Is this all worth it?

[Caladan 19]

Also, look. I know that it's hard when there's a break-up, and the ex, instead of growing warts and gaining 100 pounds and then turning into dust and blowing away in the wind, moves on and finds happiness, but that is NOT a reason to find someone to prove to yourself and the world that you've moved on, too. Or at least not a reason to bother with immigration.

[Mags 112]

Does it matter? Whether you decide to take advice from that member is your own personal choice. You certainly don't need to bring her relationship details into the mix, that's HER decision to do so.

No explosions here please. I'm cooking dinner.

Oh, she has done so already, don't worry.

How else would I know that about her?

Has she done so in this thread?

[sandinista! 1,816]

Does it matter? Whether you decide to take advice from that member is your own personal choice. You certainly don't need to bring her relationship details into the mix, that's HER decision to do so.

No explosions here please. I'm cooking dinner.

Oh, she has done so already, don't worry.

How else would I know that about her?

Has she done so in this thread?

does it make a difference if it was in this thread or one yesterday? is that like a TOS thing?

[Badrs Love 0]

Does it matter? Whether you decide to take advice from that member is your own personal choice. You certainly don't need to bring her relationship details into the mix, that's HER decision to do so.

No explosions here please. I'm cooking dinner.

Oh, she has done so already, don't worry.

How else would I know that about her?

Has she done so in this thread?

does it make a difference if it was in this thread or one yesterday? is that like a TOS thing?

I think it does make a difference. It's called staying on topic and not hijacking others thread. If you wanna hash out or bring up past issues, do the research and find that post to attack the person there. Don't take away from the OP and their post. To me that's rude.

[sarah and hicham 3]

Does it matter? Whether you decide to take advice from that member is your own personal choice. You certainly don't need to bring her relationship details into the mix, that's HER decision to do so.

No explosions here please. I'm cooking dinner.

Oh, she has done so already, don't worry.

How else would I know that about her?

Has she done so in this thread?

does it make a difference if it was in this thread or one yesterday? is that like a TOS thing?

I think it does make a difference. It's called staying on topic and not hijacking others thread. If you wanna hash out or bring up past issues, do the research and find that post to attack the person there. Don't take away from the OP and their post. To me that's rude.

Watch out, Aimee says it's rude. Unfortunately every word out of your mouth means nothing. Zippo. K thanks.

[Ahmed & Sue 0]

Want an answer to your question really fast?

Sell everything, pack up yourself and the two kids, and head to Egypt to marry and be with your SO, file his immigration papers, and wait it out there until he is able to come back with you. Might just get your mind off the ex.

My suggestion.......quit useing this Egyptian guy. You should have more respect for yourself and him than that.

Rude......well yes. However, the story you just related was far more rude than anything printed that follows. First you just "happened" to meet your current boyfriend online when you were married. You should have been working on your marriage rather than looking for an easy out. Second, you string this guy along for years, letting him think there is actually something there, when you would gladly give him up if your ex tossed you a bone. Third, you have children involved here, which apparently you have totally forgotten about.

Is this for real, or did you just pull the script off a daily soap opera I don't watch?

[Badrs Love 0]

Does it matter? Whether you decide to take advice from that member is your own personal choice. You certainly don't need to bring her relationship details into the mix, that's HER decision to do so.

No explosions here please. I'm cooking dinner.

Oh, she has done so already, don't worry.

How else would I know that about her?

Has she done so in this thread?

does it make a difference if it was in this thread or one yesterday? is that like a TOS thing?

I think it does make a difference. It's called staying on topic and not hijacking others thread. If you wanna hash out or bring up past issues, do the research and find that post to attack the person there. Don't take away from the OP and their post. To me that's rude.

Watch out, Aimee says it's rude. Unfortunately every word out of your mouth means nothing. Zippo. K thanks.

