Wife is in Jail w/ misdemeanor

[mystery 0]

I should add that I don't condone violence, its never called for its never right.....but to ruin her life for a jammed pinky and some scraches???? You had a fight. People fight.

You don't condone violence??? Maybe you meant you condone violence.

Anyhow, I apreciate your point of view. And all you are saying I also feel. But its not because of jammed pinky and some scratches. It's because of the REPEATED violence that she had with me over a 9 month period. Over and over and over......I NEVER intended to do anything like this to her. But she never stopped.

Like I said b4 its not a one time thing, it was continuous.

And another thing. Why do you think that I ruined her life???? I brought her here and gave her everything and loved her. She had a great chance with a man that truly loved her and had serious intentions with her, as all of us USC have with our fiances/spouses that we bring from another country. She ruined her own life. Not me. She did this to herself. And she KNEW the consequences and she kept at it.

[archie07 0]

It's PreTrial Intervention in florida and you'll talk to the Assistant State Attorney. Did the police document the fact you had teeth marks in your neck? If so, there is a possibility the prosecutor may also request probation along with the anger management classes.

Yes you are correct. I already spoke to the State Attorney yesterday and she was just getting my version of events and the history of violence that she's had.

Since she's a first time offender they can offer her the PreTrial Intervention but they need the victims consent. I told them that I did not want them to offer her that. It's painful for me to have made that decision and I've been so distraught over it, but it has to be done.

And to answer your question, yes the police did note the bit marks and they took photographs of me and my bite and scratches.....Its all in the report.

OK, keep in mind this will cost you out of your pocket also. Public Defender fee is 40 dollars, if the court places her on probation, you will pay monthly. Anger management classes aren't free either. You signed the I 864. I'm only trying to enlighten your awareness of the consequences. Give it some thought. An amicable resolution in your situation may be a better route. I understand your very upset and angry but you may want to rethink this.

[mystery 0]

Ok, here's whats been going on.

She had a "Jail Report" hearing infront of a judge on Wed morning. There was no one that had bailed her out and no one had given her an adress as to where she can go. She has a cousin that lives here that I spoke to the day after the arrest in case she wanted to do something and she refused to get involved. So my wife ended up having to stay in jail. Her next arraignment is on Dec 13. If no one took her out, she would have to stay there until that day.

I couldn't take it anymore so I decided NOT to let her stay there. It's too much. It's been too much to begin with. So I went last night to bail her out, using a freind of mine. To my surprise, she was able to get out that Wed night through the PreTrial Service and was staying at a friends house. I was very relieved. Because it was already getting to me that she was in jail.

I was very "gung ho" earlier on about everything because I was so upset and hurt over everything. But the truth is that I wasn't sleeping at night and I was a total nervous wreck the whole time. I was angry with her, but I love her. And enough was enough.....

I had my appt this morning with the USCIS using the Info Pass. I spoke to one of the Immigration Officers, put everything out to them. I took all the police reports, pictures, emails...everything. They took photocopies of everything, documented it all and put it in her file. They also had me write a letter explaining everything.

I did not know this but you can pull out of the I-485 even after she has her Conditional Residency. What that means is that she has her conditional, but you can write a sworn statement saying that you no longer will sponsor her benefits from Immigration because of and you "fill in the blank". The woman told me that in cases like these they back you up 100%, esp with all the documentation that I had.

She told me that because of the Misdemeanor that they do NOT deport anybody, its too minor. BUT when it comes time to renew her Residency at the 2 year mark that they would deny her. The only way around it she said was that if she got a good lawyer and he was able to convince that I was the abuser and that I was the bad person that they would then give it to her. But because of everything that I showed them it would be highly unlikely.

So there it is. To sum everything up:

I will be getting divorced immediatley.

She won't get deported even with the Misdemeanor Battery.

She can stay in the country if she wanted to, but when it comes time for her Residency renewal she will have lots of problems. Esp with her Misdemeanor (if she gets convicted).

I decided to forgive her, not be angry and resentful towards her and move on with my life. It's the best thing I can do for both of us.

And finally, although its hard to believe, my heart is broken and smashed. I don't understand it, but although all of this has happened, I love her, miss her sooo very much and think of her constantly and I can only hope that time will heal my broken heart.

Thank you all for listening to me and for your comments. I wish you all best of luck in your relationships and hope NONE of you have to go through everything that I went through.

ciao,

mystery

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Ok, here's whats been going on.

She had a "Jail Report" hearing infront of a judge on Wed morning. There was no one that had bailed her out and no one had given her an adress as to where she can go. She has a cousin that lives here that I spoke to the day after the arrest in case she wanted to do something and she refused to get involved. So my wife ended up having to stay in jail. Her next arraignment is on Dec 13. If no one took her out, she would have to stay there until that day.

