need some advise

[sunandmoon 450]

I can see why there might have been offensive taken about the comments made on Filipino and American family values. there are differences between traditional Filipino and American family values, but that doesn't mean there is no sense of obiligation to the family here. economic conditions are why you see so many Filipinos sacrifice being with their families to go overseas. there might not be pressure from other family members to go overseas, it can come from the obligation felt and the desire to better the sitituation of their family.

The Op has a K-1 visa in hand. I at least give her credit for not using it if she has doubts about her relationship with the petitioner. we may not agree with her lifestyle choices or what we feel is her stringing along those involved with her. at least give her credit for trying to do the right thing.

Well said, Roy, although as far as her doing the right thing - this should not be a dilemna for her. She should tell her fiance the truth and end the relationship, IMO.

agree with that

[jom 4]

One thing you people that are not familiar with the filipino cultural is family is EVERYTHING.

Nothing like most Americans who care less about family and I/me are the only thing that matters.

Family comes first in the Philippines.

Speak for yourself because you have no idea what you are talking about. My family is very family oriented. Part of what drew me to look for a filipina wife is that she and her culture shared MY families view on family and home.

you have alot to learn about americans and the american culture.

i wont even say that you people are internet scammers and green carder hunters because that would be just as incorrect, hurtful and just as stupid. There is a vast majority in america who have solid family values where family is everything just as in the philippines. but its always the minority that makes the news or the media, or that people talk about.

Chris

Well said, Chris!

My wife's parents were actually as aprehensive about her dating a foreigner as my parents were about me dating a foreigner. In other words - not every family in the Philippines is eager to see their daughters marry foreigners "in order for a better life." In fact, in the case of my wife - it meant she was giving up a career as a dentist and her own successful practice. While I don't find fault in whatever motivating reasons being why a Filipina is dating a foreigner, I believe the happiest couples are the ones who are founded on genuine love for one another. I find it a noble idea that love means sacrifice rather than opportunity (beyond the opportunity of finding everlasting love).

I have to agree too. If not for me, Myla would not even come here to reside but she gave up her being a lawyer to be with me and that is a very big sacrifice on her part. She has been all over the world but USA was not her ideal place to settle. Her parents "grilled" me before giving their blessings and we both talked about her relocating here before she make her decision because I didnt want her to be unhappy . She is successful in her career and doesnt need me to have a better life, not even her family. So far everything is great and she is loving everytime here. . . shes just happy to be with me.

As we have posted before. .to the OP. Just tell the truth to #1 and 2 and may you make the best decision. After all , we all deserve to be happy and dont want to be trapped in a relationship without love. All the best to you

[Dakine 26]

One thing you people that are not familiar with the filipino cultural is family is EVERYTHING.

Nothing like most Americans who care less about family and I/me are the only thing that matters.

Family comes first in the Philippines.

Speak for yourself because you have no idea what you are talking about. My family is very family oriented. Part of what drew me to look for a filipina wife is that she and her culture shared MY families view on family and home.

you have alot to learn about americans and the american culture.

i wont even say that you people are internet scammers and green carder hunters because that would be just as incorrect, hurtful and just as stupid. There is a vast majority in america who have solid family values where family is everything just as in the philippines. but its always the minority that makes the news or the media, or that people talk about.

Chris

Well said, Chris!

My wife's parents were actually as aprehensive about her dating a foreigner as my parents were about me dating a foreigner. In other words - not every family in the Philippines is eager to see their daughters marry foreigners "in order for a better life." In fact, in the case of my wife - it meant she was giving up a career as a dentist and her own successful practice. While I don't find fault in whatever motivating reasons being why a Filipina is dating a foreigner, I believe the happiest couples are the ones who are founded on genuine love for one another. I find it a noble idea that love means sacrifice rather than opportunity (beyond the opportunity of finding everlasting love).

