Let's talk about the USC...

[BIG_O 0]

Calling on all the members from the Sub-Saharan region forum... I am curious and would like find out a little more about the USC's on this forum. What I am basically interested in establishing is the cultural background of the USC... Are you male or female? Where you born in the US? Are your parents USCs? Are they naturalized USCs? Are you a naturalized USC? If so, what country were you previously a citizen of?

I'll start... I was born in Mali, while parents went back home on vacation. Never lived there. Just vacations every two years or so... Both parents citizens of that country. I am a 30 year old male, naturalized USC.

Here is my theory on the cultural background of the USC. I've been reading some threads relating to the challenges some couples are facing with adjusting to life in the US. I wonder if the experiences are different for couples who share similar cultural backgrounds than couples who don't...

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Hmmm....it would help, I assume. But I do think that being raised in the US definitely changes the dynamics of the relationship.

Anyway, I am the USC and I'm a female (I'm Zainab though I notice some people on here call me Bassi which is my SO. His name is Abass. Maybe the names seem adrongenous to people?). My mother is a naturalized citizen from Guyana and my father is a naturalized citizen from Trinidad. Just to further confuse things, my first husband is a naturalized citizen from China. My family is really a cultural mix. My generation is the first generation of American born in the family. I was born in Brooklyn and immediately flown home to Guyana. I lived there until I was 8 then returned to the US permanently. I spent summers in Antigua with family. We have naturalized citizens in my family from Guyana, Trinidad, Antigua, Barbados, Cote d'Ivoire, India, China, Panama, Brazil, Haiti and England. I feel that my family embraces most cultures and incorporates it into their lives. But many cultures of the african diaspora are so similar that things like food cross lines easily. Bassi is comfortable with my family but it will take him time to adjust to the American lifestyle and weather. I live in Upstate NY where it is substantially colder than in Ghana obviously. I don't know how to make fufu or banku (and considering the time and effort, I don't know if I want to learn.), but he likes provisions which is how we cook casava in the west indies so he'll still get the tastes he's used too, I think.

[Adrians Mom 0]

Calling on all the members from the Sub-Saharan region forum... I am curious and would like find out a little more about the USC's on this forum. What I am basically interested in establishing is the cultural background of the USC... Are you male or female? Where you born in the US? Are your parents USCs? Are they naturalized USCs? Are you a naturalized USC? If so, what country were you previously a citizen of?

I'll start... I was born in Mali, while parents went back home on vacation. Never lived there. Just vacations every two years or so... Both parents citizens of that country. I am a 30 year old male, naturalized USC.

Here is my theory on the cultural background of the USC. I've been reading some threads relating to the challenges some couples are facing with adjusting to life in the US. I wonder if the experiences are different for couples who share similar cultural backgrounds than couples who don't...

I've wondered that too. Do you and your SO have the same cultural background?

[Zee Bee 61]

I'll bite

I'm not sure how many other people are in the same situation that I am in, parents from one country, born in a different country, raised in a third country...its like a rollercoaster

I was born here in the US (Seattle, WA to be exact). My parents are both from Ghana and they were going to school. We were here for 3-4 years after I was born and then we moved to Saudi Arabia (where I grew up). During the summers we went to Ghana for 2-3 months.

I came back to the US to go to college and I have been home every year since except for one year (I swore I would never do that again).

For me, despite the fact that I am American through and through, whenever people ask I say I am from Ghana because I don't really feel as connected to the US as I do to Ghana. All my friends introduce me to others as their "friend from Ghana". I think it is because I never lived here, don't have a home here, no family here except for my 2 sisters who were also born here.

Unfortunately, I either have to prove how American I am or how Ghanaian I am. Its a good thing becuase I am constantly learning but a pain because I have to prove myself over and over and over again that I know what I am doing. Its not as bad in the US because I am a small fish in a big pond but in Ghana, it is way worse because everyone knows that you are a visitor/foreigner.

