Work Related Issues

[JelloShotGirl 0]

My husband has been self employed in the Phils for his whole life, now he is here and has his work authorization. He has been doing stuff (he is mechanic) to bring us money but it is not steady work.He has applied for jobs here and I believe I am being supportive ,but to me I think he can show more initiative. I know it is a big change for him, but I don't want to be a nag to him. I should not have to tell him more than 1x to follow up with a phone call to the jobs he applied to. He is always helping me around the house since he was not working full time, laundry cooking cleaning etc, giving me the money he does make to me for bills, I cannot complain . But my feelings get hurt when he shows no interest in working. I feel like screaming but I hold my feelings in. I feel lots of pressure lately. I dont make a lot of money. please help i need some advice. I dont want this to mess up our marriage and I need advice how to talk to him about this without causing an argument. thanks

[RandyandRina 2]

This is one of my concern for my husband as well, but my father gave me this advise that I wanted to share with you. Your husband is still in adjustment period, there are a lot of things that he needs to be aware of, and to get himself familiar with. He will look for a job once he is ready, and only him can do that. As a wife, we should be more concerned how well he is adjusted, and how soon it will happen. That's good that he is helping you with household chores and etc, but I know this is not enough. My father actually told me to wait at least 3 months, I am not sure how long you can wait, but I have to be patient when he gets here. Make him aware of the finances, he too has to be involved in that so he'll know how much help he can do by looking for a job. A heart to heart talk when it comes to things like this should be communicated with extra care.

Good luck to you sis!

~ Rina

[Jasman0717 9]

Being a mechanic here is a lot different than in the Philippines. If he enjoys that work maybe you should encourage him to attend school and get a certification. Jeepneys are a ton different than a SUV

[RandyandRina 2]

Being a mechanic here is a lot different than in the Philippines. If he enjoys that work maybe you should encourage him to attend school and get a certification. Jeepneys are a ton different than a SUV

I agree. You can also check out job listings and see if there's any car dealerships around your area that is hiring. Car dealerships have an in-house car repairs and maintenance that your husband might want to try.

Remember, it's different when wife encourages, rather than nags.

[TinTin and Samby 11]

HI JelloShotGirl,

I can relate to your situtation. It has been my expereince that "drive" and "initiative" are not as widely promoted ideals in the Filipino culture as they are in the US culture. Certainly there are strongly driven and high initative Filipinos just as there are those Americans for whom drive and initative are not their 'gifts'. In the aggregate, however, i think the distribution of those traits across the population, in general, are less in the Philippines then the US. This has been my experience. Other's may have different experiences.

I too get frustrated when I feel I have to keep 'reminding' my fiance about things. One thing I have done is to encourage her to write things down (ie, "Make a List") so that she can see those things and serve as a reminder and motivation to work toward them.

The balance I struggle with is how to best convey my feelings without impugning her feelings and self confidence. In all honesty, its a struggle. However, there are so many wonderful things about my gal, that it is a struggle that I gladly stay with. Besides, while maybe I am helping her a bit with follow-through, I look at the rewards that I am getting too: She is helping me to be a better and more patient man. I wish you much success.

-Samby

[KansasDragon 1]

Have you tried to help him explore the Filipino community in your area? Is it possible there is someone in the Filipino community that maybe has work, or can assist. I'm sure he would be much more comfortable in his first USA employment, if he had other Filipino's around.

Secondly, what kind of work is he trying to get? If he likes cars, but does not have the necessary training to do repairs on current vehicles, he's very qualified to do Oil Changes, Tire changes and repairs for companies like Walmart, JiffyLube, etc..

[JelloShotGirl 0]

THANKS FOR your info and support! any other inputs always appreciated............