past relationships?

[sereia 0]

were any of you honest about your past relationships/experiences with others before you met your SO? obviously those of you who have children had to be. was your husband upset about it/judge you/created a problem between you over it? i was honest with my husband about my past (now i think stupid me) and he can't seem to get over it. every once in a while he will bring it up and tell me how much it affects him inside. i can't take it anymore!!!!!! my past is my past. why should it have anything to do with our marriage? it doesn't mean i love him any less because i had a few boyfriends before. i'm at a loss here... i know moroccans don't typically date like americans do. why can't he accept me for who i am (and who i was) help!

Edited November 15, 2007 by sereia

[*JG* 2]

I'm not from this forum; but........

I was dating someone else when I met my husband. So, yes, he knows about that guy. And, I have an ex-husband and children, so not only does he know about him, he sees him quite regularly. Otherwise, if we run into someone one or they call or e-mail or something, I talk about it. Otherwise, no, we don't just chat about any ex'es. It's kind of a need-to-know basis.

[sereia 0]

he asked me how many boyfriends i've had a long time ago. i said how many and he constantly brings it up. well he did constantly. i threw a fit and said he has to get over it...but now he's brought it up again and we had a huge fight today. i don't know what else to do. i've never given details, just basic info. i try to tell him my past is my past...but he won't let it go.

Edited November 15, 2007 by sereia

[ya falaha! 0]

I was honest to a point. I answered his questions but didn't offer up any more than that. I also didn't give details. He didn't want to know details. My husband says...what's past is past.

[Badrs Love 0]

I was completely honest with my SO and he was understanding because we've both been married before and he had girlfriends before that also.

[*JG* 2]

he asked me how many boyfriends i've had a long time ago. i said how many and he constantly brings it up. well he did constantly. i threw a fit and said he has to get over it...but now he's brought it up again and we had a huge fight today. i don't know what else to do. i've never given details, just basic info. i try to tell him my past is my past...but he won't let it go.

Oh, girl......I'm so sorry. He has no right to hold your past against you. It's not like you can do anything about it now. He's got to get over that.

Point out to him that you are who you are today because of your past. You are the person he fell in love with because of every single thing that happened to you in your past. And, that today, you cannot do a darn thing about that past so he needs to move past it.

There are so many bigger problems in the world then what any one of us did in the past.

Edited November 15, 2007 by Jomo's girl

[amal 4]

Mine knows of my past but didn't want to know details. He also says what is past is past so no reason to bring it up today.

[morocco4ever 63]

And what, he didn't have any past relationships? I know what their culture and religion believe, but I highly doubt any of the men remain chaste and virgin-like until they got married. Mine knows my past, and I know his as well. We have decided that the past is the past and it is never discussed. He honestly doesn't handle it well if it is brought up...he starts to clench his teeth....it is a little funny now that I think about it. But some things are best dropped.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

I'm not from this forum either but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry your husband is having a hard time with this.

Sometimes people are jealous even when they have absolutely nothing to be jealous of.

I would sit down with him calmly, hold him, look him in the eyes and tell him it doesn't matter who you dated before, all that matters is who is in front of you now and who you want for the rest of your life...him.

You need to be honest and tell him that it isn't fair to make you feel bad for having a life before him. I hope you two can resolve this issue with communication and a little bit of forgiveness.

Best of luck to you

~Laura

[MrsAmera 41]

In a word yes, he knows some of it. But he doesn't handle it well --- at all. I have a child from a previous relationship but it wasn't really a relationship so he harbors no feelings towards him. I don't want to know about his past but he insisted for a long time to know everything and I really hated talking about it. It is my past and it felt like his judgements of me were so hurtful. So I do understand what you're going through. PM me if you want to talk more about it.

[chaishai 1]

were any of you honest about your past relationships/experiences with others before you met your SO? obviously those of you who have children had to be. was your husband upset about it/judge you/created a problem between you over it? i was honest with my husband about my past (now i think stupid me) and he can't seem to get over it. every once in a while he will bring it up and tell me how much it affects him inside. i can't take it anymore!!!!!! my past is my past. why should it have anything to do with our marriage? it doesn't mean i love him any less because i had a few boyfriends before. i'm at a loss here... i know moroccans don't typically date like americans do. why can't he accept me for who i am (and who i was) help!

I was honest and my husband has no issues, probably because he had a little more shall we say experience than I did... even though I dated quite a few men!

Maybe dont even allow the conversations to go down that path, just say the past is the past and you are with me now, you need to move on.

[MelindaandTarek 0]

sereia - im sorry to hear of this...good luck...for me I was honest about my past and did not feel judged...my SO believes the past is just that the past....and IMO it's not right for your SO to bring up your past into ur current relationship...the two are not connected and its not fair to you....I wish you the best in this!!

[JeanneVictoria 55]

I am me and he is himself....MY BABY LOVES ME JUST THE WAY THAT I AM

[Jenn! 918]

I am me and he is himself....MY BABY LOVES ME JUST THE WAY THAT I AM

This will surely help Jen solve her problem.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

were any of you honest about your past relationships/experiences with others before you met your SO? obviously those of you who have children had to be. was your husband upset about it/judge you/created a problem between you over it? i was honest with my husband about my past (now i think stupid me) and he can't seem to get over it. every once in a while he will bring it up and tell me how much it affects him inside. i can't take it anymore!!!!!! my past is my past. why should it have anything to do with our marriage? it doesn't mean i love him any less because i had a few boyfriends before. i'm at a loss here... i know moroccans don't typically date like americans do. why can't he accept me for who i am (and who i was) help!

Um.. I usually just answer a question with another question like " How many girls have you dated? Tell me about them." Then he usually changes the subject. Not a good idea to rehash stuff.

Um.. Bad idea....