I have made it my business to understand the customs even though people will excuse my ignorance. I have watched and learned. I speak the local language. I eat local food. I cook local food. And I understand and follow local customs. Its amazing that even to this day some of my own relatives are surprised when I understand and can reply to what they ask me. My parents taught me well

So how does all this fit into my relationship with my fiance?

I was introduced to him through my cousin. My cousin and I tend to mix languages when we talk to each other (just something we do, no real reason) and so I was introduced to my SO in our local language. Of course my cousin explained that I lived in the US but there was never any mention of me being American. When I met my fiance's mother the next day, I was totally traditional, greeting her the way any other Ghanaian would, and I spoke to her totally in the local language even though I know that she speaks English. When I got back here and we were talking about how we were going to be together I had no idea about the K1, I only knew about a "marriage visa" so we talked about that. So then, one day my fiance and I were talking and he said that he talked to his brother (who came here on a CR-1 a few years ago) and how if I was a USC we could go for a fiance visa. I said we could look into that. And he was like, but you're not a USC. And I started laughing He had no idea that I was a USC. I was like, I was born here. He didn't believe me. He was so confused. He thought I was a Ghanaian girl who got uprooted from Ghana a few years back and my family came here to settle . I asked him what gave him that impression. He said it was the way I carried myself when I was back home he was sure I was raised there. How I talked to people, greeted his mom, talked to my cousin, my overall ease in those settings. He never thought that someone who lived outside Ghana could know so much about Ghanaian culture and speak the language. And when he told his mom, she was even more surprised.

And because we have similar cultural backgrounds it makes my relationship with my fiance a lot easier in that aspect. There are times when we disagree that I tell myself that if I had no understanding of the culture it would be a bad blowout I don't have to get used to the way he phrases his words. Sometimes when he is trying to express himself and the English words just don't sound right he can just switch to his own language and I understand exactly what he means and vice versa. I don't have to learn to cook Ghanaian dishes, I know where the African food stores are and he can get his fix of whatever he wants. And all this because these are things that I use everyday.

And I know how people always say that adjustment is the hardest part about coming here, and take it from someone who came from the deserts of Saudi Arabia, I know. So I know exactly what it is that he is going to go through when he gets here in terms of getting used to the place, opening bank accounts, getting a DL, getting around, making friends, the weather, getting used to starting life in America in general.

So when people talk about how their family/friends were shocked that they were marrying someone from another country I can't relate to that. None of my friends were surprised, some of them even expected me to move back to Ghana because I have been talking about that for a long time. I keep joking with them that I am doing it so that I can get Ghanaian citizenship through my SO (easier than getting it through my parents ). It would have been more out of character for me to marry a fellow USC than a Ghanaian

Whoa, I didn't realize how much I wrote

[BIG_O 0]

My fiancee is a citizen of Mauritania. She was born and raised there, moved to Dakar post high school graduation to attend college.

[MaRob 0]

I have no ties to Africa. I am female USC, born and raised. Mom and dad also. I am also white, and from the south, and my family had a bit of a problem with our relationship at first. Now it is no problem. He is from Cameroon, and we met when our church went on a missions trip over there. He worked on staff with the ministry, and the rest is history... he is also in germany right now, and we had the interview in october and are waiting on his visa to be issued... no one ever goes through AP in Germany.. but we were the unlucky one in a million i gues...

My experience is that although there is a different cultural background, the religious background is stronger than the cultural one. Meaning that if you share the same religion, a lot of cultural issues are less severe. in my own opinion.

[BIG_O 0]

I am glad you bring this topic up. A lot of the threads I was reading concerning couples that were experiences some challenges with the SO adjusting to life in the US specifically mentioned that the cultural elements and the religious elements were closely tied. For example, there was one about the husbands from Africa who were having a hard time dealing with the fact that for a while, their wives were the bread winners. This cultural element was reinforced by a religious one. I don't think the two can be seperated. I think that a very important part of ones culture has to do with ones religion. Would you agree?

