PLEASE HELP ME SOMEONE

[iris08 0]

Okay guys, I need your input. I am a member of VJ, but had to create a new account, so as to not reveal my identity. I don’t want anyone to know who I am, but I really need your help guys.

I am the USC and am female. My husband entered on a K1, we are now married and are going thru AOS. We have been together for 5 years, and I thought I knew him inside and out. A couple days ago, my father received a text message on his phone. This phone used to belong to my husband and I guess he hasn’t notified all of his contacts about his new number (and the fact that his old number is now my father's number). The text message read, “Hey you, how are you, this is Betsy.” I didn’t think much about it and I ignored my family saying, “your man has a little ‘friend’”. I thought it was simply a mistake as often happens. Now, today a phone call came thru from the same number, I decided to pick it up. It turns out Betsy knows my husband.

I had a quick talk with Betsy which lasted about 2 minutes and a half. I wish I would have talked longer, but I honestly panicked. Okay this is what she told me. First she asked for my husband, I responded by telling her he was not available, if I could take a message. She said her name was Betsy. I asked her who she was. She responded, “a friend.” Then that’s when I panicked and I started to freak out a bit. I have known my man for 8+ years and I know every one of his friends, male and female. Then I asked her where they met. She said that they met in my husband’s home country, but she lives here in the U.S. (Oh and from the looks of it, she lives about an hour and a half from where we live, because of her area code I know). So then she said, “I’m a friend but don’t worry about it, I am only a friend.” Then I asked her, “okay, so you met in my husband’s home country, where.” She said that she was visiting and she met him at my husband’s old job. Then she tells me not to worry that she knows all about me, that I’m his girlfriend, etc.. Then she said that the reason she’s calling the number is because my husband sent her a text message once he was here in the U.S. giving her his new cell phone number and so that’s why she’s calling him. Then she repeated not to worry that she’s just a friend and that she’s married, and she’s just a friend. She continued insisting on this friend issue.

I guess I panicked and honestly I didn’t want to talk to her anymore. I didn't even correct her by saying I am now HIS WIFE, not girlfriend. So now, what do I do. Do I tell my man, and give him a chance to explain? Also, he had to be the one that initiated contact with her when he arrived in the U.S. because she said that he sent her a text message.

Should I call this girl back and ask her more details? But by now, she should be somewhat prepared knowing that I answered kind of surprised. But my husband doesn't know yet I talked to this girl. Or better yet, I thought about calling her and having my husband next to me and then passing the phone to him to see his reaction. What do you guys think?

Also, is there anyway I can call with my cell phone number and not have my number show on her phone. I don’t want her to have my number. She has my dad’s cell phone number now because that used to be my husband’s old cell phone number (and it's the one she called thinking it was my husbands). But she said that she would erase the number since it was no longer my husband’s number. Am I making sense guys?

Am I losing it!! I thought I knew my man.

Please help me someone am I overreacting.

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

It sounds like you have some reason for concern - given that this appears to be a secret friend.

[raquel_1208 1]

you'd better have a serious talk with your husband. we women have instinct about this sort of thing.

[Scott & Lai 12]

There may be something going on, but there may not also. I suggest just asking your husband something like, "Who's Betsy?" Avoid being confrontational or accusatory until you have clear reason, not just a feeling. And I would not recommend "trapping" him, such as your idea of calling Betsy and handing him the phone.

[Peikko 1,575]

I'll start by saying, everyone will have an opinion but only you can make the decision as to what you want to do.

That said, if it was me, I would talk to my husband. He either has a rational and acceptable explanation or he does not. If he does, then you can be relieved and put this to rest, if not, then yes, you have some difficult decisions to make but at least you know the problem you are facing.

Anything else, questioning the friend etc can only give you a second hand perspective on what is going on. It's your husband's motivation that you are interested in, and only he can give you the answers.

I truly wish you well, this sounds like a horrible shock and a difficult situation. Take care.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

First, try to calm yourself.

I would totally go to your husband about this instead of sneaking behind his back and calling this girl back to get more information from her.

You have been with him a long time, try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she is just a friend he met casually and she's really not that important so he never thought to mention her. He probably met her at his job just like she said, she lives in the U.S. and he was probably like "Oh, well I'm moving there to be with my soon to be wife, I'll look you up" He was probably just being polite to her.

Since your dad has his cellphone you have a completely logical reason for finding out about Betsy. It's not like you were snooping through his emails or checking his texts messages on his phone. Your husband gave his old phone to your father, I doubt he would be having an affair or keeping secrets behind your back.

I think you are probably overreacting, which I understand..you love your husband.

Tell him simply that your father received a message from a girl named Betsy and told you about it. Tell him that she called again and you talked with her. See what his reaction is. If there is nothing going on, I'm sure he'll explain who she is. If he gets all bent out of shape, perhaps there is something more to it. Where there is smoke, there is fire.

I'm sure nothing is going on.

Try to stay calm, go and talk to him and tell him the truth about your fears, hopefully he'll do the same in return.

Best of luck to you

~Laura

[Carolyn 1]

If you can, try not to jump to any conclusions, but do talk to your husband soon. I agree that trapping him, game-playing, etc. would be unproductive.

You'll have to trust your own gut about how he answers you.

Stay strong,

Carolyn

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

My husband entered on a K1, we are now married and are going thru AOS. We have been together for 5 years...

...

I have known my man for 8+ years and I know every one of his friends, male and female. Then I asked her where they met. She said that they met in my husband’s home country...

...

She said that she was visiting and she met him at my husband’s old job.

...my husband sent her a text message once he was here in the U.S. giving her his new cell phone number and so that’s why she’s calling him.

Here's how I read it. Your husband arrived in the US some number of years ago. At that time, he texted her and gave her his #. She's calling him back now, after some number of years. I have friends like that too, I haven't mentioned them to my wife because until reading this story I had forgotten they existed. Me, I don't think this is necessarily a big deal. It could be, but my initial read is that it is just as likely that it isn't.

[Not Available 0]

Don't panic too much yet and don't assume anything until you talk to him. I would just casually tell him that a girl named Betsy called for him and how come he never mentioned her before. What HIS response is will tell you whether or not to panic.

Edited November 14, 2007 by Stina

[SqdnGuns 21]

Have you done anything to give him a wandering eye?

[Marilyn. 340]

Have you done anything to give him a wandering eye?

umm, that is a totally uncalled for comment question

Edited November 14, 2007 by MarilynP

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Have you done anything to give him a wandering eye?

umm, that is a totally uncalled for comment

Yes. He should have asked, what have you not done to give him a wandering eye?

[SqdnGuns 21]

Have you done anything to give him a wandering eye?

umm, that is a totally uncalled for comment question

Two sides to every story.......this is the Intarweb

[Marilyn. 340]

Have you done anything to give him a wandering eye?

umm, that is a totally uncalled for comment question

Two sides to every story.......this is the Intarweb

umm, so if she didn't make him dinner every night he has an excuse to have a wandering eye??

[natty bumppo 297]

Have you done anything to give him a wandering eye?

umm, that is a totally uncalled for comment question

Two sides to every story.......this is the Intarweb

umm, so if she didn't make him dinner every night he has an excuse to have a wandering eye??

whoa .... what proof of the wandering eye ?

screw him ... lets get some rope

Edited November 14, 2007 by Natty Bumppo