PLEASE HELP ME SOMEONE

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

I love these tangents. Only on VJ! *said with Don King cadence*

[Marilyn. 340]

Have you done anything to give him a wandering eye?

umm, that is a totally uncalled for comment question

Two sides to every story.......this is the Intarweb

umm, so if she didn't make him dinner every night he has an excuse to have a wandering eye??

whoa .... what proof of the wandering eye ?

I didn't say he has a wandering eye , just commenting on SqdnGuns question....

sorry, his question was so in left field I had to respond

Edited November 14, 2007 by MarilynP

[Fandango 1,439]

summat doesn't smell right to me, but that's just my speculation.....

Good luck!

[Maipu 0]

Hi girl, whatever you do,,just dont panic....for starters ,,,what she has is an OLD phone number. so if shes a friend,,,she needs to be updated" just an expression, not meaning you have to call her and let her know. also, consider this, many times, and ive done so myself, when you leave to the US and know of other ppl that want to do the same, you sometimes give out the number out of courtesy. its a difficult step to move to the US, and sometimes those are words of support. Just talk to him. I tell you this also because my bf has done the same in front of me to friends/couples, doesnt mean alot.

best wishes,

Maipu

[monagoz 2]

Okay guys, I need your input. I am a member of VJ, but had to create a new account, so as to not reveal my identity. I don’t want anyone to know who I am, but I really need your help guys.

I am the USC and am female. My husband entered on a K1, we are now married and are going thru AOS. We have been together for 5 years, and I thought I knew him inside and out. A couple days ago, my father received a text message on his phone. This phone used to belong to my husband and I guess he hasn’t notified all of his contacts about his new number (and the fact that his old number is now my father's number). The text message read, “Hey you, how are you, this is Betsy.” I didn’t think much about it and I ignored my family saying, “your man has a little ‘friend’”. I thought it was simply a mistake as often happens. Now, today a phone call came thru from the same number, I decided to pick it up. It turns out Betsy knows my husband.

I had a quick talk with Betsy which lasted about 2 minutes and a half. I wish I would have talked longer, but I honestly panicked. Okay this is what she told me. First she asked for my husband, I responded by telling her he was not available, if I could take a message. She said her name was Betsy. I asked her who she was. She responded, “a friend.” Then that’s when I panicked and I started to freak out a bit. I have known my man for 8+ years and I know every one of his friends, male and female. Then I asked her where they met. She said that they met in my husband’s home country, but she lives here in the U.S. (Oh and from the looks of it, she lives about an hour and a half from where we live, because of her area code I know). So then she said, “I’m a friend but don’t worry about it, I am only a friend.” Then I asked her, “okay, so you met in my husband’s home country, where.” She said that she was visiting and she met him at my husband’s old job. Then she tells me not to worry that she knows all about me, that I’m his girlfriend, etc.. Then she said that the reason she’s calling the number is because my husband sent her a text message once he was here in the U.S. giving her his new cell phone number and so that’s why she’s calling him. Then she repeated not to worry that she’s just a friend and that she’s married, and she’s just a friend. She continued insisting on this friend issue.

I guess I panicked and honestly I didn’t want to talk to her anymore. I didn't even correct her by saying I am now HIS WIFE, not girlfriend. So now, what do I do. Do I tell my man, and give him a chance to explain? Also, he had to be the one that initiated contact with her when he arrived in the U.S. because she said that he sent her a text message.

Should I call this girl back and ask her more details? But by now, she should be somewhat prepared knowing that I answered kind of surprised. But my husband doesn't know yet I talked to this girl. Or better yet, I thought about calling her and having my husband next to me and then passing the phone to him to see his reaction. What do you guys think?

Also, is there anyway I can call with my cell phone number and not have my number show on her phone. I don’t want her to have my number. She has my dad’s cell phone number now because that used to be my husband’s old cell phone number (and it's the one she called thinking it was my husbands). But she said that she would erase the number since it was no longer my husband’s number. Am I making sense guys?

Am I losing it!! I thought I knew my man.

Please help me someone am I overreacting.

I think you should tell your husband that "Besty" called today and first see his reaction. Tell him the whole truth about the situation - including the small talk you had with her, and then tell him EXACLTY how you feel. There is no need to start panicking now, it may turn out to be nothing. Or, please don't take this as an insult; this guy may have used you to enter the US - only to rekindle his relationship with an old love. The fact that this lady called you the girlfriend tells me that this is what your husband told her about you. Also, she kept calling herself a friend! What kind of friend that your husband never mentioned her to you.

