What about trad wedding - do we disclose?

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

I think her question is pretty clear...and so does everyone else who offered their advice. Just ask for clarification if anything. this is not the forum for sarcasm. we are all here to help each other.

I guess you are willing to risk the success of her case on assumption of fact... When you have been here for a while you know that assumption of fact is a very bad thing.... What appears obvious sometimes is very different from reality.

Calm down. It's not an assumption of fact. She posted on the Sub-Saharan Africa forum because we are familiar with what a "traditional african wedding" is and thus can give advice based on that knowledge. Coming from a different background, you're not as familiar with some aspects of african culture. I suppose you wanted to be helpful, but it didn't come over that way. Maybe you could just let it go and we can all move on to something a bit more constructive.

[Asante Maroon 0]

It's cultural. In many african countries they have tribal marraiges. The ceremony is important but in later time, the government established a formal process to become legally married. Which costs money and usually occurs in a court room and doesn't include the traditions of a tribal wedding ceremony. Many africans don't bother to have the "legal" marraige. The tribal wedding is more important before God and your family. So, once that's completed, no matter what the government says, you're married. It's a distinction that can muddy the waters of the visa process because you can be married but not married at the same time. A legal marraige is what is recognized by governmental entities, but when you are dealing with an embassy, especially in a fraud alert country like Nigeria, those little differences can cause a big problem in the process.

Thank you mama. Because I was really not up for the ignorance. People are obviously frustrated with the process and are using VJ (a forum that's suppose to inform, support, and encourage others) as a place to release their frustration.

Sarcasm is not wanted here. So lets exhale the negativity and those of us who want to be here for each other....lets continue and ignore the ignorance.

Peace and love

I think her question is pretty clear...and so does everyone else who offered their advice. Just ask for clarification if anything. this is not the forum for sarcasm. we are all here to help each other.

I guess you are willing to risk the success of her case on assumption of fact... When you have been here for a while you know that assumption of fact is a very bad thing.... What appears obvious sometimes is very different from reality.

Calm down. It's not an assumption of fact. She posted on the Sub-Saharan Africa forum because we are familiar with what a "traditional african wedding" is and thus can give advice based on that knowledge. Coming from a different background, you're not as familiar with some aspects of african culture. I suppose you wanted to be helpful, but it didn't come over that way. Maybe you could just let it go and we can all move on to something a bit more constructive.

Thank you mama. Because I was really not up for the ignorance. People are obviously frustrated with the process and are using VJ (a forum that's suppose to inform, support, and encourage others) as a place to release their frustration.

Sarcasm is not wanted here. So lets exhale the negativity and those of us who want to be here for each other....lets continue and ignore the ignorance.

Peace and love

[ForeverAmen 0]

Thank you mama. Because I was really not up for the ignorance. People are obviously frustrated with the process and are using VJ (a forum that's suppose to inform, support, and encourage others) as a place to release their frustration.

Sarcasm is not wanted here. So lets exhale the negativity and those of us who want to be here for each other....lets continue and ignore the ignorance.

Peace and love

Asante - well said!

Boaz

[Ta Ta 1]

It's cultural. In many african countries they have tribal marraiges. The ceremony is important but in later time, the government established a formal process to become legally married. Which costs money and usually occurs in a court room and doesn't include the traditions of a tribal wedding ceremony. Many africans don't bother to have the "legal" marraige. The tribal wedding is more important before God and your family. So, once that's completed, no matter what the government says, you're married. It's a distinction that can muddy the waters of the visa process because you can be married but not married at the same time. A legal marraige is what is recognized by governmental entities, but when you are dealing with an embassy, especially in a fraud alert country like Nigeria, those little differences can cause a big problem in the process.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Thank you mama. Because I was really not up for the ignorance.

Peace and love

[Missy1 0]

Please....don't mention it to anyone! Keep it to yourself until your visa process is over. I would also be very careful of jealous friends that might go behind your back and rat you out. I would just hold off on the wedding if I were you to stay on the safe side, but if you really want to....then go ahead. But, be careful.....

[monagoz 2]

Please....don't mention it to anyone! Keep it to yourself until your visa process is over. I would also be very careful of jealous friends that might go behind your back and rat you out. I would just hold off on the wedding if I were you to stay on the safe side, but if you really want to....then go ahead. But, be careful.....

The cat is already out of the bag. Do you know who and who read this forum. People should be wise and understand that anytime you put something on the net, it is no more a secret. You can't just start typing because you could not knowing what you want to accomplish.

Some people believe they have to see their "contribution", even though it made no sense.

VJ is an informative arena where people on the same journey share "useful" experiences and encourage each other. It not a place where people decide which country has the highest 419 scam or the interpretation of cultures/traditions/beliefs and all these nonsense. There are zilion sites for that.

This is a special forum for some special people. Please lets keep it that way. Also, before you start typing anything, think of the ramifications. NIGERIAN FILERS, I believe!!!!

Thanks

[Asante Maroon 0]

Please....don't mention it to anyone! Keep it to yourself until your visa process is over. I would also be very careful of jealous friends that might go behind your back and rat you out. I would just hold off on the wedding if I were you to stay on the safe side, but if you really want to....then go ahead. But, be careful.....

