need some advise

[Bill B 0]

Hi to all of you VJer's!! I'm not a new member here..My problem goes like this..I had my visa already ..I don't feel like going. I was pressured by my family to go for it as he was a nice person. I know my fiance loves me but I lost interest on him since we lived together and then started the petition..We are in the on and off relationship.I've fallen in love to my friend and I don't know I just felt like I'm blown away whenever we talked. I never felt like this to my fiance though we been together for quite a while..Nothing happens between me and my friend..just purely talks and expressing our inner feelings to each other..My friend knew all about us ..everything. I opened up to him my situation and he is okay. But waiting of my decision if I will pursue my fiance or choose him. He wanted to petition me also...

I've heard to some people that once you had a previous k-1 visa then didn't go to the US you will be denied by the USEM because of the breach of an oath. How true is that? What if we broke up does it matter?How long should I wait before another petioner will be allowed to petition me? Do I need to return the documents that the USEM sent me?

Please......... I need your ears and your opinion on this matter.I don't know what to do...Any advice will be highly appreciated..Thanks!!

Ms.Joyce

Think about this.....

1. Didn't you sign a Letter of Intent to Marry guy #1 not all that long ago?

2. What do you think the US Government is going to think of you when they see you turn right back around after cancelling guy #1 and file a new Letter of Intent to marry Guy #2?

I am not saying it is a guaranteed denial for you, but I sure wouldn't want to be you or guy#2 waiting on you because you may just get shot down for your petition or interview. The stakes are high so are you a gambler?

Yes, I am a gambler..gambler in life. I take risk whatever decisions I have made. That's why I am worrying if ever I will choose guy #2... the USEM might turned me down during my interview..But I would be honest about it. Thanks for rasing the questions..good advice.. Thank you!!!

It is a huge gamble and there could be three broken hearts as a result…here is an extract from a guidance memo sent to consular officers…

N6.7 Multiple Petitions Approved for Same K-1 Beneficiary

In instances where more than one U.S. citizen fiance(e) has filed visa petitions on behalf of the same alien and more than one K-1 visa petition has been approved for the same beneficiary, the consular officer must suspend action and return all petitions with a covering memorandum to the USCIS district director who approved the last petition so that the petition approvals may be reviewed.

Edited October 27, 2007 by Bill B

[Bill B 0]

Consider this: Do you think BF #1 or BF #2 will ever be able to totally trust you? As many have said, I feel you need to really do some soul searching.

[jom 4]

And we quote :

"May God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference. ...

Goodluck and may you make the right decision and find real happiness.

Joe and Myla

[Dakine 26]

Can't understand why some peeps are so negative. Breakups, divorces happen all the time.

Doesn't matter what stage of the immigration process.

Better to get started on the right foot if you can and it will be better for all parties concerned in the long run.

Having signed a letter of intent doesn't mean anything. How many you peeps have taken the oath of marriage and later on got divorced.

Knock out the right and wrong aspect and try to give what the pinay is asking.

How will USCIS treat her next petition?

I was denied my first K1 and 1 1/2 years later was approved for a K3 with a different lady.

USCIS didn't bring up the original petition at all.

Ms Joyce!

You may consider on your next time around to get married in the Philippines and have the petitioner do a K3 or CR-1 spouse visa.

Spouse visa shows more commitment than a fiance visa.

You will be making a huge commitment also as you know it's not easy to "bail out" of a marriage in PI.

[Ta Ta 1]

Would you wait for a man to make us his mind between you and another woman ? It may flatter you now that 2 men are on their knees

for you but don't be surprised if both have had enough and you end up alone. What you are doing is very heartbreaking, though it may stroke your ego.

At least break up with one before you go as much as even talk to another. If you don't love him fine but I bet that allowing another

so called " friend " in your life had something to do with falling out of love with the first one.

I am sorry to sound judgmental and it is not my place to judge but it is so basic to me to shut the door to others before opening another one.

What happens when you fall out of love with # 2 because you allow to talk with more men and find you are now wanting # 3 ?

You really must stop the playing with fire and learn to commit. To me this behavior would be unacceptable and I consider it being dishonest.

But who knows maybe that is your lifestyle and what do I know that both men don't have someone else on the side also.

I know nothing so let me just shut up !

