need some advise

[chris4gretchen 1]

1st,u should tell to your fiance about your friend....

2nd ,the visa problem.

Tell the truth to your fiance about your gone feelings..Be concerned with the feelings of others..

Dont be Selfish..

Gretchen,

[Bob & Kim 0]

Hi to all of you VJer's!! I'm not a new member here..My problem goes like this..I had my visa already ..I don't feel like going. I was pressured by my family to go for it as he was a nice person. I know my fiance loves me but I lost interest on him since we lived together and then started the petition..We are in the on and off relationship.I've fallen in love to my friend and I don't know I just felt like I'm blown away whenever we talked. I never felt like this to my fiance though we been together for quite a while..Nothing happens between me and my friend..just purely talks and expressing our inner feelings to each other..My friend knew all about us ..everything. I opened up to him my situation and he is okay. But waiting of my decision if I will pursue my fiance or choose him. He wanted to petition me also...

I've heard to some people that once you had a previous k-1 visa then didn't go to the US you will be denied by the USEM because of the breach of an oath. How true is that? What if we broke up does it matter?How long should I wait before another petioner will be allowed to petition me? Do I need to return the documents that the USEM sent me?

Please......... I need your ears and your opinion on this matter.I don't know what to do...Any advice will be highly appreciated..Thanks!!

Ms.Joyce

Think about this.....

1. Didn't you sign a Letter of Intent to Marry guy #1 not all that long ago?

2. What do you think the US Government is going to think of you when they see you turn right back around after cancelling guy #1 and file a new Letter of Intent to marry Guy #2?

I am not saying it is a guaranteed denial for you, but I sure wouldn't want to be you or guy#2 waiting on you because you may just get shot down for your petition or interview. The stakes are high so are you a gambler?

[Dakine 26]

Call the USEM and ask them what you have to do to officially cancel the visa.

They will ask you why you bailed out on the first one when you go to the interview for the second one tho.

Just tell them the truth.

They will respect you as you obviously are not a green card "hunter" like some others and you shouldn't have any problems.

[overlooking 0]

I believe your fiance has invested time, energy and finances into the K1 because he loves you and definitely deserves someone who does not

look over the fence for greener pastures.......they may appear greener but also have a higher water bill !

You are not buying a pair of shoes that you are trying on for size here.

It is my opinion that you may not be ready for either one and sound like a player.

Both will wait until you make up your mind ? Sad indeed. Both should move on and give you time to reflect by yourself.

It bugs me that you were so insincere to allow this process to go on for so long and having someone on the side who is now planning

to meet you while guy # 1 patiently looks on and waits what you decide ?!

Grow up.

Thank you for voicing out. I can't balme you. But I respect your views to it and be it.. But I would like to correct you. I am not a player, I paid my own ticket going to the US. When my fiance and I lived together, I helped him financially since he was sometimes out of budget while being here with me in Phils. Yes, both will wait. Well, during the process of this I really gave up but it was him who told me to meet his family in US and see for myself if I am willing to still get married there..Family pressures and friends on both sides..

I will let you know when i made up my mind..

[overlooking 0]

1st,u should tell to your fiance about your friend....

2nd ,the visa problem.

Tell the truth to your fiance about your gone feelings..Be concerned with the feelings of others..

Dont be Selfish..

Gretchen,

Thanks for the advice..

[overlooking 0]

Call the USEM and ask them what you have to do to officially cancel the visa.

They will ask you why you bailed out on the first one when you go to the interview for the second one tho.

Just tell them the truth.

They will respect you as you obviously are not a green card "hunter" like some others and you shouldn't have any problems.

Okay, thank you Haole for the advice . I'm weighing things here.The last sentence is nice to hear...as you are right.. I can't blame some people will give harsh judgement towards me..It's okay I'm a calm person.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

If you don't love the person then don't do it.

How long should I wait before another petioner will be allowed to petition me? Do I need to return the documents that the USEM sent me? Thanks again for your help..This site really helped me a lot..

Ms.Joyce

Wait until you you are sure that this is the person you want to marry (take lots of time to get to know them -- time actually together and not just on the phone/internet) and that you are sure you won't change your mind again. You are young and have plenty of time. Invest the time to be sure this is the best thing for your future before anything is filed.

