I may have to go back to Canada and refile as a K3

[Melyssa 0]

Nah, they all live in Philadelphia, and my son still has to attend school.

I have to think about schools too.

Right now our options are:

-Get an apartment asap...doesn't have to be fancy, we can move again once we're out and we've saved more.

-Send my son back to Canada to stay with my mother until we get out and on our own and then apply for him to come down.

-I go back to Canada with my son and apply for a K3 and come back when he has his own place.

-I go back to Canada and my husband immigrates to Canada.

I hope you get the apartment. It sounds like you need the space to yourselves anyway without interference from relatives!

[Sprailenes 47]

Thanks guys.

Right now it's just hard. I had no idea my son bothered everyone so much. I mean I was just telling my husband last night how much improvement I have seen in Ethan. He has been doing so good despite everything. He gets a little crazy but boys are boys and I try to keep him in line too, but I dont want him to feel like he's in a cage.

Everything he does here gets a "NO" response, it's very negative and that's not how he was raised. I understand living with others is hard. But no one ever communicated to me that he was driving them "nuts". It wasn't until everyone got angry that the truth comes out. Thats not how I personally deal with things, but hey, this is them and not me.

I think we just really need to get our priorities straight right now. My son of course being my first priority.

See he recently took out a loan so he could help pay for the wedding (even though we're already legally married, we were going to have a wedding in May), his parents are paying for most of it, but asked that we chip in, which is completely understandable. But a wedding is not a priority. We're now using that money to get a place.

At this point a wedding seems so petty. His mother actually sent me an email with the dj's name this morning. Umm did you forget what happened lastnight? Do you think that this is the first thing that is on my mind today???

I think we have forgotten about our priorities and maybe we have felt a little too comfortable here. We shouldn't have taken a loan out for a wedding, we should have taken a loan out for a place.

[Sprailenes 47]

Everything is happening so fast. Now my husband is saying we could move back to Canada together.

I don't know what is right and what isn't anymore.

[Peggy 1]

I hope that things work out for you.

It would be a shame if you have to pack up and leave after all the hard work that goes into getting a K-1/K-2.

I do understand about putting your son first thou. He does not need to be threatened by a 23 year old. I would have to do something about that. That guy needs a cop in his face for saying that to your son.

I hope you get a place soon so that you all can be happy. Take anything you can get until you can afford something more. Just try your best not to be seperated again.

[eau_xplain 2]

I feel for you and the dilemma you are facing. It's not easy to try to start a life together as a family and y'all don't need the extra tension and stress from others.

I hope you and your husband will find a solution that will work for all of you. Good luck.

[Sprailenes 47]

Yes my husband is trying really hard right now.

It's really hard.

I just want everyone to get along.

Everything was somewhat fine until last night. I can admit he went a little far with his brother, and now he has to apologize to his brother. But I think his brother should also apologize to Ethan. But he won't. His mother makes excuses for him so he makes excuses for himself. In his mind he did nothing wrong. If someone is driving you nuts you have every right to threaten them with a knife.

Crazy.

Edited November 21, 2007 by Sprailenes

[Mephys 2]

Yes my husband is trying really hard right now.

It's really hard.

I just want everyone to get along.

Everything was somewhat fine until last night. I can admit he went a little far with his brother, and now he has to apologize to his brother. But I think his brother should also apologize to Ethan. But he won't. His mother makes excuses for him so he makes excuses for himself. In his mind he did nothing wrong. If someone is driving you nuts you have every right to threaten them with a knife.

Crazy.

And what if you tell him "what about a little call to the police for threatening a minor ? " Maybe he would change his point of view.

[Sprailenes 47]

I told him that, I told him that all my son would have to do is go to school and repeat what was said to him, and I could lose my son. It's not a small issue. My son has recently told me that my husbands brother has hit him, pushed him etc.

There's availability at that apartment for December. Looks like I am moving and I won't have to leave my husband.

Thank you guys so much. You have all really made me not feel so alone. I have been able to vent and get my stuff in order and get my mind back on track.

I wish I could hug each and every one of you. You really are a helpful community.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

I told him that, I told him that all my son would have to do is go to school and repeat what was said to him, and I could lose my son. It's not a small issue. My son has recently told me that my husbands brother has hit him, pushed him etc.

There's availability at that apartment for December. Looks like I am moving and I won't have to leave my husband.

Thank you guys so much. You have all really made me not feel so alone. I have been able to vent and get my stuff in order and get my mind back on track.

