how to best use the 90 days prior to marriage k-1

[Seattle2Cebu 0]

a little forum drama ... lol

thanks for the input.

ok a couple of my comments were over the top..

ive got issues,, im working on it.

Good advice

You admittadly didn't read the post.......So this was completely insincere?

I think Seattle2Cebu has plenty things missing in their thought/logic process. You make it sound as is if your fiance is a complete stranger. Your advice to step back and look at the situation for what is for is a step you do before you even start your K-1 process, in fact its something you do before you propose to this person. This thing with a keylogger? How horrible is that advice? Those types of things are only good to protect your kids, they are not meant for your equal, or at least the person who is suppose to be your equal. It does not matter what part of the world you live, except for arranged marriages, that you should always get to know the person before you propose and if you're still filling iffy afterwards then maybe its not such a great idea to get engaged to be married, that is only common sense.

I replied "Good Advice" because I felt bad for the OP, sigh, I was just being polite, I need to really watch what I'm saying.....I agree with your statement Wahenie19....I actually didn't even see the key logger part of the post until after I had posted and then I was like

I just found it so sad that someone would have to go to those lengths after they have already made such a commitment to the one they love and supposedly loves them back. It's good advice to someone who doubts the person they love so much but if that's where the relationship is...beyond sad....how can you possibly even commit to someone when you know so little about them???

The OP must have gone through something bad to be inspired to write this.

Even though your " Good Advice" back up of the OP is ill advised in IMO--at least "own" your words.....Back peddling with the tide/ bandwagon and explaining yourself away shows weakness.

To the OP I think you are completely out of line. The K-1 is NOT a get to know/trust you visa. You have already stated to USCIS that you intend to marry this person. The K-1 is not granted in order for you to spy and make sure.....It's an abuse of the system and your future wife's right to privacy.

[Seattle2Cebu 0]

im just going to hop on a plane and fly over there for awhile.. thats what i need to do..

a little forum drama ... lol

thanks for the input.

ok a couple of my comments were over the top..

ive got issues,, im working on it.

Good advice

You admittadly didn't read the post.......So this was completely insincere?

I think Seattle2Cebu has plenty things missing in their thought/logic process. You make it sound as is if your fiance is a complete stranger. Your advice to step back and look at the situation for what is for is a step you do before you even start your K-1 process, in fact its something you do before you propose to this person. This thing with a keylogger? How horrible is that advice? Those types of things are only good to protect your kids, they are not meant for your equal, or at least the person who is suppose to be your equal. It does not matter what part of the world you live, except for arranged marriages, that you should always get to know the person before you propose and if you're still filling iffy afterwards then maybe its not such a great idea to get engaged to be married, that is only common sense.

I replied "Good Advice" because I felt bad for the OP, sigh, I was just being polite, I need to really watch what I'm saying.....I agree with your statement Wahenie19....I actually didn't even see the key logger part of the post until after I had posted and then I was like

I just found it so sad that someone would have to go to those lengths after they have already made such a commitment to the one they love and supposedly loves them back. It's good advice to someone who doubts the person they love so much but if that's where the relationship is...beyond sad....how can you possibly even commit to someone when you know so little about them???

The OP must have gone through something bad to be inspired to write this.

Even though your " Good Advice" back up of the OP is ill advised in IMO--at least "own" your words.....Back peddling with the tide/ bandwagon and explaining yourself away shows weakness.

To the OP I think you are completely out of line. The K-1 is NOT a get to know/trust you visa. You have already stated to USCIS that you intend to marry this person. The K-1 is not granted in order for you to spy and make sure.....It's an abuse of the system and your future wife's right to privacy.

[KansasDragon 1]

hmmm.. The big issue I see with the Key Logging, is two fold..

#1 - It shows lack of trust. I'm in the Computer industry, and when an individual asks me about key logging to monitor a spouse, I always tell them I'm not a divorce attorney, because once you've hit that point, you're on a downward slide very quickly.

#2 - I expect Ann to have conversations with family and friends in the Philippines that are not going to be 100% Positive about me and the USA. She needs somewhere to discuss her frustrations, fears, concerns, and emotions, other than just with me. I don't anticipate her transition to the USA being effortless and without frustration, loneliness, and homesickness. But we also both anticipate those facts, and are prepared to deal with them. So, if I was key logging, I'd just be stealing her relief, and adding to my concerns...Not a healthy situation.

The 90 days to me seems short more from a logistical standpoint. Getting here, getting settled, changing my blank bacehlor pad walls into "a good arrangement", planning a simple wedding, meeting family, and trying to work, will make 90 days go very fast. (Plus adding in buying a rice cooker, proper pot and pans, finding the right kinds of rice and fish...)

Of course, having known Ann for almost 3 years now, we know each others emotions, strengths, weaknesses, fears, finances, and of course she knows how ugly I am..

