Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 5)

[SupportOAFJF 0]

So yesterday one of my friends came to see him...and she was sooo nice...she said to me..OMG..u look like a crack head...hahahah..r u ok...gotta love ur friends

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

screw the stupid in-laws, mi have no time fi dem, but by the way, i am just waiting for mr jengles to find his way back here and for his cousin to call here, that is if she is brave. cause den she will really find out why dem call my fadda people dem bull.

so mi seh tuh yaw .....hell and powda house....chop har claut jengs

Kim, u mad....I have not heard that TERM in so damn long.....girl it bring back memories of arguments in my district in Jamaica. I'm so damn home'sick. Bway what a weh yardie dem can draw crowd...

HELL AND POWDA house fi real

So yesterday one of my friends came to see him...and she was sooo nice...she said to me..OMG..u look like a crack head...hahahah..r u ok...gotta love ur friends

Oh, that's not nice. Kim, mi naw ramp, u need fi eat sintin. Mi no care a wah. No mek mi call mi aunti, she no live too far fram u. She deh a Mt. Vernon (not far from the Walmart dem build last year I think)..something like that

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Lawny..i do eat.it doesn't stay down....i do love to eat...

[Jengles 0]

Lawny..i do eat.it doesn't stay down....i do love to eat...

liquids too??

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Lawny..i do eat.it doesn't stay down....i do love to eat...

liquids too??

even water..i'm more afraid than anything ...and it hurts soooo much

Edited February 26, 2008 by kimmykashi

[SupportOAFJF 0]

where is everyone....I'M BORED....!!!!

[Marlita 0]

If have something to say...I am going to say it! Most of us were raised by extremely STRONG Mothers and the days when we stand by and have our man talk for us are LANG GONE!!! When women started joining the workforce in droves ...we had to start speaking up or get pushed dung!

Bless,

Gill

Ok mi cyaan resist...mi muss put inna thoughts pon dis...

I was raised to be very independent and know how to take care of myself. For the most part I raised myself in my early teenage years and beyond. I had to grow up fast and take care of my bro and sis because my parents were so messed up and weren't really around to do the parenting much. So I grew up taking care of myself and not taking any bs. Andre says that he one of the reasons that he was attracted to me in JA was because I could handle myself well and didn't put up with anything...I spoke my mind and stood up for myself. Not sure if that makes me aggressive...it is just the way I am.

I do know that Andre has said many times that he feels like sometimes I don't need him. That I can handle myself and my business and don't have to rely on him for anything. While I do rely on him for many things I guess he is intimidated by the way I take care of business and the resources I have acquired over the years and that I really don't need him to survive, know what I mean?

Well adding my 2 cents....

I think this is a big part of the problem. Many times as independent women we do give off the vibe that we don't need a man for this or for that and we are strong and all this stuff...so when we do get with a man that ideology doesnt just go away. It can be prtrayed to your man....hence him feeling like you don't need him. Every man wants to feel like he is needed by his woman.....don't care where you come from. Yes he may like that you can hold your own and handle your biz...but he also wants to know and feel proud that you can reliquish it all to him and depend on him for a bit. Its just part of being a man. Think about what contitutes 'manhood' to a decent man......taking care of himself and his family, being the provider and protector, his bravado, sex. These are things that are instilled in men from their birth as to what make them a man. We as women have had some sorry men in our lives and essetially taken on the responsibilites that were once solely given to men. Now that we are with a man...and doing everything that he has been told he is supposed to do...well essentially we are dominating his territory...in his house. Most men will have a problem with this. They may not know how to deal with it and then begin to blame the woman and say she is too independent or aggressive or treats him like a child...and I gotta say...some women are all those things...some are not.

I think Jamaican men have this issue even more engrained in them because culturally that is the way things are in JA. Men inherently do not have the same opportunities to flex their manhood as men in the states. So they flex it in the way they know how...one being breeding women up and down im yaad. The other being holding a bit of money in im pocket deh, and shedding a likkle cash pon im baby mama. Culturally these things happen a bit more there and actually shape what a man thinks he should be doing as a man. Of course there are Jamaican men nothing like this...but the idea of being able to lace your woman with some cash feels good to a man.

