Got an email from mom a few minutes ago

[Fandango 1,440]

clue us in

Any interpretations, or counter arguements for her?

'I'M AN ADULT MOM, THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS'

how's that?

That's exactly what I'm thinking. She can have this idea in her mind of the "person" she thought she raised, and maybe things were different when she was growing up, but ultimately I'm responsible for the person I've become, and I really have no regrets about anything in the past. You can't do anything about the past, only the future.

No offense right, but you're a man...stick your hand down your pants....what do you feel? grapes or coconuts?

USE THEM AND STOP FANNYING ABOUT IF YOU LOVE THIS GIRL

[almaty 19]

clue us in

Any interpretations, or counter arguements for her?

'I'M AN ADULT MOM, THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS'

how's that?

That's exactly what I'm thinking. She can have this idea in her mind of the "person" she thought she raised, and maybe things were different when she was growing up, but ultimately I'm responsible for the person I've become, and I really have no regrets about anything in the past. You can't do anything about the past, only the future.

No offense right, but you're a man...stick your hand down your pants....what do you feel? grapes or coconuts?

USE THEM AND STOP FANNYING ABOUT IF YOU LOVE THIS GIRL

sister lisa..you should have been a psychologist...

[Fandango 1,440]

Hahahah, brother Dean I literally just lol'd.

I'm sorry to the OP if I seem...um...whatever I seem...it's just that your mom is being really quite rude & disrespectful...and SHE'S old enuff to know better. 10k miles and it's about the sex...gimme a break.

If you don't want your woman to leave you cos she feels left out in the cold, then you gotta protect her from ppl

like your mom.

I'm sorry!

Edited April 20, 2006 by LisaD

[Fuzzness 2]

wow

ky i'm sorry this is happening. tell her that you love this girl and want to be with her for the rest of your life. if she can't accept that, I would probably end up saying "sorry mom, i love you but... you're a control freak and I ain't about to have that in my life. Stay home." and invite the rest of the family.

it's not like you didn't give her a chance.

listening to me is probably not the best advice though.

[Jaylen Brit 0]

Thanks for the update Ky - I'm glad you finally got your mom to come right out and TELL you what her issue with Felicity was! That IS progress..you no longer have to deal with the mutterings and snide remarks.

OK so rebuttal - well Lisa has a point.

You are graduating - thats like a rite of passage in itself - becoming an adult in the eyes of the world right? I know you aren't a kid - and you know it - but your mom will ALWAYS see you as her baby. She will - even if she gets to 90 and you're 70. (As a mom, and a daughter, I can see that)

I think you have to tell her 'I'm sorry you feel that way' (Acknowledging her POV yet not agreeing with it, and NOT apologising for your own choices - this is key don't say 'I'm sorry' but 'I'm sorry YOU feel that way' )

The second thing to say is 'but this is my life and I KNOW you want me to be happy - and Felicity makes me happy'.

Using the 'I know you want' statement means to disagree with it makes it seem as if she DOESN'T want you to be happy. Most parents won't touch a statement like that because it puts them in a bad light in your eyes.

I found it interesting she said she thought it was 'all about the sex' and you make a decent point that if it was choosing someone 10,000 miles distant would be a bit odd on your part. I doubt she really believes this personally.

From your comment on your ex, who your mother seems to like, her comment is probably nearer 'but she isn't (insert Ex's name here)'

The ex is obviously your mother's choice for you.

Fine - your mother can settle down with her - but you have MADE your choice. Likely as well she didn't think you'd EVER marry Felicity and now you're engaged she's finally got to accept that your new relationship is serious and there's no longer any chance you and the ex will get back together.

If mom is basically a decent person, and this behaviour is an aberration, then it will just take TIME for her to get used to the new status quo. If she's always been there for you in the past then this might be just her way of expressing shock. You're about to get married - it's a huge step in life and confirms that you are grown up and making your own choices. That's a big thing for a parent to deal with - I'm not excusing her rudeness - just trying to find a reason for it.

Example from my own life:

Years ago, I think I was about 21, I was dating a guy for around 4 years. Everyone assumed we'd marry but we did eventually part ways - amicably, and I told my dad - who was a strong silent type mostly.

he said 'Good, I never liked that guy I thought he was an idiot'. I was shocked! He had never given ANY indication he thought that! So I asked him why he hadn't said anything (as I now shared that opinion! lol).

