Favorite Pictures in Russia

[mox 298]

I was really fortunate in that all my friends were very understanding after my breakup. A lot of it had to do with the fact that she had a circle of friends and I had a circle of friends, and while we co-mingled in each sphere, there was definitely a definitive "her friends" and "my friends." So when we divorced we pretty much left with our own circle of friends in tact.

My family is a different story though. Not with regards to my divorce, but with regards to Nadya. Except for my children, my family are all suspicious of her intentions. My dad voices it the most, and it made for a pretty unhappy Thanksgiving. Oh they're going to have a field day when I finally do tell them that we're marrying. lol

Just a few comments on Buck's otherwise excellent advice:

2. She does not like your friends? If they are mostly beer drinking buddies, then it is probably time to expand your frienship circle to include more couples.

Or at least see what you can do about addressing any objections she has about them. Maybe it's just that she doesn't like them because of the social setting, such as always meeting up with them in a bar or something. Maybe see what you can do to broaden their horizons too.

3. She is a snob? I can't help you there if she is truly a snob and thinks your friends are low-class. If they are low-class then it is probably time to level-up. If they are not low-class, then there is probably something else going on. Communication problems due to poor english skills? One or more of your dude friends hitting on her? The USA wives treating her like a Russian scammer ######? You will need to figure this out.

Women can be the worst kind of cruel to other women, and all it takes is a comment that you or I wouldn't think twice about, or even just a quick look that transcends all language barriers.

Or maybe the other wives think she's a snob. I mean, let's face it. Your typical Russian woman can come across snobbish without even saying a word. Doesn't mean she *is* snobbish, but you know how Russian women hold themselves and kind of guard themselves around new people. Maybe they just got off on the wrong foot, and nobody is to blame. (fixing that situation is left as an exercise to the reader... )

We men are problem solvers. We see a problem that needs fixing and we either fix it or duct tape it. The problem is that when it comes to women we're often not very good at identifying the real problem. We think we know, but often our perception is much different than the reality. This is partially because men look for the simplest solution possible, but it's also because women are insane and cannot just state what the real problem is. So even if she's saying "they are snobs" or "they are low class," it might not be the real answer. When you figure out how to decipher that one, please write a book and your financial problems will disappear forever.

4. Once you figure out what is really going on (See Step 3), then it's time to step up and host things at your home. I can relate if this is outside your comfort level. I was a litigation attorney for 15 years. Many people find me intimidating. My basic personality can not really be described as warm and fuzzy. I am not a social guy and relating to others, especially new people, is something of a chore for me. Anyway, that is my problem and I need to get past it.

Make sure this is what *she* wants though. And make sure your guests know not to eat lunch or dinner first.

5. She is bored and lonely when you are putting in the long work hours? DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON. KG Sodie had some good advice here. Do more things, even very simple things, together.

No easy solutions to this, I know. When faced with having toput food on the table and a roof over your head, you do what you must do. It's not even an option not to do it. I agree with doing little simple things together, but let's face it...when you're not home, and she's home alone, she's going to be lonely. Maybe a little dog or cat would at least help? (Because you know she's eventually going to start thinking of something to keep her company, and then you're really in trouble... *cough*ребенок*cough*)

6. Never underestimate the power of simple gestures to a Russian woman.....

Honestly I never cease to be surprised at how far a small gesture will go on my part, and that's with me being 6,000 miles away. I used to think my compliments were embarrassing her because she would get very quiet. I eventually figured out she was just waiting for me to keep going. This was hard for me to get used to. I've never been comfortable with dishing out compliments, and my ex was never any good at accepting them. But I've discovered that at least with my girl that it's like verbal gold.

It also might help if you can re-direct some of her complaints. For example, a common theme I notice in your posts is that she wants to go out to dinner more often than you can afford. Why not compromise and go out for a dessert or coffee/tea after dinner sometimes? It might be that it's really more about the getting out of the house for a little treat than it is about going out to dinner.

My couple more kopeks.

[Buck and Natalia 0]

Honestly I never cease to be surprised at how far a small gesture will go on my part, and that's with me being 6,000 miles away. I used to think my compliments were embarrassing her because she would get very quiet. I eventually figured out she was just waiting for me to keep going. This was hard for me to get used to. I've never been comfortable with dishing out compliments, and my ex was never any good at accepting them. But I've discovered that at least with my girl that it's like verbal gold.

