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Filed: Lift. Cond. (pnd) Country: Ghana
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Posted (edited)

This definately is not directed at any one person, buy why does this thread keep going? You've all said your points over and over, what else could be said? I don't get it, the op has not posted again. Like the old saying goes, why can't we all get along?

I know it's my choice to keep reading this thread, but it would be my wish to see it die down, because there is nothing new being said. There were some interesting points and good advice, now it's getting old.

Peace people! :)

Edited by knl
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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Ghana
Timeline
Posted

WHOOOAAAA,

Before you get all defensive actually read my post with your guard down. It is not a generalization, I read and replied...to more than one post in both of my replies.

Never suggested you met your husband online, I have noo idea. That is not my concern. But there are those who do, daily. You asked for advice for newbies, I gave it. Along with many other observations.

Why get offended?

What agenda could I possibly have? I have no connection with any of you other than being married to a Nigerian.

Let me help you get an understanding. I read some, scrolled down, read some more...skipped some, and replied.

Hense the additional reply, because of an obvious offense.

There, is that good?

Soo re-read, and look @ my points with a different temperment, and then you might see things differently.

Wheeeww. I should have been a lawyer!

I'm going to ditch this subject, because I feel it has run it's course.

Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Nigeria
Timeline
Posted

t_m_kuti is right about something. My post directed at idocare should not be confused with Heather's situation as I stated in my post. Therefore, I will start a new thread this weekend. I was given permission to share one of the story's I have received. I will also welcome anyone else that would like me to post their story anonymously. Please identify the red flags, which are most important for anyone with doubt.

God has granted me with experiences that have made me stronger and wiser. We are to use are experiences to make others stronger and wiser. We are to share the good and the bad. I welcome stories from all countries too.

I will continue to use scripture in my post, because that is how I cope in life. If I have something I need help with, I look it up in the bible and pray on that passage. I respect all people’s religion; any religion that puts the love of a higher power to help people. Please skip over anything that you might find offensive.

Thank you for your notes of encouragement. They, in addition to God are what keep me strong in time of adversity. Without God I can do nothing!

Every morning I listen to Joyce Meyers on my iPod. This week’s podcast was 7 ways to waste your time. God always sends us signs when we need them. Just do not be too busy to listen to them.

GOD Bless you all!

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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Nigeria
Timeline
Posted

I have taken the time to read through all the posts and I dont have that much to say other then this.......To anyone that has the courage to write about their own experience with marrying a man from any other country weather it be from Nigeria or Mexico deserves or respect.......They have gone through what we are going through now with the whole Visa Process......Not one of us can afford to look at our relationship as being 100% sure......We may feel in our hearts that we know this person and trust this person with our very lives.....I know I do and I did trust my Husband with my very life.......However We all must be careful and listen to these other women that have gone before us......If we are true to ourselves then we would realize that more then half of all internet relationships even in the USA dont work out.....So what makes us think that after 2 or 3 weeks of being with this person we know all there is to know????? It is impossible......Im not saying that we should not try or not take the leap of faith.......Iam right there with everybody else....I did take that leap of faith......And with everything being said i love and trust my husband.....However I am looking to the future and wondering what does it truly hold for me when he does get here???? Just due to the fact of the culture shock when he gets here this single event could change him from the man I feel in love with to someone I dont know........All the posts that we read and will continue to read are all really to our benefit......Even if it is ones that we dont like to hear because it did not survive.......In the end ....We are all responsible for our own actions and for our decisions that we make in life......So what ever the outcome we must take responsibility for the consequences weather they are good or bad.........At the same time when we do give our hearts away we must always have in the back of our minds that as much as we love this person and have given are all, we will truly never know for sure until they are here with us and we are living as husband and wife together.......

Filed: Country: Senegal
Timeline
Posted

The same can be said with a marriage to an American. My US ex changed and became another person that I no longer recognized.

Check out throughly the man you want to marry. Then, if you do go forward, stop doubting and enjoy the relationship.

Life is short. What will be will be. Forget the ifs and buts and doubts that so easily can destroy a relationship and for heavens sake relax into it.

Who wants a spouse that constantly doubts and is on a mission to find fault ?

Filed: Country: Senegal
Timeline
Posted

My point is NO relationship, be it foreign or not, comes with a guarantee. Not when you are newly married, have some years under your belt

or have been married for 25 years !

No one knows for sure, so enjoy the ride without constant doubt or remain single is my advice.

Filed: Timeline
Posted

Why did this post turn into a Nigerian slam fest? It was her choice to want to close her account so be it. How about being supportive instead of being a bunch of nay sayers? Does ANYONE here know for a fact if the OPs relationship failed? From what Omoba said it does not sound that way. Good job lending support when someone was obviously in need :thumbs: NOT.

I realise that not all of the posters behaved in such a manner, I think that it is clear who is guilty of starting the negative ball rolling so to speak. And also those who kept it rolling.

Filed: AOS (pnd) Country: Nigeria
Timeline
Posted

Goodbye Heather and Goodluck in the future.

How I wished you had the opportunity to know your husband a little more before you married him. You see, the problem is not in the nationality of a man, but the nobility of that man in the way he sees his wife. I am proud of calling myself a born-again christian, which means that the bible is my compass in everything I do. The bible advised men to love their wives as Christ loved the church. This means that no matter how stiffnecked or sinful the wife is, the man must show understanding, longsuffering, strength, patience and love in all things, just as Christ did for the early church.

Now, all of us have sinned and come short of the glory of God, and without defending what the man did or is doing, I believe if you had understood at the beginning that he is such a controlling person, you may have found a way to accommodate him and be patient. Speak to him as your loving husband and make him understand how his behavior is affecting you. It does'nt have to be a public condemnation like this.

