What about trad wedding - do we disclose?

[Adrians Mom 0]

Good afternoon all...

I was wondering....

My fiance and I are having our traditonal wedding this xmas in Nigeria. We personally didn't want to go the traditonal marriage route, but our parents insist its bad luck on your marriage if you don't do it. For those that are Nigerian, you know that the traditional marriage is just as official (if not more) than the white wedding. After the traditional marriage, we will be considered married to ppl in our community.

Now....technically...since its not a "legalized" marriage, should my SO disclose this information come interview time? I know how sketchy those interviewers are in Lagos, and I don't want to give them any info tipping them the wrong way. What if they ask him "have you guys had any traditional wedding ceremonies?", or something similar. Should he tell the truth? I'm thinking if he does, they might think we're married already and will deny us for applying under false pretenses or something.

Have any of you filing thru Nigeria had a trad wedding before the interview? Did this even come up in the interview??

If I'm over-worrying, just tell me to hush up...

[Zee Bee 61]

Hmm....good question.

We are also planning on having a traditional wedding (our parents feel the same way yours do ) but ours is going to be after the interview.

But I am under the impression that as long as it is not LEGAL then you are fine.

[*JG* 2]

I wouldn't say anything or include any pictures of it. If it's not legal, you are correct in that it doesn't really make a difference. However, I've heard stories of people who have had issues and had a lot of explaining and time tacked on to their journey while they wait out investigations and such.

[Osakeme 0]

Please believe that disclosing info that would give them reason to lenghten the process is not what you want. My best friend got married in Nigeria this January. She filled since last year and everything was taking too long so the wedding days(traditional and White) came and went and her husband just got here this March as her fiance this march. They were not asked when the interview was conducted and so they did not tell.... The had a court wedding in NJ and are now expecting their first child..... Sorry went off the topic.

My point is leave extra stuff out, unless someone rats u out.

[Ta Ta 1]

Lagos is not an easy embassy to go through.

My advice is to have an engagement party instead and take pics for evidence of bona fide relationship.

If you find yourself in AP / AR it usually involves background checks and often home investigations where the investigators

go to friends, family and even neighbors to ask questions.

Lets just say some happy guest proclaims : " oh yeah the wedding was great, they are a real couple and the goat and fufu were excellent ! "

Well there goes the visa, the perception of the CO is that you are married and therefore not eligible for a fiance visa.

I would not take a risk except ask the embassy if a traditional ceremony without any registry/papers is ok. ( If you do please let me know ).

I would also not volunteer this info but when asked of course answer truthfully. If you lie you are in big trouble.

All in all why take the risk !

[Ta Ta 1]

If you do then make sure you take rings off before the interview and going through POE. It is still vital to be free to marry going through

POE and if the officer there interprets that you indeed are married you take a chance to be turned back. Do not refer to each other as husband and wife.

There have been lots of discussions about ' ceremonies' , traditional or church blessings and the membership is split over the decision to do or not to do. I know of at least one member ( Thailand maybe ) that had a ceremony without papers , disclosed it and showed pictures and had no problems.

Some CO's understand the cultural meaning of such ceremonies and some don't.

I also know of couples that were denied, even at POE.

It is a very fine line and the CO has too much power to interpret the ceremony as a marriage. The burden of proof would be on you alone to

produce evidence that you are free to marry.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Legally, there isn't a problem with doing it, but I wouldn't recommend disclosing it to the embassy unless you are directly asked. If you are directly asked then always tell the truth, because being caught in a lie is dangerous and could lead to a lifetime ban and planning a life in Nigeria after all.

[chinemeze 0]

My wife and I first also thought about such a scenario. After much thought and investigation, we found out that for our case with a son it was better to go ahead and marry then file under the K-3 status. I would not advise you to include anything about a traditional wedding or anything that would paint you as more than fiances. I know a couple of people who were denied their visa because the CO's in Lagos sent someone to their village and found out that they had a traditional wedding with all the enchilada. Like everyone else said, try not to divulge this fact, but if you are cornered then ou have to be forthright.

But , I bet that if you present all other evidence of a bona fide relationship, you guys wont be having any problems. Goodluck

[akatagirl 0]

My fiance and I are having our traditonal wedding this xmas in Nigeria. We personally didn't want to go the traditonal marriage route, but our parents insist its bad luck on your marriage if you don't do it. For those that are Nigerian, you know that the traditional marriage is just as official (if not more) than the white wedding. After the traditional marriage, we will be considered married to ppl in our community.

Now....technically...since its not a "legalized" marriage, should my SO disclose this information come interview time? I know how sketchy those interviewers are in Lagos, and I don't want to give them any info tipping them the wrong way. What if they ask him "have you guys had any traditional wedding ceremonies?", or something similar. Should he tell the truth? I'm thinking if he does, they might think we're married already and will deny us for applying under false pretenses or something.

