I may have to go back to Canada and refile as a K3

[Sprailenes 47]

Well tonight was a really hard night. But my husband got into a huge fight with his brother and my mother in-law said some things to him. There's just a lot of conflict right now. Apparently my son is driving everyone crazy. I have decided it's probably best to get myself and my son out of here and go back to Canada and work and save up more so we can move out the next time I come down.

Oww this hurts. We were so close...but the EAD would probably take a while and this house basically turned upside down tonight.

[jundp 191]

Awww sweety, but you're here now. Any chance you and your husband can move out on your own? What's going on with his family and your son?

I hope you're ok in all of this.

[Sprailenes 47]

My son is just very busy. Apparently he's been driving everyone "nuts" for the past few months. He is just busy, he sings himself to sleep. My husbands brother doesn't like the fact that he sings himself to sleep. There's just a hole bunch of stuff. I find this family very nice for everything they have done for me. But at the same time it isn't happy here, there's a lot of conflict going on and people are very controlling. I am not a controlling mom, I like to let him get out and make noise and be a child.

I just see it as more harm then good keeping him here.

I doubt my husband alone could get us a place. The plan was for me to get a job and we could save up for a place. New Jersey homes/apartments are expensive.

[jundp 191]

What does your husband think about the situation? I'm sure you won't want to make a rash decision. Have you two talked about this? Is there a chance that for the time being you can maybe work something out so that your husband's brother doesn't have to be there when your son is going to sleep (how old are they? Surely the brother is old enough to deal with a young child?!) or maybe you and your son can work something out?

It seems so unfair, really, because you've made it this far and your son shouldn't have to stop being who he is. But at the same time, if you know that in 3, 6, 12 months the situation will be over, wouldn't it be worth it?

I know, who am I to be offering advice? Random internet person. It's just that we all know what the process is like. The idea of starting over, after you've already made it this far is so overwhelming, I'm sure.

Talk to hubby. See what he thinks. Maybe talk to your MIL too? See if there's something that can be done to compromise.

Good luck

[~Nini~ 2]

Hun, definitely sit with your husband and discuss what's happened. Right now there's probably a lot of heat in the air and you both need to take some breathing time before you come to this kind of huge decision.

You've already started the AOS filing and that can't be taken back - think about the cost involved in that, and then think about starting over with a K3 and then proceeding with AOS again. The process could take longer than it did for your K1 - and there will be a lot of stress when you and your husband are separated. Strictly coming from a monetary sense - which it sounds like the major issue is - those application costs will be more stress on you, on top of wanting to save up for moving out.

You're a great parent to your son, and I totally agree that you should let him "be a kid" - after all, they're not going to have these kind of chances to "be a kid" once they're older. I'm sorry that you're having conflict with your in-laws and I wish they weren't as controlling as they sound.

The EAD is taking a few months to process, is it possible that you could stick it out for that long until you're able to work and afford a separate place to live? Aside from that, I don't know what NJ housing is like, but is there a particular area that would be cheaper to live in and wouldn't be a huge commute to where your husband works?

*hugs* I'm sorry if I'm long-winded, I'm just concerned about your situation and hope that you find the best resolution for all of you.

Edited November 21, 2007 by Nini & Bee

[Delicia 1]

I don't know how long the AOS process takes, but you have been in the immigration process for well over a year now. I would hate to see you throw that away.

Things always get heated the more people under one roof. Personalities collide and people who have lived together for years can't adjust to the 'newcomers.' Having some of those newcomers will always add that much more stress.

You have to find some alternatives because you are closer to the end of the tunnel than the beginning, this much is certain.

[Sprailenes 47]

The brother is 23. We all live under the same roof.

Just a lot of things were said.

I could just send my son back to live with my mother until we get our own place. That was a thought we had. But I would find that hard to do.

It's very complicated. Right now I am willing to leave. I keep tossing and turning in bed, crying and then thinking...and then crying again.

It's just not an issue that can be resolved. He can't deal with my son, and then my mother in law seemed to agree with her son, saying my son has been getting on everyones nerves. My son is 9, he's just VERY busy. He isn't awful or bad. He's a sweetie but he's busy and he can be a bit loud. But regardless he's my son.

I just think that it's best to get my son out of this house before something very bad happens. It sucks yes...but my son honestly comes first.

[trailmix 77]

I really feel bad for you, such a bad situation to be in.

I agree with what everyone else has said here though, you have 'done your time' in this immigration process and it truly does seem terrible to have to start all over.

That said, only you know how bad it is. People do say awful things to each other sometimes, it gets heated and all blown out of proportion, sometimes things that seem unforgivable are said.

However, as I'm sure you know, tomorrow is a new day and when the sun comes up things might be quite different and hopefully, maybe, they might even regret and apologize for things said.

If not - and it doesn't look like it is going to get any better - I completely understand your wanting to leave (especially if your Son overhears this stuff).

Your Son sounds like a cutie! He sings himself to sleep and I think that is awfully nice.

Hang in there.

[Mephys 2]

I cannot add anymore than what the others have said...

But honestly, you, your husband, your son, his brother, the MIL, all together under the same roof??? Sounds like a lot of adults that need their own space...

The 23 yo brother, not of my business but what is he still doing at home ? Wasn't it all agreed before you went through the visa and all that you would stay with them with your son ? What do they expect from a 9 yo kid? And when you mean that your son is busy, do you mean he is very energetic?