[jerzboi 0]

I believe your fiance has invested time, energy and finances into the K1 because he loves you and definitely deserves someone who does not

look over the fence for greener pastures.......they may appear greener but also have a higher water bill !

You are not buying a pair of shoes that you are trying on for size here.

It is my opinion that you may not be ready for either one and sound like a player.

Both will wait until you make up your mind ? Sad indeed. Both should move on and give you time to reflect by yourself.

It bugs me that you were so insincere to allow this process to go on for so long and having someone on the side who is now planning

to meet you while guy # 1 patiently looks on and waits what you decide ?!

Grow up.

Well said

[Bob & Kim 0]

Can't understand why some peeps are so negative. Breakups, divorces happen all the time.

Doesn't matter what stage of the immigration process.

Better to get started on the right foot if you can and it will be better for all parties concerned in the long run.

Having signed a letter of intent doesn't mean anything. How many you peeps have taken the oath of marriage and later on got divorced.

Knock out the right and wrong aspect and try to give what the pinay is asking.

How will USCIS treat her next petition?

I was denied my first K1 and 1 1/2 years later was approved for a K3 with a different lady.

USCIS didn't bring up the original petition at all.

Ms Joyce!

You may consider on your next time around to get married in the Philippines and have the petitioner do a K3 or CR-1 spouse visa.

Spouse visa shows more commitment than a fiance visa.

You will be making a huge commitment also as you know it's not easy to "bail out" of a marriage in PI.

1 1/2 years later is a much different time frame than we are talking here. First some were encouraging her to follow her heart and do the K-1 with #2 if that is who she "loves," now some evidence is shown concerning how a K-1 could be denied and now you say use a K-3. The fact of the matter is yes, the Government will and should be concerned and two, the moral aspect of the situation. She needs to slow way down, internalize what happened, and make changes to become a better human being (as we should all strive to become better). We see divorce after divorce based on this type of behavior...marriage is not a game, it is a Holy sacrament. There is no doubt that given this scenerio trust issues will eventually cause marriage problems in whatever marriage, #1 or #2. The post by Bill B is absolutely correct.

[LoriLawless 0]

Would you wait for a man to make us his mind between you and another woman ? It may flatter you now that 2 men are on their knees

for you but don't be surprised if both have had enough and you end up alone. What you are doing is very heartbreaking, though it may stroke your ego.

At least break up with one before you go as much as even talk to another. If you don't love him fine but I bet that allowing another

so called " friend " in your life had something to do with falling out of love with the first one.

I am sorry to sound judgmental and it is not my place to judge but it is so basic to me to shut the door to others before opening another one.

What happens when you fall out of love with # 2 because you allow to talk with more men and find you are now wanting # 3 ?

You really must stop the playing with fire and learn to commit. To me this behavior would be unacceptable and I consider it being dishonest.

But who knows maybe that is your lifestyle and what do I know that both men don't have someone else on the side also.

I know nothing so let me just shut up !

Don't you dare shut up. You make perfect sense to me. It is really unfair to both men.

OP - you need to stop stringing both of them along. They both deserve better than that. Make up your mind? Are you kidding me? I fear, by the time you do, it's going to be too late.

And from what others have said, it "looks" like you are just picking one way to get into the US over another.

[Dakine 26]

One thing you people that are not familiar with the filipino cultural is family is EVERYTHING.

Nothing like most Americans who care less about family and I/me are the only thing that matters.

Family comes first in the Philippines.

OP and MANY filipinos are pressured by their families to grab a puti [white] and get to a better country so they can help their families.

There is a fine line in FilAm relationships.

Most pinay help their families as much as they can but also are loving and devoted wifes.

I can't put any blame on the OP for trying to find someone she will end up having a better loving life with and will end up making her hubby and her family happier also.

Edited October 27, 2007 by Haole

[LoriLawless 0]

One thing you people that are not familiar with the filipino cultural is family is EVERYTHING.

Nothing like most Americans who care less about family and I/me are the only thing that matters.

Family comes first in the Philippines.

OP and MANY filipinos are pressured by their families to grab a puti [white] and get to a better country so they can help their families.

There is a fine line in FilAm relationships.

Most pinay help their families as much as they can but also are loving and devoted wifes.

I can't put any blame on the OP for trying to find someone she will end up having a better loving life with and will end up making her hubby and her family happier also.

