Family Relationships

[pnrmbr975 1]

You need to sit down with your father and tell him that while you love and respect him, and you are appreciative for everything he's done for you in your life AND for what he's done for you and your wife, that you are a grown man with a grown woman for a wife and your father is not showing respect to either of you.

While it's all well and good that he wants to pay off the car...for him to be screaming seems like a little '#######?' to me. Why is your father so passionate about something which doesn't concern him? Why does he feel it's his place to concern himself with your wife's financial choices? And what's with the ultimatum over the garage?

Seems to me that if you go your father's route, you'd be saving interest, I'm sure...but losing having control over your own situation. I'd pay the interest every time, heh.

I am never one for cutting family out of my life, but at the same time, if I put myself in your wife's shoes, I'd be scared thinking 'omG is this how it's going to be?' And that's not because of your father's behavior...rather because of your own for not putting your foot down with your father. I'm sorry to say, but I find his reaction completely out of line no matter what his intention.

Have a heart to heart with your father. I don't know how old you are...but I'm guessing you're on the young side...but show your father that you are a grown man and deserve respect! It is your responsibility to demand respect for your wife as well. I'm not saying all fist pounding and ultimatums...but you married this woman and your first responsibility is to her

In laws yelling, throwing ultimatums, etc at the spouse is completely OTT if you ask me.

Thank you. We especially liked this statement:Seems to me that if you go your father's route, you'd be saving interest, I'm sure...but losing having control over your own situation. I'd pay the interest every time, heh.

Thanks, your replies are insightful. The thing is we are not living under the same roof with him/my parents anymore. I have long since moved after 25. Financialwise, my wife got a job last month and her annual gross pay ranges from 55-60K. I can say her monthly income is even better than mine. That's why she is confident she can pay off the entire amount within a couple of months on her own if that's the case but she wanted to build credit. I did not expect my parents to "react" so much this way since we are capable adults. My dad yelling on the phone while my wife listens (teleconference) broke my heart, as I see her getting hurt and feeling defenseless. I love and respect my father but I was as surprised as my wife when he tried to intervene. We could have gotten off without the harsh words, now my poor wife is not sure anymore if she wants them in her life as well. I can understand her disappointment. She told me that my parents should trust her as she trusts them.

I apologize if this is turning out to be a personal & am sounding like a man without the balls. I am just hurt of what happened and my wife has been so quiet today. I heard her crying in the bathroom and she would not let me comfort her.

This is not a good day at all.

Ah, ok. Man, I feel for you. Perhaps a meeting with your father when you all can sit down calmly, letting him know the boundaries of the relationship that you want. If you are completely free from any financial support from them, then I don't see how you father should be meddling in your financial dealings. It was tough for me because my parents had helped me out financially over the years, making it difficult to feel like I was totally independent from them. I'm sure he means well and I hope your wife can understand that aspect, but she shouldn't have to be subjected to being talked to that way either.

I agree. The yelling and the harsh words are totally unnecessary.

[bostonparis 0]

I know it's never easy to confront family members that you are close to... but your dad's actions do seem to be irrational and inappropriate in this particular circumstance. I guess a "sit down" is probably what's required, unfortunate as the situation is.

Good luck.

[Fandango 1,440]

Agreed, no justification is needed, however that might help make the father behave more considerately to his son and daughter in law as they continue to establish their new life together independent from the family.

To me, that's putting up a bit of pretense....the father needs to treat them more considerately just because he should...making excuses for 'reasons' only enables the behavior.

OP, good luck to you! I'm sure you all will find your legs soon....