In Laws...

[Coquette 0]

Wow, your husband's excuse for not helping you is that "he wasn't raised a certain way". Sorry, but what a bunch of BS that is. Maybe he needs some serious retraining. It seems pretty obvious that he is a "momma's boy" as a lot of Italians are (sorry, but it's true... I have met a lot of Italians from Italy who are spoiled rotten by their "mamma's"). It is hard to compete with mom.

It is too bad that you didn't see any of the warning signs before you got into this marriage so you could negotiate your wishes and expectations beforehand. Somehow I doubt that he will change his ways now. He is getting what he wants. You are cleaning the house and staying at home waiting for him. Maybe some serious talk would make things better. You need to tell him how it makes you feel. And if he doesn't care whether you are happy or not then he is just a bad husband. I hope everything works out.

[Vi Mazzella 4]

I have to say that I have a wonderful weekend with my husband, he helped me around the house and we continued with our DEEP CONVERSATION . It's going to sound funny but I think he's more Daddy's boy than mommy's boy, And let me tell you, he's a super "macho",not even the wife can stand him. He's always making stupid coments about how a husband should treat his wife, that's why his wife hate him so much they still together but they have a horrible relationship. We are trying to learn from their mistakes.... we are trying....

He"s not the kind of guy that will go for some drinks after work or go out with his friends we always do things together and I really appreciate that from him.

I imagine that he's not going to change right away, I have to give him sometime and as my mom says all the time, I have to BE PATIENT.

I'm feeling much better right now, thanks guys....

Vi

[samantha2699 0]

I guess you haven't talked about it before you got married. These are things that we often take for granted to discuss. Both of you should sit down and lay your cards on the table. You can't do it on your own. If he said he was not brought up to do household chores, tell him it's different now, he is married already and there are responsibilities that goes with it.If you're doing your part which you yourself was not used to because you had maids in your home in Peru but sice you're married you try to adjust to the new role as a married woman, and that he should do the same.

You just need to tell him straight, if he doesn't want to help them he should pay for a cleaner to visit at least once a week .

Good luck

[meddykomp 0]

I am glad that things are getting better. It might also help you to develop some interest of your own outside of the home. Check out some museums or take walks in the park. Maybe do some roller blading if you know how or learn it if you dont. Just do something that is for you.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

as you have a job, it's bs that he expects you to do everything around the house. a division of labor is a must. there is absolutely nothing wrong with expecting him to help out around the house, as he lives there too.

what bothers me more about your original post is not the issue of the housework, but where he is spending a considerable amount of time away from home with his family. why can't he take you with him?

and btw, i'm a guy, so him helping out with housecleaning is not just some woman siding with you.

[mystery25 0]

I hope he is going to help you from now on and not just until you are not upset anymore.... Maybe you should go back to you country by yourself... and he will learn to appreciate your work more because no one will do the stuff for him...

And yes... why don't you go with him to his parents house? ... how is your relationship with them...?

Do you just rather not go to their house at all???

Mystery25

[djcess 0]

I would suggest coming home from work and ignoring all the dishes and things that need to be done that he could easily help you out with. Let the dishes pile up and the dust Tell him that you dont have any more time than he does to keep up with it and let him know that you think its time to call a cleaning service so that neither one of you has to look at a dirty house when you get home.

Let him know that you met some new people at work and that they have invited you to meet them after work for a few drinks (or pepsi) or something to eat. Stay out a few nights a week until late just to show him that if he doesnt want to stay at home with you that other people do!

Tell him its a custom in Peru that women are treated with respect and kindness!

I'll bet that wakes his ### up!

She has a point!

Rmember people treat you the way you ALLOW them to.

SO true!!

[Vi Mazzella 4]

I have a good relationship with his parents, they are always inviting US over but what Sil doesn't understand is that we have our OWN place. I try to go there just on the weekends 'cause during the week I'm too tired and have lots of things to do in our house - I just want to relax. He still visting them but not as often as in the past. . We talked about me going back to Peru to visit my family and relax, but I have to work (full time job) and If I'm planning to go there for Christmas I can't take days off from work 'til Dec when I have vacations

Vi

pd>>> My in-laws live around the corner

Edited May 3, 2006 by Vi Mazzella

[Dan&Mitzi 0]

You might try going to a marriage encounter. Check at your church. It helped my parents.

Dan

[tmma 467]

I don't mean to be judgemental here but it's about time mommy's boy should cut the ombilical cord. I'm sure he's a wonderful man whod dearly loves you dearly, as well as his family (we all do) but the excuse that his parents "never raised him that way" is non-sense. Customs have changed quite a bit from what they were in Italia in 1946, and even macho men have had to change their ways a little (I knew one friend of mine in Rome who would still make a weekly trip to his parents' house and have Mama iron his shirts, but he was a special case.... ) I'm not sure what things are like in Napoli or Palermo nowadays (never been down "South") but still.... He's an American so this is not a valid excuse.

Perhaps moving to another town would help?

agreed

hang on in there!

You are not his maid!