K2 (soon to be 18 yrs) wants to emancipate

[Bernie and Gary 0]

My son doesn't want to move with us now. He won't participate in the K2 process (physical/interview), shall I just leave him here to fend for himself? Because I'm leaving!! And his father isn't involved nor capable of caring for him.

Any advice?

[Emancipation 2]

Bernie,

So sorry to hear of this... is he finished of High School? Was he initally supportive of going to the US and now has changed his mind? Is his mind totally made up?? What does your fiance say about the situation?

Gosh.. so much tension and pull for you right now in your decisions.. I'm not a parent of a teen so I don't have that frame of reference but I truly hope you guys can talk this through (and the implications of him staying behind) and come to an arrangement that is best for everyone.

[Jeremy + Kristy 0]

That's a pretty personal decision. I'm not sure what advice we could give. At 18 he's an adult, is he not (I'm the American, not Canadian, and eighteen is the age of majority here)? Is he likely to turn eighteen before the interview or before you move?

[Glady 0]

My son doesn't want to move with us now. He won't participate in the K2 process (physical/interview), shall I just leave him here to fend for himself? Because I'm leaving!! And his father isn't involved nor capable of caring for him.

Any advice?

I do not know what city you live in but iw ill say it might not be the best idea to leave an 18yr old to fend for himself. There are too many traps out there these days. I do feel for your son though I mean he will be leaving behind friends and possibily a GIRLFRIEND and at his age these are more important. What I will do is at leat convince him to go through the process and get the greencard at least. I 'm 29 years old now but when i was a teen my mom was faced with the same situation i was 19 my brother 21 and my mom chose to stay with us instead of moving with our step father to the us. She made a selfless decision that we are fotever greatful for. Its a difficult decision but try to convince because your heart will always be looking bac.

[Bernie and Gary 0]

He has at least a year left in school and has not done well over the past couple years including being let go for part of last year.

He is not very motivated, doesn't cooperate w discipline, is manipulative and I have no control over what he does. He hangs out with the wrong crowd, and is easily swayed. I guess I've done everything that I can, and am willing to let him go, rather than continue to go against the grain. My fiance is supportive of my decision either way, and I truly want to end what has become a ongoing and very stressful battle.

He has been on and off about the move, but I'm convinced that he's strung me along the whole time. Talk about tugging on my heartstrings.

[Bernie and Gary 0]

He'll be 18 in a couple months.

[Flames9_RN 358]

age of majority, differs by province:

http://www.dfait-maeci.gc.ca/canada-europa...majorite-en.asp

[Peggy 1]

My 16 year old son was saying the same thing before moving day. One day he wanted to move,one day he didnt. In the end he decided to be with me here in the USA. Which I am happy about. Good luck in your decision.

Where is he going to stay when you leave?

I would have not moved here with out my 16 year old son. My oldest son was 20 when we moved and he was happy for both of us.

Its a hard decision to make.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

IMO I would never leave my almost 18 year old son or daughter and move to another country.... The age your son is now is when he needs you around the most... although he would never admit that to anyone.... you say he is going through all the difficult stages a young adult has to go through... all the more reason to put your life on hold and be there for him.... yes its hard and yes it hurts when you feel you are not getting through to him and yes you think it would be easy to walk away.... well its not.. you are his Mum you will always be his Mum and you should be there for him no matter what he does or does not do... at 18 he needs to know you will be there for him... selfish maybe, but true....

Think long and hard before you walk away from your child...

Kez

[Doug n Amanda 0]

Wow...such a TOUGH situation....but I do have to agree with Kez; I couldn't leave my child behind, no matter what age, unless I knew they would be cared for, finish school, etc. They DO growup, and see the light eventually...I'd worry that he'd never forgive me for leaving him, no matter how much he resisted.

My 19 yr. old daughter was HORRENDOUS at 17, but she laughs about it even now, asking "how could you love me when I was so hateful"...my answer...."because I'm your Mom, and Mom's are about the only person in this world that will love you unconditionally".

Good luck to you.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

WOW. As a couple who is childless by choice, my/our experience is null on this one. I just hope that whichever decision you make leads to a happier life for you all. Being held hostage must sux --- don't know if talking a bit more with him would help. In any case, I am sending you the rest of my goodvibe dose for the day. Hang in there

[piosenka 0]

Wow, this is definitely tough. If I was in your position I would:

Tell him that you respect his opinion because he will be an adult soon. However, suggest that he just finish the paperwork/interview process so if he does decide to come along, he will have the final choice in what to do. Fill in all the paperwork for him, just have him sign it.

Let him know you want to bring him so you can be there for him and support him with housing, food, etc. Also I'd let him know you'll help get him started in the new area and help him look for a job or a school. You can reassure him that if he wanted to move back in a year or two, he'd be free to make that choice if he couldn't adjust.

For someone of that age, especially one that isn't very stable, it's important that he/she doesn't feel abandoned...

Keep in mind this is just my opinion - obviously none of us really can understand the relationship that you have with him...

Edited November 6, 2007 by piosenka

[TheATeam 0]

Well, I know that when my mom moved 6 hours away from my home town, she left my brother behind with my grandparents to finish his last year of school. That led him to some very bad things. With no parental supervision he became caught up in the wrong crowd and it wasn't a pretty picture. I bet if you ask him, he would have rather had his mom there than be allowed to do whatever he wanted. I think that it makes a difference.

It's up to you, you're his mom, and until he's 18, what you say goes, as much as he may hate that. I can't tell you what to do, or even really offer any advice. All I can say is that this was my brother's experience and it didn't work out too good for him. As a side note, a few years later he ended up moving to where we were and moving back in with my mother.

[BH45 0]

Well Bernie...I have a 13 yr old daughter who today wants to move (or so she tells me) and the next doesn't. We have discussed this move in length. My words to her are "This will open so many more doors and opportunities for you. As well, once you graduate from high school, you can live wherever you choose. Until then, you're with me or your dad wherever he is living."

I know I have it easier cause of the age, but I'm in agreeement with Piosenka. Ask him to go through the process in case he changes his mind.

I wish you the very best as you work towards finding a solution that will work for you and him.

[Sprailenes 47]

Have you ever thought of enlisting the help of a mediator to maybe talk everything over with him. Maybe this will also get out some feelings both of you may have of the situation and bring you closer to understanding each other.