What is the point of you of your husband about all this ?

I dunno what your situation is about all this, and I dunno if you can collect your EI, but one thing for sure I would wait for the EAD and live with a mean family by my husband rather than go all over this again and be apart....Try to work it out with your in-laws...

Edit: Just reread myself, and I am sorry if I am very inquisitive...I just cannot believe that adults can act in such a childish way and not even try to understand the temporary situation and try to help you guys instead of making you more trouble than you already need with all the immigration and the stress going on....I am pissed for you.

Edited November 21, 2007 by Mephys

[Earmuffs 1]

I know its hard this time of the year but..

what about taking your son out to do things when they are around.. Might be hard if they dont work..

I too am at my mother in laws with our 2 kids but (knock on wood) nothing bad has happened.. Is your son from your current husband? Im sure that plays into how they feel and treat him. With US both kids are from my wife so her parents may be a little more tolerable.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

As the others have said, talk to your husband.

Just leaving and abandoning the process and starting all over with a K3, there is no way I would do that. You have come too far to turn back now. Talk to him!

Why are you all living together? I know that the homes in NJ are pricey, believe me but for your family, You, your Son and new Husband, you need that space.

Move out on your own, have your own place and live your own lives. If this is not possible, you need to sit down with the adults and talk with them. They are being so unfair to a child. Singing himself to sleep? Come on, that's adorable. How does your husband and son get along? I'm sure there is no way he is going to want you to leave now.

Best of luck hon

Edited November 21, 2007 by ~Laura and Nick~

[Sprailenes 47]

We are living together until I started working, his family told my son and I for 2 years that we could come and live here while we found a home that was in a good school district and everything.

I have talked to my husband, I have talked to my mother back home.

My husbands brother told my son he "had a knife and could stab him" on Sunday. This is when it all really began. There's so much more. I stand by my son more than I stand by my husband. I have to keep my son in our room until my husbands brother leaves the house. Last night my son heard the entire fight. This morning he's telling me it's all his fault. I don't like seeing him blame himself for everything.

I didn't realize that it was going to be like this here.

We're looking at our options, either me coming back down later or him coming up to live in Canada.

We'll be alright.

Edited November 21, 2007 by Sprailenes

[Lona.C. 16]

first am sorry you are goin trough this ,

as everyone said I agrea think it over , do you realy want to go trough the whole process again with K 3 , whos there to say it will work after k 3 is aproved ?

i would realy sit and talk to everyone involved in the house ,

i know NJ is expensive and people there can be extreamly outspoken , my inlaws live there as well am just lucky they love me and accepted me like a daughter ,

my question is didnt your husband know what he was getting into when he said 'I DO '

as for the 23 year old no offence but what right does he have to complain hes in the same boat as you or he would be living on his own ,

( I would ask him nicely to listen to some tunes on the headphones till your son sleeps if it bugs him so much )

I have 2 kids on my own ( well growen kids 21 and 19 they love tony like hes theyr dad )

but I know kids at the age of 9 can be a handfull and singing himself to sleep is actualy cute they should be happy he aint yelling and screaming " MOMMMMMM I DONT WANT TO SLEEPPPPP "

I would defenatly not trow the towel at this point ,you came way to far , this is for better or worst .

worst would be if you start again with K3 you have to sit on a daily basis thinking will this happen again when I aproved now ? will i be able to get along with my inlaws knowing the past we had ,

I would just hang in and talk to everyone who lives at the house concerning this mather .

after all your husband married you knowing you bring a child into the relationship right ,

wish you good luck hang in

[Lona.C. 16]

We are living together until I started working, his family told my son and I for 2 years that we could come and live here while we found a home that was in a good school district and everything.

I have talked to my husband, I have talked to my mother back home.

My husbands brother told my son he "had a knife and could stab him" on Sunday. This is when it all really began. There's so much more. I stand by my son more than I stand by my husband. I have to keep my son in our room until my husbands brother leaves the house. Last night my son heard the entire fight. This morning he's telling me it's all his fault. I don't like seeing him blame himself for everything.

I didn't realize that it was going to be like this here.

We're looking at our options, either me coming back down later or him coming up to live in Canada.

We'll be alright.

ok reading this , OMG the 23 year old acts more then a 6 year old ,

I see your point on wanting to leave ,

this is mental child abuse what the 23 year old is doin to your son , I would react the same way and belive me every good mother would too

you are a great mother your son is 9 he cant defand himself it is your job to protect him he needs you to stand up for him , wich you are obviously doin

I hope you and your husband can sort things out wich ever way its goin ,

[Mephys 2]

OMG he told that to your son ???

I am sorry but yeah that is totally abusive there, it's threathening (spelling? ) a child. I know it's a family, but that shouldn't be left aside. If your MIL is protecting her 23 yo saying that to a 9 yo.....I am sorry but you and your husband should definitely get out of there if possible

You don't need a big place right away. Even a 1 bedroom apartment with a bed-couch would do it for me, as long as we would be safe..

Edit : I would certainly not to that to myself, go back and refile a K-3, or even send your son to your mom, etc. You did nothing wrong in this and just because a mentally wrong 23 yo is threathening your son doesn't mean you should impose that to yourself. Try to figure a way to get out of there.

How long ago did you file your AOS/EAD?

Edited November 21, 2007 by Mephys