Again I think its all about understanding ones culture when topic like this come up in your marriage. Lots of times I think people are not compassionate enough to communicate there dislikes and it becomes a bigger issue rather than a misunderstanding.

[Marlita 0]

Agreed. but then again ..most of these men are JAMAICAN MEN..who r to be very proud..they r the providers..that's what they learned and no nothing else mostly.

yeah...I don't think it's an immaturity thing at all. It's all about being that provider the head of the home and it was branded into my husband, even tho I make more money I've learned to constantly stroke his male ego. Even when I knoe what to do I play stupid so to speak. He works harder here than he did in Ja making less money if it wern't for working two jobs. I could never mek him feel like is hard money goes un-noticed. We can never have too much money. We have pickeny to put through college, ect. Yeah I could do it by myself but it sure feels good to have help., and to know if I couldn't do it he'd go out and get a third job to mek it happen.

You and I think alike. It is about stroking the man ego sometime. I think woman should do that fi di man seh if im a good man. We can be so hard on our men sometimes and dem nah like dat. Seh if im wan fi marry man im would, seh if mi wan fi marry pickney child mi would.

[Shemmy 4]

where is everyone....I'M BORED....!!!!

I'm .

Y'all been chatting so much lately...I'm trying to catch up.

My lovely husband ordered phone serivce from another company without thinking about our high speed DSL connection...well the two don't work together so we're without a house phone and the internet Hopefully we'll have service tomorrow.

A lady on my job called herself telling on me about being on the internet. My boss told me to watch my back. She doesn't care because she knows my work ethnics but still....doesn't that lady knows snitches get stitches

I sneak on a few times a day and during my lunch hour.

[Marlita 0]

Jomo's girl,

yes homes in JA are run by women but they are supported by men, even if they men do not live with them, as long as they have a baby fadda, then they are straight, he is the provider, he gives her the money and she does what she has to do with it. when we say provider it doesn't mean who pays the bills, it the person who gives up the money so the bills can be paid.

Very true. If you look at the demographics on the workforce in JA. men are still over 50% of it.

[Sonshyne 2]

If have something to say...I am going to say it! Most of us were raised by extremely STRONG Mothers and the days when we stand by and have our man talk for us are LANG GONE!!! When women started joining the workforce in droves ...we had to start speaking up or get pushed dung!

Bless,

Gill

Ok mi cyaan resist...mi muss put inna thoughts pon dis...

I was raised to be very independent and know how to take care of myself. For the most part I raised myself in my early teenage years and beyond. I had to grow up fast and take care of my bro and sis because my parents were so messed up and weren't really around to do the parenting much. So I grew up taking care of myself and not taking any bs. Andre says that he one of the reasons that he was attracted to me in JA was because I could handle myself well and didn't put up with anything...I spoke my mind and stood up for myself. Not sure if that makes me aggressive...it is just the way I am.

I do know that Andre has said many times that he feels like sometimes I don't need him. That I can handle myself and my business and don't have to rely on him for anything. While I do rely on him for many things I guess he is intimidated by the way I take care of business and the resources I have acquired over the years and that I really don't need him to survive, know what I mean?

Dang Yardie, come outah mi head...

That was the main problem with my son's father and I. I make twice the amount of money he does, when he met me I had my own house, car and bank accounts. Mi nevah did a brag...but a fi mi and mi wuk hard fi it... Since he was new to the country I tried to teach him things his bbclatt ex-wife didn't so, he would get defensive and seh mi a treat im like one pickney. My grannie always tell mi fi mek sure mi can mine mi self...give dem di respect dem want as a man, but MEK sure dem respect u ... mek dem earn di respect. Some men CANNOT HANDLE A WOMAN THAT HAS IT ALL TOGETHER...some want a woman who i totally dependent on them. I don't know how to let the man take control, I'm afraid to, I like to be in control, but I know at time I might have to step back a bit...mi still a STRUGGLE -- a so dem build some a we

i think a lot of times men have issues with us telling them how to do things and what to do....even more so when they come from another country/culture....i think a lot of times they don't know how things "work" here and would rather have someone else who has no clue about things tell them...i am/was afraid to to let mike take controld of the money....because i know how he is...when he gets a couple of bucks he feels the need to spend it rather then try and save it for a rainy day...

