Different Religions

[bradcanuck 1]

How do you guys typically deal with having different religions?

Typically my wife and I just do not talk about it. However when the time comes my wife wants our future kids to go to Christian private schools. I don't believe in that sort of thing, but it makes it hard arguing.

What do you do with situations like this and religion in the relationship in general?

[DeadPoolX 9]

Well... I'm Jewish (Reform) and my fiancee doesn't really have or practice a religion, so it works out nicely. She can be spiritual, but she doesn't ascribe to any one organizd religion. She doesn't like the idea of a group telling her how to view God or spirituality.

I can understand that. Despite being raised as a Jew, I'm not a big fan of organized religion either. This is good, since if I was, we might clash. However, we agree on our religious (or perhaps, spiritual) views, there aren't any arguments.

Interestingly enough, even though her family isn't "Christian," they still celebrate Christmas and Easter. They don't go into the religious aspects of it, but partake in the more traditional festivities. For instance, during Christmas, her family has a Christmas Tree. But that's not overly Christian either (not unless there are certain religious ornaments on it).

So in our house, we'll have a Christmas Tree and a Hanukkah Menorah (also known as a Hanukkiah) during that time of the year. As for each other's holidays, we'll celebrate them together.

[Peikko 1,575]

In my opinion as with all things that affect a relationship you should at least come to some understanding of your different points of view, even if your views remain completely different because spirituality is one of the things that makes you you.

A good Christian school doesn't have to be a bad thing even if you aren't Christian yourself. If you are involved in the choosing process you can choose a school that is good for all kinds of reasons beyond that it might teach some Christian values (If it's morality being offered, it's not such a bad thing, really, if it's a more oppressive regime then it's not a good school anyway, learning should be about presenting opportunities not restricting them.)

[Chica Yeyé 41]

In my opinion as with all things that affect a relationship you should at least come to some understanding of your different points of view, even if your views remain completely different because spirituality is one of the things that makes you you.

A good Christian school doesn't have to be a bad thing even if you aren't Christian yourself. If you are involved in the choosing process you can choose a school that is good for all kinds of reasons beyond that it might teach some Christian values (If it's morality being offered, it's not such a bad thing, really, if it's a more oppressive regime then it's not a good school anyway, learning should be about presenting opportunities not restricting them.)

Purple.... you took the words outtamamouth. I like how you think.

[~Nini~ 2]

Bee's family is Jewish, but they've mostly fallen out of practicing the faith. His parents were both raised in strict religious households and that led them to venture away from doing the same to their children. Mostly they celebrate Passover and Hanukkah, but that's about it. As for me, I grew up with a Chinese Buddhist mother, so I have some faint ties to that.

I think we just came to the consensus that we'd learn from each other's religions, but we wouldn't force our kids to pick one or the other as we want to encourage free-thinking. For now we're fine with celebrating each other's religions, when it's the time - and admittedly, it does make it easy to compromise when neither of us are too deep into our faiths. Maybe that sounds a little blasphemous, but it does work for us.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I think we just came to the consensus that we'd learn from each other's religions, but we wouldn't force our kids to pick one or the other as we want to encourage free-thinking. For now we're fine with celebrating each other's religions, when it's the time - and admittedly, it does make it easy to compromise when neither of us are too deep into our faiths. Maybe that sounds a little blasphemous, but it does work for us.

[Jasman0717 9]

In our situation it works really well, we both don't participate

Edited November 2, 2007 by jasman0717

[David-Rhosie 0]

Rhosie is Protestant and I have no religious ties (though was raised to know the bible better than most). She accepts my "faith" and I understand hers (most of the time). It's a continual learning process and personally we'll just have to see how it continues. Decent for now though.

[Nessa 23]

you don't have to believe in what each other believe, you just have to respect what each other believe. Your kids won't suffer if you don't share the same beliefs. You can either choose to teach them both beliefs, which is possible or choose one way you both agree would be best for the kid and teach tolerance and repect towards all religions.