I wish I could hug each and every one of you. You really are a helpful community.

oh he did eh? does that 23 year old know what hot water he'd be in if anyone in authority heard this?

i do hope you get that apartment dayum soon. all of you need to be away from this toxic situation.

[trailmix 77]

I'm so happy for you!!!! That's great that you got the apartment.

[~Nini~ 2]

I'm so glad you got that apartment, hun. Get out of there as soon as you can so that you can provide your son with a better living environment. Your brother-in-law sounds like a complete tool.

It sucks that this had to happen before Thanksgiving, too. What happened to being, um, thankful for what you have? I'm sorry to say this, but your mother-in-law sounds like she's closing all ears and eyes to what the brother is doing.

If you need any help, please let us know. I'm in the Philly area and if you need to talk/vent I can give you my number.

[Sprailenes 47]

I know, tomorrow is going to be awkward, I am trying to get a hold of my friend in Philly to ask her if she can take my son and I in for thanksgiving because I don't want to sit at the table and pretend like everything is fine. It's not.

My brother in law, is on a lot of medication, and its no excuse. But mentally he isn't well. I think getting out will be good for everyone.

I am not used to not dealing with things. I am the type of person who addresses problems as they arise so they don't bubble over. This bubbled over and now everything is a mess.

My family in Canada is SO worried now. They want me to file a report with the police in case something happens to me or my son.

The one thing that sticks in my head is last night my brother in law said: "I'll tear your family apart thread by thread"

I don't understand why.

[Cantwait2gethome 0]

My warmest wishes go out to you Sprailenes! It is definetely is hard when people let their feelings fester and then just explode out at you when you least expect it. It is nice to see a parent caring for their child the way you are (so many in the world today have lost the parenting values).

I would highly suggest that IF moving back to would be the only resort, please check out Canadian Immigration. When my husband and I first got married, we thought it would be fairly simple. Get married, pack and move to Canada. Not so easy. The immigration packet is very straight forward and easy to fill out, but there are big differences between filing in Canada and out of Canada. One thing to keep in mind, if he moves here with you and you file in Canada, it would be quite some time before he would be able to legally work. When we did my packet, we were looking at close to a year without legal right to work(now granted time frame may have changed, so that would be something to look at). When we looked at the big picture, a year with no income from me would have been tight for us, let alone me going bonkers just sitting around

I hope for your sake that you do find an apartment and are able to finish your immigration there in the states. Your family's happiness and safety is the important factor. I have been in a similiar situation with my ex-husband. I was so relieved and joyous when we finally bought our home. Living with in-laws, especially ones that 1)are not very nice and 2)one that no matter what, their immediate family never do anything wrong .....is extremely difficult to live with. I can truely feel for you and pray that you find a solution, and fast. When life tosses challenges/hurdles at us, it usually has a reason as to why, although we may not understand why at the time.

Best I can do for you right now

Hang tight Sprailene, your path just hit a slight a curve. Ride with it and it will straighten out for you :energetic:

[Cantwait2gethome 0]

It sounds like your brother in law is very spiteful (even with his mental illness). Could it possibly be some jealousy lashing out? You had mentioned that you are planning a May wedding.....maybe your bro in law doesnt like you and your husband having a some special attention for the wedding(hence the email about a dj from MIL). There defientely is no excuse anyone can munster up that would justify his actions. He is just down right mean and vindictive(to lash out a child).

One thing is certain, you didnt have to say much for this community to see that the environment your surrounded with right now is not a healthy or productive one. I dont know you and you dont know me, but I will keep your family in my prayers that you do get your apartment in december!

[Sprailenes 47]

I think his brother doesn't know how to deal with other people in his personal space. I understand that, its hard for everyone to deal with change.

I think there could be some jealousy issues as well.

But these issues won't be fixed until all parties admit they're wrong and he doesn't want to admit anything, and his mother stands in front of him making excuses for him too. They are always saying: "Why shouldn't he be angry?" "He didn't ask for this"

I was raised to be responsible and take responsibility.

His mother agreed with the brother last night. And if we didn't see things happen, then they didn't happen. And my son is blowing all of this out of proportion.

And she yelled at me and said: "It doesn't help that you email him 55 times a day tell him what goes on when he's not here" *BTW its not 55 times a day...its once a week at most when things get bad*

So I am not supposed to communicate with my husband? Yes if Ethan tells me something like if my brother in law swears at him or something, I will tell my husband. Why shouldn't I? Its HIS brother.

If I am in the wrong by communicating these issues to my husband please just let me know.

I didn't think it was wrong to tell my husband of these issues. But thats just my perspective.

Edited November 21, 2007 by Sprailenes