I have to agree too. If not for me, Myla would not even come here to reside but she gave up her being a lawyer to be with me and that is a very big sacrifice on her part. She has been all over the world but USA was not her ideal place to settle. Her parents "grilled" me before giving their blessings and we both talked about her relocating here before she make her decision because I didnt want her to be unhappy . She is successful in her career and doesnt need me to have a better life, not even her family. So far everything is great and she is loving everytime here. . . shes just happy to be with me.

As we have posted before. .to the OP. Just tell the truth to #1 and 2 and may you make the best decision. After all , we all deserve to be happy and dont want to be trapped in a relationship without love. All the best to you

Lawyer, dentist! I can see why the parents of doctors, lawyers, dentist and professionals would be apprehensive about their kids going anywhere.

I'm talking about your average pinay from the province that tries to live on P98 a day.

[Ta Ta 1]

One thing you people that are not familiar with the filipino cultural is family is EVERYTHING.

Nothing like most Americans who care less about family and I/me are the only thing that matters.

Family comes first in the Philippines.

OP and MANY filipinos are pressured by their families to grab a puti [white] and get to a better country so they can help their families.

There is a fine line in FilAm relationships.

Most pinay help their families as much as they can but also are loving and devoted wifes.

I can't put any blame on the OP for trying to find someone she will end up having a better loving life with and will end up making her hubby and her family happier also.

Yes, I do understand 3. world motivation for betterment in life and how important family is and pure survival.

But an adult should place integrity and honesty over any family pressure. I am totally agreeing with you that if the OP is not in love with

her petitioner she should end the relationship. Involving two men at " at the same time " is what I am voicing my opinion about.

One at a time is all I am saying. End one relationship before having a " friend " she feels vibes with travel to her hometown to try him out while

the first guy is waiting in the trenches for her to decide ? As a mere backup ?

You don't have a problem with that ? Put yourself in the petitioners shoes for Pete's sake and tell me YOU would be ok with that.

[Ta Ta 1]

If as you say the OP feels still pressured to get a ' white' for betterment in life for the entire family involved is it not obvious that guy

# 1 is being strung along until guy #2 has been "tried on or out " ? If as the OP stated she really is no longer in love with #1 but feels

" chemistry " with # 2 why not tell # 1, the petitioner who has invested all his emotion and finances, to move on ?

Answer because the visa will still be available with #2 IMO.

But no, lets string both along and whoever gets hurt that is their problem seems to be the OP's way to deal with this.

[Passing.star 0]

One thing you people that are not familiar with the filipino cultural is family is EVERYTHING.

Nothing like most Americans who care less about family and I/me are the only thing that matters.

Family comes first in the Philippines.

OP and MANY filipinos are pressured by their families to grab a puti [white] and get to a better country so they can help their families.

There is a fine line in FilAm relationships.

Most pinay help their families as much as they can but also are loving and devoted wifes.

I can't put any blame on the OP for trying to find someone she will end up having a better loving life with and will end up making her hubby and her family happier also.

Yes, I do understand 3. world motivation for betterment in life and how important family is and pure survival.

But an adult should place integrity and honesty over any family pressure. I am totally agreeing with you that if the OP is not in love with

her petitioner she should end the relationship. Involving two men at " at the same time " is what I am voicing my opinion about.

One at a time is all I am saying. End one relationship before having a " friend " she feels vibes with travel to her hometown to try him out while

the first guy is waiting in the trenches for her to decide ? As a mere backup ?

You don't have a problem with that ? Put yourself in the petitioners shoes for Pete's sake and tell me YOU would be ok with that.

:thumbs:

In the first place, in my opinion, she shouldn't motivate herself of falling in love with the other guy by talking to him everyday (?) and let him visit her because she's committed already with guy number 2.

Over-looking, I still wish you find peace in your mind and hopefully you will be able to come up with the right decision!