Me too....... me too. One of my pet names for Natalia is "Love Sponge." She never tires of hearing love words and, fortunately for me, she is not shy about expressing her needs. She will sometimes blurt out, "Tell me how much you love me." That is my not-so-subtle cue to go into "romantic mode" and to verbalize my feelings for her....... at length. This is not the time for short pithy statements. Remember Russian toasts....... how they go on...... and on...... and on. She expects the same in the verbal love department. My feelings are very deep and I am pretty good with words...... so I give her a russian-style love toast extolling all her virtues........... characteristics, personality traits, body parts (your hair.... your eyes...... your ahem). She requires a lot of verbalization and I am more than happy to give it to her. In return, she does the same with me. It is very very nice feeling and a very welcome change. My Ex, on the other hand, was more of a "Love Black Hole." I could verbalize all I wanted but little came back in return and, as the years passed, I verbalized less and less. However, the bottom line is that words of love, spoken frequently to our Russian gals, is similar to watering a beautiful flower. The more water you give, and the more frequently you give it, the more the flower opens. At least that is my experience.

[Chuckles 0]

My experience has been similar to Slim's, although in the last few months my wife has opened up to two couple friends of ours (both Russian couples) and now almost every week we make plans to hang out with them. It took a long time before she was able to trust them enough to get close, however. During her first year here, we spent every moment (outside of work) together except for a single evening when she went to see a Broadway play with the wives of the aforementioned couple. And it wasn't easy, I think I got about 100 text messages from her while we were apart. And please don't get the impression that my wife's a wallflower. She takes the subway to work every day, doesn't hesitate to stand up for herself, has many friends in her native Moscow, and enjoys a rich professional life.

I'm not complaining as we genuinely love each other's company, but if you're a very social person accustomed to contemporary western relationships (wherein it's not odd for a woman and man to have their own exclusive social circles) I'm sure it can be exhausting.

From my experience, there are two factors at work in this phenomenon:

1) Sorry to say it, but it's not easy to find decent Russian woman/Western man couples in the US. Every female my wife met who came here on a K1 instantly grilled her about our income, cars, home, etc. They clearly had no love for their (often much) older husbands and were in it for the upscale lifestyle. Many of these women were shockingly frank about the lovers they took to fulfill their sexual needs, and my wife wanted nothing to do w/them.

Also, I'll never forget the first parties we went to at Russian homes. Always there were several unattached Russian men who hovered about, my wife explained later that they expected our marriage to be a sham and were hoping she'd be looking for a relationship on the side. I'm sure most of you who've gotten as far as the K1 stage know that there will be plenty of American people who will be very skeptical about your relationship when she arrives. Be prepared for local Russians to share the same skepticism, only they won't be sympathetic to you.

2) Your own friends may accept her instantly but more likely they'll be skeptical about her and decide to wait and see. While my friends weren't cold to her, they were obviously waiting to see if she genuinely loved me before warming up.

Anyway, my advice would be to abandon your expectations for her in regards to friends, never pressure her and be prepared to abandon any friends who don't accept her.

My experiences followed this somewhat closely. Most Russian woman/Western man couples where as he described. Which, I suppose, doesn't sound good since that is the situation everyone here is in. I like to think you guys are ok... but from experience most where not geniune (married for the green card), and yes, more interested in your cars and what you have. We did sift through and meet a few good ones though !!!

I never when to any 'fancy Russian' parties, and I do not live anything remotely considered an upscale lifestyle, so I didn't meet the Russin men wandering around looking for a little from these women. Sounds interesting though!!

Probably good advice not pressure her and to be prepared to abandon friends that don't accept her. Fortunatly, I only had to do that in one situation. Just keep getting out there and meet people. Eventually it happens.

[Chuckles 0]

Now none of this pre-arrival plug-in advice helps Slim much. His wife is already here and already feels isolated whether by personal choice or outside circumstances. Nevertheless, here is my border-line malpractice relationship advice:

1. Get her english up to conversational level if it is not there already.

This was VERY important for us. Olga was good with english in my opinion, but was really shy about her accent. As cute as you may think it is, it may bother her. Also, ESL classes (upper level) are cheap and another chance to meet people.