I couldn't take it anymore so I decided NOT to let her stay there. It's too much. It's been too much to begin with. So I went last night to bail her out, using a freind of mine. To my surprise, she was able to get out that Wed night through the PreTrial Service and was staying at a friends house. I was very relieved. Because it was already getting to me that she was in jail.

I was very "gung ho" earlier on about everything because I was so upset and hurt over everything. But the truth is that I wasn't sleeping at night and I was a total nervous wreck the whole time. I was angry with her, but I love her. And enough was enough.....

I had my appt this morning with the USCIS using the Info Pass. I spoke to one of the Immigration Officers, put everything out to them. I took all the police reports, pictures, emails...everything. They took photocopies of everything, documented it all and put it in her file. They also had me write a letter explaining everything.

I did not know this but you can pull out of the I-485 even after she has her Conditional Residency. What that means is that she has her conditional, but you can write a sworn statement saying that you no longer will sponsor her benefits from Immigration because of and you "fill in the blank". The woman told me that in cases like these they back you up 100%, esp with all the documentation that I had.

She told me that because of the Misdemeanor that they do NOT deport anybody, its too minor. BUT when it comes time to renew her Residency at the 2 year mark that they would deny her. The only way around it she said was that if she got a good lawyer and he was able to convince that I was the abuser and that I was the bad person that they would then give it to her. But because of everything that I showed them it would be highly unlikely.

So there it is. To sum everything up:

I will be getting divorced immediatley.

She won't get deported even with the Misdemeanor Battery.

She can stay in the country if she wanted to, but when it comes time for her Residency renewal she will have lots of problems. Esp with her Misdemeanor (if she gets convicted).

I decided to forgive her, not be angry and resentful towards her and move on with my life. It's the best thing I can do for both of us.

And finally, although its hard to believe, my heart is broken and smashed. I don't understand it, but although all of this has happened, I love her, miss her sooo very much and think of her constantly and I can only hope that time will heal my broken heart.

Thank you all for listening to me and for your comments. I wish you all best of luck in your relationships and hope NONE of you have to go through everything that I went through.

ciao,

mystery

mystery,

What a sad situation indeed! I concur with most of what you learned at USCIS, with the exception of the information you were given with respect to any difficulty she would have to remove conditions. That I flatly disagree with, and I believe the officer was either misinformed or was just trying to give you some feeling that "right" would be done in the future. The truth is that if she is divorced, when she goes to remove conditions she must only prove that the marriage was bonafide. From all you've shared, that appears to be the case. The fact that you are moving towards divorcing her, plays well for her in terms of being successful in removing conditions.

Needless to say, whatever you choose to do, consider your needs first, and let her worry about her immigration issues.

[mystery 0]

I guess. I'll just let USCIS decide what to do and I'll be moving on......

If she stays, she stays, if she has to leave, she'll have to leave. I won't let whatever happens guide me anymore. I was driven to having her leave because of my anger, but I will just let it be.

diadromus- I wanna thank you for your comments, you seem to have alot of knowledge about the whole spectrum and you enlightened me. If I seemed like a jerk earlier, I apologize. It was just my angry disappointed self speaking....

Edited November 23, 2007 by mystery

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I guess. I'll just let USCIS decide what to do and I'll be moving on......

If she stays, she stays, if she has to leave, she'll have to leave. I won't let whatever happens guide me anymore. I was driven to having her leave because of my anger, but I will just let it be.

diadromus- I wanna thank you for your comments, you seem to have alot of knowledge about the whole spectrum and you enlightened me. If I seemed like a jerk earlier, I apologize. It was just my angry disappointed self speaking....

mystery,

No apologies necessary. I'm glad to have been a source of better understanding. No one can better appreciate the deep disappointment of learning that an alien spouse might not be what one originally expected than I.

[MelindaandTarek 0]

Same here, If the case isn't dismissed I think anger management classes will be required. Then there is the issue of where she will live. Without friends or family she may want to return to columbia. This sure is a mess. Sad these things have to happen.

FYI from experience working with DV - batterer's intervention programs are waht is deemed appropriate in DV cases as opposed to anger managment....there is a big big big difference...most judges in our area our trained in DV issues and would never order anger managment......tx has to be in a group w/recognized curriculum as addressed in batterers intervention...this is from my direct experience working as a social worker and directly with DV/SA crisis centers.

