What about trad wedding - do we disclose?

[akatagirl 0]

Thanks Akatagirl (I feel weird calling you that...lol...I'm assuming you know what akata means...lol)

Yeah I do know what that means (HAHAHA)..and its kinda funny nickname I got the first time I visited Nigeria...I laughed my head off when I was called that by many of my nigerians friends over there because I do not have any European descent in me... I have more pacific islander and spanish heritage but of course I was called AKATA Woman in Nigeria because they considered the color of my skin to be "white" since my skin color was not the same as theirs..

[akatagirl 0]

I'm wishing now I could switch it up to an engagement party, but looks like its a full blown trad wedding now...thanks to our over-zealous parents. I could always say we just had a gathering where my SO came to my parents to ask my hand in marriage. Which isn't a lie, becos he actually does have to do that two days before the wedding.

But I agree with the other posters. If the don't ask -- don't tell.

Sounds like you know what to say come time for interview....Hope you both have the most splendid time during the traditional ceremony..how exciting!!! I just love hearing about weddings!!! =)

[Asante Maroon 0]

Good afternoon all...

I was wondering....

My fiance and I are having our traditonal wedding this xmas in Nigeria. We personally didn't want to go the traditonal marriage route, but our parents insist its bad luck on your marriage if you don't do it. For those that are Nigerian, you know that the traditional marriage is just as official (if not more) than the white wedding. After the traditional marriage, we will be considered married to ppl in our community.

Now....technically...since its not a "legalized" marriage, should my SO disclose this information come interview time? I know how sketchy those interviewers are in Lagos, and I don't want to give them any info tipping them the wrong way. What if they ask him "have you guys had any traditional wedding ceremonies?", or something similar. Should he tell the truth? I'm thinking if he does, they might think we're married already and will deny us for applying under false pretenses or something.

Have any of you filing thru Nigeria had a trad wedding before the interview? Did this even come up in the interview??

If I'm over-worrying, just tell me to hush up...

I would NOT say anything about it unless you can pass the pictures taken at the wedding off as engagement party pictures, that would be best... you don't want to say you had a traditional marriage (although not legal) and give them an excuse to hold you back.

Take a few pictures with key members of your family and say it was an engagement party...even if you have to do a wardrobe change just for that purpose.

Good luck!

[Kanyiri 0]

OK, I am apparently going against the grain, but I would tell the truth. I would fully disclose the fact that you had a traditional wedding. I would include pictures and a statement from whoever led the ceremony saying that you were married traditionally but not legally. You could even get a statement from the marriage registrar people saying that you are not listed in their records as being married.

You really don't want to roll the dice with lying or selectively not including information.

[Adrians Mom 0]

OK, I am apparently going against the grain, but I would tell the truth. I would fully disclose the fact that you had a traditional wedding. I would include pictures and a statement from whoever led the ceremony saying that you were married traditionally but not legally. You could even get a statement from the marriage registrar people saying that you are not listed in their records as being married.

You really don't want to roll the dice with lying or selectively not including information.

Thanks for all your suggestions guys. This is really a tough one for me. I honestly don't know which way I'll do it. I'm just putting it in God's hands.

For now...I'll stress about when I'm getting my approval!

[payxibka 10,045]

Good afternoon all...

I was wondering....

My fiance and I are having our traditonal wedding this xmas in Nigeria. We personally didn't want to go the traditonal marriage route, but our parents insist its bad luck on your marriage if you don't do it. For those that are Nigerian, you know that the traditional marriage is just as official (if not more) than the white wedding. After the traditional marriage, we will be considered married to ppl in our community.

Now....technically...since its not a "legalized" marriage, should my SO disclose this information come interview time? I know how sketchy those interviewers are in Lagos, and I don't want to give them any info tipping them the wrong way. What if they ask him "have you guys had any traditional wedding ceremonies?", or something similar. Should he tell the truth? I'm thinking if he does, they might think we're married already and will deny us for applying under false pretenses or something.

