Helping kids adjust to new life in the US?

[bunsk2007 0]

Hi there

Anyone out there who moved their teenage children (12 and 14 yrs- or similiar ages) from the UK (or other english-speaking county) to the US? I would be interested in hearing how easy they found it to make the change;to make new friends and adjust to the new school system.

I had an expat childhood and lived in 8 countries and went to 13 different school before coming back to England aged 16. I loved my childhood and found it very easy to move on and adjust and make new friends, not that I would recommend that- the 13 schools played havoc with my education! It definitely affected me, in that I have never been able to put down roots anywhere and don't have a place I consider home, even after living in my birthcountry for the last 28 years!! Coming back here at 16 was a nightmare, awful.

My kids have dual citizenship, born in the UK but US passports too. We have gone over to NY every year, sometimes three times a year, to visit their grandparents, cousins etc; so they are familiar with NY and the area we will be settling in. They have always loved it over there, but have been happy to return home again.

They have always been dead set against leaving England, until this year when they seem to have done a complete turn around and decided they'd love to have a chnace of living over there. Good timing!

I think that it's two things- one is that they get closer every year to their grandparents and cousins and would love to be a regular part of their lives.

The other factor is that they are both mature enough to realise that they can live in another country, and really enjoy it without being disloyal to their birth country; and that the experience of living in another culture / country and having to adapt to it is a valuable tool for adult life.

They are both confident, friendly, curious kids who are really excited and looking forward to moving to NY, but of course they are nervous too. It will help us that we will be living nearby to our in-laws becuase they will help introduce us into local life, however, we will have to work hard to make sure we make our own life out there.

We will probably be moving in March, when they will go straight into Middle School- I wish we could get them there sooner, it's so close to the start of the summer vacation...but it's in the hands of the Embassy.

If anyone has a story they can share about how they helped their teenage kids adjust etc, I'd love to hear it. Any advice, tips will be greatly appreciated!

Thanks

[Chica Yeyé 41]

This would be my 2 cents -not as a parent, but as an educator.

Get them to your closest library branch and get them a card.- They can find books on American History and the like, fun books. Also libraries tend to have activities for all ages.

If their thing is sports, check out local leagues for whichever rocks their socks. This also can be done through your local community center.

You can also find a lot of resources on how to nurture a bicultural identity for your kids -- which is fantastic!

Good luck, L.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

On that tenet, the best book I've consulted is called "Children of Immigration" by Marcelo and Carola Suarez Orozco. Google them up, they are in NY actually and have a research center with a longitudinal project on children of immigrants.- Hope this helps.

[Mags 112]

My son is 13 and has adapted really well to living in the USA. The schooling is a little different and they spell things differently here but the school was aware of this and was easy on him for the first couple of months. After that time period he was getting along great. He now has top grades and it's like he has always been here.

One thing that really helped was the accent. Americans kids LOVE the British accent and that REALLY helped him make new friends easily. Everyone wanted to be buddies with the British kid so he really never had any problems making friends, in fact, I reckon he has more friends here than he did in the UK.

Kids at the early teenager stage are pretty adaptable and once they get through their first day of school it is a breeze. Once they get to school they can join some after school clubs if they want or just chill with their new found friends (of which they will have many!).

One good way to keep in touch with grandparents and family abroad is Skype and web cam. That way family members can see them grow and talk to them for free. Well worth the effort and it keeps the grandparents feeling less isolated from their grandchildren.

[Welshcookie 17]

Wow...love this thread...

I too was a bought up in the military and had many many different schools, finally settling back in the UK at the age of 14. Although my childhood was fab and so interesting, I was a very shy child and every new school was an ordeal. I have also had a difficult time in putting down roots in my life as an adult...as it happens, at a 3 yr point I feel the need to move on, it has become quite a joke over the years in my circle of family and friends

I worry so much about moving my son to the US...he is 11 now but will be 13 when we move. He is such a sociable boy though and doesn't suffer my shyness (takes after his father ) but he is actually worried and is a sensitive kid.

Mags....I was happy to read your post because my hubby is concerned that my son will become a target for being 'different'....my MIL insists that his english charm will win thro...I bought my son up as a single parent all his life until I married my husband of course, and maybe I have made him too soft.

[TracyOz 0]

GREAT thread, and I hope others will chime in on it for us

My story - I will be moving over from beautiful WARM beachside Adelaide, Australia... to the brisker lake side world of Cleveland Ohio.... with 2 of my children. My daughter (15) and my son (11)....

I am very fortunate that they are extremely excited about the move, even though they know that it will be "different" and they are leaving everything and anything that they have grown up around behind (including their Big brother and Dad).. ... (I was VERY worried that my 15 yr old daughter would be upset).. and the fact that while they have spoken to their upcoming Step-Dad (hate the word Step LOL) they haven't yet met him (that will be at Xmas)

My USC fiance (has 2 children that he shares 50/50 custody) with his ex-wife (an 11 & 8 yr old)... So my kids are excited about the fact of gaining another brother and sister... we are also EXTREMELY lucky that my fiance has a very large family who will all live within a 5-15 minute drive from the house that we have purchased.