Oh boy... This was a issue we had for awhile. I would tell him things and he would get (mis) information from his friends (who remind you aren't from here) and tell me I was wrong and do't know everything At that point, anything I had told him went out the window Now granted I don't know everyting.... But I'd like to think I know more than yuh friends, esp when dem come from farrin. I would get so pissed off. That was geting me no where so I decided to turn the tables for a while. When he would come to me and ask me things, I would tell him to go ask 'im friends dem cause mi nuh knoa nuhting Bwoy mi tell yuh seh once 'im start fe get too much wrong info 'im come tuh understand wah mi seh Afta a few tings nuh wuk like 'dem tell 'im... 'im soon realize wah mi chat bout.

[Yaads 0]

If have something to say...I am going to say it! Most of us were raised by extremely STRONG Mothers and the days when we stand by and have our man talk for us are LANG GONE!!! When women started joining the workforce in droves ...we had to start speaking up or get pushed dung!

Bless,

Gill

Ok mi cyaan resist...mi muss put inna thoughts pon dis...

I was raised to be very independent and know how to take care of myself. For the most part I raised myself in my early teenage years and beyond. I had to grow up fast and take care of my bro and sis because my parents were so messed up and weren't really around to do the parenting much. So I grew up taking care of myself and not taking any bs. Andre says that he one of the reasons that he was attracted to me in JA was because I could handle myself well and didn't put up with anything...I spoke my mind and stood up for myself. Not sure if that makes me aggressive...it is just the way I am.

I do know that Andre has said many times that he feels like sometimes I don't need him. That I can handle myself and my business and don't have to rely on him for anything. While I do rely on him for many things I guess he is intimidated by the way I take care of business and the resources I have acquired over the years and that I really don't need him to survive, know what I mean?

Well adding my 2 cents....

I think this is a big part of the problem. Many times as independent women we do give off the vibe that we don't need a man for this or for that and we are strong and all this stuff...so when we do get with a man that ideology doesnt just go away. It can be prtrayed to your man....hence him feeling like you don't need him. Every man wants to feel like he is needed by his woman.....don't care where you come from. Yes he may like that you can hold your own and handle your biz...but he also wants to know and feel proud that you can reliquish it all to him and depend on him for a bit. Its just part of being a man. Think about what contitutes 'manhood' to a decent man......taking care of himself and his family, being the provider and protector, his bravado, sex. These are things that are instilled in men from their birth as to what make them a man. We as women have had some sorry men in our lives and essetially taken on the responsibilites that were once solely given to men. Now that we are with a man...and doing everything that he has been told he is supposed to do...well essentially we are dominating his territory...in his house. Most men will have a problem with this. They may not know how to deal with it and then begin to blame the woman and say she is too independent or aggressive or treats him like a child...and I gotta say...some women are all those things...some are not.

I think Jamaican men have this issue even more engrained in them because culturally that is the way things are in JA. Men inherently do not have the same opportunities to flex their manhood as men in the states. So they flex it in the way they know how...one being breeding women up and down im yaad. The other being holding a bit of money in im pocket deh, and shedding a likkle cash pon im baby mama. Culturally these things happen a bit more there and actually shape what a man thinks he should be doing as a man. Of course there are Jamaican men nothing like this...but the idea of being able to lace your woman with some cash feels good to a man.

Again I think its all about understanding ones culture when topic like this come up in your marriage. Lots of times I think people are not compassionate enough to communicate there dislikes and it becomes a bigger issue rather than a misunderstanding.

While I hear what you are saying I must inquire about something...if a man understands that the woman he is marrying is independent and can handle herself why should that change when they get married? Why should he now all of a sudden be intimidated by it? Especially if I am letting him be the man and totally stroking his ego? I understand that some women give off the vibe and really act like they don't need the man...but when the woman isn't acting like that then there really is no need for the man to be intimidated yet sometimes they still are. It really is engrained in them but that doesn't make it right. Hope that made sense...I am writing fast here at work.

[Shemmy 4]

Great topics I'll post my experince soon.

But I have question - Is there anything your SO won't do in the house?

