trust issues

[SandyNJack 5]

Just letting you know what my fiance is like with me. He NEVER let's me send him money. Even when I go to visit, he does not let me pay for anything but the gifts I bring home to my family and friends. He pays for eveything else we do, traveling, tourism and food. He always make sure I have bottled water and diet pepsi. lol

It is strange because you do not want to be taken advantage of but at the same time you want to help the one you love.

[doodlebug 3]

Just letting you know what my fiance is like with me. He NEVER let's me send him money. Even when I go to visit, he does not let me pay for anything but the gifts I bring home to my family and friends. He pays for eveything else we do, traveling, tourism and food. He always make sure I have bottled water and diet pepsi. lol

It is strange because you do not want to be taken advantage of but at the same time you want to help the one you love.

Just out of curiosity does your fiance live at home or does he have his own place?

[MHS 0]

My husband Hassan has never asked me for money. The many times I went to visit him he paid for the plane tickets and hotel room and everything, I never had to spend a penny. He said that the man should provide fully for his wife and he should never ask the woman for money. He treats me like a princess, I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful man. Allah has blessed me with an angel.

[doodlebug 3]

Ok I'll ask the question in another way. For the dudes that never ask their fiance's/wives for money, do they live at home?

[MHS 0]

Ok I'll ask the question in another way. For the dudes that never ask their fiance's/wives for money, do they live at home?

My husband owns his own home, he doesn't live with his parents.

[mybackpages 0]

I sure hope no one means to, but posters sure seem to be implying in this thread that if there is an exchange of money that there must be something wrong with the man.

Sure, there are a lot of scammers out there and women are being duped. BUT sending money in and of itself does not signal a flawed relationship. All the boasting about how my hsbands doesnt take money - what does that prove?

[sarah and hicham 3]

Ok I'll ask the question in another way. For the dudes that never ask their fiance's/wives for money, do they live at home?

That would be a good poll!

I never asked for money from Hicham, and he never asked for money from me. I wouldn't be too impressed if he asked for money on a regular basis from me.

[MHS 0]

I sure hope no one means to, but posters sure seem to be implying in this thread that if there is an exchange of money that there must be something wrong with the man.

Sure, there are a lot of scammers out there and women are being duped. BUT sending money in and of itself does not signal a flawed relationship. All the boasting about how my hsbands doesnt take money - what does that prove?

I wasn't boasting I was just telling people mine and my husbands view of the matter. I'm not saying that if money was being exchanged by other couples that it should be a red flag, I was just stating how Hassan and I feel about that matter.

[doodlebug 3]

I sure hope no one means to, but posters sure seem to be implying in this thread that if there is an exchange of money that there must be something wrong with the man.

Sure, there are a lot of scammers out there and women are being duped. BUT sending money in and of itself does not signal a flawed relationship. All the boasting about how my hsbands doesnt take money - what does that prove?

My thoughts exactly. Sorry to be so crude but it's like a P!ssing contest amoung some women on here about who's husband spent the most on them and who's never took money when times were tough. That's not really the way I would measure a man. Some people's men say that a middle eastern man who would take money from a woman are less than a man, yet those same men are chatting with 16 year old girls on the internet..not exactly the type of person I want to take advice from.

The point of my question is that I know most of the men who live in the poorer countries, (Kuwait appears to have no citizens below poverty level according to the cia guideline, though I don't know how up to date that is), also live with their parents. Is it that big of an achievement to pay for thier fiance/wife when they really have no other responsibilities? Not imho.

Again, I think you have to judge each situation individually and look at ALL the facts. You can just broadsweep and say that if a mena man takes money from his wife then he is less than a man. What happens when he comes to the US and pays it all back and then some? Did he suddenly move up to a "real" man? I know men who pay for everything and they're cheatin' lyin' sob's. You have to look at the entire picture.

That's all I'm saying. Some may come on here and read this stuff and rethink their relationship because *gasp* they sent their husband about $200 one time when things were rough. All because some people on a message board say that they never sent money and their husbands/fiances would never take it. I know for a fact at least one of the women on this thread is lying. Why? To make others on here think you're all that 'cause your husband never took money from you? Honestly who gives a sh!t what other people think? It's YOUR relationship and quite frankly if you're old enough to have traveled and gotten married I *think* you're old enough to know when something smells fishy and when something is authentic. If not then oh well I guess you'll learn a lesson (hopefully) but please don't make a decision based on what some people here and on other boards say. People are not always what they make themselves out to be.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I sure hope no one means to, but posters sure seem to be implying in this thread that if there is an exchange of money that there must be something wrong with the man.

Sure, there are a lot of scammers out there and women are being duped. BUT sending money in and of itself does not signal a flawed relationship. All the boasting about how my hsbands doesnt take money - what does that prove?

That's very true.

I personally think that sending large quantities of money each month abroad is a bit sketchy. Like many have said before- how did that man get along before the woman was sending allowance?

