HAPPY THANKSGIVING MENA

[~Jackie~ 30]

I have a confession to make. I have not been honest. Only my closest friends know the truth. I can not go another day without sharing with you what is my reality.

When I am at my job, or with my family, or here on VJ, I am good at acting like everything is ok. I can keep busy at my desk to keep my coworkers happy, I can smile for my kids and they accept I am happy, and I can type dancing smilies all day here on VJ. But the truth is I am suffering from severe depression and an eating disorder.

I am still crying everday, and it has been 5 months. I am awake every night til 2am or later. I eat 2 or 3 bites maybe twice in a day. Now my work and my kids have noticed my weight loss, I was covering it up with large shirts and pants, but my damn pants kept slipping down.

Why am I typing this? You all know that Mohammed and I are divorced now. I don't want anyone to think this breakup has been easy, or that it was easy on me. I am suffering daily and I don't know how to fix me. I don't know how to move on. At first I thougt it was just a broken heart, but this is ....out of my control.

On Monday at 10am, I have a doctor's appointment to discuss depression and medication. I have never been to a doctor for something like this and making the appointment was very difficult for me. Thank you Amal for being persistant and you are indeed my lifeline. There may be a light at the end of my tunnel, I just can't see it at the moment.

Indeed thankful for everything I have,

Jackie

[~Jackie~ 30]

On a much brighter note......Kmart is open today

Jackie

[Ban Hammer 13,490]

nessa's cooking, i'm on vj

jackie, that's normal imo. i rode a roller coaster of emotions after my divorce. things will get better. we're all here for you

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Awww shux for all you who have to work today -- hope you're at least raking in some cash with the extra holiday pay. I'm off but I've have worked manyyyyy holidays so I know how crappy it feels....

I guess I'm about to bake a coconut pecan pie and at least roast some turkey. I am so disorganized this year -- I haven't really decided what else I will make Doesn't matter to Mahmoud if it's traditional Thanksgiving fare or not.... as long as it's food, he'll happily eat it

Anywayyyyyy have a great trip, Cheryl and don't forget to take a lot of pics for us !

Jess - she's looks like a real beauty !

Jackie

Hope everyone finds something to be thankful today and every day....

Happy Thanksgiving, all !

-MK

Edited to add: Jackie -- no words can express the pain you must feel. I am glad to know you will now have help to deal with the depression. Hope you will be feeling much better soon. May you begin a new, happier chapter in life this holiday season, and may 2008 be YOUR best year yet !

(F)

-MK

Edited November 22, 2007 by wife_of_mahmoud

[sara535 15]

Jackie.

You are strong and you will get through this although I am sure you have moments, maybe days or even weeks when you dont feel you will. You were blindsided and the last few months have been hideous for you and we are all here feeling your pain; you are so brave to share it. I think its good you are going to seek help for what you can, you dont have to do everything alone. Hang in there girl, there are a lot of us pulling for you and on your side. take care.

[anitacastillo 0]

Happy Turkey Day!!! I have much to be thankful for, even though our AR separation is driving me crazy.

Jackie - sorry to hear about your mental state. It is GREAT that you are going to get professional help. I have mixed opinions about meds, but you and the doc can discuss all treatment options.

Hugs to All!

[MelindaandTarek 0]

Jackie Wishing you the best and encourage you to do what you need to do to take care of urself....good luck at ur appt and if you feel as if things are not in ur control....cant hurt to ? someone for help...and IMHO takes a lot of strength to do so......................u have been one of the most supportive and empathetic VJers that I first noticed since joining in June - - I believe you have so much to offer so many..........thinking of u in this difficult time...I dont know you well....however I am here for u in any way that I can be............... ~Melinda

[~Jackie~ 30]

coffee is ready, anybody want some?

Jackie

[~Jess~ 0]

coffee is ready, anybody want some?

Jackie

i would but its 2am. and i need to sleep. need rest to eat all that turkey tomorrow and then nap.

luv ya girlie

[ayesha4akram 0]

coffee is ready, anybody want some?

Jackie

Cream and sugar please

[maggieNomar 0]

coffee is ready, anybody want some?

Jackie

Cream and sugar please

I've got some cinnamon coffeemate.

Hugs Jackie. You are awesome to feel the way you do and still come here and cheer people on. Most people going through what you have been through would have left VJ. I admire your strength...now here, have some pumpkin pie to go with that coffee.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Anybody going shopping EARLY in the morning?

Jackie

[Nasturtium 500]

Jackie-- it's never easy, and I know you know that-- but to be blindsided in a sense... that's harder. I think you've handled it about as well as most people could-- people just aren't made to handle things like this as if it was taking the trash out and letting the trash men pick it up, without a second thought. No.

Unfortunately at times and fortunately at others, we have a lot of emotions wrapped up in being human, sometimes more than we know what to do with. Moving will help you some, but it can be like a bandaid on the problem. You have to figure out who you are again, you have to grab ahold of your "self" and then sit down and think about what you want to do with your life on your own. That doesn't mean you don't hope for or plan on having another relationship-- but you have to be happy with yourself and not hang your hopes, dreams, and self-sense on another person.

I know-- I am awful at doing this myself. I had to decide who I was without anyone else and I did it during my 2-year wait.

You, Jackie, are worth just as much as when you were a baby, just as much as when you were graduating high school, just as much when you were married or single and worth the same now as any other person, and your worth is internal. Your worth is not dependant on how others see you or how they don't see you. It's not dependant on how your job goes, how much money you have, or who loves you. Your worth is you, period. And you are worth a lot I suggest spending some time really thinking about who is "you" and what so "you" like, what do "you" want, and how you can be happy with your "you", without anyone ever being in your life again. Once you figure THAT out, then you can find a hunka hunka burnin' love. Preferably one who doesn't challenge you to a stair-step-off and cream you then declare bedtime and end the contest. I hope things begin to look up for you, Jackie. We all support you!

Edited November 23, 2007 by julianna

[~Jackie~ 30]

Thx Julianna. I am hoping to see brighter days in the future. I am sooooo not a pill person but if medication can help lift me up, then I willl have to try it. I want to smile again. I want to live.

Jackie

[Nasturtium 500]

Thx Julianna. I am hoping to see brighter days in the future. I am sooooo not a pill person but if medication can help lift me up, then I willl have to try it. I want to smile again. I want to live.

Jackie

It happens. For some people it can help them get to where they can face their problems and work through them. Did you go shopping this morning?