If we had known each other for only a few months, and then started down the Visa Journey, maybe I would have all of those worries, but then I'd be planning to slow down, and make sure before I bring her here.

[DARUMA07 25]

My advice would be not to bring her here until you sort out these TRUST issues with her... It would not be fair to her if you took her away from her country, family and friends and send her back because you have these issues!!! Every relationship takes alot of work, no matter if it is a K-1 or if you were marrying a American Citizen. Give her the benefit of the doubt and communicate with her to what is really bugging you! Also, remember there are alot of Cultural differences, language barriers! Just my 2 cents!!!!! Good Luck to you both!

[Drew and Tik 0]

Maybe it depends how you met your fiancee. If you don't really know them, of course you may not trust them much. I'm not dogging international dating sites, because I know people, including a guy I work with, that have found very successful marriages this way, but at the same time you really have to make that extra effort to make sure the relationship is right (and you're not being taken advantage of), since your fiancee was specifically looking for an American citizen.

I don't know the whole situation, but another friend I work with says his friend married a girl from Brazil, brought her over here, and as soon as she became a US citizen she left him and brought her boyfriend from Brazil to the US. They even had kids together when she did this! Seems like a lot to go through, waiting all those years and starting a family just to become a US citizen and bring over your real lover, and if this is true I'm sure it's extremely rare...but I mean, he says it's someone he knows personally so unless he's lying to me, it's not an urban legend.

You would think there would be red flags in this case, but I guess love can be blind.

Anyway, I trust Tik completely. In the past I always believed I could never marry a girl without a prenupt and all that, but now that I know what love really is, I know I don't need that because she won't take advantage of me. I even have the password to her e-mail and all her accounts and I've never opened one message in her inbox, I know she's good to me.

[tmma 467]

I agree with you. I made a mistake.

Honestly, the post made me uncomfortable and when I saw other people stating their true feelings, I felt like I should too.

I'm sorry.

Don't apologize, Laura. You are entitled to your opinion as well as anyone else on here. You are also entitled to change it.

No one ( especially me) asked for nor wanted an apology.

I am of the opinion that when you take the time to post and add to a discussion ( especially one as emotive as this)-then the OP at least deserves an honest and sincere opinion based on the reading of his post, in it's entirety- that's all.

That's what I did-read the OP's post in it's entirety-read L+N's reply and gave my honest opinion on both.

L+N are entitled to their opinion, so am I, no apologies needed by anyone to anyone; I was honestly intrigued by the change of heart; and commented which is just as much my right as theirs for posting it in the first place....

[Cassie 8]

We got married 6 days after I entered the US....so much for those 90 days

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

No one ( especially me) asked for nor wanted an apology.

I am of the opinion that when you take the time to post and add to a discussion ( especially one as emotive as this)-then the OP at least deserves an honest and sincere opinion based on the reading of his post, in it's entirety- that's all.

That's what I did-read the OP's post in it's entirety-read L+N's reply and gave my honest opinion on both.

L+N are entitled to their opinion, so am I, no apologies needed by anyone to anyone; I was honestly intrigued by the change of heart; and commented which is just as much my right as theirs for posting it in the first place....

Thanks TMMA...but I felt the need to apologize.

I should have been honest from the start and I'll admit, I skimmed the topic..I read most of it but just felt so bad. I figured the OP must be going through a rough time and probably has been dealing with enough #######...so I was just polite and kept my mouth shut and made the comment that I did.

Then, after thinking about it for awhile and seeing others comments that reflected my own thoughts inside, I felt the need to go back and express my true feelings, as I'm entitled to. It wasn't done with mean intent.....

Have a good day.

[featherB 1]

There is nothing wrong with putting a key-logger program on your computer and monitoring

your beneficiaries email for a month.

Erm... I would say that there is actually EVERYTHING wrong with doing that. Everything.

[tmma 467]

This is the question I have-would the OP [ or did the OP] or his fiance go to the interview stating he /they would be using the 90 days as a sort of "trial" period? if so-it would make the letter of intent filed with the K-1 rather redundant, no?

[*JG* 2]

the rule is that a couple has to get married within 90 days. This is just a suggestion, but it

is based on experience. You could possibly save yourself a lot of grief and $$$ if you

will step out of your emotions and observe your fiance during this time. You can set the

wedding date towards the end of 90 days. Allow yourself to be a third party observer

looking in. Be alert to red flags and possible issues. Address any issues that arise. You

can end up deeply regretting it, if you choose to overlook problems and just hope

they will resolve themselves. There is a whole lot more to living as a couple than emotion

and feelings of love which can be exaggerated from a long distance relationship. Your

fiance may not express her/his concerns to you in an open direct way. The USA is a

big big dream for many immigrants and some will say anything and do anything to

be here. Dont think that you are immune to being taken advantage of. This is not to say

you live under a cloud of suspicion and doubt. Of course few people would take this

advice, because "they know" their relationship will make it. Dont be afraid to ask

hard questions and even seek pre-marital counseling prior to being married. Most of

all trust your gut. All of us have that little still voice or tug at our spirit that warns of

upcoming disaster, take a long long time to think about it before you get married.