[mybackpages 0]

Ok I'll ask the question in another way. For the dudes that never ask their fiance's/wives for money, do they live at home?

That would be a good poll!

I never asked for money from Hicham, and he never asked for money from me. I wouldn't be too impressed if he asked for money on a regular basis from me.

I absolutely agree! I guess what is bothering me is that there are all these blanket statements about how "myman is a good man because he _________". If it were that easy to distinguish the good men from the bad ones, we wouldnt see so many women get duped around here.

I worry about the VJ member who is reading all this oversimplified (and sometimes misleading) posts and starts to doubt her own judgement because her fiance/husband doesnt conform to the accepted VJ MENA behavior and he really is a god guy.

[doodlebug 3]

I sure hope no one means to, but posters sure seem to be implying in this thread that if there is an exchange of money that there must be something wrong with the man.

Sure, there are a lot of scammers out there and women are being duped. BUT sending money in and of itself does not signal a flawed relationship. All the boasting about how my hsbands doesnt take money - what does that prove?

That's very true.

I personally think that sending large quantities of money each month abroad is a bit sketchy. Like many have said before- how did that man get along before the woman was sending allowance?

Most definitely. If you're sending a monthly allowance of sorts that is something I would want to look into a lot further and see what the circumstances are. And how did he get along before? Did something in his situation change drastically? Even then though, large quantities of money abroad to most of the mena countries in here is really unnecassary since there's a huge gap between the value of the US dollar and for example the Egyptian pound.

[Alt name 1]

(laughing) The same thought occurred to me, I was like "what the h--l?" hahahahahahaha..............sorry to the person who posted tho, no disrespect meant.

I say trust you gut instinct. One of the "red flags" of the middle eastern relationship is asking for money and support....always having an excuse or "emergent" situation that requires your financial help. Only you however, can determine if this situation exsists. My SO lives in Egypt...has no work as of yet although has looked and never has "asked" for money. He'd never dream of it. Use your instincts.

Isn't that a red flag for any relationship?

Yep! Something my husband has mentioned on numerous occasions is that if a middle eastern man asks for money from any women, then that's an issue. This is strickly him talking about men from his country which is Egypt. He said he's seen so many men, meet women and then ask for money......from a hundred to thousands of dollars and women will give it to them because they "love" them. My husband was low on funds while waiting for his visa and he never asked me for money. Even though he was not working I never paid a penny on any of my trips to Egypt. Go with your gut feeling, but be careful.

I thought you supported your husband financially because he had to not take a job that had a contract that could interfere with the visa process?

he asked me for 200 euro to pay for a bed with a bunch of guys.

I was like why would he want her to be in bed with all those guys???

[bostonparis 0]

It is most definitely dependent on each individual relationship. No one can tell you that you're doing the right thing or the wrong thing. Of course it's very hard to look at your own relationship objectively, but if you're asking the question, then there's something telling you that something is wrong for you, in your particular situation.

If you have all the money in the world, and don't mind giving your money away so he can live in Italy, then that works for you... but it doesn't sound like that is the case.

That being said, I don't think it bodes well for your relationship for you to tell him you're going to "cut him off" - that sounds more like a parent/child relationship to me, and it sounds like a threat. I think having an adult conversation with him about it would be prudent, along with halting any funds you are sending him for the time being.

[Alt name 1]

Unless because of you becoming a we his life has changed, I'm not sure I would pay for his room and board.

I'm not one to pass judgement, just idle thoughts only. (OH and i do apologize for laughing at the bed part of the post awhile ago it just struck me as funny the way it was worded).

IF: One of my daughters were in the same situation and asked me for advice, mine would be to them that a man should be able to take care of himself, on his own, before he is in a position to marry and start a family. That's just my personal thinking though. I realize that in different parts of the world culture is different, however, at the end of the day, a person, especially a man, who can't take care of himself is not really seen as ready for marriage or family.

That's my answer. Good luck to both of you.

David and Nitadyah

Hello

If anyone is up at this time at night would really appreciate an honest answer. I met Salah my fiance in Jan. in May after I arrived, payed for the apartment for a month ( as his job is not providing him enough money to live on) he asked me for 200 euro to pay for a bed with a bunch of guys. As of June I have paid. I understand that work is not good for him, and have asked him on occasion to go back to Morroco where he could live for free. He said he would go if I went with him. He does not care he says about the visa.. and on to go further would rather live in Italy than the U.S. I am the one who thinks he should live here, as my buisness and I think life here is better. Anyway in a nutshell, yesterday, he called me to tell me that the Italian police had confiscated his posters. ( he sells these on the street) I lost it. I told him to move back to Morroco..went on and on about supporting him with his apartment for six months. Anyway, I don't know what to think. Is the guy using me? In my gut I dont think he is..

any wisdom would be grea!! And I realize this site is for visas and not for relationship help.

thank you

regina