I may have to go back to Canada and refile as a K3

[Cantwait2gethome 0]

In my view, you have EVERY right to inform your husband by any way necessary. Cause you know what, the first time you didnt let him know, that would be the time that it would backfire horribly. For a good relationship, there has to be communication. Your husband has the right to know what is going on. If I were you, I would not stop doing what your doing.

Heck, when my hubbie and I lived apart, we use to flood each others mailboxes hehe. But I truely feel that is what helped us be the strong couple we are today.

[Sprailenes 47]

Yea I dont know what she meant.

Does she just want me to sweep everything under the rug like she does?

In my opinion thats how outbursts happen, just like the one that happened last night.

I think we honestly need a mediator. As long as his mother is refusing to admit there's an issue with all parties involved, things will never change. She's acting as a mediator but she is bias. It won't work.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

Yea I dont know what she meant.

Does she just want me to sweep everything under the rug like she does?

In my opinion thats how outbursts happen, just like the one that happened last night.

I think we honestly need a mediator. As long as his mother is refusing to admit there's an issue with all parties involved, things will never change. She's acting as a mediator but she is bias. It won't work.

might i suggest a louisville slugger?

[Mephys 2]

I told him that, I told him that all my son would have to do is go to school and repeat what was said to him, and I could lose my son. It's not a small issue. My son has recently told me that my husbands brother has hit him, pushed him etc.

There's availability at that apartment for December. Looks like I am moving and I won't have to leave my husband.

Thank you guys so much. You have all really made me not feel so alone. I have been able to vent and get my stuff in order and get my mind back on track.

I wish I could hug each and every one of you. You really are a helpful community.

I am glad you can move out in December. I don't see why you could lose your son, you are aware of what is going on and are trying to help, not to hide anything. So IMO the only person in trouble would be the brother.

But anyways, try to keep everything calm until you move out. The brother definitely has some bad mental issues. And the MIL as well.

There is nothing wrong with telling that stuff to your husband. My husband made it clear to me once, nobody, NOBODY would ever get between us except his kids, and I love his kids and his kids love me. But anyone else, Mom, brother, dad, etc, if they want to be jacka$$es it's not going to do anything between us. He seems to think he can mess up your life by "tearing" your family and he will probably try to abuse you and your son verbally as much as he can... Don't listen to him and report anything threatening he could do.

Anyways, I am so mad at these people and I don't even know them...Grrrr

Hope you will be out of there soon. Let us know

[Melyssa 0]

I told him that, I told him that all my son would have to do is go to school and repeat what was said to him, and I could lose my son. It's not a small issue. My son has recently told me that my husbands brother has hit him, pushed him etc.

There's availability at that apartment for December. Looks like I am moving and I won't have to leave my husband.

Thank you guys so much. You have all really made me not feel so alone. I have been able to vent and get my stuff in order and get my mind back on track.

I wish I could hug each and every one of you. You really are a helpful community.

That's great. I hope the apartment works out.

Can you somehow use the loan for the place instead of for the wedding?

[Marilyn. 340]

I told him that, I told him that all my son would have to do is go to school and repeat what was said to him, and I could lose my son. It's not a small issue. My son has recently told me that my husbands brother has hit him, pushed him etc.

There's availability at that apartment for December. Looks like I am moving and I won't have to leave my husband.

Thank you guys so much. You have all really made me not feel so alone. I have been able to vent and get my stuff in order and get my mind back on track.

I wish I could hug each and every one of you. You really are a helpful community.

That's great. I hope the apartment works out.

Can you somehow use the loan for the place instead of for the wedding?

I think that is the plan...

Thanks guys.

Right now it's just hard. I had no idea my son bothered everyone so much. I mean I was just telling my husband last night how much improvement I have seen in Ethan. He has been doing so good despite everything. He gets a little crazy but boys are boys and I try to keep him in line too, but I dont want him to feel like he's in a cage.

Everything he does here gets a "NO" response, it's very negative and that's not how he was raised. I understand living with others is hard. But no one ever communicated to me that he was driving them "nuts". It wasn't until everyone got angry that the truth comes out. Thats not how I personally deal with things, but hey, this is them and not me.

I think we just really need to get our priorities straight right now. My son of course being my first priority.

See he recently took out a loan so he could help pay for the wedding (even though we're already legally married, we were going to have a wedding in May), his parents are paying for most of it, but asked that we chip in, which is completely understandable. But a wedding is not a priority. We're now using that money to get a place.

At this point a wedding seems so petty. His mother actually sent me an email with the dj's name this morning. Umm did you forget what happened lastnight? Do you think that this is the first thing that is on my mind today???