I'm not "blaming" the OP for anything. And I find your remark about typical americans, and "YOU" people offensive.

[chris4gretchen 1]

One thing you people that are not familiar with the filipino cultural is family is EVERYTHING.

Nothing like most Americans who care less about family and I/me are the only thing that matters.

Family comes first in the Philippines.

Speak for yourself because you have no idea what you are talking about. My family is very family oriented. Part of what drew me to look for a filipina wife is that she and her culture shared MY families view on family and home.

you have alot to learn about americans and the american culture.

i wont even say that you people are internet scammers and green carder hunters because that would be just as incorrect, hurtful and just as stupid. There is a vast majority in america who have solid family values where family is everything just as in the philippines. but its always the minority that makes the news or the media, or that people talk about.

Chris

[one...two...tree 2,762]

One thing you people that are not familiar with the filipino cultural is family is EVERYTHING.

Nothing like most Americans who care less about family and I/me are the only thing that matters.

Family comes first in the Philippines.

Speak for yourself because you have no idea what you are talking about. My family is very family oriented. Part of what drew me to look for a filipina wife is that she and her culture shared MY families view on family and home.

you have alot to learn about americans and the american culture.

i wont even say that you people are internet scammers and green carder hunters because that would be just as incorrect, hurtful and just as stupid. There is a vast majority in america who have solid family values where family is everything just as in the philippines. but its always the minority that makes the news or the media, or that people talk about.

Chris

Well said, Chris!

My wife's parents were actually as aprehensive about her dating a foreigner as my parents were about me dating a foreigner. In other words - not every family in the Philippines is eager to see their daughters marry foreigners "in order for a better life." In fact, in the case of my wife - it meant she was giving up a career as a dentist and her own successful practice. While I don't find fault in whatever motivating reasons being why a Filipina is dating a foreigner, I believe the happiest couples are the ones who are founded on genuine love for one another. I find it a noble idea that love means sacrifice rather than opportunity (beyond the opportunity of finding everlasting love).

[Steve+Cresvie 0]

Can't understand why some peeps are so negative. Breakups, divorces happen all the time.

Doesn't matter what stage of the immigration process.

Better to get started on the right foot if you can and it will be better for all parties concerned in the long run.

Having signed a letter of intent doesn't mean anything. How many you peeps have taken the oath of marriage and later on got divorced.

Knock out the right and wrong aspect and try to give what the pinay is asking.

How will USCIS treat her next petition?

I was denied my first K1 and 1 1/2 years later was approved for a K3 with a different lady.

USCIS didn't bring up the original petition at all.

Ms Joyce!

You may consider on your next time around to get married in the Philippines and have the petitioner do a K3 or CR-1 spouse visa.

Spouse visa shows more commitment than a fiance visa.

You will be making a huge commitment also as you know it's not easy to "bail out" of a marriage in PI.

Just because break ups and divorce happen all the time doesnt make it as an acceptable part of life. One should not be so

selfish.

[sunandmoon 450]

I can see why there might have been offensive taken about the comments made on Filipino and American family values. there are differences between traditional Filipino and American family values, but that doesn't mean there is no sense of obiligation to the family here. economic conditions are why you see so many Filipinos sacrifice being with their families to go overseas. there might not be pressure from other family members to go overseas, it can come from the obligation felt and the desire to better the sitituation of their family.

The Op has a K-1 visa in hand. I at least give her credit for not using it if she has doubts about her relationship with the petitioner. we may not agree with her lifestyle choices or what we feel is her stringing along those involved with her. at least give her credit for trying to do the right thing.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I can see why there might have been offensive taken about the comments made on Filipino and American family values. there are differences between traditional Filipino and American family values, but that doesn't mean there is no sense of obiligation to the family here. economic conditions are why you see so many Filipinos sacrifice being with their families to go overseas. there might not be pressure from other family members to go overseas, it can come from the obligation felt and the desire to better the sitituation of their family.

The Op has a K-1 visa in hand. I at least give her credit for not using it if she has doubts about her relationship with the petitioner. we may not agree with her lifestyle choices or what we feel is her stringing along those involved with her. at least give her credit for trying to do the right thing.

Well said, Roy, although as far as her doing the right thing - this should not be a dilemna for her. She should tell her fiance the truth and end the relationship, IMO.