Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 5)

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Trelawny.....tell us about the police officer. I missed it.

JG,

A friend a mine pinch mi a seh this a new thing a yard now (it's been under the wire), but they saying Jamaica is not a safe place for a gay man to live, so the seeking asylum in other countries....mi naw touch dat one.

[Yaads 0]

JG..mi get wah u a seh..but my husband would never i don't have to tell him..jeopardize his job cause a smoking...di one thing mi nearly kill him fah a smoke during immigration process cause he felt 2mths before would be fine..who knows it probably would have been or could have not but we made a decision to reschedule..those partying and stuff is single life he knows as a husband and a father that it wouldn't work..i didn't have to go over that with him..and if i HAD to we wouldn't be married still...he is very responsible with money so again can't comment on that..all these things if they were an issue for us they would have been dealth with before we said i do.."honey we need to work on a couple of issue.behaviours i see that will make our lives worse instead of better" and we would go from there

Mek mi juss play devils advocate fi a minute. Say he parties and does the whole single thing...you talk about it and he knows that he can't do that after marriage but you are alright with it now because he is single and all. So you think to yourself "alright the man knows that once we are married that has to stop." You get married and the mister decides that he doesn't want to stop or sees no reason to stop. You thought that the issue had been resolved, you talked about it and came to an agreement but it changed after you got married and it was time to step up and do it and not just talk about it. See what I mean? Some things you just can't deal with until they happen and they are in your face.

never disagreed..but if he likes partying while we were "single" that mean u have no problem with him going out all the time w/o u...for me not happening..again we would have been divorced if he wanted to continue single life while we have kids and bills and responsibilities.

I get ya...I guess I thought of "single" as in not married...even if you were dating. I get what you are saying now.

Well peeps I am out for the night...try not to chat too much!

[Jengles 0]

Even'in Ladies;

I just wanted to thank ya'll for helping me with my school work that was assigned to me 4 weeks ago. I had no idea what to write about for my lifestyle/sociology class. I don't know who started the topic today or how it got started on marriage, relationship, sharing duties as a couple, but thank you. I came here for immigration guidance and well now I'm speechless, the WEALTH of information you get from people you've never met. Thanks again.

You're welcome! Just mek sure yuh use mi name inna di paper Mi waan nuff credit Just joking

Girl, please keep it coming. I'm on page 10 now. I'm waiting for my study patner to include her research. She ask mi weh mi get di information (mi tell her) IT CLASSIFIED.

but look ya, she a plaugerize (sp) we words.

Dat isn't right!

and we nah get no credit

[SupportOAFJF 0]

I make a salad with the Ramen noodles - Love it:

CHINESE COLESLAW

1 lb. pkg. Dole coleslaw mix

2 pkg. beef or chicken Ramen noodles

2 bunches chopped green onions

1 c. slivered almonds

2 c. roasted sunflowers

DRESSING: (Make early in the day):

1 c. oil

3/4 c. sugar

1/3 c. vinegar

2 Ramen seasoning pkg.

Combine just before serving.

Kimmy

try this and see if u can keep it down

i'll make it one day..but mi nah go lie..if hubby no mek it right now mi nah go do it..til mi a bout 6/7 mths..no ave di strength..u no si weh mi deh from mawning..by the PC..mi no move, no do nuttin wah require too much...

[Jengles 0]

Trelawny.....tell us about the police officer. I missed it.

JG,

A friend a mine pinch mi a seh this a new thing a yard now (it's been under the wire), but they saying Jamaica is not a safe place for a gay man to live, so the seeking asylum in other countries....mi naw touch dat one.

and is now they find that out

[*SunRay* 1]

Wow a lot of folks online tonight... Was this planned? Hmmmm, this seems like a perfect time to ask questions, but only on problem; I don't have any. lol

Hope everyone is doing well..

[*JG* 2]

JG..mi get wah u a seh..but my husband would never i don't have to tell him..jeopardize his job cause a smoking...di one thing mi nearly kill him fah a smoke during immigration process cause he felt 2mths before would be fine..who knows it probably would have been or could have not but we made a decision to reschedule..those partying and stuff is single life he knows as a husband and a father that it wouldn't work..i didn't have to go over that with him..and if i HAD to we wouldn't be married still...he is very responsible with money so again can't comment on that..all these things if they were an issue for us they would have been dealth with before we said i do.."honey we need to work on a couple of issue.behaviours i see that will make our lives worse instead of better" and we would go from there

Mek mi juss play devils advocate fi a minute. Say he parties and does the whole single thing...you talk about it and he knows that he can't do that after marriage but you are alright with it now because he is single and all. So you think to yourself "alright the man knows that once we are married that has to stop." You get married and the mister decides that he doesn't want to stop or sees no reason to stop. You thought that the issue had been resolved, you talked about it and came to an agreement but it changed after you got married and it was time to step up and do it and not just talk about it. See what I mean? Some things you just can't deal with until they happen and they are in your face.