Have any of you filing thru Nigeria had a trad wedding before the interview? Did this even come up in the interview??

If I'm over-worrying, just tell me to hush up...

I'd be curious about why the traditional is "just as official (if not more) than" and then later you say "technically ... since it is not a "legalized" marriage". These are very contradictory statements.....

Edited November 5, 2007 by fwaguy

[Adrians Mom 0]

Good afternoon all...

I was wondering....

My fiance and I are having our traditonal wedding this xmas in Nigeria. We personally didn't want to go the traditonal marriage route, but our parents insist its bad luck on your marriage if you don't do it. For those that are Nigerian, you know that the traditional marriage is just as official (if not more) than the white wedding. After the traditional marriage, we will be considered married to ppl in our community.

Now....technically...since its not a "legalized" marriage, should my SO disclose this information come interview time? I know how sketchy those interviewers are in Lagos, and I don't want to give them any info tipping them the wrong way. What if they ask him "have you guys had any traditional wedding ceremonies?", or something similar. Should he tell the truth? I'm thinking if he does, they might think we're married already and will deny us for applying under false pretenses or something.

Have any of you filing thru Nigeria had a trad wedding before the interview? Did this even come up in the interview??

If I'm over-worrying, just tell me to hush up...

I'd be curious about why the traditional is "just as official (if not more) than" and then later you say "technically ... since it is not a "legalized" marriage". These are very contradictory statements.....

They are actually not. Its not legal in the sense that its not recognized in the courts/government...wherever Nigeria keeps record of those legally married in the country. We don't have to go to a courthouse, nor do we have to get/sign/fill out any type of documents saying we're married.

When I mention that its just as official, I'm referring to the actual ceremony which is taken quite seriously in our community. Its not really a "wedding" per se. The literal term is wine carrying, which is symbolic in our culture of two people intending to marry.

I didn't really post this for anyone to pick my words apart (which people on VJ soooooooo love doing). I posted to get suggestions/advice from ppl who may have gone thru this before.

[payxibka 10,045]

I didn't really post this for anyone to pick my words apart (which people on VJ soooooooo love doing). I posted to get suggestions/advice from ppl who may have gone thru this before.

You are looking for advice and "pitfalls" in your situation... Carelessly using terminolgy will not get you what you seek.

[Adrians Mom 0]

I didn't really post this for anyone to pick my words apart (which people on VJ soooooooo love doing). I posted to get suggestions/advice from ppl who may have gone thru this before.

You are looking for advice and "pitfalls" in your situation... Carelessly using terminolgy will not get you what you seek.

So I'm guessing you had a hard time comprehending my previous post where I made myself clear. Its interesting that the other posters were able to understand my terminology, and offer their advice and "pitfalls"( which I greatly appreciated, btw).

Thanks for your advice though --- wait. You didn't offer any.

[Ta Ta 1]

Traditional ceremonies are tough to decipher or compare or even desribe. It varies in each tribal culture. In many parts of Africa , even if you not have had a traditional ceremony people still refer to you as wife/husband. Family bonds are strong and my fiance's friends and family referred to me as their 'wife' too.....just by being engaged.

Which freaked me out at first when someone said now you are my wife too until I understood.

So where do the embassies draw the line as to which ceremony is allowed and which is not. Which is a 'blessing over the couple ' and which isn't.

I believe it depends on the interpretation of each CO and as unfair as they can be, I say be very cautious.

I have heard that as long as you are considered married by the country's standards ( even without papers) you are considered to be married by the CO.

It is a very fine line indeed and I wish there was more clarity on traditional ceremonies in embassy instructions and regulations that one can gain a better understanding and insight.

Does accepting a calabash mean you are married ? Who knows. When having the traditional wedding without papers for a K3 , would it fly ? No, the papers and certificate will be needed and your marriage would not be recognized for a spousal visa.

