Is this all worth it?

[ya falaha! 0]

Her ex's family hates her. I'm wondering if this has anything to do with the fact that she started chatting with her current SO while still married to the ex. Wondering if that led to the breakdown of the marriage. Just throwing out some ideas.

I agree with Sarah, sounds like she's confused and should probably focus on the kids for awhile instead of these men.

if i wasnt sure i woudnt do anything, why does his family hate you and what does he feel about that?

[hitchoo 0]

I dont.... Well maybe she isnt desperate for a man, she has this "SO" but she sounds like she doesnt want to be without a man, and that is probably what she needs the most - to be alone for a while and straighten out her head. If the ex engaged that isnt an option and if you are second guessing the SO then SURELY dont bring him here......

thats exactly what i think either

now you alll forgot about her fiance, he should know about your feeling and that you arent sure if you want to be involved in this exhausting visa process.

we all have needs , you have needs , and your fiance has needs too. so if you are not sure that your relation is worthy , tell your fiance now, its not going to hurt him much now , before he builds plans and dreams on this relation because you know HE IS A HUMAN TOO, and inshallah you find your needs and he will find one LOVES HIM and thinks he is WORTHY.........Indeeeeeed

[Nutty 2]

Dear, I don't think you truely are committed to your current boyfriend if you would consider "stealing" your ex husband away from his current fiance. Secondly, you divorced for a reason and I am sure they were good ones. So why would you try to re-establish a relationship with a person who didn't work out the first time?

Secondly, are you sure your not with your current SO only because he tells you what you want to hear? That doesn't sound like a stable and deep relationship either. Just one of emailed sweet nothings and butter words.

Your motivations are out of lonliness and sexual urges. Not a good way to go.

Nutty

Edited November 16, 2007 by Nutty

[Fandango 1,439]

The tarzan effect is not healthy, tbh...you know, not letting go of one before firmly grabbing hold of another? Bad bad bad!

[sarah and hicham 3]

Dear, I don't think you truely are committed to your current boyfriend if you would consider "stealing" your ex husband away from his current fiance. Secondly, you divorced for a reason and I am sure they were good ones. So why would you try to re-establish a relationship with a person who didn't work out the first time?

Secondly, are you sure your not with your current SO only because he tells you what you want to hear? That doesn't sound like a stable and deep relationship either. Just one of emailed sweet nothings and butter words.

Your motivations are out of lonliness and sexual urges. Not a good way to go.

Nutty

RUDE!

[Nutty 2]

Rude, maybe...Or just plain, straight talk. Your choice. But this girl is talking about trying at one time to have a "friends with benefits" relationship (which obviously means physical) and saying he looks good from a distance. This is not talk of love and missing her ex for his partnership in life, but of sex.

So I put a much more direct label on the topic, rather than using code language.

[sarah and hicham 3]

Rude, maybe...Or just plain, straight talk. Your choice. But this girl is talking about trying at one time to have a "friends with benefits" relationship (which obviously means physical) and saying he looks good from a distance. This is not talk of love and missing her ex for his partnership in life, but of sex.

So I put a much more direct label on the topic, rather than using code language.

I'm teasing you. I said she was desperate for a man and I got the "RUDE!" so I'm passing it on to you. Enjoy!

[SaadBell 0]

It is always complicated when there are EX's involved, we have two in ours, his and mine, both are real tools. Than we have 5 kids bewteen us, so it is just like a three ring circus. If you are not over your ex, than I would just hang with this man for a while, don't marry, just like see how you feel in a little bit. For us Hesham hasn't lived in Egypt in a very long time, his brother's are in Australia but he has two sisters and a father there. So we don't have like the extended Arab family, really that is what I would love to have. Hesham's first wife has a career and is very successful. We are in the same business, children, he teaches, I counselor them, so our cores are the same in that way. It really depends on the couple and the needs of that couple. It is never a SURE THING, we both came out of long term marriages, so we both know that things go south really fast. Just take your time and just follow your gut, ask a lot of questions on different things, politics, career, children. It helps, but once again, nothing is for sure, just try to be happy. My first husband even though same country, different state, we always held different views, so just be sure you like each other, as friends always, cause in the end all you have together are yourselves. One day the kids will be gone and what than, it is like you married a stranger cause you spend so much time to do more for the kids that you lose each other. Oh well sorry for the long rant. Either way, GOOD LUCK and just enjoy life as much as possible cause it ends way too soon.

