shipping them back and you are pregnant

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

First I know this is a support forum for all the problems of immigration but lately I have been reading some things that deeply bother me.

First, there is a woman here pregnant by a Moroccan who decided to air her laundry on here. Her husband came on the thread. She is saying she will ship him back. Not one time have I really heard the needs of the child mentioned.

This baby, who was created in love or whatever will grow up... and where will his or her daddy be? Ok.. so you want to get divorced because he cheated or whatever...but for some reason, in all the posts I have seen... there seems to be absolutely no compassion from the American women to the Moroccan man or his family. You may not want to stay married to the man... he may have really hurt you... but you could be civil and not destroy the Moroccan mans life as well as his child that is on the way. That man could impart heritage and love to that child even though you two did not get along. All I keep reading is about how the woman feels betrayed . Ok.. You made a baby with this man. This child is going to grow up knowing Mommy deported Daddy and then the child has a different look... a whole set of genes .. .a whole set of history.. a wonderful potential set of family that he or she could correspond with. Has it occured in the mind of any of these women to leave the guy and remain seperated and go to counseling? To be compassionate and forgiving? To forgive the problem and offer the man the chance to go to counseling over a 6 month to a year period and do what will keep the child connected with this man? Moroccan and many MENA adore their kids.... I don't see much compassion in trying to do something that will keep the child whole and knowing both parents. In the case of spousal abuse, unfortunately when a man batters, there is no other choice. But some of the stuff on here is so petty and so stupid... and the woman is pregnant and there seems to be no talk of keeping the child and the dad together for the benefit of the child. Why if you brought someone here and things did not work out and you are pregnant would you want to further hurt this child by seperating them from someone who may not like you but would love their kid? I am sorry.. but for the life of me some of these women talk about their husbands like they are cats from a pet store that urinate in a corner so we take them back. If you are not pregnant and he is an ###, do what you need to do. But making a baby with someone... then he cheats... thats a marital issue and something you should have talked over before you made a baby. Now the baby is coming and taking that babys dad away from him.. to me this just seems like one bad thing following another bad...

About this whole airing of laundry.... Has this been a common occurance on mena through the years? One spouse posting and then saying their whole lives and then the other party coming on and answering? I dont know because I have only been here 6 months and never saw it before and all of the sudden people are sending smoke signals to wayward husbands....through posts and people fighting online... and then between the girl with the dead womans fiancee and everthing else I have seen, it seems like MENA has become its own soap opera with plot twists...and cheaters.. and pregnancies.... and dead people... and I just dont know

I just want to apologise in advance for bringing this whole devils advocat things up about the spouse.. But if you had an American spouse who cheated on you, would you take their child away from them forever in vengeance because they dont want you anymore? These girls ( not the one abused by the way) who are just mad at their husbands cheating who have a baby with the cheater are mixing up sexual fidelity with the positive things that daddy could do for their kid..Not going to an interview.. having someone deported when you have a baby with them seems selfish beyond belief.. He wasnt into you.. so why do you have to deprive a baby of his daddy...?I have so much I want to say but sometimes forgiving and looking beyond your needs as a woman or a man to be compassionate to someone who doesnt deserve it can be an amazing thing..

Just a thought

[Imua 0]

I agree with a lot of your points but I think what complicates matters unlike with an American SO is the affidavit of support - either he is deported before AOS can go through or she is liable for his support until he gets the 10-year GC - correct?

Just a thought - it is late for me and I'm getting sleepy so will let others continue

[~Jackie~ 30]

As for myself, I am not going to be a part of further discussing the pain that this couple is going thru. I can't tell anyone what to do, but I can ask that the good people on this forum let this couple do some 'off the board' healing.

I know they are the ones typing it here for all to see, but from one that has been thru this exact thing recently, I ask for some restraint in responding to threads like this that are created to perpetuate something that can be let go.