That's what I was getting at, YW.

I've heard that very story over and over again. And, each and every one of the things I mentioned have been said by someone within the last two years that I have been on here or the other JA site I've frequented.

I don't ever agre on picking on the way he dresses or that he smokes or anything of that petty kind. Yes, you accepted it before and it is wrong to pick on it now. But big things, if he doesn't change because of the marriage CAN cause some issues. And, those are things you cannot get down pat before you marry. You can talk till you are blue in the face and everyone agrees all the way around; but experiencing some things is the only way to fully understand them and what you really would do in the situation.

I know what you are saying, Kimmy, and I say you are very lucky. There are others out there who are not so lucky.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

JG..mi get wah u a seh..but my husband would never i don't have to tell him..jeopardize his job cause a smoking...di one thing mi nearly kill him fah a smoke during immigration process cause he felt 2mths before would be fine..who knows it probably would have been or could have not but we made a decision to reschedule..those partying and stuff is single life he knows as a husband and a father that it wouldn't work..i didn't have to go over that with him..and if i HAD to we wouldn't be married still...he is very responsible with money so again can't comment on that..all these things if they were an issue for us they would have been dealth with before we said i do.."honey we need to work on a couple of issue.behaviours i see that will make our lives worse instead of better" and we would go from there

Mek mi juss play devils advocate fi a minute. Say he parties and does the whole single thing...you talk about it and he knows that he can't do that after marriage but you are alright with it now because he is single and all. So you think to yourself "alright the man knows that once we are married that has to stop." You get married and the mister decides that he doesn't want to stop or sees no reason to stop. You thought that the issue had been resolved, you talked about it and came to an agreement but it changed after you got married and it was time to step up and do it and not just talk about it. See what I mean? Some things you just can't deal with until they happen and they are in your face.

never disagreed..but if he likes partying while we were "single" that mean u have no problem with him going out all the time w/o u...for me not happening..again we would have been divorced if he wanted to continue single life while we have kids and bills and responsibilities.

I get ya...I guess I thought of "single" as in not married...even if you were dating. I get what you are saying now.

Well peeps I am out for the night...try not to chat too much!

good night...I don't know for everyone else but once I said yes i will marry you..there is no more dating to discuss..we are a couple and we have made a commitment to some degree..so me talking about single life I mean living it up like we r not together at all...

[Jengles 0]

why weren't these issues of change brought about b4 marriage ? some ooman feel dem can use MARRIAGE to change a man..they think the man is obligated now u have on rings...

Just wanted to state something about this...for my relationship personally neither one of us was married before, never lived with another woman/man (besides family) and didn't before we were married...basically we both had absolutely no clue what marriage entailed. Yeah we could read a few books here and there, go from what we learned in church and chat all we wanted about "the way things would be" but until you are actually in it and living it there really is no way to know what issues are going to come up. You may think that whatever comes your way you will deal with it but marriage really and truly is a lot of work - oftentimes more work than a person believes it will be. You think you can handle it all until you are in the thick of it and way over your head. I think for some the transition might be easier because some have been married before/lived with SO's...there is some level of experience there. Some issues just wouldn't arise before marriage and you can talk all you want about how you are going to do things but until you are actually living it...most people tend to dream bigger than they realize is humanly possible. I sure know that marriage is nothing like I had envisioned and dreamed about...it isn't necessarily a bad thing...it is just a thing.

I think Kimmy is talking about stuff like say him being a womanizer or certain character traits....There will ALWAYS be stuff you couldn't know about him....I think she's saying that some women look at the man before marriage, see how he is but once they're married, they want him to stop the stuff he's always done....

Agree..that's what I was saying..

OK..let me say something..when i speak here I do not mean anyting personal b/c of the fact that I do not know u guys personally..so if anything is taken the wrong way or may seem personal I apologize.

But, I never lived with hubby eirther..we spend weeks together but that does not prepare us for married life..we all have to learn each still EVERYDAY after marriage..but what I will not do is ask him to change something I already accepted him with before we said I do...you ALWAYS will be working on ur marriage for the rest of ur life..it's not something set in stone..we both still have lives, things that is enjoyment for one and not for the other...I will not ask him to give that up just because..that's selfish...

All good points Kimmy and I agree.