[sarah and hicham 3]

It is always complicated when there are EX's involved, we have two in ours, his and mine, both are real tools. Than we have 5 kids bewteen us, so it is just like a three ring circus. If you are not over your ex, than I would just hang with this man for a while, don't marry, just like see how you feel in a little bit. For us Hesham hasn't lived in Egypt in a very long time, his brother's are in Australia but he has two sisters and a father there. So we don't have like the extended Arab family, really that is what I would love to have. Hesham's first wife has a career and is very successful. We are in the same business, children, he teaches, I counselor them, so our cores are the same in that way. It really depends on the couple and the needs of that couple. It is never a SURE THING, we both came out of long term marriages, so we both know that things go south really fast. Just take your time and just follow your gut, ask a lot of questions on different things, politics, career, children. It helps, but once again, nothing is for sure, just try to be happy. My first husband even though same country, different state, we always held different views, so just be sure you like each other, as friends always, cause in the end all you have together are yourselves. One day the kids will be gone and what than, it is like you married a stranger cause you spend so much time to do more for the kids that you lose each other. Oh well sorry for the long rant. Either way, GOOD LUCK and just enjoy life as much as possible cause it ends way too soon.

I temporarily retract my statement earlier about explosions...

You are pretty much the last person I would be taking advice from on this subject. Like I asked you before- weren't you with an Egyptian (?) named Mohammed just this summer? Now you're with someone from Kuwait? And how does Morocco tie into all of this again?

Edited November 16, 2007 by sarah and hicham

[Mags 112]

Does it matter? Whether you decide to take advice from that member is your own personal choice. You certainly don't need to bring her relationship details into the mix, that's HER decision to do so.

No explosions here please. I'm cooking dinner.

Edited November 16, 2007 by Mags

[sarah and hicham 3]

Does it matter? Whether you decide to take advice from that member is your own personal choice. You certainly don't need to bring her relationship details into the mix, that's HER decision to do so.

No explosions here please. I'm cooking dinner.

Oh, she has done so already, don't worry.

How else would I know that about her?

[Nutty 2]

Rude, maybe...Or just plain, straight talk. Your choice. But this girl is talking about trying at one time to have a "friends with benefits" relationship (which obviously means physical) and saying he looks good from a distance. This is not talk of love and missing her ex for his partnership in life, but of sex.

So I put a much more direct label on the topic, rather than using code language.

I'm teasing you. I said she was desperate for a man and I got the "RUDE!" so I'm passing it on to you. Enjoy!

Oops! Sorry. I didn't read the whole thread since I am at work.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hi everyone. I've been a member of this site for a while now, but had yet to post (honestly I just figured out how to today! And I thought I was computer saavy...guess not!). I've very much enjoyed reading everyone's posts over the last couple of months (since THAT I could figure out!). I haven't added a whole lot of information on my profile as of yet, since I guess I'm not so sure how I want to go about this process. Let me give you a run down of where I am (forgive me for sharing my first time out of the gate):

I met my SO a few years ago...on the internet of course. I wasn't actively looking, but it just happened. I was married at the time, though we were having some issues, we have 2 small children. We have subsequently divorced, and my SO and I talk when we can, try to everyday, and I love him...he's understanding, he tells me what I need to hear, makes me feel wanted and needed. Meanwhile, my ex is in a relationship, and I just discovered that he is getting married...now he's a good guy...never did anything really WRONG to me...we have 2 children together...and he seems really happy, which is good, for him and the kids...but I guess I'm jealous...he is able to get married, and he lives with his fiancee, and I have only seen mine in person for the total of about 3 weeks...even though we've been "together" for a few years. I have to admit that I even did attempt to do the "friends with benefits" approach with the ex (though he refused) right after we split up for good...I guess that was something I didn't quite want to give up...so I'm wondering what everyone thinks about this? My family has been somewhat supportive of me, though sometimes I think they'd rather keep my ex His family, on the other hand, hates me! We were married for quite a while, so that's an adjustment...I don't know...am I alone in feeling this way? Everyone on here seems so sure! My SO is wonderful...but my ex doesn't look so bad from a distance either, and he doesn't require all this paperwork!....maybe I'm jealous of his happiness...or maybe you don't know what you've got til it's gone.

My guess is she started an online affair with man b then man a babysat the kids while she went and saw man b .. Man a's family probably had to pick up the pieces of his life while she ran off with man b and now she is faving the lonliness of dealing with not only the rejection of the man she rejected, she is also facing this horrific wait and the lonliness that goes with it.

My advice? Dump man b and let him find a woman who will not think about friends with benny situations ( while the rest of us pull our hair out and cry ourselves to sleep missing the men we are 100 percent commited to)

Leave man a alone and his new fiancee. Be a good mom to your kids and grow up a little..... You do not need to ruin this mena mans life too. He deserves better than what you are offering.... Frankly I am the last person to judge and I am not judging you but you do not sound like a commited woman to be looking here there and everywhere and then sponsoring a guy from over seas... GOOD LORD

[MelindaandTarek 0]

To the OP - - this process is very very stressful and can be overwhelming to say the least and I cannot imagine going through this process if I was not sure of my feelings for my SO or if I had feelings for my ex...IMO - you need to be sure what is right for you and you need to be sure of your feelings for your SO before you continue this process...good luck......

[Caladan 19]

I don't know your whole situation, but I can tell you that if you're not over one person, it's never good to try to use someone else to fill the gap. And that goes double when immigration is involved; read some of the break-up stories. Fixing it after a rushed or unfortunate decision is about twenty times as hard with someone's green card and I-864 on the line.