Sorry I do not have any experience with the embassy in Nigeria but all I can reiterate to you is that embassy is one of the more difficult ones to go thru with all the 419 scams that occur..As another vj member had already suggested, maybe you and your fiance should have an engagement party instead of the traditional wedding or if you do not want to that then leave out the details with at the time of the interviewer to explain that the traditional ceremony was in preparation for the court wedding that you both plan to have- I think if you use that explanation it is not necessarily telling a lie..

In any case good luck to you both!

[Adrians Mom 0]

Wow...thanks for the advice guys! (and gals)

Really huh?

So you guys think I should be honest when they ask? I was just gonna straight up say no. Traditional weddings may not be legal, but people in Nigeria know that they are taken quite seriously. I'm sure the interviewers know this too. I know some couples who only did the traditional, and they are considered married.

Umm..I think i'm going to tell a white lie if they ask (praying that they don't). Then after just apologize to God for lying.

So let's say they don't ask, and I don't tell. Is it routine for them to do background check anyway?

[Adrians Mom 0]

Sorry I do not have any experience with the embassy in Nigeria but all I can reiterate to you is that embassy is one of the more difficult ones to go thru with all the 419 scams that occur..As another vj member had already suggested, maybe you and your fiance should have an engagement party instead of the traditional wedding or if you do not want to that then leave out the details with at the time of the interviewer to explain that the traditional ceremony was in preparation for the court wedding that you both plan to have- I think if you use that explanation it is not necessarily telling a lie..

In any case good luck to you both!

Thanks Akatagirl (I feel weird calling you that...lol...I'm assuming you know what akata means...lol)

I'm wishing now I could switch it up to an engagement party, but looks like its a full blown trad wedding now...thanks to our over-zealous parents. I could always say we just had a gathering where my SO came to my parents to ask my hand in marriage. Which isn't a lie, becos he actually does have to do that two days before the wedding.

But I agree with the other posters. If the don't ask -- don't tell.

[Zee Bee 61]

Wow...thanks for the advice guys! (and gals)

Really huh?

So you guys think I should be honest when they ask? I was just gonna straight up say no. Traditional weddings may not be legal, but people in Nigeria know that they are taken quite seriously. I'm sure the interviewers know this too. I know some couples who only did the traditional, and they are considered married.

Umm..I think i'm going to tell a white lie if they ask (praying that they don't). Then after just apologize to God for lying.

So let's say they don't ask, and I don't tell. Is it routine for them to do background check anyway?

No one can say whether you would be put in AP/AR but I'm not sure if a field visit is routine in such cases. I guess it all depends on how strong the case of your relationship looks to the CO.

I'm not sure how common it is for the CO to ask if you have had a traditional wedding though.

[Ta Ta 1]

Be careful ! We are under investigation and I know of many others. It is very common to do field investigations in African countries.

Keep in mind whatever you tell them can get verified by guests, neighbors and friends. One slip up from someone and a ban can result for

misrepresentation if you lie. It is a gamble you take. You can beat around the bush only so much during the interview, they are sharp and trained to get an answer to what they want to know and you can't outsmart them. Sometimes they are just looking for an excuse to deny. I have been here for a year and have seen and heard it just about all.

Believe me I know !

[Adrians Mom 0]

Be careful ! We are under investigation and I know of many others. It is very common to do field investigations in African countries.

Keep in mind whatever you tell them can get verified by guests, neighbors and friends. One slip up from someone and a ban can result for

misrepresentation if you lie. It is a gamble you take. You can beat around the bush only so much during the interview, they are sharp and trained to get an answer to what they want to know and you can't outsmart them. Sometimes they are just looking for an excuse to deny. I have been here for a year and have seen and heard it just about all.

Believe me I know !

Thanks...I definitely trust your info.

Jeez...this is a tough one. One bad slip of the mouth could change everything.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Wow...thanks for the advice guys! (and gals)

Really huh?

So you guys think I should be honest when they ask? I was just gonna straight up say no. Traditional weddings may not be legal, but people in Nigeria know that they are taken quite seriously. I'm sure the interviewers know this too. I know some couples who only did the traditional, and they are considered married.

Umm..I think i'm going to tell a white lie if they ask (praying that they don't). Then after just apologize to God for lying.

So let's say they don't ask, and I don't tell. Is it routine for them to do background check anyway?

"white lies" don't exist in the process. You get caught and you can get banned. It's your decision to make, just make an informed one and know that if things go wrong you can be banned which means planning a life with your fiance in Nigeria instead of in USA. Nigeria is an embassy that is under scrutiny because of the high levels of fraud and they are not going to take it easy with you.