[Zee Bee 61]

I am glad you bring this topic up. A lot of the threads I was reading concerning couples that were experiences some challenges with the SO adjusting to life in the US specifically mentioned that the cultural elements and the religious elements were closely tied. For example, there was one about the husbands from Africa who were having a hard time dealing with the fact that for a while, their wives were the bread winners. This cultural element was reinforced by a religious one. I don't think the two can be seperated. I think that a very important part of ones culture has to do with ones religion. Would you agree?

I completely agree because in a lot of cases culture has been influenced by religion, and in some cases where the religion and culture cannot be separated.

I think in a lot of cases too, the religion is what leads people to justify whatever it is that they do in their culture and we get lost in that.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

My experience is that although there is a different cultural background, the religious background is stronger than the cultural one. Meaning that if you share the same religion, a lot of cultural issues are less severe. in my own opinion.

That's interesting. So do you think that it's having the same religion or just having some religion? I mean what if one person is religious (whatever religion they choose) and the other is ambivalent, not really following any religion in particular but not averse to it either....just sort of not thinking about at all. Do you think that they would have problems? Or what if they both are religious (active) but practicing different religions.....do you think that would cause problems more than cultural differences?

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

I completely agree because in a lot of cases culture has been influenced by religion, and in some cases where the religion and culture cannot be separated.

I think in a lot of cases too, the religion is what leads people to justify whatever it is that they do in their culture and we get lost in that.

I see a connection between religion and culture....but I'm not sure about the rest of it. I mean I haven't seen couples that I would say religious differences were more the cause for adjustment issues than cultural differences that weren't related to religion. For instance, when I'm in Ghana I cover my head, but I don't when I'm in the US. I don't forsee us having adjustment problems because of that when he's here. Hmmmm, I don't know.

[moon1968 0]

Just to reply......

My mother and father both were born and raised here in the US along with me and my 4 other brothers and sister.....From my picture you can see that I am white.......My Husband and I do share the same religous faith......that is what brought us together from the start of our relationship........Because of that I belive that the only big thing that we will need to over come is the foods and the weather....LOL LOL ......I do know that due to us being an interracial couple there will be other challenges that we will have to face......I am so very proud to say that I am from a Wonderful Mother and Father who taught us by example that all people are equal..... Even though my Father passed away when I was 12 years of age I know that it was due to him and my mother that raised me that I was able to make the long trip to Nigeria and not only did I make it, I fell in love with the land and the people........It was truely an experience that I have learned so much from and will one day experience it again......This brings me to another topic however and maybe some of you can help here.......My Husband and I were talking about a few things just a few days ago.......The subject of Slavery came up and I asked him if he knew anything about slavery here in the US.......He said no......The only thing he knew is that back in time slavery once existed here in the US.....But that is all he knows......Does not know how they were treated or what happend at that time.....I found this to be a little surprising.......This is where I am a little nervous .........I mean do I help him learn more about this subject?? Is it importent for him to learn about??? I belive it is......But how do I teach him about such issues......It is only by looking at our past that we can learn to have a better future.......But still How does a White women teach or talk about that to some one of color???? Maybe Some one can give me so good advice on that......

[Zee Bee 61]

I completely agree because in a lot of cases culture has been influenced by religion, and in some cases where the religion and culture cannot be separated.

I think in a lot of cases too, the religion is what leads people to justify whatever it is that they do in their culture and we get lost in that.

I see a connection between religion and culture....but I'm not sure about the rest of it. I mean I haven't seen couples that I would say religious differences were more the cause for adjustment issues than cultural differences that weren't related to religion. For instance, when I'm in Ghana I cover my head, but I don't when I'm in the US. I don't forsee us having adjustment problems because of that when he's here. Hmmmm, I don't know.

I think it depends on how people practice their religion and how intertwined it is with the culture. Sometimes the difference is not really clear and it can be hard to distinguish the two. It also depends on what elements of each are important to the couple.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Hey, guess what moon, Bassi didn't know much of anything either. I told him that the next time I visit I want to go and do very touristy things because I usually hang out with family and stuff. There's a million people who you "have" to see so as not to insult anyone. But he's never been to the slave holding castles in Ghana and didn't know what they were about until he asked his father when he was 22 years old! I was surprised about that. He's still never gone because he said it seems depressing, but we are going to go together soon and cry our eyes out. It's an overwhelming experience.

