How Do You Deal With The Pain?

[GlenAndLisa 0]

Glen and I have been a couple for two years now. We've only spent about six weeks of those two years in person together. Although we try to chat on Skype every day, it's been growing much more difficult for us to deal with the pain of being apart. Every little delay with the Visa looks bigger than it really is. I can't sleep or eat properly. I cry every day. I feel physically sick.

I know that my feelings aren't abnormal, and I know I'm not alone. I've been trying to deal with stuff one step at a time, and it does seem to help a bit. I try not to think about what could go wrong! I think if I did that, I'd go absolutely mad!

I want to be with Glen. I love him so much. He fits with me perfectly. He's my best friend and my partner. I'm just so incredibly sad right now!

How is everyone dealing with the pain? How do you keep your spirits up and stay positive?

[NavarreMan 10]

Lots & lots of e-mails and phone calls. One of the best things we did is set up Yahoo accounts and we can see each other and talk via computer. Gotta love modern technology.

Hang in there. It sucks but it will be worth it.

[*JG* 2]

Daily communication....and lots of patience. Keep yourself busy.

Also, keep in mind, people have come before you with those same feelings. They have made it and so can you. And, always keep the finish line in view.....it is coming. Just hang in there.

[WiL and ShAi 0]

[pushbrk 12,542]

Daily communication....and lots of patience. Keep yourself busy.

Also, keep in mind, people have come before you with those same feelings. They have made it and so can you. And, always keep the finish line in view.....it is coming. Just hang in there.

I can't even image going through the process without webcams.

[Toshtishtash 1]

Be strong! I'm sure we all know exactly how you feel.

I definitely share your pain! For me, some days are better than others... I can go for a few days agonizing over absolutely everything and depressing myself, but then I suddenly think, we have this fantastic thing going on here, this whole process is making us stronger as a couple, it is forcing us to get to know eachother properly before jumping into anything. I also think to myself that today is one day closer to happiness.

We speak on the phone every day, we talk about everything, if I am having a crappy day, we talk about it. Same goes for him.

Just remember exactly why you are both putting yourselves through this, concentrate on the future, start planning things for the future; how you want your house to look, what are you going to do for your first holiday together, all that kind of stuff. Keep yourself busy.

It'll all be worth it in the end. In a few months time we will probably be looking back on all this saying 'well, that wasn't all that bad...' (Maybe... lol)

[william_wallace 8]

I totally understand and know how you feel Lisa. Me and Lara have only seen each other 3 times in a span of nearly 2 years, approx about 6-7 weeks. It does suck and we cant even apply for the K1 yet as i'm still married, but i'm hoping by end of Jan or Feb we can get things going. We just talk everyday to give each other that emotional support we need. Its very important to keep that communication going and seeing each other on cam as much as possible. Keeps telling yourself 1 day less, 1 step closer. Keep your chin up hun.

[Toshtishtash 1]

Hey I just looked at your timeline, you really haven't got that much time left to wait! Now you have received packet 3 and stuff it all goes a lot faster!

Hang in there!!!

[Nessa 23]

I kept daydreaming how life would be when we were finally together and kept myself as occupied as possible.

Hang in there

[Amby 490]

I tried and tried to deal with it and finally I gave up and quit my job and moved back to England for the entire process. I would have gone mad without doing it. Hang in there...it will happen! It will all be worth it in the end I promise.

[Madame-Butterfly 0]

I feel your pain just like every ones else here does

we had web cam but mine was really REALLY crapy and it made it very hard one us we used messenger and phone calls thast the ony thing that made it better hearing his voice first thing in the morning and the last thing i heard at night , those 9 months were hard but at leat you in between those 2 years have seen each other in our case those 9 months we never saw each other in person until 3 days before the wedding, so i hope in away it makes you feel better , but just hand in there be strong it will be over soon

[LoriLawless 0]

We're in a situation where all we have is email. The cams were sooo nice. Can't talk on the phone too much cause of cost. Like William, we are waiting for his divorce to be final before we can do anything.

It's a road of ups and downs, but like everyone here says, it's worth it in the end, and everyday brings you one day closer.

[Toshtishtash 1]

We're in a situation where all we have is email. The cams were sooo nice. Can't talk on the phone too much cause of cost. Like William, we are waiting for his divorce to be final before we can do anything.

It's a road of ups and downs, but like everyone here says, it's worth it in the end, and everyday brings you one day closer.

Have you thought of using phonecards to call?

If calling from England try the post office international calling cards, they are excellent!

But recently, I have found this company Pingo.com you get 9 hours worth of talk time from England to America for £11 and about 10 hours for $11 from America to England. It's definitely worth doing! It has saved us SO much money.. Obviously it's still not as cheap as email But talking is so much better!

Oh and I forgot to say, it keeps a record of all your calls too! Which is useful as proof of an ongoing relationship at the interview

Edited October 22, 2007 by toshtishtash

[Cassie 8]

The more I dwelt on the process, the more frustrated / anxious I got. I soon realized that I couldn't do that for the sake of my sanity, for our sanity (he found it harder not to dwell than I did), so I made a conscious effort to not call USCIS or check the website for an update on our case twenty times a day. I got educated about approximate timelines and vowed not to get upset until the processing dates went past our filing date. I worked a lot of overtime. My mom and I had fun planning and shopping for the wedding. We talked every day, but made an effort not to talk about our separation all that much.

Keep your eye on "the prize" -- the two of you being together -- don't focus on what you don't have right now. You're already making yourself sick, to ease the stress on your body you have to find ways to deal with your situation. We all understand where you are at right now, there's some great advice and support in this thread alone. It's gonna be ok

[bakofoil 27]

Be strong! I'm sure we all know exactly how you feel.

I definitely share your pain! For me, some days are better than others... I can go for a few days agonizing over absolutely everything and depressing myself, but then I suddenly think, we have this fantastic thing going on here, this whole process is making us stronger as a couple, it is forcing us to get to know eachother properly before jumping into anything. I also think to myself that today is one day closer to happiness.

We speak on the phone every day, we talk about everything, if I am having a crappy day, we talk about it. Same goes for him.

Just remember exactly why you are both putting yourselves through this, concentrate on the future, start planning things for the future; how you want your house to look, what are you going to do for your first holiday together, all that kind of stuff. Keep yourself busy.

It'll all be worth it in the end. In a few months time we will probably be looking back on all this saying 'well, that wasn't all that bad...' (Maybe... lol)

I was going to comment but this pretty much sums up my exact experience and way of thinking. Couldn't have put it better myself