changing mind about visa for husband

[JJWashington 0]

Good Luck

[akodiet 0]

Sorry to say but i have to say this.....if the your husband is a Filipino.......LEAVE HIM.........THEY ARE USER!!!!!!!!!!

Please DON'T apply for a visa for your husband. It is situations like yours that make is so much harder for the rest of us who are in mutually loving relationships not in financial/green card arrangements. If you think you do want to spend the rest of your life with the guy then you should go there and not offer any resources other than what the two of you can earn working in his country.

Hmm, chances are she isn't too concerned about your visa at this point

It's easy for us to say that we will do whatever it takes and wait as long as it takes etc etc - which is a darn good thing and I feel that way too - however - we don't know enough here. It sounds as though she is surrounded by people - she mentions her Mother, who are nay sayers.

It is not easy for every person to be surrounded by people saying - you are older, he asked you for money?? How will you support both of you?? he is from a country full of people looking for an easy way to a GC. We just don't know enough about the OP or her situation to say - hey you are having doubts - so throw in the towel.

One other thing the OP mentioned "I feel like I am the husband and he is the wife, even my mom said this". New immigrants have it tough, generally they can't work for a while and there is an adjustment phase. While he isn't actually with you yet, he obviously comes from a poor country where money is hard to come by. It will not be the traditional man out working scenario for a while after he gets here (if you decide to go ahead with the visa), but you already knew that, I'm sure to your Mom it looks really strange.

All I'm saying is that we shouldn't jump to conclusions based on the little bit that we know.

[Key 0]

Please DON'T apply for a visa for your husband. It is situations like yours that make is so much harder for the rest of us who are in mutually loving relationships not in financial/green card arrangements. If you think you do want to spend the rest of your life with the guy then you should go there and not offer any resources other than what the two of you can earn working in his country.

Hmm, chances are she isn't too concerned about your visa at this point

It's easy for us to say that we will do whatever it takes and wait as long as it takes etc etc - which is a darn good thing and I feel that way too - however - we don't know enough here. It sounds as though she is surrounded by people - she mentions her Mother, who are nay sayers.

It is not easy for every person to be surrounded by people saying - you are older, he asked you for money?? How will you support both of you?? he is from a country full of people looking for an easy way to a GC. We just don't know enough about the OP or her situation to say - hey you are having doubts - so throw in the towel.

One other thing the OP mentioned "I feel like I am the husband and he is the wife, even my mom said this". New immigrants have it tough, generally they can't work for a while and there is an adjustment phase. While he isn't actually with you yet, he obviously comes from a poor country where money is hard to come by. It will not be the traditional man out working scenario for a while after he gets here (if you decide to go ahead with the visa), but you already knew that, I'm sure to your Mom it looks really strange.

All I'm saying is that we shouldn't jump to conclusions based on the little bit that we know.

I agree with this quote...yeah, i am from the phil when we are just dating with my husband now my mother get sick and i am the eldest in the family 25 and have one sister next to me and a highschool brother. We are not close to both sides of our relatives so only the 3 of us who plan and talk what we need to do. My husband is a very good man but one thing it makes me so upset is he dont even ask me if we are financially ok with all the hospital bills and everything and at that time i am so upset and mad at him and for me i am not a type of person who will ask money.

So when my mother already out in the hospital and me and my sister already solve all the expenses that is the time i talked to my husband now if he dont have any concern.

Each one of us have different cultures and like in my country families and relatives is helping each other. I agree with what is stated above that maybe your husband really treat you as a wife and even if he is shy he just ask help from you coz ur already his wife and thinking if u can help him not like me that we are just bf and gf at that time so i am shy to tell and i just wait if my bf or fiance really cares for me too.

Us culture is really different than in any other countries and its really hard to deal with to be honest i've been to a relationship both is US citizen but the other one has a background for asian but for my husband now he is very good but when we started dating it find me hard to adjust coz its really different perception and culture and US people just live to be alone.

So i think u decide to marry him so you will need to trust him and pray..All i can tell is pray and ask guidance and enlightenment and also u need to talk and tell him what is in your mind coz it is so unfair that your thinking bad to him that he is not aware..Just be honest with your feelings and tell him you love him but you have a little doubts for him and your afraid that he will leave you after getting GC.

For now we dont know what is really in his mind it is only ur husband u know but believe in me prayers will answer all your questions..that if you believe in God and prayers

God bless

[Ta Ta 1]

Sorry to say but i have to say this.....if the your husband is a Filipino.......LEAVE HIM.........THEY ARE USER!!!!!!!!!!

