My journey with a Moroccan is over

[chaishai 1]

Yes I am serious. Sometimes you guys are just the judge, jury and execution squad. Especially those that stand up and say "oh you're muslim you should know better" guess what there are a lot of scuzzy Muslim guys (and girls for that matter). I did miss the part where he said he fell asleep hugging his ex, I read it to be his wife. My apologies for misreading that. I just think that people should be a little more objective and not just tell her "you're life is over, he's a dirtbag, get the hell out of dodge." And if you want to profess Muslim values, well they encourage you to work through problems in your marriage - so I am just offering the OP the fact that this might not be the end of her world. Just trying to inject a bit of objectivity that is rarely seen here.

Again I never said it was right or said 'oh yea go ahead buddy do what you want" I am just telling the OP to look objectively, get counseling and see what can be done and not just give up and think this is it. Obviously we don't know everything.

I think that part of the reason that people arent encouraging her to try to work through her problems because she said there will be no reconciliation and there is a no contact order against him. Then he came on here and posted a bunch of ####### making himself looking even worse.

I understand there is a view point many uphold that you should always try to work things out "for the sake of the children". There is also another view point that when parents stay together just for that reason it leads to a very unhealthy household and can cause an unhappy childhood as a result. I have experienced that my entire life and I think if I had a happy mom and happy dad living seperately (or even just a happy mom if my dad was a jerk) than that would have been much better for me. When I see people encouraging women to "work it out for the kids" I think of my life and how much better it could have been if mine didnt "work it out for me" and I just cringe.

[we_have_2day 0]

Some hard learned advice from someone almost a year into the American side of her marriage. The first year of marriage to an American man is hard. The first+ year(s) of marriage to a man from the ME/NA is CHAOS at best. None of the old rules seem to apply. I'm sure there are varying degrees for each couple, but adjustment to a new marriage, new culture, new language, new paradigms is really unfathomable until you're knee deep in it.

Its quite easy for rebellion, anger, confusion to take over, even when the love is true. I'm not advocating or supporting the mistake the OPs husband made. Mine made a pretty big one too, and I'm not going there again because I don't want to be insulted again. What he did was quite socially "unforgivable" until I saw his life through his eyes. He was overwhelmed and he snapped. I was all he had here so I was the target. Bet every single person reading this has snapped under extreme pressure and done something they are ashamed of at least once in their life, if they can be honest with themselves.

I am very sorry for the heart ache of the OP. Its hard enough to deal with a new pregnancy without this kind of issue to deal with. I would not even begin to attempt to advise her or him what is right or wrong. No one knows but the couple involved and only time will reveal what that is. As for me and my husband, I did not deport or divorce him. We have slowly worked through our issues and are finding a new depth of love and commitment. Yeah, he did something horrible to me. It was horrible for him too. He'll tell you straight up it was a mistake and the pain in his eyes will attest to his sincerity. Looking back I'm glad it happened because its drawn us closer.

All my prayers go to this couple and their child. I hope they can focus on each other and do what is best for all 3 involved. If you look deep enough you'll find the real answers in your own heart and somewhere behind his eyes.

[MrsAmera 41]

That is exactly what I was trying to say. I have been through married parents who fought, divorced parents, a relationship that left me alone and pregnant and another relationship (current) that has had up and downs but I really feel like even thought it was incredibly difficult for us at some times and granted there was no infidelity at any point, it's tough!!!!!!!! Options are all I was pointing out.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

I can only say, keep yourself, as best you can.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I'm soooo very sorry this has happened to you, sis. After reading the thread, I don't blame you for deciding to be anonymous, but you should not be embarrassed, for you are not the first to have this happen, and you will not be the last.

One of my sisters was left by a cheating husband while pregnant, so I have seen the devastation it causes. A baby, while precious, does not mitigate the pain you will feel when the father is absent. In fact, if you let it, it can create great resentment and hostility, which you must be prepared to handle. You have a tough row to hoe and many levels of emotion you will go thru if your marriage cannot be healed.

It took years for my sister to overcome her resentments, but, despite it all, she went on to make a happy home life for them both. With the support of family, she raised her son into a fine, compassionate young man, and a great source of pride for all of us. You can too. I wish you the very best, and may God be with you!

[Forever Young 1]

I am hurting very badly right now. My husband left yesterday after 10 months. I am 8 weeks pregnant. I found out he was cheating on me and he immediately said he wanted a divorce and to get rid of the baby. I am writing my story in MS Word right now and I will post the entire story as soon as I can stomach to get it all out. Right now I'm feeling used and betrayed and deeply hurt. I gave everything to him and spent time, money and emotions getting him here. Things were just going to turn around for us and I found out I was pregnant. We have been trying for 7 months. He wanted a baby more than anything. When he found out, he cried and called all of his family and friends and they were all happy and crying about it too. Then he started cheating on me 2 1/2 weeks ago. His family is furious with him (I called and told them).