[irene 0]

just a question about this problem for overlooking , how long u and ur fiance known each other and u and this new guy ? why in the first place u still pursue the petition if u already lived together and u think u falling out of love into ur fiance , never get me wrong its good that ur being honest , but also if u invest in the relationship ur fiance also invest in the relationship. And did u try to talk to ur fiance about the things that u make fall out love to him ? so he change and be better. For me i think u should first asked urself , if u fall out of love with ur fiance while living together how much possibility u will not in the second if u see things u dont like if u lived together ? dont be offended but when u pursue the petition after u lived together meaning u accept his negative traits

[zencat 0]

I'm amazed at all the sin-less people here that are so eager to throw stones. I guess when all your religious leaders are judgemental and self-rightous you can't help being so yourselves. "Love is a decision". What a crock. Love is a FEELING that you either have or you don't have, and either way you have no control over it. I suppose you just 'decided' to love your child. IF you're not ready to have your heart broken you should just remain single. I don't want a wife that stays married to me because she made a "commitment" way back when. I want a wife that can't help but love me each day, and if she stops then I set her free because that's how much I love her. THAT'S LOVE.

[overlooking 0]

I'm amazed at all the sin-less people here that are so eager to throw stones. I guess when all your religious leaders are judgemental and self-rightous you can't help being so yourselves. "Love is a decision". What a crock. Love is a FEELING that you either have or you don't have, and either way you have no control over it. I suppose you just 'decided' to love your child. IF you're not ready to have your heart broken you should just remain single. I don't want a wife that stays married to me because she made a "commitment" way back when. I want a wife that can't help but love me each day, and if she stops then I set her free because that's how much I love her. THAT'S LOVE.

Thanks Zen for that.!! Yeah I know what you mean..I talked to my fiance about my feelings towards him and my friend; he is okay to meet my friend . He wouldn't accept my break-up and hoping I will choose him..He woudn't cancel my visa either.Thinking I might change my mind and go for it. I do have my plane ticket already reserved I paid it since I don't want him to spend so much money.

I just want to clarify something to those who comment for the betterment of life. I do have a good career in Phils. and my family is not that poor financially. I'm not struggling here as my profession is in demand and I been to few places in Europe..I don't need him for me to survive..I'm not user nor a player. Talking about my gone feelings towards my fiance.It happened already before I met my friend.. I'm just being honest here..Thanks to all for your advices and I do appreciate it so much..

[David-and-Mae 15]

You really need to do some soul-searching and think about the whole idea of having 2 guys waiting for your decision... Take your time but I hope not too long or you might lose both of them and be left alone hurt and brokenhearted, feeling sorry for losing your chance to lifelong happiness. Nobody knows what's best for you but yourself. You have your heart and mind to help you and it's all up to you if it's gonna be heart over your mind or vice versa. I admire you for posting your predicaments here in a public forum where people everywhere can read it, but in my honest opinion, no one here can really help you but yourself since we cannot put ourselves in your situation.

Good luck to you and may God bless you.

--Mae (a big believer that "what goes around, comes around")

[joemaria 0]

You really need to do some soul-searching and think about the whole idea of having 2 guys waiting for your decision... Take your time but I hope not too long or you might lose both of them and be left alone hurt and brokenhearted, feeling sorry for losing your chance to lifelong happiness. Nobody knows what's best for you but yourself. You have your heart and mind to help you and it's all up to you if it's gonna be heart over your mind or vice versa. I admire you for posting your predicaments here in a public forum where people everywhere can read it, but in my honest opinion, no one here can really help you but yourself since we cannot put ourselves in your situation.

Good luck to you and may God bless you.

--Mae (a big believer that "what goes around, comes around")

I agree!

There's no one can help you but only yourself. We can only give u advises but at the end its your sole decision to make. Our advise/s is like whether u take it or not for it will only help u to enlighten what bothers you. Try to weigh things, we are only human and we have mistakes, for nobody's perfect. All I can say talk to your heart and let your mind decide what is the best move for you...think abt it gurl!

GOODLUCK!