Is big brother watching? If so he will be

[Adrians Mom 0]

Zainab -- Way to tell him! Very well said!

Asante_Maroon -- good points...people are kinda testy on this forum.

Thanks for all the advice guys...maybe its naive of me to say ummmm I'm not really worried about anyone on this forum flying to nigeria to rat me out for my interview...lol. If I had to do it all over again, I still would post....don't know if any other forums out there would have ppl that are going through same thing. Thanks for words of advice though. I can't worry about negative energy trying to get in my way....I don't live my life like that. I can only worry about myself (and my SO in this case) and worry about doing what's best for us.

And I wish I could re-consider having this ceremony, but its too late for that...we're pretty deep into the planning phases. I'm actually very excited its happening. But once again, I appreciate the advice given on here.

My way is God's way.....

[Missy1 0]

Nixz_Chi,

I am Nigerian and I have witness this very situation happen to someone that I know. She went home and had an elaborate traditional wedding. When her fiance got to the embassy....they denied him saying that they had reason to believe that she married him already.

This was this past June. She went home this September to register the wedding and file for him as a spouse. Girl, don't let no one spoil your parade, but you do have to be careful, especially when you have something so delicate on the the line. Say no more about it and do what you want to do.

You know how our country is....some people will do anything to leave the country and tend to get jealous of others who find news paths abroad. When you mentioned the question....just made me think of that poor girl that lives close to me here. She has spent a fortune, and no one knows who ratted them out.

I too had planned to do a traditional but later decided not to, after hearing what happened. My family was so mad at me, but having my baby here with me was more important. Maybe call it an engagement party and do what you need to do, you what I mean. Stay focused and do what makes you happy....At the end the day, that is all that matters.

[Asante Maroon 0]

Nixz_Chi,

I am Nigerian and I have witness this very situation happen to someone that I know. She went home and had an elaborate traditional wedding. When her fiance got to the embassy....they denied him saying that they had reason to believe that she married him already.

This was this past June. She went home this September to register the wedding and file for him as a spouse. Girl, don't let no one spoil your parade, but you do have to be careful, especially when you have something so delicate on the the line. Say no more about it and do what you want to do.

You know how our country is....some people will do anything to leave the country and tend to get jealous of others who find news paths abroad. When you mentioned the question....just made me think of that poor girl that lives close to me here. She has spent a fortune, and no one knows who ratted them out.

I too had planned to do a traditional but later decided not to, after hearing what happened. My family was so mad at me, but having my baby here with me was more important. Maybe call it an engagement party and do what you need to do, you what I mean. Stay focused and do what makes you happy....At the end the day, that is all that matters.

Well said Missy. I suggested that she just have an engagement party or just label it an engagement party....that way she can continue with her plans and at the same time won't fall into that gray area

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

You're right Missy. More than just possibly being investigated, there are haters out there who will go straight to the embassy with the food from your wedding in their belly. It's sad, but it's the story of the crabs pulling each other down trying to get out of the barrel.

Good Luck with whatever you do!

[Kanyiri 0]

Those who have seen me post in the past should know that I don't try to be negative, and I'm not trying to here, but I just have to say this.

It's not really others who have to rat you out. The consulate workers know about this website. They are people just like anyone else and can find this website just as easily. It's a public forum. No, I don't work at a consulate, but my job is to search government databases and we are given internet access to find information posted publicly elsewhere as well.

And it may be petty, but this came to mind when I read that you said your way is God's way. Would God really advocate lying or selectively removing information?:

"Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive."

Sir Walter Scott

I had what some may see as questionable parts in our application, but I was open and honest about it all and we were approved without problems.

This visa process isn't really something to play with.

(edited because my quotes turned into funny characters..)

Edited November 8, 2007 by Kanyiri

[Adrians Mom 0]

And it may be petty, but this came to mind when I read that you said your way is God's way. Would God really advocate lying or selectively removing information?:

"Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive."

Sir Walter Scott

(edited because my quotes turned into funny characters..)

Missy - I really feel for your friend, sucks to have to start over. A friend of mines actually got denied because her SO didn't meet her father, and they didn't have any formal/documented engagement ceremonies. Go figure....guess it depends on who u really get.

Awww come on Kanyiri...don't go there...not yet at least. I haven't even figured out how I will handle this situation yet, honestly. I just know where to start, and that's just putting my prayers in God's hands. The rest will come to us, we just have to sit down and think very very rationally. We've got some time to hash it out anyways....no approval in sight for me.

But I do appreciate alllllllllllllll the advice, don't worry...I'll put it to good use.

[Eagleeye 1]

Hi Chi,

My discovery is that USC counsulars are not as "mean" as they are rumored to be, provided you tell the truth and have enough to butress your point.

Go in with every document required,confidence and a smile afterall you are genuine....oh and a lot of pictures too!

They socialize and know the culture there too.If you are not sure then operate on a need to know basis.

I think the whole essence of the interview is to ensure you are marrying for real and a traditioanl marriage prooves that.If asked why you were so sure as to go into marriage,tell the truth its becuse you love him.

They are humans with blood in their veins too.

GOOD LUCK