Please DON'T apply for a visa for your husband. It is situations like yours that make is so much harder for the rest of us who are in mutually loving relationships not in financial/green card arrangements. If you think you do want to spend the rest of your life with the guy then you should go there and not offer any resources other than what the two of you can earn working in his country.

Hmm, chances are she isn't too concerned about your visa at this point

It's easy for us to say that we will do whatever it takes and wait as long as it takes etc etc - which is a darn good thing and I feel that way too - however - we don't know enough here. It sounds as though she is surrounded by people - she mentions her Mother, who are nay sayers.

It is not easy for every person to be surrounded by people saying - you are older, he asked you for money?? How will you support both of you?? he is from a country full of people looking for an easy way to a GC. We just don't know enough about the OP or her situation to say - hey you are having doubts - so throw in the towel.

One other thing the OP mentioned "I feel like I am the husband and he is the wife, even my mom said this". New immigrants have it tough, generally they can't work for a while and there is an adjustment phase. While he isn't actually with you yet, he obviously comes from a poor country where money is hard to come by. It will not be the traditional man out working scenario for a while after he gets here (if you decide to go ahead with the visa), but you already knew that, I'm sure to your Mom it looks really strange.

All I'm saying is that we shouldn't jump to conclusions based on the little bit that we know.

Akodiet, your stereotypical generalization is ignorant and uncalled for on this board.

[Imua 0]

Once again, thanks to Maya, Putali, Alex and everyone who gave helpful and supportive replies - this is why I love this forum!! I hope when I am a veteran of this visa journey and Govi and I are together that I can also help others in the same boat. I have not kept up with this thread for the last few days so missed your replies earlier.

Alex - I have thought about Chicago - am curious if there is much of a desi/Indian population there? Govi goes to the temple daily and one thing that keeps me in my neighborhood is the large number of Hindu temples (and Indian stores/restaurants)here - I know my guy won't feel so homesick if he can go talk with our best buddy Ganeshji around the corner or go to Patel Bros. to buy dal bhat ingredients. The cold is another issue, but we would have each other to keep warm at that point so no worries...

[rika60607 215]

There are plenty of Indians in Chicago.

There is a big Indian/Russian neighborhood called Skokie (North side).

You can try using yahoo/maps to search for Indian restaurants. There are plenty everywhere. Not sure about temples.

[bhajishah 4]

In his culture, probably the man supports the wife... so one. quit sending money two. if he wants you there then him and family can pay for your travel to them.If he cant support you so be it its understandab le, but to expect you the woman to support him during festaval and illness then blah. what did his family do before you were on the scene???

DEVON AVENUE IN CHICAGO some of the best desi food in the states. sabri Nihari.. theris dress stores, b akeries, butchers and even banks..

[Queen Jenn 0]

OK, I will admit that I am the OP - my hubby came back to KTM from his village and we have been chatting or phoning every day and my doubts have gone away(for now anyway). I was embarrassed to be talking so frankly about my money issues and doubts and that is why I used a new screen name - look at some of the drama in the MENA forums - but if it can help someone else(like the VJer on the K-1 forum asking about BK) then I will be glad to be completely honest about my own thoughts and experiences. I do love this man with my whole heart and have prayed so hard over what to do and have decided to file for the visa, love him, be the best wife that I can be and what is meant to be is meant to be - I am going to live my life one day at a time and enjoy every day with him that God chooses to give me. You can be married to a USC and it is the same issue if you are worried whether he is going to cheat or not and you let that consume you to where you are not enjoying your relationship in the here and now and the mistrust destroys what would have been a good marriage. He has since gotten a good job which he enjoys very much and I am so happy for him and for our future. He is not a money-grubber and even now I feel bad about not helping him at the time - he would not have asked if he did not really need it. He has said that if I came to Nepal it would not matter, seriously I was thinking about it and we were talking about it but since DCF wouldn't be an option for us due to finances and we would have to go through the whole process of me getting re-established in the US, finding a job and then applying for the visa anyway that we will just go through with our original plan. I am still very anxious about the apartment issue - more so than the visa issue, in fact. If we cannot get an apartment then I don't know what we will do, but I will cross that bridge when we come to it. I am hoping we will file around New Year's.

Thanks to all who gave helpful and supportive answers.

I know I'm late posting on this, but I want to let you know that I think MOST of us who are American Women who met a man from a poor country have had doubts about the GC issue. And there are plenty of people around us to tell us that all the man wants is a free ticket to the U.S.

However, only YOU can know. It's definitely hard sometimes. I had many moments of doubt in the beginning. Before we met in person, so many people would say to me that he was just telling me what he thought I would want to hear. I'm a religious person and I spent MANY hours in prayer. When I FINALLY met him in person I KNEW that he was the one for me. And I prayed again and felt that I am making the right decision.