2. She does not like your friends? If they are mostly beer drinking buddies, then it is probably time to expand your frienship circle to include more couples.

A very good point here. You are married now !!! Grow up !!

4. Once you figure out what is really going on (See Step 3), then it's time to step up and host things at your home. I can relate if this is outside your comfort level. I was a litigation attorney for 15 years. Many people find me intimidating. My basic personality can not really be described as warm and fuzzy. I am not a social guy and relating to others, especially new people, is something of a chore for me. Anyway, that is my problem and I need to get past it.

More good advice. I know its tough... the rewards can be worth it though.

5. She is bored and lonely when you are putting in the long work hours? DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON. KG Sodie had some good advice here. Do more things, even very simple things, together.

6. Never underestimate the power of simple gestures to a Russian woman..... or any woman for that matter. Most Russian women like being presented with flowers. Every couple of weeks or so, buy a small $7 - $10 boquet at your local supermarket. Tell her frequently that you love her and that she is a "smoking-hot" babe. From your past posts, it sounds like she truly blossomed as a woman during the interim when you first met her and when she came to you in the USA. She got lots and lots of male attention it sounds like. Give her lots of compliments. Lay it on thick. What might seem a "bit much" to an american woman probably just barely scratches the surface with her.

All very good advice... I think we all know this, but putting it into practice is hard sometimes. Anyway, good luck with everything.

OK...... that's probably more than enough for now.

Good Luck

Buck

[Buck and Natalia 0]

1) Sorry to say it, but it's not easy to find decent Russian woman/Western man couples in the US. Every female my wife met who came here on a K1 instantly grilled her about our income, cars, home, etc. They clearly had no love for their (often much) older husbands and were in it for the upscale lifestyle. Many of these women were shockingly frank about the lovers they took to fulfill their sexual needs, and my wife wanted nothing to do w/them.

Also, I'll never forget the first parties we went to at Russian homes. Always there were several unattached Russian men who hovered about, my wife explained later that they expected our marriage to be a sham and were hoping she'd be looking for a relationship on the side. I'm sure most of you who've gotten as far as the K1 stage know that there will be plenty of American people who will be very skeptical about your relationship when she arrives. Be prepared for local Russians to share the same skepticism, only they won't be sympathetic to you.

2) Your own friends may accept her instantly but more likely they'll be skeptical about her and decide to wait and see. While my friends weren't cold to her, they were obviously waiting to see if she genuinely loved me before warming up.

Anyway, my advice would be to abandon your expectations for her in regards to friends, never pressure her and be prepared to abandon any friends who don't accept her.

My experiences followed this somewhat closely. Most Russian woman/Western man couples where as he described. Which, I suppose, doesn't sound good since that is the situation everyone here is in. I like to think you guys are ok... but from experience most where not geniune (married for the green card), and yes, more interested in your cars and what you have. We did sift through and meet a few good ones though !!!

Mmmm...... somewhat depressing but not totally unexpected. I can tell you that Natalia was not impressed by the few Russian women that she met here in the USA. I am sure that good Russian-American couples are in the minority.

Of course, all of us are hoping that we do not fit the "Pathetic Loser American Husband - Gold Digging Russian Wife" profile.

Buck

[kud 0]

1) Sorry to say it, but it's not easy to find decent Russian woman/Western man couples in the US. Every female my wife met who came here on a K1 instantly grilled her about our income, cars, home, etc. They clearly had no love for their (often much) older husbands and were in it for the upscale lifestyle. Many of these women were shockingly frank about the lovers they took to fulfill their sexual needs, and my wife wanted nothing to do w/them.

Also, I'll never forget the first parties we went to at Russian homes. Always there were several unattached Russian men who hovered about, my wife explained later that they expected our marriage to be a sham and were hoping she'd be looking for a relationship on the side. I'm sure most of you who've gotten as far as the K1 stage know that there will be plenty of American people who will be very skeptical about your relationship when she arrives. Be prepared for local Russians to share the same skepticism, only they won't be sympathetic to you.