You should contact the consulate and tell them you want to cancel the visa.

My friend is coming here next month to spend time with me. I know my situation is really weird. Both of the guys loves me and will wait until I'm ready to decide who shall I choose. Thank you so much for the advice!! God bless!!

This male friend whom you have since fallen in love with after getting engaged to your fiance is also an American? I don't understand why you would continue communication with another man long distance for any great length once you got engaged.

I'm amazed that you made it through the whole K-1 process, including the interview when your feelings towards your fiance are ambivalent. Don't string him on any further since you have been unable to remain committed, he deserves someone who actually loves him. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's my honest opinion.

Good luck with your other male friend.

[overlooking 0]

Hi to all of you VJer's!! I'm not a new member here..My problem goes like this..I had my visa already ..I don't feel like going. I was pressured by my family to go for it as he was a nice person. I know my fiance loves me but I lost interest on him since we lived together and then started the petition..We are in the on and off relationship.I've fallen in love to my friend and I don't know I just felt like I'm blown away whenever we talked. I never felt like this to my fiance though we been together for quite a while..Nothing happens between me and my friend..just purely talks and expressing our inner feelings to each other..My friend knew all about us ..everything. I opened up to him my situation and he is okay. But waiting of my decision if I will pursue my fiance or choose him. He wanted to petition me also...

I've heard to some people that once you had a previous k-1 visa then didn't go to the US you will be denied by the USEM because of the breach of an oath. How true is that? What if we broke up does it matter?How long should I wait before another petioner will be allowed to petition me? Do I need to return the documents that the USEM sent me?

Please......... I need your ears and your opinion on this matter.I don't know what to do...Any advice will be highly appreciated..Thanks!!

Ms.Joyce

Think about this.....

1. Didn't you sign a Letter of Intent to Marry guy #1 not all that long ago?

2. What do you think the US Government is going to think of you when they see you turn right back around after cancelling guy #1 and file a new Letter of Intent to marry Guy #2?

I am not saying it is a guaranteed denial for you, but I sure wouldn't want to be you or guy#2 waiting on you because you may just get shot down for your petition or interview. The stakes are high so are you a gambler?

Yes, I am a gambler..gambler in life. I take risk whatever decisions I have made. That's why I am worrying if ever I will choose guy #2... the USEM might turned me down during my interview..But I would be honest about it. Thanks for rasing the questions..good advice.. Thank you!!!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Hi to all of you VJer's!! I'm not a new member here..My problem goes like this..I had my visa already ..I don't feel like going. I was pressured by my family to go for it as he was a nice person. I know my fiance loves me but I lost interest on him since we lived together and then started the petition..We are in the on and off relationship.I've fallen in love to my friend and I don't know I just felt like I'm blown away whenever we talked. I never felt like this to my fiance though we been together for quite a while..Nothing happens between me and my friend..just purely talks and expressing our inner feelings to each other..My friend knew all about us ..everything. I opened up to him my situation and he is okay. But waiting of my decision if I will pursue my fiance or choose him. He wanted to petition me also...

I've heard to some people that once you had a previous k-1 visa then didn't go to the US you will be denied by the USEM because of the breach of an oath. How true is that? What if we broke up does it matter?How long should I wait before another petioner will be allowed to petition me? Do I need to return the documents that the USEM sent me?

Please......... I need your ears and your opinion on this matter.I don't know what to do...Any advice will be highly appreciated..Thanks!!

Ms.Joyce

Think about this.....

1. Didn't you sign a Letter of Intent to Marry guy #1 not all that long ago?

2. What do you think the US Government is going to think of you when they see you turn right back around after cancelling guy #1 and file a new Letter of Intent to marry Guy #2?

I am not saying it is a guaranteed denial for you, but I sure wouldn't want to be you or guy#2 waiting on you because you may just get shot down for your petition or interview. The stakes are high so are you a gambler?

Yes, I am a gambler..gambler in life. I take risk whatever decisions I have made. That's why I am worrying if ever I will choose guy #2... the USEM might turned me down during my interview..But I would be honest about it. Thanks for rasing the questions..good advice.. Thank you!!!

To me, that sounds like you are most concerned with getting a Visa than about being in a bonafide relationship. Love isn't a gamble...it's a choice...a committment...for better or worse.