But a CO can deny you when hearing about a traditional wedding ceremony without papers.

Confusing indeed.

[payxibka 10,045]

I didn't really post this for anyone to pick my words apart (which people on VJ soooooooo love doing). I posted to get suggestions/advice from ppl who may have gone thru this before.

You are looking for advice and "pitfalls" in your situation... Carelessly using terminolgy will not get you what you seek.

So I'm guessing you had a hard time comprehending my previous post where I made myself clear. Its interesting that the other posters were able to understand my terminology, and offer their advice and "pitfalls"( which I greatly appreciated, btw).

Thanks for your advice though --- wait. You didn't offer any.

I didn't offer any because until the "true" distinction between the two types of ceremonies are known can anyone effectively provide you what you seek. Until that point, the others are operating on personal interpretation and assumptins of fact that may simply be grossly wrong... Proceed at your own risk....

[Asante Maroon 0]

So I'm guessing you had a hard time comprehending my previous post where I made myself clear. Its interesting that the other posters were able to understand my terminology, and offer their advice and "pitfalls"( which I greatly appreciated, btw).

Thanks for your advice though --- wait. You didn't offer any.

I didn't offer any because until the "true" distinction between the two types of ceremonies are known can anyone effectively provide you what you seek. Until that point, the others are operating on personal interpretation and assumptins of fact that may simply be grossly wrong... Proceed at your own risk....

I think her question is pretty clear...and so does everyone else who offered their advice. Just ask for clarification if anything. this is not the forum for sarcasm. we are all here to help each other.

[payxibka 10,045]

I think her question is pretty clear...and so does everyone else who offered their advice. Just ask for clarification if anything. this is not the forum for sarcasm. we are all here to help each other.

I guess you are willing to risk the success of her case on assumption of fact... When you have been here for a while you know that assumption of fact is a very bad thing.... What appears obvious sometimes is very different from reality.

[Adrians Mom 0]

I think her question is pretty clear...and so does everyone else who offered their advice. Just ask for clarification if anything. this is not the forum for sarcasm. we are all here to help each other.

I guess you are willing to risk the success of her case on assumption of fact... When you have been here for a while you know that assumption of fact is a very bad thing.... What appears obvious sometimes is very different from reality.

I am fully aware of this, btw. Thanks for your input!

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Good afternoon all...

I was wondering....

My fiance and I are having our traditonal wedding this xmas in Nigeria. We personally didn't want to go the traditonal marriage route, but our parents insist its bad luck on your marriage if you don't do it. For those that are Nigerian, you know that the traditional marriage is just as official (if not more) than the white wedding. After the traditional marriage, we will be considered married to ppl in our community.

Now....technically...since its not a "legalized" marriage, should my SO disclose this information come interview time? I know how sketchy those interviewers are in Lagos, and I don't want to give them any info tipping them the wrong way. What if they ask him "have you guys had any traditional wedding ceremonies?", or something similar. Should he tell the truth? I'm thinking if he does, they might think we're married already and will deny us for applying under false pretenses or something.

Have any of you filing thru Nigeria had a trad wedding before the interview? Did this even come up in the interview??

If I'm over-worrying, just tell me to hush up...

I'd be curious about why the traditional is "just as official (if not more) than" and then later you say "technically ... since it is not a "legalized" marriage". These are very contradictory statements.....

It's cultural. In many african countries they have tribal marraiges. The ceremony is important but in later time, the government established a formal process to become legally married. Which costs money and usually occurs in a court room and doesn't include the traditions of a tribal wedding ceremony. Many africans don't bother to have the "legal" marraige. The tribal wedding is more important before God and your family. So, once that's completed, no matter what the government says, you're married. It's a distinction that can muddy the waters of the visa process because you can be married but not married at the same time. A legal marraige is what is recognized by governmental entities, but when you are dealing with an embassy, especially in a fraud alert country like Nigeria, those little differences can cause a big problem in the process.