t be reading this article, so on to steps 4, 5 and 6.)

4. If you want to make the other person feel valued, but don’t want to take the advice, say, “Thank you; I’ll take that into consideration,” and then change the subject. This way, you can think about the advice and immediately discard it, but still let them know that you value their thoughts.

5. If you want to draw a boundary with this person to eventually prevent loads of unsolicited advice from them, you can politely but firmly say, “That’s a good idea, but I have my own way of handling this,” and change the subject. If they persist, you can say supportive, but noncommittal things like, “I’m glad that works for you. There are so many different ways of doing things,” or more firm things like, ‘Thanks, but I’m doing fine.”

6. If the unsolicited advice keeps occurring, you can choose to keep ignoring it, or you can gently but firmly tell them that you don’t need any advice. “Thanks, but I really don’t need advice; I’m already researching a solution,” or “Thanks, but if I need advice, I’ll be sure to ask for it.”

Tips:

1. If the unwanted advice comes in response to your sharing your problems with this person, you may want to find another confidante.

2. If the unsolicited advice keeps coming and keeps bothering you, it might be a good idea to limit your contact with the person for a little while until you feel less reactive.

3. Try to remember that the advice is most likely coming either from a place of wanting to help you, or of needing to feel important. At best, it’s meant as altruism, and at worst, it’s coming from a weak place, but not a mean place, in the other person.

link

google is your friend

[Sister Fracas 5]

Stirring the $hitpot tonight, eh Marc?

Not stirin anything six!

Just feedin the hungry!

If stirring the ####### == feeding the hungry, does that mean the hungry eat #######?

Pardon me, but whats that on your NOSE?

Or could it be something you placed there, that you forgot?

VJ! Dont tangle with your concious it knows you better than you know yourself!

How the heck do I respond to something I don't even understand?

Ignore it....

Oh yeah, and that goes same for the unsolicited advice. Let it go one in ear and out the other, say thanks, and then do what you want anyway.