Another Bush Letter

[jordanianprincess 0]

After reading that letter that Gary posted, it reminded me of this letter that I got a long time ago. I dug it up and here it is. Thought it was funny.

Wouldn't you love to hear President Bush say this?

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York .

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA

treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

[rclouse 0]

I disagree, this letter is not funny. "Simplistic", that's a word I'd choose. "Short-sighted" is another. Oh, and "spiteful" too.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

This one is so riddled with ####### and contradictions, it's not even funny.

[SteveLaura 0]

Wouldn't you love to hear President Bush say this?

My Fellow Americans:

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days.

I will work

toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.

It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America.

Thank you and good night.

[arwensun1965 1]

I disagree, this letter is not funny. "Simplistic", that's a word I'd choose. "Short-sighted" is another. Oh, and "spiteful" too.

This one is so riddled with ####### and contradictions, it's not even funny.

OMG you two need a sense of humour implant.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

I disagree, this letter is not funny. "Simplistic", that's a word I'd choose. "Short-sighted" is another. Oh, and "spiteful" too.

This one is so riddled with ####### and contradictions, it's not even funny.

OMG you two need a sense of humour implant.

No. Not everything that has humor written on the label actually contains any.

[Fuzzness 2]

only conservative people will find this funny since it is making fun of liberal countries. just like liberal people will find jokes about conservatives funny.

i can see the humour in it. however i'm way out in left field so I didn't laugh one bit.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York .

That would be so fukcing sweet

[Jasman0717 9]

Wasn't this from a Robin Williams routine?

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

That was the propaganda anyways. He's since forgotten ... ehm ... what was that dude's name again?

Very funny indeed. Or maybe not.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

That was the propaganda anyways. He's since forgotten ... ehm ... what was that dude's name again?

Very funny indeed. Or maybe not.

ET,

Your heart's bleeding again. Time to locate the band-aid

Edited April 17, 2006 by Agent Smith

[GaryC 7]

Not only do I see the humor in it I also wish it were possible to do it! These liberal countries that beg us to help them when they need it and then stab us in the back when we need them to stand with us can all go to hell.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

That was the propaganda anyways. He's since forgotten ... ehm ... what was that dude's name again?

Very funny indeed. Or maybe not.

ET,

Your heart's bleeding again. Time to locate the band-aid

No, my heart is fine. There's just so much crappy nonsense in this piece that it almost hurts.

It just ain't funny. It's nonsense.

[kc456 0]

It WAS funny. C'mon people lighten up!