Even with that being said, though, there are still some things that don't fit that mold.

Say, he's in Jamaica and goes out every night with his friends to the clubs. How would you deal with him wanting to do that after he moves in with you and the kids? And, say it's before he gets a job and it's okay with you. But, after he finds a job, he wants to continue and it effects his job?

What if he likes to drink and smoke on his time off and it gets to be too close to the time he's got to be at his job? He used to do it in JA; but you didn't say anything cause he took a cab. Now, he drives?

Or in Jamaica, he had cash in his pocket and it burned a hole every day he had it. Now, you need him to contribute to the household. What do you do?

I've heard of all these issues coming up. That is some of the points I think of when I think of change. Adaptation, compromise.....most solutions to the above would modify behaviors.

JG..mi get wah u a seh..but my husband would never i don't have to tell him..jeopardize his job cause a smoking...di one thing mi nearly kill him fah a smoke during immigration process cause he felt 2mths before would be fine..who knows it probably would have been or could have not but we made a decision to reschedule..those partying and stuff is single life he knows as a husband and a father that it wouldn't work..i didn't have to go over that with him..and if i HAD to we wouldn't be married still...he is very responsible with money so again can't comment on that..all these things if they were an issue for us they would have been dealth with before we said i do.."honey we need to work on a couple of issue.behaviours i see that will make our lives worse instead of better" and we would go from there

i'm just now going back and reading some of the posts, i was skimming this and thought i saw death, i was like boy Kimmy nuh easy at all

[*JG* 2]

Trelawny.....tell us about the police officer. I missed it.

JG,

A friend a mine pinch mi a seh this a new thing a yard now (it's been under the wire), but they saying Jamaica is not a safe place for a gay man to live, so the seeking asylum in other countries....mi naw touch dat one.

and is now they find that out

I would've thought that true for quite some time now.

So, what.....They apply for some sort of assylum in Canada or other countries? Interesting.

Hee.....hee, Jengles on the death comment.

I also loved generalizations in general that YW said earlier.

You both made me smile.

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Trelawny.....tell us about the police officer. I missed it.

JG,

A friend a mine pinch mi a seh this a new thing a yard now (it's been under the wire), but they saying Jamaica is not a safe place for a gay man to live, so the seeking asylum in other countries....mi naw touch dat one.

and is now they find that out

Bway Jengs, mi no know...how dem jus a fine dat out

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Trelawny.....tell us about the police officer. I missed it.

JG,

A friend a mine pinch mi a seh this a new thing a yard now (it's been under the wire), but they saying Jamaica is not a safe place for a gay man to live, so the seeking asylum in other countries....mi naw touch dat one.

and is now they find that out

a dat mi a seh tuh...look from when..battimaism illegal a JA...

Trelawny.....tell us about the police officer. I missed it.

JG,

A friend a mine pinch mi a seh this a new thing a yard now (it's been under the wire), but they saying Jamaica is not a safe place for a gay man to live, so the seeking asylum in other countries....mi naw touch dat one.

and is now they find that out

I would've thought that true for quite some time now.

So, what.....They apply for some sort of assylum in Canada or other countries? Interesting.

Hee.....hee, Jengles on the death comment.

I also loved generalizations in general that YW said earlier.

You both made me smile.

when mi deh yah so grammar no count..a just dso it role off di brain....

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

Trelawny.....tell us about the police officer. I missed it.

JG,

A friend a mine pinch mi a seh this a new thing a yard now (it's been under the wire), but they saying Jamaica is not a safe place for a gay man to live, so the seeking asylum in other countries....mi naw touch dat one.

and is now they find that out

a deddddddddddddddd....dem seh Jamaica is indigenously homophobic...... :lol:

Trelawny.....tell us about the police officer. I missed it.

JG,

A friend a mine pinch mi a seh this a new thing a yard now (it's been under the wire), but they saying Jamaica is not a safe place for a gay man to live, so the seeking asylum in other countries....mi naw touch dat one.

and is now they find that out

I would've thought that true for quite some time now.

So, what.....They apply for some sort of ###ylum in Canada or other countries? Interesting.

Hee.....hee, Jengles on the death comment.

I also loved generalizations in general that YW said earlier.

You both made me smile.

hahahha dat mek mi laff, a REALLY ASSylum fi tru

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Jengs u bettah no bodda mi an mi spelling cause u fi one...no mek mi stawt...lef mi alone...u know mi mean HAD DEAL WITH...AHAHHAHAAHA...

[*JG* 2]

I swear my fingers do not cooperate with my brain. I really can spell and use proper grammer too.