He said, 'It's your life love, not mine, I can't live it for you, and it was you going out with him not me - and you seemed happy'

I wish you the best of luck with your mom Ky - it might be a long road but you MUST stick to your guns and not allow to diss Felicity - as soon as she does it make sure you tell her, kindly and without anger, that you won't listen to that. She SHOULD get the point eventually. Remember you can't MAKE her like your fiancee - but she WILL be civil to her in your prescence (or Felicity's). Try and make her understand that if she MAKES you choose - then it won't be your MOM you decide on.

(OK I wrote a flippin dissertation! sorry! lol)

[Welshcookie 17]

No offense right, but you're a man...stick your hand down your pants....what do you feel? grapes or coconuts?

USE THEM AND STOP FANNYING ABOUT IF YOU LOVE THIS GIRL

Oh Lordy!.....don't hold back Lisa....

Oh and I agree btw....it's your life....live it that way!

[rebeccajo 14]

Um.

While I agree with Lisa in principal, I hardly think that's the way to handle it.

You're mothers reasons make absolutely no sense. As you said, 10000 mile sex is ludicrous. And Felicity's illness, while serious - that makes no sense either. You will have to get yourself established with a job and medical insurance before she comes over, but otherwise that argument holds no water.

I'm a mom with a boy about to leave home. Some women handle that well - others don't.

So be a man by loving her and respecting her - and live your life well with the woman you love. Only time will help Mom through this.

[CarolineM 0]

I love how people use the "you're in it for the sex..." thing.

As you said if THAT were the case, we would have picked someone local. TONS of ppl to have sex with here in the US...even just in my city...

grrr.

Hang in there Ky!!!

[munchkins 0]

Um.

While I agree with Lisa in principal, I hardly think that's the way to handle it.

You're mothers reasons make absolutely no sense. As you said, 10000 mile sex is ludicrous. And Felicity's illness, while serious - that makes no sense either. You will have to get yourself established with a job and medical insurance before she comes over, but otherwise that argument holds no water.

I'm a mom with a boy about to leave home. Some women handle that well - others don't.

So be a man by loving her and respecting her - and live your life well with the woman you love. Only time will help Mom through this.

Whilst I also agree with Lisa on this, I also agree that Becca has said it right

My kids are now grown and have kids of their own and I have always been a great believer that there comes a time when your kids have to fly the nest, after all we did!!! It hurt like hell when my two left but I got over it

Parents can always be a part of their kids lives without interfering , let them go and then they can begin to learn from their own mistakes, if they make them!! no parent can live their kids lives. Your Mom, if not happy about your choice, should realise that it is going to be your life now and she cannot keep you forever.

But always remember that is was she who nurtured you, and loved you, cried when you cried and is going to cry when you go and she deserves that respect and love. It will take time but she will come round with your help, love and understanding

I wish you all well, and yes many congrats on the Graduation

[Fandango 1,440]

I know I'm being quite blunt & harsh about things.,..but at the end of the day, this woman that he loves is being attacked by his mother. What gives his mother the right to say such horrible things about a woman she barely knows???? The mother obviously doesn't respect the woman at all....and obviously doesn't respect the son's choices. I think respect is a two way street, and if the mother feels it's ok to just bash the woman her son is in love with...well, she doesn't deserve to be coddled.

And Felicity deserves the right to be stood up for.

Yes, the mother has earned rights as his mother...but one of them is not beign able to talk ###### about a woman who's flying 10k miles to share her son's big day. Man, if I was a mom, that would speak VOLUMES.

[Girona40 0]

Your story is so like my brother's - it isn't funny! I have watched, from the sidelines, at the relationship he has with with his mother deteriorate over the years. My mother hates his wife and has absolutely no reason to, apart from the ex. that was "just perfect for him" being dumped for her. He has never stood up to my mother, rather chosen to ignore her rantings, and suffered the consequences of that for over 15 years!

My mother is the one that has suffered the most - she only told me yesterday, on the phone, that she doesn't know my brother's children because she never gets to see them. She just can't see that it is her own fault.

You need to tell your mother that you want her to continue to be a part of your life, to enjoy the events that you have to look forward in your life, graduation, marriage, travel, children, etc. Tell her that whilst you appreciate she has this opinion of your girlfriend, it isn't justified and has to stop.

My brother has had a life that could have been so much happier if he had dealt with this differently. He just needed to stand up and tell my mother that whilst she gave life to him she couldn't live it for him.

I hope you sort this mess out, because if you let it continue then you are all going to miss out on so much.