And the same goes for you. You've bashed so many people on this board alone that your word means nothing to many people. You highjack more posts than many women on this board. And what's the purpose for that? You stick your nose into everyone's lives like it's your business to know everything. How about focusing your attention on your own life for once? You had it easy getting Hicham here and most of the women are struggling to get their husbands here. You truly have no advice to offer because you haven't been through anything. You haven't struggled to get Hicham here.

So move on and offer advice to the OP.

[sarah and hicham 3]

Does it matter? Whether you decide to take advice from that member is your own personal choice. You certainly don't need to bring her relationship details into the mix, that's HER decision to do so.

No explosions here please. I'm cooking dinner.

Oh, she has done so already, don't worry.

How else would I know that about her?

Has she done so in this thread?

does it make a difference if it was in this thread or one yesterday? is that like a TOS thing?

I think it does make a difference. It's called staying on topic and not hijacking others thread. If you wanna hash out or bring up past issues, do the research and find that post to attack the person there. Don't take away from the OP and their post. To me that's rude.

Watch out, Aimee says it's rude. Unfortunately every word out of your mouth means nothing. Zippo. K thanks.

And the same goes for you. You've bashed so many people on this board alone that your word means nothing to many people. You highjack more posts than many women on this board. And what's the purpose for that? You stick your nose into everyone's lives like it's your business to know everything. How about focusing your attention on your own life for once? You had it easy getting Hicham here and most of the women are struggling to get their husbands here. You truly have no advice to offer because you haven't been through anything. You haven't struggled to get Hicham here.

So move on and offer advice to the OP.

So you're saying that I can't post here because I haven't struggled enough?

I honestly don't even know where to start with you. You are heinous. Go put your crown back on with Heather's dress and don't think too hard.

Edited November 17, 2007 by sarah and hicham

[Ban Hammer 13,134]

sigh..........

[jeanie 0]

Thank you everyone for your opinions...some helpful...some less so. I was sort of shocked that on a "support" website that the first response I got was SO harsh, but ok, everyone has stong feelings on the subject, I get that. Yes, I met Osiris while I was married, yes, it contributed to the break up (though it was not the cause of the break up) of my marriage...as I told my ex, he filled a need that was not being filled before. My ex's parents hate me for the reason stated, in their eyes, I did something very bad and hurt thier son and my children in the process. Osiris and I have a wonderful time together, and great conversations and when I'm there with him, it's amazing...but there's this in between time when phone calls and e-mails don't really cut it, you know? If I had been successful with the friends with benefits arrangement I don't know if I would have told O or not...I can't imagine he'd be in love with the idea...and I wouldn't if it were reversed...I put that in there originally to illustrate some of the trouble I was having...it's hard to go from married to one guy that you live with to in a relationship with another that's an ocean away...there are certain benfits of having the guy right next to you that I miss...can you honestly say you don't? Anyway, your opinions are appreciated, I will continue to read them while I am doing this soul searching.

Thank you,

Jeanie

[amrssnowangel 0]

Thank you everyone for your opinions...some helpful...some less so. I was sort of shocked that on a "support" website that the first response I got was SO harsh, but ok, everyone has stong feelings on the subject, I get that. Yes, I met Osiris while I was married, yes, it contributed to the break up (though it was not the cause of the break up) of my marriage...as I told my ex, he filled a need that was not being filled before. My ex's parents hate me for the reason stated, in their eyes, I did something very bad and hurt thier son and my children in the process. Osiris and I have a wonderful time together, and great conversations and when I'm there with him, it's amazing...but there's this in between time when phone calls and e-mails don't really cut it, you know? If I had been successful with the friends with benefits arrangement I don't know if I would have told O or not...I can't imagine he'd be in love with the idea...and I wouldn't if it were reversed...I put that in there originally to illustrate some of the trouble I was having...it's hard to go from married to one guy that you live with to in a relationship with another that's an ocean away...there are certain benfits of having the guy right next to you that I miss...can you honestly say you don't? Anyway, your opinions are appreciated, I will continue to read them while I am doing this soul searching.