I am canceling the AOS tomorrow. Our relationship was all a lie.

I posted under a new ID because I am so embarassed. Things were going ok until all of this.

Just needing to get some empathy because I'm feeling pretty worthless right now.

Ohhh Sistren, I am so sorry this happened to you. He wasn't worth your love to begin with! Now it's time to focus on YOU!!!! And what YOU want to do!! I know it's hard to see right now, but it's good that you saw his real side now, then years from now! Don't forget 'Our Creator' never gives us more than we can handle and Girl, he will see you through...just believe. Hold-up your head Sis, YOU DID NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF, but dare to love & trust!! One day you will find a man worthy of YOUR love, because obviously your husband wasn't!

Many blessings and prayers be upon you!

, Gill

Edited October 24, 2007 by Deyoungting

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I just realized what thread I was posting in. I apologize to the OP for bringing the drama in here.

good luck to you.

Oh its ok Sara

You were attacked by Jinns....

I thought I was attacked by a Tunisian jinn but he asked to borrow my cosmo.

Umm ok.

I know, i was thinking Tunisian jinns drink alcoholic drinks like cosmos?

Of course they do! They're all gay! Didn't you know?

no its reading cosmo not drinking them... and you are the one jinns except I think your jinns are from Malta since they seem to be so randomly attacking..... not like a moor or algerian army.. yes your jinns came from malta sarah..........

[Ban Hammer 13,490]

I suggest that any further personal matter regarding this matter be taken privately. VJ isn't for airing your dirty laundry nor do we do service washes. OP and husband please continue this privately. Thank you.

well thanks for ruining my side business here in mena, washing dishes

[MelindaandTarek 0]

To the OP - - I am so so sorry for your pain. Take care of yourself and your blessed baby - - and you are in my prayers Melinda

[Fandango 1,440]

OP, I am so sorry you are going through this!

I agree with MrsAmera and we have 2day....none of us really know what has happened, one way or another, and something as complicated as marital trouble cannot be figured out in a thread. And it's not really for us to judge anyway.

I wish both the OP and her husband the strength to get through this the best way they can...whether it leads them back together, or keeps them amicable enough to raise their child together, but separate. Sometimes love is crazy and dysfunctional and hearts have a way of making us do really stupid things. That's why there are erasers on pencils....cos none of us are perfect!

Good luck to both of you

Edited October 25, 2007 by LisaD

[Spartacus 0]

This is a lesson in culture folks, a bad one.

Know how women are treated in the culture that your romantic interest was raised in.

In Morocco, women are virtual slaves in parts of the country.

[SaadBell 0]

Just to clear a few things up, I did not use my own words, the young Moroccans in cafes is overwhelming and that is just the facts. I am sure there are plenty of successfully marriages, but there are also a lot of horror stories too. Egypt has tons of con men also, so does America. To be honest my country here in America has the biggest con men so I don't sugar coat, I just hope that no one would ever suffer like this. No offense to anyone just be careful out there ok. Be careful of any man, I don't care what country he comes from, just know that there are good ones, but there sure are a lot more bad ones than good.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Just to clear a few things up, I did not use my own words, the young Moroccans in cafes is overwhelming and that is just the facts. I am sure there are plenty of successfully marriages, but there are also a lot of horror stories too. Egypt has tons of con men also, so does America. To be honest my country here in America has the biggest con men so I don't sugar coat, I just hope that no one would ever suffer like this. No offense to anyone just be careful out there ok. Be careful of any man, I don't care what country he comes from, just know that there are good ones, but there sure are a lot more bad ones than good.

Are you married to a Moroccan or Egyptian? Are you in tthe visa process. Have you ever petitioned for anyone? Or are you just trolling the boards to make people feel bad? Has it ever occured to you that maybe some people met their Moroccan husbands this way and things are working out for them? I just do not understand why someone NOT IN THE PROCESS would hang around a visa board

[Fandango 1,440]

Look, I am not justifying anything here, but at the end of the day...a husband who feels shut out and emotionally isolated and a wife who is betrayed by his disloyalty is not something that only happens to mixed-nationality couples....or something that is specific to Moroccan men. I always hate when people justify things like 'well yeah, but it is worse elsewhere' or something like that....but let's try not to tar the OP's husband with the brush of other people's exes.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

This is a lesson in culture folks, a bad one.

Know how women are treated in the culture that your romantic interest was raised in.

In Morocco, women are virtual slaves in parts of the country.