No marriage on earth is perfect, but always a work of daily self discovery.

God bless you

[center][/center]Citizenship Journey

04/16/12: Package sent to TX LOckbox

Filed: Timeline
Posted
Goodbye Heather and Goodluck in the future.

How I wished you had the opportunity to know your husband a little more before you married him. You see, the problem is not in the nationality of a man, but the nobility of that man in the way he sees his wife. I am proud of calling myself a born-again christian, which means that the bible is my compass in everything I do. The bible advised men to love their wives as Christ loved the church. This means that no matter how stiffnecked or sinful the wife is, the man must show understanding, longsuffering, strength, patience and love in all things, just as Christ did for the early church.

Now, all of us have sinned and come short of the glory of God, and without defending what the man did or is doing, I believe if you had understood at the beginning that he is such a controlling person, you may have found a way to accommodate him and be patient. Speak to him as your loving husband and make him understand how his behavior is affecting you. It does'nt have to be a public condemnation like this.

No marriage on earth is perfect, but always a work of daily self discovery.

God bless you

Again another assumption about the OP...do you know her? Do you know how long she knew him before she married him? Do you know anything about her situation other than what you have read here? What we have read from her posts here is only a small scene in her lifes situation, have we ever heard from him or his view point? By nature humans complain about the negativity in thier worlds far more than they sing praises when things are good...

  • 2 months later...
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Nigeria
Timeline
Posted

Idocare, this is the truth you told everyone, ever line you typed is true. So people be warned, the visa, the green card is all they want.

Heather sorry to say that this sounds all to familiar. IF YOUR HUSBAND IS TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM U . you can expect lots of disarray in your near future, with the results ending in him moving out. So sorry to say that many people that have been members in the past of this same forum, fell in love over the internet in such a short time then ran to Nigeria to meet their " true love "

Once bringing these men here and app;ying for their adjustment of statis or they receive their green card things seems to change , now th little arguments/ misunderstandings become blown up and the person that you brought here is no longer the same person. They become confrontative, secretivr, and manipulative towards u, u probably feel as tho he thinks your the enemy.

Trust me many that went thru the journey with me back in 2004 r no longer with their Nigerian husbands. NOT ALL but for many americans both women and men, it just a plot for us Americans to assist them in getting out of Nigeria; a total scam. Unfortunately for us Americans we don't find out that we've been scammed until it's too late, they r here have their green card and now ready to get out of this marriage and go their way.

You think that this Nigerian threats u like the enemy sometimes is because in their mind u r the enemy, they no that they have love or someone back home that they want to be with, and they r patient enough to do what's required to get to America, and if it means marrying u then so be it, they aren't afraid of marriage, and they know it's something that only temporary, and that they don't have to stay married once here in America.

Us Americans r too trusting and some Nigerians are too manipultive so u won't see it coming until they r ready to move on and end the marriage, But in the mean time you will have a great visit in Nigeria everyone will treat u with respect and you will be the only person that don't know he's just marrying u for visa benifits, heck his girlfriend/wife in Nigeria may be sitting in the room with you all being introduced as his cousin or someone.

I know cause it's happened to me and many friends that I met here on this site. So I just want too caution u all that if it seems to good to be tru and u found true love on the net from ANY other country it just may not be true, or it wait , it will be true for a period of time, cause they need u to sign for their papers. or to get them a visa to come into America.

Filed: Country: Senegal
Timeline
Posted (edited)

Elohor ......... For your information Heather and her husband had a small bump adjusting and are doing great now.

Please do not generalize and transfer your own issues to all Nigerian men. I am sick and tired of hearing that.

Move along and stop digging up old posts. Try to be a little more respectful to others who have Nigerian fiances and husbands here.

Edited by Omoba
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Nigeria
Timeline
Posted

omoba, pray it doesn't happen to you. if you dont want to know ignore my posting.

Elohor ......... For your information Heather and her husband had a small bump adjusting and are doing great now.

Please do not generalize and transfer your own issues to all Nigerian men. I am sick and tired of hearing that.

Move along and stop digging up old posts. Try to be a little more respectful to others who have Nigerian fiances and husbands here.

Filed: Country: Senegal
Timeline
Posted
omoba, pray it doesn't happen to you. if you dont want to know ignore my posting.

Elohor ......... For your information Heather and her husband had a small bump adjusting and are doing great now.

Please do not generalize and transfer your own issues to all Nigerian men. I am sick and tired of hearing that.

Move along and stop digging up old posts. Try to be a little more respectful to others who have Nigerian fiances and husbands here.

Wether it happens to me or not, that does not change the fact that you are generalizing, making stereotypical judgements

and are prejudiced against all Nigerian men.

Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Nigeria
Timeline
Posted

Not all but most of them wanting to come to the US.

omoba, pray it doesn't happen to you. if you dont want to know ignore my posting.

Elohor ......... For your information Heather and her husband had a small bump adjusting and are doing great now.

Please do not generalize and transfer your own issues to all Nigerian men. I am sick and tired of hearing that.

Move along and stop digging up old posts. Try to be a little more respectful to others who have Nigerian fiances and husbands here.

Wether it happens to me or not, that does not change the fact that you are generalizing, making stereotypical judgements

and are prejudiced against all Nigerian men.

Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Nigeria
Timeline
Posted

This thread was never meant to be a Nigerian Bashing thread. While yes as with every relationship, my husband and I have had problems, I am sure that there are those negative nellys who would like for us to fail...fail we have not!!! We are happy and planning our future. Please stop posting your negative comments in my thread!!!!! Go bash your countrymen somewhere else!!! This american woman loves and trusts her Nigerian Huband!!! Rememer when you are pointing your finger at someone there are 3 more pointing back at you.

 
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