2) Your own friends may accept her instantly but more likely they'll be skeptical about her and decide to wait and see. While my friends weren't cold to her, they were obviously waiting to see if she genuinely loved me before warming up.

Anyway, my advice would be to abandon your expectations for her in regards to friends, never pressure her and be prepared to abandon any friends who don't accept her.

My experiences followed this somewhat closely. Most Russian woman/Western man couples where as he described. Which, I suppose, doesn't sound good since that is the situation everyone here is in. I like to think you guys are ok... but from experience most where not geniune (married for the green card), and yes, more interested in your cars and what you have. We did sift through and meet a few good ones though !!!

Mmmm...... somewhat depressing but not totally unexpected. I can tell you that Natalia was not impressed by the few Russian women that she met here in the USA. I am sure that good Russian-American couples are in the minority.

Of course, all of us are hoping that we do not fit the "Pathetic Loser American Husband - Gold Digging Russian Wife" profile.

Buck

Hmmm Interesting thread. Hope somebody will post pictures again I wish I could give some advice here, but I am in a little different situation. I met her here on a J1 Visa. She had decided to go back instead of turning her J1 into a green card as most her friends have done. She came back because of me. So having had her chance for a green card I know I am not the pass to US Citizenship. Even with that it hasn't been easy. The cultural differences can be tough to deal with. We came close to calling it quits a few times. But her toughness trumps my stubbornness thank GOD. So live goes on. I do hope all of you will be happy in the end.

[eekee 182]

some pictures to lighten the mood.

[mox 298]

Heh. The "toilet for men" makes me think of one of my favorite Russian commercials and products, "Nestle Chocolat for men.":

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Oh, I'm second home sick again! I love that chocolate. Although it clearly states, "Keep from women" on the label, it never stopped my Alla from having her share.

Heh. The "toilet for men" makes me think of one of my favorite Russian commercials and products, "Nestle Chocolat for men."

[groovlstk 0]

Even with that it hasn't been easy. The cultural differences can be tough to deal with. We came close to calling it quits a few times. But her toughness trumps my stubbornness thank GOD. So live goes on. I do hope all of you will be happy in the end.

I can only shake my head when my married friends (American couples) talk about their disagreements and issues - usually silly stuff like they're arguing over where to go for their next vacation, whose turn it is to clean the bathroom, etc. That stuff is so trivial compared w/the challenges we faced (and continue to face, only less often, thankfully).

It sounds trite and cliched, but if you both have a lot of love and at least a little patience to avoid doing anything stupid when disagreements/misunderstandings crop up, everything will be fine.

[Buck and Natalia 0]

Oh, I'm second home sick again! I love that chocolate. Although it clearly states, "Keep from women" on the label, it never stopped my Alla from having her share.

Heh. The "toilet for men" makes me think of one of my favorite Russian commercials and products, "Nestle Chocolat for men."

hahaha........ Russian chocolate is not so bad. Tried some from the former Czech republic once. It had a distinct aftertaste......... not unlike the aftertaste when one is siphoning gasoline and removes the hose too late from one's mouth.

[eekee 182]

Oh, I'm second home sick again! I love that chocolate. Although it clearly states, "Keep from women" on the label, it never stopped my Alla from having her share.

Heh. The "toilet for men" makes me think of one of my favorite Russian commercials and products, "Nestle Chocolat for men."

i've eaten it a couple of times, but everytime i do i feel like i'm doing something wrong and i'm going to get in trouble.

[mox 298]

Well mostly it's my favorite commercial because of the shot about 5 seconds in.

[Buck and Natalia 0]

Well mostly it's my favorite commercial because of the shot about 5 seconds in.

hahaha..... what are you going to do when Nadya's english improves and she goes back and starts reading your old posts? I think she is going to open a big can of whupass on you.

[mox 298]

Well mostly it's my favorite commercial because of the shot about 5 seconds in.

hahaha..... what are you going to do when Nadya's english improves and she goes back and starts reading your old posts? I think she is going to open a big can of whupass on you.

Kazan' Tiger, are you posting under my account again? You know I told you to stop posting about other women with my account!!

I have no idea what that video is about. Never seen it before in my life.