[Reba 2]

you don't have to believe in what each other believe, you just have to respect what each other believe. Your kids won't suffer if you don't share the same beliefs. You can either choose to teach them both beliefs, which is possible or choose one way you both agree would be best for the kid and teach tolerance and repect towards all religions.

zackly!

As for attending a religious run school, when my sister and I were kids we attended Catholic School. My father was a baptised but non-practicing Catholic (hadn't been to church since his own mother dragged him when he was a kid), and my Mum was a non-practicing presbyterian. My Mum had some fundamental problems with the teachings of the Catholic church, so they decided when we were born that we would not be baptised or christened under either religion, that we could decide for ourselves when we were older. BUT, the best school curriculum in our county was at the Catholic school, so that's where we went from K to gr. 8. On Sunday's when we were young we went to a protestant bible/Sunday school until we decided (my sister and I) that we no longer wanted to go. Mostly because we didn't want to get up early on Sundays anymore.

We were both left to question or accept as we ourselves saw to it. We were not told by either parent to accept anything we learned from either church. They also taught us about other belief systems, which oddly enough, we even learned about in our Catholic school.

I have an Aunt & Uncle who are Roman Catholic (Aunt) and Jewish (Uncle). Neither one of them attend church or temple regularly (other than weddings and funerals), but they taught their daughter about both religions and will let her decide. I think she's decided on apathy really.

I also have Pagan friends whose children attend a Christian run school, simply because they have the best teaching curriculum. The teachers are aware of the religious differences, and respect that.

Its all in the balance I think.

[aj1 1]

Well said Nessa! i agree with you. As far as me and my fiance i am Christian, and he is Muslim we both respect each other's religious beliefs and we both teach each other about our religions. He celebrates my holidays with me, and i do the same with him. We both are not nor would ever try to change each other's religious beliefs we knew from the beginning that there would be challenges that we would face because of this but we have discussed it and we respect each other's differences in religion and will not try to change this about each other because this is what makes us who we are individually. And that is special enough to not have conflicts over.

AJ1

[Dan J 277]

It hasn't really been a problem for us. I'm atheist and my fiance is more or less agnostic, not really following any religion to the letter. When we eventually have kids, we wont really force them down any particular path. If they choose a religion or not, it will be up to them.

I don't really like the idea of religious schools, but that doesn't mean that they are all bad. If your wife wants to send your children to a Christian school, be a part of the process so you can help choose a school that you will also be happy with. I think that trying to resist your wife wishes, especially if she feels strongly about it, is not a good route for your family. But if you go into it willingly she will hopefully be more willing to compromise on a school that also meets your desires for your children.

[Saddle Bronc 124]

4 ways to deal with the religions issue:

• beforehand -- ensure that both religions same before proceeding further (obviously not in glister here)
• one partner converts to other's religion (somewhat in glister)
• come to an understanding
• break up

[Nutty 2]

How do you guys typically deal with having different religions?

Typically my wife and I just do not talk about it. However when the time comes my wife wants our future kids to go to Christian private schools. I don't believe in that sort of thing, but it makes it hard arguing.

What do you do with situations like this and religion in the relationship in general?

Me (agnostic) - husband (muslim)...

Basically we are both secular in our daily lives. My husband doesn't have to eat halal, but does avoid pork and prays once a day.

I respect his customs and he respects mine.

We are both open minded enough (since we married outside of our religions anyway) that our children will be raised on the better principals of both Christian and muslim religion.

[sparkofcreation 0]

I'm UU and G. is Christian, but it hasn't been a problem. He mostly goes to my church since there's not one of his denomination near our house anyway, and he doesn't believe in infant baptism so that won't be an issue if we ever have kids. If we do, we'd raise them UU, which of course could well mean they'd grow up to be Christian (since UU religious education encourages kids to learn about other religions and make their own choices), so it's all cool.

I think at the deepest levels each of us thinks the other is just plain wrong, but each of us respects the other's right to be wrong so it all works out.