[Zee Bee 61]

Just to reply......

My mother and father both were born and raised here in the US along with me and my 4 other brothers and sister.....From my picture you can see that I am white.......My Husband and I do share the same religous faith......that is what brought us together from the start of our relationship........Because of that I belive that the only big thing that we will need to over come is the foods and the weather....LOL LOL ......I do know that due to us being an interracial couple there will be other challenges that we will have to face......I am so very proud to say that I am from a Wonderful Mother and Father who taught us by example that all people are equal..... Even though my Father passed away when I was 12 years of age I know that it was due to him and my mother that raised me that I was able to make the long trip to Nigeria and not only did I make it, I fell in love with the land and the people........It was truely an experience that I have learned so much from and will one day experience it again......This brings me to another topic however and maybe some of you can help here.......My Husband and I were talking about a few things just a few days ago.......The subject of Slavery came up and I asked him if he knew anything about slavery here in the US.......He said no......The only thing he knew is that back in time slavery once existed here in the US.....But that is all he knows......Does not know how they were treated or what happend at that time.....I found this to be a little surprising.......This is where I am a little nervous .........I mean do I help him learn more about this subject?? Is it importent for him to learn about??? I belive it is......But how do I teach him about such issues......It is only by looking at our past that we can learn to have a better future.......But still How does a White women teach or talk about that to some one of color???? Maybe Some one can give me so good advice on that......

I am not surprised that he did not know much about the slave trade. I don't think that it is really something that a lot of people discuss (in my experience). If you want to teach I say go ahead and do it. There is nothing wrong with that. If you feel uncomfortable, maybe you could get him a few books to read and you can discuss what is written.

Hey, guess what moon, Bassi didn't know much of anything either. I told him that the next time I visit I want to go and do very touristy things because I usually hang out with family and stuff. There's a million people who you "have" to see so as not to insult anyone. But he's never been to the slave holding castles in Ghana and didn't know what they were about until he asked his father when he was 22 years old! I was surprised about that. He's still never gone because he said it seems depressing, but we are going to go together soon and cry our eyes out. It's an overwhelming experience.

That is what we are doing for our honeymoon...we are going to the castles to cry our eyes out

It will be fantastic!!!

I am honestly really excited about it.

[MaRob 0]

My experience is that although there is a different cultural background, the religious background is stronger than the cultural one. Meaning that if you share the same religion, a lot of cultural issues are less severe. in my own opinion.

That's interesting. So do you think that it's having the same religion or just having some religion? I mean what if one person is religious (whatever religion they choose) and the other is ambivalent, not really following any religion in particular but not averse to it either....just sort of not thinking about at all. Do you think that they would have problems? Or what if they both are religious (active) but practicing different religions.....do you think that would cause problems more than cultural differences?

Well I suppose it depends on the religion. For my own Christian faith, I could never marry someone who was not a Christian, and a strong one at that, not just someone who dabbled in it or ambivalent about it. Since his faith is the same as mine, and we are both practicing Christians, we already know the core values of one another, regardless of culture. This covers many issues that maybe different if you are looking at culture alone; such as fidelity, alcohol, drugs, the way you would treat your spouse, money, respect, and many other potential character traits. Knowing that we are both in unity in that very important area of our lives, helps our communication and trust in one another implecently, and we know that any minor cultural differences, such as food and daily life, we will be able to work through, because we are both walking in the same direction and focused on the same life goals.

I do believe as far as practicing two different religions go, that it would end up being close to impossible for the relationship, unless they were two different religions in name only, and they were both practicing the same "non-religion". I don't know about all religions, but it is hard to "practice" Christianity and not set some definate boundaries and principles that you would want your whole family to follow. The two people would be forever pulling one another in opposing directions, and it would be very difficult and confusing when it came time to train up children in one or both religions.

For me, it has been a huge relief and peace knowing that he has the same goals and principles I do, and I would definately say, it was the major deciding factor for me.