So, what Chispas said about being alone with just you and the dark and your GOD is true. Only you can decide what is right for you.

There is much more that I would like to say, but I don't really know how to express it. But I TOTALLY know about the doubts and things people say. So if you ever need more support, feel free to pm me.

[idocare 3]

Just wondering if you have verbalized some of your concerns to your husband, maybe together you all can think of what's best for you both.

I know that many of us that go to these third world countries go there with our suitcases loaded with gifts for the family, sometimes misleading them into thinking were rich here in America, although I admit alot of people overseas think that we have money all over the streets here so it's not your fault if they think that way of u, but jsut as your expressing your concerns to your VJ family it might be good to mention them to him also.

[salika 0]

Hello,

My husband is from a poor country and his family is simple farmers, but he was able to fulfill his dreams and to work his way up from a farmer's son to a instructor in a private university in his country. I have faith in him and helped him work towards his goals. I also knew him to two years before marrying him, one year I was living in his country and the other year back home. I got to know him really well and he never asked me for money or anything. He never even thought about marrying a foreigner until things got serious between this. I even had to convince him that we should move to the US as things would be better there for us and the job opportunities are much better. But if I had any doubts I would not have gone through with my marriage (3.5 years ago) or have begun the immigration process. Living in his country really helped things a lot, most importantly, I speak his language fluently and understand his culture and society. Also, living cost in his country are really cheap so we can live here very reasonably. If you don't mind, I would highly recommend you live with him in his country for a little while to make sure the relationship is strong and to help him succeed in gaining good job skills before immigrating to the US. This could make a difference and you could have time to learn more about each other before moving to such a high-stress difficult situation how it will be in the US.

Please DON'T apply for a visa for your husband. It is situations like yours that make is so much harder for the rest of us who are in mutually loving relationships not in financial/green card arrangements. If you think you do want to spend the rest of your life with the guy then you should go there and not offer any resources other than what the two of you can earn working in his country.

Hmm, chances are she isn't too concerned about your visa at this point

It's easy for us to say that we will do whatever it takes and wait as long as it takes etc etc - which is a darn good thing and I feel that way too - however - we don't know enough here. It sounds as though she is surrounded by people - she mentions her Mother, who are nay sayers.

It is not easy for every person to be surrounded by people saying - you are older, he asked you for money?? How will you support both of you?? he is from a country full of people looking for an easy way to a GC. We just don't know enough about the OP or her situation to say - hey you are having doubts - so throw in the towel.

One other thing the OP mentioned "I feel like I am the husband and he is the wife, even my mom said this". New immigrants have it tough, generally they can't work for a while and there is an adjustment phase. While he isn't actually with you yet, he obviously comes from a poor country where money is hard to come by. It will not be the traditional man out working scenario for a while after he gets here (if you decide to go ahead with the visa), but you already knew that, I'm sure to your Mom it looks really strange.

All I'm saying is that we shouldn't jump to conclusions based on the little bit that we know.

[bora bora 1]

Sometimes hard working guys in poor countries simply can't afford some things. But they prove their loyalty and love (financially) once they have the means to do so.

I agree with this.

[Nanusia & Lukaszek 0]

In his culture, probably the man supports the wife... so one. quit sending money two. if he wants you there then him and family can pay for your travel to them.If he cant support you so be it its understandab le, but to expect you the woman to support him during festaval and illness then blah. what did his family do before you were on the scene???

DEVON AVENUE IN CHICAGO some of the best desi food in the states. sabri Nihari.. theris dress stores, b akeries, butchers and even banks..

Pattu Rani, seriously consider Chicago. There is a large Indian population here in the Devon Ave area of Chicago like mentioned above (not Skokie like mentioned by a different poster). You'll be able to get a 1-2 br for about $600-900 or less in that area. http://www.devonavenue.com/ I think it may help you both out. It may help out your husband with the assimilation into the US. He wont feel isolated right away, he'll have natives he can talk to. All the stores, restaurants, banks, dr offices speak a variety of the Indian languages. He wont feel so reliant on you, and you wont feel so much of the "i am the husband, he is the wife" role.

There are temples in the area, Chicago colleges offer free ESL classes for the first 6 levels of English in case your hubby needs this (mine sure benefited and it was freeeee )

Yikes, I'm starting to sound like a heckler/pusher for Chicago But in all seriousness, think it over, maybe Chicago may ease 2 pains. Financial & adjustment.

Best of luck to you!

Edited December 29, 2007 by Nanusia & Lukaszek