There is nothing wrong with putting a key-logger program on your computer and monitoring

your beneficiaries email for a month. Find out what they are saying to people back home.

a little invasion of privacy is way better than having your life blown apart later, not to

mention the emotional devastation..

hopefully this will be rcvd in the spirit it is given..

thanks

While that is some good advice, we did not heed it. We married within a few weeks in order to start the AOS process, do all the necessaries that allowed him to look for work. We've been married 16 months now. So far, so good.

[tmma 467]

No one ( especially me) asked for nor wanted an apology.

I am of the opinion that when you take the time to post and add to a discussion ( especially one as emotive as this)-then the OP at least deserves an honest and sincere opinion based on the reading of his post, in it's entirety- that's all.

That's what I did-read the OP's post in it's entirety-read L+N's reply and gave my honest opinion on both.

L+N are entitled to their opinion, so am I, no apologies needed by anyone to anyone; I was honestly intrigued by the change of heart; and commented which is just as much my right as theirs for posting it in the first place....

Thanks TMMA...but I felt the need to apologize.

I should have been honest from the start and I'll admit, I skimmed the topic..I read most of it but just felt so bad. I figured the OP must be going through a rough time and probably has been dealing with enough #######...so I was just polite and kept my mouth shut and made the comment that I did.

Then, after thinking about it for awhile and seeing others comments that reflected my own thoughts inside, I felt the need to go back and express my true feelings, as I'm entitled to. It wasn't done with mean intent.....

Have a good day.

[tmma 467]

the rule is that a couple has to get married within 90 days. This is just a suggestion, but it

is based on experience. You could possibly save yourself a lot of grief and $$$ if you

will step out of your emotions and observe your fiance during this time. You can set the

wedding date towards the end of 90 days. Allow yourself to be a third party observer

looking in. Be alert to red flags and possible issues. Address any issues that arise. You

can end up deeply regretting it, if you choose to overlook problems and just hope

they will resolve themselves. There is a whole lot more to living as a couple than emotion

and feelings of love which can be exaggerated from a long distance relationship. Your

fiance may not express her/his concerns to you in an open direct way. The USA is a

big big dream for many immigrants and some will say anything and do anything to

be here. Dont think that you are immune to being taken advantage of. This is not to say

you live under a cloud of suspicion and doubt. Of course few people would take this

advice, because "they know" their relationship will make it. Dont be afraid to ask

hard questions and even seek pre-marital counseling prior to being married. Most of

all trust your gut. All of us have that little still voice or tug at our spirit that warns of

upcoming disaster, take a long long time to think about it before you get married.

There is nothing wrong with putting a key-logger program on your computer and monitoring

your beneficiaries email for a month. Find out what they are saying to people back home.

a little invasion of privacy is way better than having your life blown apart later, not to

mention the emotional devastation..

hopefully this will be rcvd in the spirit it is given..

thanks

While that is some good advice, we did not heed it. We married within a few weeks in order to start the AOS process, do all the necessaries that allowed him to look for work. We've been married 16 months now. So far, so good.

Us too!!! We were married and had DORA filed within a month.

I know that VWP is not available for some countries for the foreign fiance(e) to visit the US...I realize that complicates things and puts the onus on the USC to visit them-which can be a very heavy burden financially....I know that.....but when the OP of this thread is advising the 90 day period be used to check things out to " save alot of grief and $$$".... IMO it would save alot of grief and $$$ to spend the $$$ and time upfront checking things out before letters of intent to USCIS, before signing the I134 and before bringing someone here in the first place.

Just MO.

Save the $$$ now and make afew visits.

[Fandango 1,439]

Let's be clear here: the 90 days is not a get to know you time.

If you need that time to get to know your fiance, you shouldn't have petitioned yet!

[mox 298]

This is the question I have-would the OP [ or did the OP] or his fiance go to the interview stating he /they would be using the 90 days as a sort of "trial" period? if so-it would make the letter of intent filed with the K-1 rather redundant, no?

The fact that the visa is good for 90 days pretty much implies a "cooling off" period was anticipated. Otherwise it would be more like 10 or 30 days. Remember that the K-1 dates back to the '80's. I don't know what the filing times were back then, but I'll bet you could get your "foreign bride" into the US within a couple months. Couple that with the fact that there was no internet to exchange emails and photos, plus the high cost of long distance, and you could be meeting someone at the airport who you fell in love with on vacation, but who you really don't know. So I don't think any interviewer would have a problem with the beneficiary saying at the interview that they were going to marry towards the end of the 90 day period. That's what it was designed for.