[overlooking 0]

If you don't love the person then don't do it.

How long should I wait before another petioner will be allowed to petition me? Do I need to return the documents that the USEM sent me? Thanks again for your help..This site really helped me a lot..

Ms.Joyce

Wait until you you are sure that this is the person you want to marry (take lots of time to get to know them -- time actually together and not just on the phone/internet) and that you are sure you won't change your mind again. You are young and have plenty of time. Invest the time to be sure this is the best thing for your future before anything is filed.

You should contact the consulate and tell them you want to cancel the visa.

My friend is coming here next month to spend time with me. I know my situation is really weird. Both of the guys loves me and will wait until I'm ready to decide who shall I choose. Thank you so much for the advice!! God bless!!

This male friend whom you have since fallen in love with after getting engaged to your fiance is also an American? I don't understand why you would continue communication with another man long distance for any great length once you got engaged.

I'm amazed that you made it through the whole K-1 process, including the interview when your feelings towards your fiance are ambivalent. Don't string him on any further since you have been unable to remain committed, he deserves someone who actually loves him. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's my honest opinion.

Good luck with your other male friend.

Hello..Yes, he is an American too. I do have few male friends(foreigners) and my fiance knew it all.They even came over here and he knew. But among the friends I have, this guy really astounds me..we are on the same religion and the chemistry is there.Well, my fiance had good relationships to all his ex's and he go out with them sometimes. I don't worry about it as we trust each other. We been in a 2yr. relationship.No problem about your comments..It's okay..I welcome all advice positive or negative..I made it through the whole process because of pressures on both sides..Thanks for your advice..

[overlooking 0]

Hi to all of you VJer's!! I'm not a new member here..My problem goes like this..I had my visa already ..I don't feel like going. I was pressured by my family to go for it as he was a nice person. I know my fiance loves me but I lost interest on him since we lived together and then started the petition..We are in the on and off relationship.I've fallen in love to my friend and I don't know I just felt like I'm blown away whenever we talked. I never felt like this to my fiance though we been together for quite a while..Nothing happens between me and my friend..just purely talks and expressing our inner feelings to each other..My friend knew all about us ..everything. I opened up to him my situation and he is okay. But waiting of my decision if I will pursue my fiance or choose him. He wanted to petition me also...

I've heard to some people that once you had a previous k-1 visa then didn't go to the US you will be denied by the USEM because of the breach of an oath. How true is that? What if we broke up does it matter?How long should I wait before another petioner will be allowed to petition me? Do I need to return the documents that the USEM sent me?

Please......... I need your ears and your opinion on this matter.I don't know what to do...Any advice will be highly appreciated..Thanks!!

Ms.Joyce

Think about this.....

1. Didn't you sign a Letter of Intent to Marry guy #1 not all that long ago?

2. What do you think the US Government is going to think of you when they see you turn right back around after cancelling guy #1 and file a new Letter of Intent to marry Guy #2?

I am not saying it is a guaranteed denial for you, but I sure wouldn't want to be you or guy#2 waiting on you because you may just get shot down for your petition or interview. The stakes are high so are you a gambler?

Yes, I am a gambler..gambler in life. I take risk whatever decisions I have made. That's why I am worrying if ever I will choose guy #2... the USEM might turned me down during my interview..But I would be honest about it. Thanks for rasing the questions..good advice.. Thank you!!!

To me, that sounds like you are most concerned with getting a Visa than about being in a bonafide relationship. Love isn't a gamble...it's a choice...a committment...for better or worse.

thanks for the opinion If I am after of that.I would have flew to the US since I had my visa in hand It's been a month since I got approved....Have a great day and thanks again for the reply..

[one...two...tree 2,762]

If you don't love the person then don't do it.

How long should I wait before another petioner will be allowed to petition me? Do I need to return the documents that the USEM sent me? Thanks again for your help..This site really helped me a lot..

Ms.Joyce

Wait until you you are sure that this is the person you want to marry (take lots of time to get to know them -- time actually together and not just on the phone/internet) and that you are sure you won't change your mind again. You are young and have plenty of time. Invest the time to be sure this is the best thing for your future before anything is filed.