Jackie

[maggieNomar 0]

Speaking generally and not towards any one particular case, I agree with Pattu. I would have to think long and hard about allowing the person to remain in the USA, knowing that I could be financially responsible for my SO and possibly never collect a dime of child support anyways. It would depend on the circumstances surrounding the break up. Each sponsor has to figure out what is best for them. We can't judge that decision.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Only thing I will say is..... to stay in a bad relationship because of a child or children is a very bad thing to do... it will have a very negative effect on the child and that is worse than them not know their father... sorry but all this stay together for the child because you are being a bad person to deprive the child of its father is just #######...

If the man only samples the goods at home then there is no problems, if the man like to sample everyone else's goods then the man is a problem...

Kez

[doodlebug 3]

all of the sudden people are sending smoke signals to wayward husbands....through posts and people fighting online... and then between the girl with the dead womans fiancee and everthing else I have seen, it seems like MENA has become its own soap opera with plot twists...and cheaters.. and pregnancies.... and dead people... and I just dont know

omg

omg

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Only thing I will say is..... to stay in a bad relationship because of a child or children is a very bad thing to do... it will have a very negative effect on the child and that is worse than them not know their father... sorry but all this stay together for the child because you are being a bad person to deprive the child of its father is just #######...

If the man only samples the goods at home then there is no problems, if the man like to sample everyone else's goods then the man is a problem...

Kez

but deporting someone cause they cheat on you is also taking this baby away from their dad quite possibly forever....something to ponder.. Is your love for the baby more than your rage at betrayal?

[JODO 2]

[sarah and hicham 3]

Either way it's going to be a bad situation for someone in the relationship/family. If the kid doesn't have a dad then that's not a great situation for the child. If the woman takes the man back but never gets over what happened then she might never trust him again and might spend her time being angry towards the dad which isn't great for the child either. The Dad- well he messed up.

[Dakine 26]

Better to get the father out of here if there is no possible way of getting back together and plus live a normal live.

Moms can move on and hopefully find a better man who may end up being "daddy".

[Ban Hammer 13,489]

all of the sudden people are sending smoke signals to wayward husbands....through posts and people fighting online... and then between the girl with the dead womans fiancee and everthing else I have seen, it seems like MENA has become its own soap opera with plot twists...and cheaters.. and pregnancies.... and dead people... and I just dont know

um, welcome to mena? it's better than springer sometimes in here.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Either way it's going to be a bad situation for someone in the relationship/family. If the kid doesn't have a dad then that's not a great situation for the child. If the woman takes the man back but never gets over what happened then she might never trust him again and might spend her time being angry towards the dad which isn't great for the child either. The Dad- well he messed up.

How about she doesnt take him back but stays seperated and then lets him adjust status and vist the child and be part of the childs life and includes the moroccan family in the childs life, exchanging pictures, being kind.. letting the moroccan family know the child and telling the Moroccan guy I will help you finish your papers but these are my conditions..... with the child and then at least having that option. What about talking with the spouses moroccan family about his cheating and the pregnancy and the new baby and see what they have to say? Where is the respect for the Moroccan man's family? The grandmother? Why create one whole new tragedy when at least people can work things out for the sake of the baby? She doesnt have to take the man back to do whats right for the baby? It depends if the man has been abusive or not

Better to get the father out of here if there is no possible way of getting back together and plus live a normal live.

Moms can move on and hopefully find a better man who may end up being "daddy".

fathers are important to the emotional life of a child and are not interchangable. Where is the respect for the Moroccan mans family and grandparents and extended family?

[sarah and hicham 3]

Since the Dad in this case actually said that he didn't love his wife until one month after he got to America, after living with her then it doesn't seem like his intentions were very good ones to begin with.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Since the Dad in this case actually said that he didn't love his wife until one month after he got to America, after living with her then it doesn't seem like his intentions were very good ones to begin with.

I think his family needs to be talked to about all of this... I think she needs to call them or have someone else call them and tell them what he did and that she is pregnant

[Ban Hammer 13,489]

I think his family needs to be talked to about all of this... I think she needs to call them or have someone else call them and tell them what he did and that she is pregnant

what exactly is that supposed to do?