We live in a very cruel world where people do so many hurtful things, and the earlier you try and get to the bottom of this, the earlier you'll be able to sort your life out. Don't just keep quiet and think it will go away, because it will never. But be wise and approach it with every gentleness and maturity that you could muster and find out THE WHOLE TRUTH! Goodluck and God bless you.

[iris08 0]

Thanks so much to all of the responses I have received thus far, you guys are awesome, each and every one of you.

I am still thinking about how to approach this. I am trying to suppress my psycho-wife instinct.

But let me clarify that my husband has had his cell phone number only for a couple of months, since his arrival in the U.S. THis means that he called this girl once he was here in the U.S., so he is the one that kept in contact with her after his arrival to the U.S. I am guessing she gave him her number while she was visiting my husband's home country (maybe several months ago) and he contacted her once he was in the U.S. Man, she must have been special though for him to contact her.

Oh and the girl, is from the US, born and raised here. When I talked to her on the phone, I thought that she was from my husband's home country and asked her if she was from there (I was a little surprised she spoke perfect english). Then she clarified that she is from the US and kind of laughed off the idea of being from my husband's home country.

continue posting what you guys think, you have no idea how much you guys help me out. You at least prevented me from calling the girl back.

[Ta Ta 1]

It doesn't sound like much too be worried about to me.

As others suggested just ask him about her.

If they were ' close' she would have his new number by now. The fact that he didn't give her his new number obviously means

she is not important to him.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

There may be something going on, but there may not also. I suggest just asking your husband something like, "Who's Betsy?" Avoid being confrontational or accusatory until you have clear reason, not just a feeling. And I would not recommend "trapping" him, such as your idea of calling Betsy and handing him the phone.

Excellent advice. I agree with Scott.

[iris08 0]

It doesn't sound like much too be worried about to me.

As others suggested just ask him about her.

If they were ' close' she would have his new number by now. The fact that he didn't give her his new number obviously means

she is not important to him.

My husband has only had his new number for about a week and a half. Also, I informed him about switching his cell phone with my dad's with not much time in advance before we actually went to the store to do it. So, in reality I didn't give him any time to tell his contacts about his new number. But then you have a good point. If they had something going, I'm sure she would have been the first to get his new number.

I think I'm going to go thru old cell phone records to see if he has been calling her. Maybe I'm asking for it though looking for these things.

I think I'm losing it guys. I really do hope this turns out to be nothing.

[Maipu 0]

Girl, instead of making a movie in your head ( this is something we girls do sometimes) talk to him!!! its better to get this cleared out before you get yourself all distressed about something that maybe wasnt even worth worrying about. if you start searching ,,your mind will be working a thousand miles and hour. and it wont stop and you'll just get upset. . we never stop getting to know someone fully, dont think I live in a fantasy world,,,but really,,think about it...if u wanna think that they mightve had something going on,,,she must really be stupid if shes waiting around for 5-8 yrs, for a married man??? girl,,,dont give it any more thought,,just ask him !!!!

Best wishes.

[eric&gen 0]

Another Charlie Brown moment lol.

[iris08 0]

Another Charlie Brown moment lol.

huh? I didn't get that

Anyway, thanks to all of you who have responded, I will talk to him and see how that goes. I promise to try to control myself. I will let you know how this turns out. Thanks so much everyone:)

Edited November 14, 2007 by iris08

[Pinocchio Liberal 268]

my goodness, late night fodder!

[Scott & Lai 12]

There may be something going on, but there may not also. I suggest just asking your husband something like, "Who's Betsy?" Avoid being confrontational or accusatory until you have clear reason, not just a feeling. And I would not recommend "trapping" him, such as your idea of calling Betsy and handing him the phone.

Excellent advice. I agree with Scott.

Why, thank you

I think I'm going to go thru old cell phone records to see if he has been calling her. Maybe I'm asking for it though looking for these things.

You don't want to be snooping, that would be a violation of trust. If he has actually done nothing wrong, he would have good reason to resent such actions. Talk to him first, and give him the benefit of the doubt.

[russ 1]

Am I losing it!! I thought I knew my man.

Please help me someone am I overreacting.

You are going crazy for no reason. There are about 40 women that could call me for exactly the same reason. Besides - if he was having an affair, don't you think he would have let he know???

No big deal. Really!

Ask your husband who she is. 99% it isn't someone he even knows that well, which is why he never mentioned her.

I haven't told my wife about everyone I work with (ok, several thousand people in a few countries), but until she would need to meet them, doesn't matter that much.

Don't go crazy.

From what you said, there is nothing going on.

(If the message said: "meet me in this hotel room" -- different story)

Edited November 14, 2007 by russ