Thank you,

Jeanie

Jeanie,

I understand your post. Its not that you are asking if you should go try to break up your ex's new relationship..but you are questioning if its worth waiting, the stress, the absence that is there, to bring your SO over. I understand what you mean. You see your EX and are jealous that he has the CHOICE to be BESIDE someone PHYSICALLY. You are missing the PHYSICAL presence of someone you love/care about. Someone to share day in and day out....and its not the same when someone is 8000 miles away. All I can say is you have to find what YOU need to make YOU happy. Is it having someone by your side? Is it having the lvoing commitment of a man..no matter how far? Is your SO really the man tht can fill ALL your needs. What happens if you go through a LONG AP...can your relationship hold? Do you ahve the guts to make it through alone...while you wait for him. I to get jealous when I see others with their SO's by their sides. You obviously are divorced for a reason...and maybe you do need some time to reflect and figure out what YOU need/want. In order to move forward you must close the door on the past. If you love your SO you will make SURE your heart is ALL his. Not split. Take account for what YOU need to make YOU happy in a relationship. Then make your decision and stick with it. I hope you find your way and Im sorry you encountered so much criticism and sarcasm up front. We all have different ways of dealing with issues in our lives...you needed support and advice...I hope you find your way and God blesses your days to come.

[Mags 112]

Does it matter? Whether you decide to take advice from that member is your own personal choice. You certainly don't need to bring her relationship details into the mix, that's HER decision to do so.

No explosions here please. I'm cooking dinner.

Oh, she has done so already, don't worry.

How else would I know that about her?

Has she done so in this thread?

does it make a difference if it was in this thread or one yesterday? is that like a TOS thing?

If something happens in another thread you should leave it in that thread and not bring it into another. Especially if it is used to make a dig, sly remark or deliberately used to bring more drama into the mix.

Edited November 17, 2007 by Mags

[amal 4]

It is worth the wait if you are 100% head over heals in love with your SO. If you have no doubts on if you want to be with that person for the rest of ur life. If, when you wake up, the only person you can think of waking up next to is your SO. Yeah, it's worth it.

If you are really unsure if you want to be with this man or not.. This process is terribly long and hard and very strenuous on you both mentally and physically. IF you're unsure, then NO, it is not worth it.

You have to weigh out just how you feel for this guy and once you find that answer, you will know if its worth the wait or not. Think about this. Would you want to put your life and your childrens lives on hold for possibly 2 years or more just to wait for a man that you're not sure you want to be with? That may be a really good question to consider.

I hope this helps some.

amal

[amal 4]

It isn't just the waiting period it takes for them to get here that will be a struggle. The time after they get here and adjust to our culture could take anywhere from months to years. In this time, it is not only hard for them and you, but very hard on your children to see the struggle that their new parent is going through and the stress it puts on you.

I know some ppl who are still struggling after 2 years of their SO being here and they still have some pretty big issues culturally that they are dealing with. Then there are others who adjust quickly and move on. One never knows what the future holds for them

Take your time and be patient. You need to do the right thing for YOU and ur kids.

good luck

[sandinista! 1,816]

the gaping chasm between some of the responses that have been given here and what would have been said if the OP were a male beneficiary are funny. like ha ha hypocritical funny.

amrssnowangel, do you "understand" someone chatting up a man on the internet whilst married and ending up hurting their children in the process too? do you "understand" seeking out a sexual relationship with an ex while concurrently involved in a relationship with a man halfway across the world that is being deliberately mislead into believing she's maintaining her fidelity while they wait to be together again as well? you don't mention any of these points-do you just find them irrelevant?

i just find it odd that there's people blathering on about how long it takes to wait for consulates or cultural adjustments when that's really not the issue here. i'm sure every woman or man on here would have preferred that their loved one was always right next to them instead of waiting on consulates and all that. but just the idea, the concept of pursuing sex with another man while waiting, and keeping it a secret from the man overseas, is some seriously atrociously repugnant #######, at least to me anyways.