[bhajishah 4]

your anger and need for revenge towards a non american. says more about you than her and her misdemeanor abuse.get over it and move on

[archie07 0]

741.281 Court to order batterers' intervention program attendance.

If a person is found guilty of, has had adjudication withheld on, or has pled nolo contendere to a crime of domestic violence, as defined in s. 741.28, that person shall be ordered by the court to a minimum term of 1 year's probation and the court shall order that the defendant attend a batterers' intervention program as a condition of probation. The court must impose the condition of the batterers' intervention program for a defendant under this section, but the court, in its discretion, may determine not to impose the condition if it states on the record why a batterers' intervention program might be inappropriate. The court must impose the condition of the batterers' intervention program for a defendant placed on probation unless the court determines that the person does not qualify for the batterers' intervention program pursuant to s. 741.325. Effective July 1, 2002, the batterers' intervention program must be a certified program under s. 741.32. The imposition of probation under this section shall not preclude the court from imposing any sentence of imprisonment authorized by s. 775.082.

[rebeccajo 14]

*edited after re-reading*

Edited November 25, 2007 by rebeccajo

[StillThePrettiest 3]

your anger and need for revenge towards a non american. says more about you than her and her misdemeanor abuse.get over it and move on

I take exception to this; you don't know nearly enough about the situation or the two people involved to make such blanket statements... the OP has indicated his willingness to attempt to 'get over it and move on', as you so sensitively put it, so your comment is superfluous as well as being out of line

[archie07 0]

Same here, If the case isn't dismissed I think anger management classes will be required. Then there is the issue of where she will live. Without friends or family she may want to return to columbia. This sure is a mess. Sad these things have to happen.

FYI from experience working with DV - batterer's intervention programs are waht is deemed appropriate in DV cases as opposed to anger managment....there is a big big big difference...most judges in our area our trained in DV issues and would never order anger managment......tx has to be in a group w/recognized curriculum as addressed in batterers intervention...this is from my direct experience working as a social worker and directly with DV/SA crisis centers.

Thank you for bringing that to my attention. I wasn't aware of these new programs.

[mystery 0]

your anger and need for revenge towards a non american. says more about you than her and her misdemeanor abuse.get over it and move on

Really?? What do you think your post says about you???

your anger and need for revenge towards a non american. says more about you than her and her misdemeanor abuse.get over it and move on

I take exception to this; you don't know nearly enough about the situation or the two people involved to make such blanket statements... the OP has indicated his willingness to attempt to 'get over it and move on', as you so sensitively put it, so your comment is superfluous as well as being out of line

Thank you!!

741.281 Court to order batterers' intervention program attendance.

If a person is found guilty of, has had adjudication withheld on, or has pled nolo contendere to a crime of domestic violence, as defined in s. 741.28, that person shall be ordered by the court to a minimum term of 1 year's probation and the court shall order that the defendant attend a batterers' intervention program as a condition of probation. The court must impose the condition of the batterers' intervention program for a defendant under this section, but the court, in its discretion, may determine not to impose the condition if it states on the record why a batterers' intervention program might be inappropriate. The court must impose the condition of the batterers' intervention program for a defendant placed on probation unless the court determines that the person does not qualify for the batterers' intervention program pursuant to s. 741.325. Effective July 1, 2002, the batterers' intervention program must be a certified program under s. 741.32. The imposition of probation under this section shall not preclude the court from imposing any sentence of imprisonment authorized by s. 775.082.

Thank you Archie. Very good info. It's kinda scary what she might have to be confronting here, esp. since she's pretty much alone with the exception of one friend she made here.....

Same here, If the case isn't dismissed I think anger management classes will be required. Then there is the issue of where she will live. Without friends or family she may want to return to columbia. This sure is a mess. Sad these things have to happen.

FYI from experience working with DV - batterer's intervention programs are waht is deemed appropriate in DV cases as opposed to anger managment....there is a big big big difference...most judges in our area our trained in DV issues and would never order anger managment......tx has to be in a group w/recognized curriculum as addressed in batterers intervention...this is from my direct experience working as a social worker and directly with DV/SA crisis centers.

Interesting. Thank you for this info..... I guess we'll find out soon exactly what it'll be for her, if they decide to put her through something like this.

[mdlinx 0]

I perfectly understand what "deportation" means.

Do you know what "bodily harm" means?? Do you know what it means to have someone abuse you physically?? What it means to have bite marks and bruises on your body because the woman your brought to the US, the one you spent thousands of dollars on to marry is causing this to you???

I am not gleeful about her being behind bars at all. I'm actually very very sad that things turned out like this. And the only reason she is behind bars is because of her actions and attitudes towards me. Not my fault. NO ONE HAS A RIGHT TO INFLICT BODILY HARM ON ANYBODY. Much less your spouse, whom you claim to love.

Pride here has nothing to do with it.....

She bit you? Usually a woman bites when someone assaults her. I can

visualize her scratching you or tearing off your hair, but biting...

What, she just jumped at you and started... biting you? It sounds so

strange.

[mystery 0]

She bit you? Usually a woman bites when someone assaults her. I can

visualize her scratching you or tearing off your hair, but biting...

What, she just jumped at you and started... biting you? It sounds so

strange.

Ok, so you are accusing me of assaulting her.....and thats why she bit me???