What we have already tried to do to help with the transition:-

Steve and I visited the schools where my kids will be going... FRUSTRATED though, thinking that they would have been able to make the move early in the new year to transition before the LONG summer break - it now looks like they will ONLY get maybe a few weeks of "hanging out at the schools" to at least meet some kids... But in the meetings the schools gave us information and stuff that my kids can start "looking up and studying".

Also we have been encouraging the kids to make contact with various members of Steve's family - sending pictures and stories etc... and vice versa, so they won't feel so alone or "scared" to meet them all.

And whenever Steve is out and about around Cleveland with his kiddos he sends constantly sends through quick photos and video clips of what they are doing to share with my two so that they are feeling like they are a part of what is going on and being involved..

I am STILL very nervous about the whole move and transition - I know that the "aussie accents" and the fact that my kids are friendly and outgoing will help them - but it is still quite scary - kwim? And sometimes I think that because we are from an english speaking country - a transition like this COULD be more difficult than if we were from an non-english speaking country (as their tends to be more "communities" and extra help) for those transitioning from a different sort of environment..

So ANY and all advice would be GREATLY appreciated... and as we make the transition I will keep posting on this thread, our experiences to help those who do it after us too..

have a GREAT day

Tracy

[Nearly Done 8]

My kids are into there 4th year of school here. David will be 14 next year and Hannah is almost 10, you know I can not think of any real problems that they have endured. They have settled in brilliantly!! Hannah should only be in grade 4 but they put her into grade 5 and she is still an A student. She has lots of friends and I am very proud of her. Her social studies teacher pointed out to the kids the other day that Hannah should NOT be top in that subject cos she is from England lol, half the kids did not even realise cos she has picked up the american accent! She is still abit shy, always has been but she is very popular and she loves it here.

David has a condition called dyspraxia, that mainly affects his co ordination, balance and organization skills! BUT he is also doing brilliantly!! He too is an A student and has just been picked with 6 other kids to do math tests around the local counties. I do not know if it is like the spelling bee contest, I will have to find out. He had an audition for the high school christmas play and he got a part in that, you should of seen us lot after I got the call to say he has been picked lol. We were like crazy people dancing around the room, I knew how much it meant to him and to me as well both of the kids were on the principles honor roll too!!! David has lots of friends too and has Cody stay over most weekends to play halo! otherwise they play online when Cody is not here.

OK, did I do enough bragging? lol but honestly my two have settled in so well and maybe had a few hiccups at the beginning, some kids can be jealous of the accent too, most love it, but kids are kids and that applies anywhere in the world.

Margy

[Nearly Done 8]

Ooops!! too busy being proud to offer advice!! I would say encourage your kids to get involved with as much activities as possible. I had a birthday party for Hannah a few months after getting here and invited all her school friends to the bowling alley, that also enabled me to meet other parents too. I did the same when it came to David's first birthday here. Hannah plays the flute and that has helped with her social skills, she just loves it and she talks with her friends via the phone over the musical note problems lol Try and get involved with the school yourself and you can get an idea with what your child has to deal with on a day to day basis. I have volunteered a few times to chaperone the school dance and watch how the kids mixed with the others, NO I was not there to make sure no one bullied them lol

Margy

[Mags 112]

Wow...love this thread...

I too was a bought up in the military and had many many different schools, finally settling back in the UK at the age of 14. Although my childhood was fab and so interesting, I was a very shy child and every new school was an ordeal. I have also had a difficult time in putting down roots in my life as an adult...as it happens, at a 3 yr point I feel the need to move on, it has become quite a joke over the years in my circle of family and friends

I worry so much about moving my son to the US...he is 11 now but will be 13 when we move. He is such a sociable boy though and doesn't suffer my shyness (takes after his father ) but he is actually worried and is a sensitive kid.

Mags....I was happy to read your post because my hubby is concerned that my son will become a target for being 'different'....my MIL insists that his english charm will win thro...I bought my son up as a single parent all his life until I married my husband of course, and maybe I have made him too soft.

Cookie ~ The other kids will LOVE the accent, you really won't have anything to worry about at all. My son was nervous, that's completely natural, but he pootled off to school on his first day happily enough and came home with a big grin on his face. All the girls adored him too, which always helps...

Ironically enough, he came home with 99/100 in his American History test the other week, he got the highest marks of any child in his class...and he's British! The only thing he doesn't like is the lack of half term holidays. The semesters can seem to drag on a bit for him, but he DOES have nearly 12 weeks off in the Summer which kind of compensates for it all.