You should contact the consulate and tell them you want to cancel the visa.

My friend is coming here next month to spend time with me. I know my situation is really weird. Both of the guys loves me and will wait until I'm ready to decide who shall I choose. Thank you so much for the advice!! God bless!!

This male friend whom you have since fallen in love with after getting engaged to your fiance is also an American? I don't understand why you would continue communication with another man long distance for any great length once you got engaged.

I'm amazed that you made it through the whole K-1 process, including the interview when your feelings towards your fiance are ambivalent. Don't string him on any further since you have been unable to remain committed, he deserves someone who actually loves him. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's my honest opinion.

Good luck with your other male friend.

Hello..Yes, he is an American too. I do have few male friends(foreigners) and my fiance knew it all.They even came over here and he knew. But among the friends I have, this guy really astounds me..we are on the same religion and the chemistry is there.Well, my fiance had good relationships to all his ex's and he go out with them sometimes. I don't worry about it as we trust each other. We been in a 2yr. relationship.No problem about your comments..It's okay..I welcome all advice positive or negative..I made it through the whole process because of pressures on both sides..Thanks for your advice..

But you have in effect, broken that trust by allowing yourself to fall in love with another man while being engaged to another. I don't mean to beat you down for it - just giving you my honest opinion. I understand...if you weren't really in love with your fiance and you were only going through with it because of family pressure, but in doing so you've been dishonest to all involved....that is something you should seriously reflect on.

I wish you the best. It's a good attitude to share with others your situation and being open for advice and opinions, but ultimately you've got to follow what's in your heart. Betraying yourself will lead to nowhere.

[Passing.star 0]

Hello..Yes, he is an American too. I do have few male friends(foreigners) and my fiance knew it all.They even came over here and he knew. But among the friends I have, this guy really astounds me..we are on the same religion and the chemistry is there.Well, my fiance had good relationships to all his ex's and he go out with them sometimes. I don't worry about it as we trust each other. We been in a 2yr. relationship.No problem about your comments..It's okay..I welcome all advice positive or negative..I made it through the whole process because of pressures on both sides..Thanks for your advice..

Hello Over-looking.

It seems that you are really into trouble! If you don't love the guy anymore, just follow what's in your heart rather than being sorry later when you are already in the US. I think its better for you to limit yourself for a while talking to some other men when you are into a serious relationship already? Give yourself a break and do some soul searching as what others have said! Good luck!!!!

[RandyandRina 2]

I don't think this is an issue with the visa, but an issue with your relationship with your fiance and your friend. I am pretty sure that before you have accepted the marriage proposal with your fiance, you had thought of it carefully before answering YES to him. Visa or without a visa, your reply to your fiance should have relied on what's in your heart. I am deeply saddened of stories like this, I am glad I am never in the situation like yours. If you have replied to your fiance out of impulse, then I will not be surprised for you to just impulsively react to what you are feeling towards your friend. Once you are taken especially when you are engaged to be married, you should not let anyone in your life just like that so easily. You had already given your word. On the other hand, thank goodness that you are not in the altar yet to make last minute decisions for your future. If I were you, I will give myself some time alone to think about my next move carefully, and need not let this be a race between two "lovers" to your heart. The problem is not with them, but a struggle of you vs. you.

Good luck and may God give you the wisdom.

~ Rina

Edited October 27, 2007 by RandyandRina

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I don't think this is an issue with the visa, but an issue with your relationship with your fiance and your friend. I am pretty sure that before you have accepted the marriage proposal with your fiance, you had thought of it carefully before answering YES to him. Visa or without a visa, your reply to your fiance should have relied on what's in your heart. I am deeply saddened of stories like this, I am glad I am never in the situation like yours. If you have replied to your fiance out of impulse, then I will not be surprised for you to just impulsively react to what you are feeling towards your friend. Once you are taken especially when you are engaged to be married, you should not let anyone in your life just like that so easily. You had already given your word. On the other hand, thank goodness that you are not in the altar yet to make last minute decisions for your future. If I were you, I will give myself some time alone to think about my next move carefully, and need not let this be a race between two "lovers" to your heart. The problem is not with them, but a struggle of you vs. you.

Good luck and may God give you the wisdom.

~ Rina

Well said, Rina!