I think we have forgotten about our priorities and maybe we have felt a little too comfortable here. We shouldn't have taken a loan out for a wedding, we should have taken a loan out for a place.

[Melyssa 0]

And she yelled at me and said: "It doesn't help that you email him 55 times a day tell him what goes on when he's not here" *BTW its not 55 times a day...its once a week at most when things get bad*

So I am not supposed to communicate with my husband? Yes if Ethan tells me something like if my brother in law swears at him or something, I will tell my husband. Why shouldn't I? Its HIS brother.

If I am in the wrong by communicating these issues to my husband please just let me know.

I didn't think it was wrong to tell my husband of these issues. But thats just my perspective.

Even if you did email your husband 55 times a day what would be wrong with that?

[Sprailenes 47]

heh I guess nothing.

My MIL is forcing my husband to apologize to his brother tonight.

I don't foresee my son getting an apology. Nope.

Apparently his brother has "A right to be angry because he never asked for my son to live here"

Argh. Everything makes me SO angry.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

I agree that the money should be used for a place rather than the wedding. I know weddings are important, but you can't live in the church.

You have each other, you are married, you love one another. A wedding is just one day, marriage is a lifetime. Believe me, I learned that one by mistake.

Thinking of you.

[Sprailenes 47]

Thanks a lot.

I have no problem not having a wedding.

This entire situation has made me realize how unimportant having a wedding party is. And its really made me appreciate my husband because even though he said some hurtful things to his brother, he stood up for us as a family.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Thanks a lot.

I have no problem not having a wedding.

This entire situation has made me realize how unimportant having a wedding party is. And its really made me appreciate my husband because even though he said some hurtful things to his brother, he stood up for us as a family.

You are so strong. I'm proud of you.

[Melyssa 0]

Thanks a lot.

I have no problem not having a wedding.

This entire situation has made me realize how unimportant having a wedding party is. And its really made me appreciate my husband because even though he said some hurtful things to his brother, he stood up for us as a family.

That's great - about realizing it's not of utmost importance to have a wedding party, and especially about your husband standing up for you and your son as a family.

We didn't have a traditional wedding either - just went to the courthouse and had our own little mini wedding with a close friend as our witness, and we don't regret it one bit.

[yogib37 3]

We are living together until I started working, his family told my son and I for 2 years that we could come and live here while we found a home that was in a good school district and everything.

I have talked to my husband, I have talked to my mother back home.

My husbands brother told my son he "had a knife and could stab him" on Sunday. This is when it all really began. There's so much more. I stand by my son more than I stand by my husband. I have to keep my son in our room until my husbands brother leaves the house. Last night my son heard the entire fight. This morning he's telling me it's all his fault. I don't like seeing him blame himself for everything.

I didn't realize that it was going to be like this here.

We're looking at our options, either me coming back down later or him coming up to live in Canada.

We'll be alright.

####### is wrong with that 23 year old?

He is a CHOPF##K and lets all hope he does not bring a child of his own into this world.

:yes:

[yogib37 3]

My husband may have found an apartment in Vorhees. Hopefully we can get it.

I'd like to thank you all for listening.

If we can't get a place though, I will have to go back. I can't stay in this house with my son. I am not thinking about going through the process again, nor am I thinking about being away from my husband, I am thinking about my son being in harms way.

I understand about having him understand the people around him, and he has been trying. But it seems every little thing he does gets on the nerves of my husbands brother.

I feel like everything we worked for is literally falling apart.

HI

I am so sorry that you are going thru this. Honestly, it is getting me upset. I am so concern right now for your son's well being and health.

I think and this is my thoughts, I think the MAIN ROOT OF THIS PROBLEM IS YOUR HUSBAND'S BROTHER. he is just a IMMATURE JERK and a selfish person. I hope he does not have any kids and I hope he grows up before he has any.

He seems for a 23 yr old to be very childish and very very immature. I bet your son is more mature then someone that is more then twice his age.

you are right to want to get your son out of that situation. You are just doing what a mother should be doing and that is to protect him.

If I were you if your brother in law said any thing like that to your son again, I would call the police on him, of course it would make more problems, but he sounds like a total Ahole.

Hope he is ok, I am worry about him now and his self esteam. It will have a long effect on him trust me, I am low in my self esteam.

Take care

Edited November 22, 2007 by yogib37

[SpiritAlight 1]

Dear Spailenes,

Wedding shmedding!

Yes, do get a place of your own...obviously you are on this path.

That is good.

Allow some time for settling into your lives together as a family and then invite friends over and have a celebration when you are ready.

Some food (a potluck), some drink, some music, your loving friends & relatives, and voila: the makings of a great party.

One that does not break the bank and one that is authentic.

Honesty is the only policy.

I hope you are coping well.