Damien and I share the housework. We both clean and do our own laundry. I do majority of the cooking. My daughter does the dishes. However, the first year we lived together he would get so upset when I asked him to take the trash out. I mean we would get into huge drag out fights over the trash....our neighbors knocked on the door once because we were too loud. It wasn't like I woke him up in the middle of the night to take it out or anything like that. He would simply get upset because I asked him....the nerve of me.

be right back...

Edited February 26, 2008 by sjb1221

[Yaads 0]

We shared the housework pretty evenly. I don't think there was one thing that he wouldn't do. I do know that I refused to pick up the dog poop...that was totally his dept. He wanted the dogs and that was part of the deal

[Jengles 0]

If have something to say...I am going to say it! Most of us were raised by extremely STRONG Mothers and the days when we stand by and have our man talk for us are LANG GONE!!! When women started joining the workforce in droves ...we had to start speaking up or get pushed dung!

Bless,

Gill

Ok mi cyaan resist...mi muss put inna thoughts pon dis...

I was raised to be very independent and know how to take care of myself. For the most part I raised myself in my early teenage years and beyond. I had to grow up fast and take care of my bro and sis because my parents were so messed up and weren't really around to do the parenting much. So I grew up taking care of myself and not taking any bs. Andre says that he one of the reasons that he was attracted to me in JA was because I could handle myself well and didn't put up with anything...I spoke my mind and stood up for myself. Not sure if that makes me aggressive...it is just the way I am.

I do know that Andre has said many times that he feels like sometimes I don't need him. That I can handle myself and my business and don't have to rely on him for anything. While I do rely on him for many things I guess he is intimidated by the way I take care of business and the resources I have acquired over the years and that I really don't need him to survive, know what I mean?

Well adding my 2 cents....

I think this is a big part of the problem. Many times as independent women we do give off the vibe that we don't need a man for this or for that and we are strong and all this stuff...so when we do get with a man that ideology doesnt just go away. It can be prtrayed to your man....hence him feeling like you don't need him. Every man wants to feel like he is needed by his woman.....don't care where you come from. Yes he may like that you can hold your own and handle your biz...but he also wants to know and feel proud that you can reliquish it all to him and depend on him for a bit. Its just part of being a man. Think about what contitutes 'manhood' to a decent man......taking care of himself and his family, being the provider and protector, his bravado, sex. These are things that are instilled in men from their birth as to what make them a man. We as women have had some sorry men in our lives and essetially taken on the responsibilites that were once solely given to men. Now that we are with a man...and doing everything that he has been told he is supposed to do...well essentially we are dominating his territory...in his house. Most men will have a problem with this. They may not know how to deal with it and then begin to blame the woman and say she is too independent or aggressive or treats him like a child...and I gotta say...some women are all those things...some are not.

I think Jamaican men have this issue even more engrained in them because culturally that is the way things are in JA. Men inherently do not have the same opportunities to flex their manhood as men in the states. So they flex it in the way they know how...one being breeding women up and down im yaad. The other being holding a bit of money in im pocket deh, and shedding a likkle cash pon im baby mama. Culturally these things happen a bit more there and actually shape what a man thinks he should be doing as a man. Of course there are Jamaican men nothing like this...but the idea of being able to lace your woman with some cash feels good to a man.

Again I think its all about understanding ones culture when topic like this come up in your marriage. Lots of times I think people are not compassionate enough to communicate there dislikes and it becomes a bigger issue rather than a misunderstanding.

While I hear what you are saying I must inquire about something...if a man understands that the woman he is marrying is independent and can handle herself why should that change when they get married? Why should he now all of a sudden be intimidated by it? Especially if I am letting him be the man and totally stroking his ego? I understand that some women give off the vibe and really act like they don't need the man...but when the woman isn't acting like that then there really is no need for the man to be intimidated yet sometimes they still are. It really is engrained in them but that doesn't make it right. Hope that made sense...I am writing fast here at work.

i think that what u are saying would be valid in most situations, but in most of our situations, these men have no idea what america is all about. mr jengles won't stop saying that he doesn't want me to work even now that he is here. if they see us in their environment all the time, when they come into our environment, they are still bringing their ideas/culture with them.

To me a man does what needs to be done. period. My needs are different, now not saying it may not take a while for his to see that, but the need is there, fill that need and we will be golden. and as for stroking ego's, wish somebody could stroke mine.